My voice has been changing for a few months and it kept getting harder to talk, so I went to my doctor who sent me to a specialist who sent me to a vocal therapist.
After all that evaluation, they decided to put me on vocal rest. I had to be totally silent for a month, no talking and even no whispering.
This turned out to be quite a challenge. Can you imagine not being able to speak at all? I am sure it will be worth it ultimately, and I have learned some things I want to share with you.
First, I am amazed that people think that since I can’t talk, that they have to speak softly or even whisper to me. I do not have a hearing issue, so people can speak normally around me, but they don’t.
People seem to get irritated at my inability to speak. I see them get frustrated and even walk away from me. Trust me, my inability speak is more frustrating to me than it can be to you. I tried texting my son who lives with me, but that irritated him. There are things we must communicate about, so I tried a modified game of charades. While he was entertained by my efforts, he still didn’t understand me. He bought me a white board so I could write what I want to tell him. That was helpful.
Initially, I kept thinking about what I could contribute to conversations. It was too much trouble to write my thoughts on that white board, and I was realizing that all those little things my monkey-mind was urging me to share didn’t need to be shared at all. This was huge for me. I could see that much of my conversation was irrelevant or just didn’t need to be said. This turned out to be freeing. I hadn’t realized how much time I was spending organizing those thoughts and figuring out what I wanted to say. I am now noticing those random thoughts as they pop up and releasing them from my thinking.
In focusing on all I do related to grief and happiness, I have been smiling much of the time. However, being quiet, I have noticed that I haven’t been making the effort to smile. I see that when I speak, my smile is part of my conversation to reinforce what I am saying. Without speaking the positive words I usually do, I just haven’t thought to smile. Becoming aware of my sad face, I am making a conscious effort to smile often.
I have turned to the comfort of my journal. I find my writing deeper and wider as I explore my thoughts and beliefs. I love Mark Nepo’s writing, and his books have wonderful journaling prompts that I am loving exploring. And I have more time to meditate and write without all those unnecessary conversations my mind is encouraging me to start. I find my silence brings me peace.
I heard from a dear friend who was very active in singing and acting. She developed nodes on her vocal cords and was required to be silent for six weeks. She learned to love the silence and didn’t really want to go back to speaking when her time was up. That resonated with me. I know when my time is up, I will be paying more attention to what I choose to say, and I will continue my practice of the peace that comes with silence.
I encourage you to be silent for a day and see how this affects you.
The Grief and Happiness Alliance
Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief
You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here
You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here
You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.
You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.
You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.
You can sign up for our newsletter here
