We all tell stories, but are we telling the truth in those stories? When we tell the story of the loss of our loved one, we may only tell part of the story leaving out what we think the person we are telling the story too wouldn’t be able to handle. Or we may share way more than the person we are talking to can handle. Think about stories you tell, and then think about why you are telling them.
Your stories can bring you the support you desire. For instance, you may tell a story of your desire to spend more time with your friends. In that story, you may say only one or two friends are staying in touch with you. You can bemoan the fact no one else calls you or that you spend so much time alone. Think about how the person you are telling your story to will react to the story you are telling. They could think “She sounds so sad. I can’t handle being around that sadness now because I am barely hanging on.” Or they could think “I understand that loneliness, and I will do better at staying in touch.” How you tell your story will affect what the results you will get will turn out.
When you change your story to something positive, you are more likely to get positive results. For instance, when you tell your story about how you want to spend more time with your friends, try changing up your story to say something like “I loved before the pandemic how we used to get together to visit over a cup of coffee at our favorite café every Monday at 10 AM. I was thinking, we could still do that now. Instead of the café, let’s facetime or Zoom at the same time, or even talk on the phone.” If you heard that story from your friend, wouldn’t you say “Sure. I would love to do that. I do miss our time together. This would be a great way to catch up.”
Or you may tell the same story to every new person you come in contact to. For instance, I could introduce myself as a widow who has had two husbands die. If you met me and I said that to you, what would your reaction be? Chances are you may be kind yet have no desire to spend more time with someone dealing with so much loss. In this time of a pandemic, you have enough to deal with already. But if I introduced myself as a person grateful to meet someone new, you would probably be more interested in getting to know me better.
What is your story now? Are you telling the truth about who you are? Are you a person who loves real conversations? Do you hold back information that could help you share what you really want to? Or maybe you say way more than you meant to? Spend some time thinking now about how you would like others to perceive who you are. What stories can you tell to develop the relationships you would like to have? What stories to you need to keep for yourself? Telling the stories that support the outcome you desire can go a long way to bring more joy into your life.
Try writing your stories in your journal. Often, writing out a painful story in detail can help you discover the truth in it while releasing the need for it to keep circulating in your mind making you sad or holding you back. Years after I had a terrible experience, it kept surfacing in my thoughts. After I took the time to actually write it out with all the freighting details, I realized that I was able to let the story go. Nobody else saw what I wrote, and I was able to tear it up and throw it away. I was amazed that after I got the story down on paper, I released all the feeling that went along with it.
Think about stories you tell, and then think about why you are telling them. How do your stories serve you? Sometimes the stories you tell can drive someone away. Your stories can also bring people closer. Telling your stories can bring you joy when you allow them to. Before you tell your story, ask yourself these questions. Does this story need to be told? And if it does, how can I tell it with love in a way it can bring joy?
Bring love and joy to others, and to you, with the stories you tell.
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