My mom called me when my dad died suddenly. I was shocked and immediately woke my husband ,and we drove the fifty miles in the middle of the night wondering what to do or say when we arrived. Dad had been rushed to the hospital a couple of hours before. The doctor assured my mom that he was doing fine and told her to go home and get some rest. She was alone when she got the call.
At the time, I didn’t think about how mom was feeling. I was immersed in the sorrow of the absence of my dad. Mom was essentially alone after I arrived too. As I reflect on that traumatic time, I think about all I could have done to support her. I helped with arrangements, and sending thank you notes for all the flowers, and doing whatever needed to be done. I realize now that what needed to be done was to just sit with mom and tell her I loved her. I’m not sure I ever did speak those words to her.
I have had lots of family members and friends die, and now I realize how with each death, I wanted comfort and an expression of love, but I hadn’t thought about others wanting that too.
When I found myself alone after my last husband died, I did much soul searching and meditating. This led me to my life’s purpose now of providing comfort, support, love, and happiness to those dealing with loss. A big part of this is saying what I need to say so now I do.
Yesterday as I was ending a phone call with a friend, we both said “I love you.” And when a neighbor left at the end of the visit, she said “I love you” on her way out, and I echoed her expression. Giving and receiving unconditional love supports my happiness like nothing else. My intention now is to always express what I need to say. No holding back. And this feels so good.
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