Sometimes out of the blue, you’ll hear a song or smell a fragrance that reminds you of your loved one and the tears start. You may find yourself saying “Am I ever going to get over this? Will a time come when I don’t get blindsided by a remark someone makes that reminds me of my loss?” Those things are always going to happen. However, your reaction to them change over time.
Try this. Next time you find yourself avoiding ordering the delivery food you loved to share, make a list of new foods you have thought would be fun to try but you haven’t yet. Do a web search and see if there is something where you live that could be amazing and new and different if you only tried it. Depending on where you live, you probably have lots of choices. Where I live, I would never be able to try all the different Poke combinations, and since I haven’t eaten that with anyone before, it doesn’t come with memories
You may be like me where once I find something I really like from one restaurant, I tend not to order anything different, but there are so many others on the menu! Be bold. Be adventurous. A friend was just telling me about a luscious octopus salad she had at a new nearby place. I may just try it since she made it sound so good! By doing this, you’re making new memories. The new memories can be pleasant and make you smile instead of focusing on the food you used to like to share.
Music can be a trigger for me. Jacques loved Bach and Mozart and Ron loved all kinds of jazz. Before I met either one of them, I hadn’t heard lots of either of those music genres, but I came to love them when I heard them do often. Now I can listen to either and smile and relax, but it took a while to get there. I discovered other music that I love now and make new memories for myself. I’ve gained such and appreciation for Hawaiian music, and I dearly love Michael Franti. He’s an amazing musician with a giant heart always finding ways to help people and create great music.
And I know it’s sometimes habit to start feeling emotions come up that threaten to bring you down, so you start avoiding or suppressing your grief, and that just leads to more avoiding and suppressing. Feeling like you are wrapped in a bubble of sorrow, and the more sorrow you feel, the bigger the bubble gets. When this happens, you find yourself holding on to that sadness so as not to pop the bubble and expose yourself to everyone and you don’t know how you’ll bear that. The thing is lots of the sad experiences you have, when you really look closely, you probably had a hand in making them get as bad as they got.
Sometimes the best thing to do is just let it all out. Cry as long as you need to. Write all about it. Get down to the depths of those feelings. Let it all out. By feeling your feelings, eventually you will want to feel something different. When that happens, focus on the opposite of those feelings.
What brings you joy? Do that. What makes you smile? Do that. When are you compassionate? Bring that on! You’ll find the more your do these types of things, the less time you will be thinking about what brings you down. You can create an amazing new you with great feelings.
Don’t be surprised if you are triggered by something that reminds you of your sorrow. When that happens, remind yourself of all that’s good and beautiful in your life, and the sorrow will start to fade.
Remember, life is good, and in the words of that Beatles song that everyone knows: “All you need is love.” And that love starts with loving yourself. The more you do, the more happiness you will have in your life.
You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa
You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.
You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763
I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.
Join my Facebook group here.
