Often when people are dealing with loss, they isolate themselves and focus on their loss and sadness, and the more they do this, the harder it is to focus on anything else. When a feeling like this comes up, it’s time to make a choice to help yourself. Taking good care of you is your most important job.
When I realized that I hadn’t been doing anything, I started writing. I wrote about how I was feeling, and about what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Then I started writing letters to my loved ones who had already transitioned. The more I wrote, the better I felt. I continued to write every day and still do. The first thing I started on my own at that time was teaching others how to write to deal with their grief too. I had taught writing for 30 years, so that seemed like a natural next step for me. I enjoyed meeting new people and being able to help them.
I also realized that besides my writing group, I wasn’t talking to anyone or meeting anyone new. This was pre-pandemic. I started writing a list of things I would like to learn. As that list kept growing, I found myself excited about possibilities. I love to create things, so I looked for classes where I could learn something new. I started with a drawing class at the local arts center, and I fell in love with colored pencils. I enjoyed that so much that I took more classes there: printmaking, jewelry making, advance ceramics skills, wreath making, watercolors and more!
Two places I always wanted to go were Tuscany and Bali. I found that the international ceramics group I belonged to was taking trips to both places, so I signed up for both. I felt comfortable traveling with this group because the people in the group all shared my love for ceramics, and I loved the opportunity to meet artists in both countries and get to make ceramics to take home in their beautiful studios. I learned much about the countries and their arts before I left and learned much more in the countries.
When the shutdown came with the pandemic, I planted a giant vegetable garden so I would be able to share food with my friends since most of the food in Hawaii is shipped in and we were all were running low on food. I learned about permaculture gardening and preparing new vegetables I hadn’t tried before, and I felt great about helping others.
I also discovered resources on my computer, like classes to take, classes I could teach, and sources I could learn from like TED Talks, which cover and endless number of fascinating topics. And I read books I never seemed to have time for before and watched movies that I had missed. There is so much information and entertainment in the world, so I found myself learning something new every day.
As I mentioned at the start of this blog, taking care of you is your most important job when dealing with grief. Take some time to consider all the things you would love to do. Make a list and start checking it off. This can bring you lots of happiness. I would love to hear how you have discovered how to spend your time doing new things you have never done before!
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