I talk, and read, and cry, and write, and speak, and listen about grief much of my waking hours. I choose to do so because I recognize how much grief I have experienced, and I am still standing, and smiling, and even laughing sometimes. I certainly don’t think grief is funny, yet it is part of our lives all the time.
I often have people tell me that they aren’t grieving anyone right now, then they quickly change the subject. The truth is, almost everyone is grieving someone or something most of their lives.
The first death I remember was my grandfather. I was young at the time. My memory of him was that he had a nice smile and didn’t talk much. He spent most of his time in his chair with a board that had been cut to rest on the arms of his chair comfortably so that he had a flat surface to play solitaire.
One day when we went to grandpa and grandma’s house, he wasn’t there. I don’t remember anyone telling me why. I never saw him again. I think my family didn’t think I was old enough to understand the concept of death. This experience left me curious and a bit frightened.
I experienced the first grief I remember when I was three and jumped out of a second story window landing on my forehead fracturing my skull. This left me with an ugly scar and a terror of heights. The scar faded long before the fear. I am happy to tell you that I did overcome that fear not that long ago, but that experience aways remains with me.
I have witnessed so much trauma and death in my lifetime. This started when I was 14 years old and started working in our family business of an ambulance company. That long ago I only had to be 14 and trained in Red Cross first aid to qualify for the job.
I would help rescue people from car accidents and industrial accidents. I would care for people who had been in fights. I responded to calls where there was still active shooting and babies being born. I grieved not having the knowledge and tools to adequately help all these people
I also grieved the loss of a home, the loss of big family gatherings when we all went our separate ways. I grieve a good friend moving far away as a result of family violence. I grieve the loss of my cocker spaniel as the result of her getting into my sister’s box of chocolates. I grieve not living close to my friends I love in California.
I could go on and on, but I choose instead to focus on sweet memories and all the happiness I have experienced, of making new friends and keeping in touch with people I don’t get to see as often. I focus on all the love in my whole life and on discovering all the new ways I am learning to experience joy.
I know that grieving can be sad and difficult, but that it can also bring growth and new light.
The Grief and Happiness Alliance
Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief
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