Often when grieving and dealing with loss, we feel like life in general is one big problem. We spend our days navigating from one problem to the next. We think if only I could go visit with friends, if only I could keep my home clean, if only I had something constructive to do, if only I could get into an exercise routine, and on and on and on.
You think that once all these problems are solved, you can be happy, you can relax, you won’t have any more problems, but is that true? Not really. I lived a lot of my life in the “if only” zone. If only I had a degree. If only I had more money. If only I had a wonderful relationship. If only I had another degree. If only I had my own theatre and school of arts. Each time I accomplished one of these things, the next one was there waiting.
Does this sound familiar to you? You may be living in the “if only” zone too. I hear you saying, but I really want all those things I am saying “if only” about. And I am not saying you can’t have them. When you focus on something, when you give all your attention to it, the result of this is for it to take more and more of your energy, and you have less and less energy to devote to everything else in your life. The key here is balance.
When I decided to get a master’s degree, it consumed more and more of my energy until I wasn’t focusing on anything else. I spent less and less time with my family, I cooked less, I didn’t participate in organizations I loved, I was lost in books, writing, and studying. While I ultimately reached my goal, the process was grueling, and I was kind of miserable which affected those I loved most. Reflecting, I see how I could have taken more time to get my degree which would have allowed me more time for what I loved and was missing out on.
Here is how I handled a situation now where there was something I wanted. In dealing with my grief after Ron died, I did a lot of writing, and out of that writing, I was inspired to write a book. My intention was to provide comfort, love, and support to those dealing with loss. I completed the book, then without any effort, I discovered who my agent was supposed to be. We discussed the kind of publisher we wanted, and we started researching. Instead of spending lots of time on getting a publisher, I set my intention to have the perfect publisher for my book. In the meantime, I found other ways to offer comfort, love, and support to grievers. And I spent my time enjoying my life; I even travelled to Bali pre-Covid. In due time, my agent and I found the perfect publisher and my book is published and available at a time when there is unprecedented grief and loss in so many ways.
Now I choose to focus my energy on what I want. I use my energy positively to create the life I desire to live. Knowing that my energy will expand where I focus, I focus on solutions instead of problems. The result? I’m not dealing with problems. And life is good!
You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.
I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.
