Our lives carry millions of memories. These memories can inspire us and amplify all the good in our lives. And the tons of memories also can weigh us down to the point we can’t easily move forward.
Considering these opposite subjects of fear or loss, and happiness or joy, compile a list of each one. Write these lists on separate pieces of paper.
Start with the memories that are sad, maybe even tragic. Or the memories that are embarrassing or frightening. They may be of extreme frustration. They may be of loss that seems unbearable. Take your time with this list. Don’t include things you have worked through and released because you have already let them go.
Now write about each item on this list one at a time. For each one, answer these questions:
- How long ago did this happen?
- Is this any part of your life now?
- Do you feel like you are carrying the effects of it now?
- Do you want to release it so that it no longer bothers you?
When grieving, much of the pain comes from memories of things you had no control over and of things you wish you had done differently. And most of these things are on the list you just wrote.
You can’t change anything that has happened already, but you can change how you think about it and deal with it now.
There is a beautiful Hawaiian tradition called Ho’oponopono. You can use it for any of these memories you wrote here. The results of sincerely doing each item on this list will change your life dramatically. To do this practice, take one item at a time and write or recite each step.
- I am sorry
- Please forgive me
- Thank you
- I love you
This example of how I did this practice will show you how it works. A doctor made a mistake in my husband’s care that led to much of the pain my husband suffered. This is how I dealt with each step of this process.
- I am sorry. I apologized for the anger I felt toward the doctor. I knew in my heart that he would not have intentionally afflicted this pain on my husband.
- Please forgive me. Forgiveness is essential in any case where you have done anything that needs to be forgiven. I asked for forgiveness for carrying this anger for so long.
- Thank you. Look for the good in the situation and be thankful for that. I am thankful for all the good, helpful things that the doctor did for my husband.
- I love you. Loving that doctor and all the good things he did allowed me to let go of the anger I had been carrying.
Work your way through your list answering all the questions about each item. You may need to do the practice more than once. Do it till you can release what needs to be about each item. By practicing forgiveness and giving more love out into the world changes not only your life but the lives of those around you.
Now look at your happy list. For each item, recall the experience and what you were happy about. Did you love what happened and the people involved in your happiness? Do you feel joy as you recall what happened. What can you take from these experiences to bring more happiness, love, and joy into your life and the lives of those around you?
This may seem like a lot of work, but it’s worth it. Every day you will feel lighter as you release any trauma from your past and focus on the great life you are creating now filled with joy and love.
Now is the time for you to actively let go of past burdens and discover the wonder waiting for you as you move forward in your grief.
The Grief and Happiness Alliance
Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief
My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com
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