In early grief, self-isolation is common. Frequently, we are not interested in conversation and talking to anyone may seem like a chore. We may not even feel like getting out of bed or getting up off the couch. Being outside may feel insecure, so hibernating indoors, waiting for all the pain to fade away, may be the best thing we can do at that moment.
Eventually, the light starts to break through. Maybe it’s a particularly beautiful sunrise you step outside to fully experience. Or maybe you develop a craving for a certain food, so you venture to the corner store. Whatever the inspiration, inevitably, you’ll be ready to start moving forward.
Initially, your friends and family may have been checking up on you, but the longer you are isolated, the less frequently they reach out. Now that you are awakening, you see that the rest of the world has already moved on. What you are missing now is company, but you may be too tender to reach out.
If this is your situation, commit to self-care. Start by daydreaming about what would feel good who you would enjoy being with. One of my friends decided to take me to the beach. I didn’t have much energy, so I sat in my beach chair while she went on a walk. Basking in the sunshine, I enjoyed the rhythm of the waves and the children’s laughter at the shore. This felt so good, and I knew I was ready to bring myself to the beach next time and go for a walk.
Instead of waiting for someone else to come along and sweep me away, I signed up for a ceramics class. This was a safe space for me to observe, listen and learn. And feeling the clay in my hands again after so long was refreshing. I realized that my creativity nurtures me, and I decided to do more. I also enjoyed listening to the conversations of my fellow students and eventually joined in.
I gained strength by being with others, so I decided to create a group of people who were grieving and wanting to feel better. We could get together and write and share what we were writing. Strangers to each other at first, we became like family, caring for and supporting each other. And the group grew.
With Thanksgiving coming up, I had been dreading the holiday alone. Most people I knew already had plans for the day, so I decided to invite people I’d been missing to come to my house the week before Thanksgiving for a Friendsgiving celebration. Many people came and were thrilled to get together again. We ate and played music and games, having a wonderful time.
I realized I didn’t have to be alone. Many people had missed me and were at a loss of how to reconnect. Being with my friends, feeling the warmth of their care, I knew I was on my way forward, never to go back to the lonely, isolated place I’d been dwelling.
Now I know that while enjoying some alone time and rest, being with old and new friends is where I am meant to be. Now I facilitate gatherings, I take and teach classes, and I don’t hesitate to reach out when I desire company. With those people I touch now, I am developing rich, deep relationships which greatly enhance our life experiences, and I am grateful.
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