We almost never know when we have a conversation with someone that it will be for the last time. In the case of someone dying from a terminal illness, you may know it is your last conversation, yet so often people die without warning, and we don’t get to have that last talk with each other. This can be devastating. You can, however, make sure this won’t happen to you, or maybe happen to you again. The key is to always speak with your heart.
My last conversation with my husband Jacques was about an hour before he died when he asked me if he was going to get better. He was a brilliant man who had health issued for years with his final two years being the most challenging. He even taught the course nursing students were required to take at the college: The Ethics of Living and Dying. Shortly before he died, he asked me if he was going to get better. I was shocked. At this moment, I realized that he had been submitting to painful treatments and eating a diet he hated because somehow, he had decided that doing these things would heal him and he could go back to his wonderful life before the dressing changes, the constant lab work, the dialysis, the insulin shots, and the frequent hospitalizations.
I felt like a major failure. I was so sure that he realized that all he was going through was to keep him as comfortable as he could be in his decline. I was feeling that I had failed him by not helping him see what the reality of his situation was. As I reflect on that time now, this was probably for the best because he lived with hope. He never saw himself as dying.
Everything was different with my husband Ron. He knew exactly what was happening, and we talked about everything openly. He focused his last week on having a final conversation with everyone he loved. So much love was exchanged that week and so much positivity. We left nothing unsaid.
Now I focus on love in every aspect of my life. With this focus, I always tell the truth and don’t dwell in sorrow. By being able to treat each conversation as if it is my last one with whomever I am talking to, I focus on smiling, being kind, and being truthful. I recently had a friend die, and as I reflected on the last time we spoke, I remember the love and the smiles. I can live easily with that.
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