My father, Thomas Orville Lofton, served in the US Army during World War II. He never talked to me about his war experience, but I knew it affected him profoundly because he spent the rest of his life serving veterans. He became very involved in the Veterans of Foreign Wars, VFW, so my mother became involved in the VFW Auxiliary, and I was the first member in our local Junior VFW Auxiliary and I am now a life member of the organization.
Veterans Day was the biggest holiday of the year in our small California town of Porterville, and we always had a huge parade that Mom and Dad were in charge of for the VFW and American Legion. During the Vietnam war, more lives of military personnel were lost per capita in our small town than then were lost in any other community in the country. Most of those deaths were of my high school classmates.
I have always held a deep respect for veterans, so when the VFW Post in Maui invited me to come to an event to support war veterans who had been affected by the Lahaina fire, I said yes. The members of the organization were collecting stories about the Lahaina fire, and about people who have served in wars. They plan to use these stories for a memorial they are building that can be seen by people walking on the beach.
I spent the afternoon sitting outside of the VFW building at the beach in Kihei, Maui, watching as the men who came were showered with gifts from gas cards and Uber cards to equine therapy gift certificates. I got to meet individually with each Veteran who came. I told them what I do to help people deal with grief and invited them to come to my free Zoom meetings. Then I asked them where they served and how the Lahaina fires affected them. Their stories from both the War and the fire were gut wrenching and broke my heart.
After the fire, people donated funds to the Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization so that copies of the Grief and Happiness Handbook could be given to those affected by the fire. I gave one of those books to each guest that came to the event except one. That veteran told me that his wife needed the book more than he did, so I signed a book to his wife.
As I listened to the experiences of these veterans, I thought about how important storytelling is to help people deal with grief. Having someone to listen to the stories is equally important. A story needs to be told over and over until it doesn’t need to be told any more.
Whose story can you listen to? And who do you tell your story to?
The Grief and Happiness Alliance
Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief
My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com
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