“There are only two emotions: love and fear.”
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Throughout time, many philosophers and psychiatrists have said that the only two emotions are love and fear. There is even scientific research agreeing with that theory. Kathleen Seeley told me that we are only born with two fears: fear of falling and a fear of loud noises. Those two fears are part of what comes naturally to us to protect us. Any other fears are what we create or imagine.
I grew up with a terrifying fear of heights. I convinced myself that the fear had been created by a fall I had out of a second story window when I was four years old. Even though I was that young, I still have vivid memories. I was criticized and made fun of because of my fear, and I even had a friend try to cure me by walking me to the edge of a balcony to show me that I had nothing to be afraid of. It didn’t work.
I have worn glasses much of my life partially for a significant astigmatism so when I heard that Lasik eye surgery could fix that, I was thrilled to have it done. The surgery is done under local anesthetic, so when it was completed, I got up off the operating and had a miraculous experience. Suddenly, the floor was where it was supposed to be. I am sure that sounds strange, but I realized all my life I had been seeing though something like glasses with funhouse lenses causing me to perceive each step I took as stepping over the edge of a sharply bent floor. At that moment I realized that my fear was not real. This caused me to look at my life differently, and to question when I started to feel fear.
I suggest that you think about anything that you feel afraid about and see if you can figure out what causes that fear and if it is something you can release. This can change your life. I had the pleasure of attending a day long workshop with Byron Katie. She taught us all how to do what she calls The Work. She developed this powerful method of questioning what you are feeling or believing that can be transformational for you. Her questions are:
- Is it true? (Yes or no? If no, move to 3.)
- Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
- How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
- Who or what would you be without the thought?”
You can find exactly how to do The Work by visiting her website: https://thework.com/
Fear is common in grief. A few things you might fear are:
- Living by yourself for the first time.
- Being responsible for taking care of your home, your car
- Going out socially alone
- Have no one to sleep with at night
- A concern for having enough money or losing your medical insurance
- Having no one to share your life with
You may not have even thought about these things in the context of fear, yet this is all fear. And the good news is, you can do something to change how you are feeling. A good start would be to use Byron Katie’s The Work. Or you can start by writing in your journal all the things that you are afraid of now, and what you can consciously release just by discovering that you have that fear.
In my case, after Ron died, I started reviewing how my life was different. I was relieved to discover how grateful I was that I had learned how to release fear from Ron and Byron Katie, and that I am choosing to live in a state of love instead of in a state of fear. A quote I love by Jack Canfield is: “Feel the fear and take action anyway.”
And I love this quote from Rumi:
“If you want the moon, do not hide from the night. If you want a rose, do not run from the thorns. If you want love, do not hide from yourself.”
