Every Saturday people come together to write through grief with me on Zoom. This week, I was so moved by what Rev. Rachel Hollander wrote that I asked if she would share it with us for my blog post this week, and she graciously said yes. Rev. Rachel is the President of the new Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization. She is amazing and is a gift to the organization. Her beautiful picture accompanies this blog.
If you would like to join us on Saturdays, please send me your email and I will put you on the Zoom invitation list.
Here we go….
Whatever you are feeling is completely acceptable.
If you want to cry, scream, laugh, rage, hide, smile, remember or forget.
It’s all acceptable.
There is no “wrong way” to grieve (unless, of course, you are harming yourself or another. In that case, call me).
If remembering feels good, brings up sweetness and sadness, go for it.
If remembering stings too much, let that go for now. There’s time.
BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF!
Show yourself the same level of Compassion that you would show for a beloved friend.
HYDRATE! Crying and grieving can cause dehydration. Don’t make things worse for yourself. Hydrate.
Reach out – or don’t reach out – as much as you feel comfortable. You are in charge of your process.
If there are people you can trust, lean on them. If you’re unsure, call me.
Let go of judgment, time-lines, and all of the “shoulds.”
Everyone does this differently. And we each grieve different people differently.
There are no rules for this. Well, except to hydrate. That is really essential.
Understand that this is not a linear process. You won’t go from “bad” to “good.”
You’ll have easier days – or moments – and then challenging ones. It’s all ok. It’s all part of the experience.
When/if you’re able, be with patient with the well-meaning folks who say truly stupid or un-helpful things. They usually know not what they do.
Accept soup, rides, flowers, support.
And, if it all becomes too much, decline offers gently.
It might seem odd to have to care-take those who are not grieving. And, yet sometimes we need to try. Aim for tact.
AND – do not be afraid to get what you need: “Thank you for the offer. I really need some quiet time right now. It’s been a rough day.”
There is no time frame or limit on grief. If someone asks why you are “still” grieving, remind them of how lucky they are that they don’t understand.
When you’re able, create an altar or small space to remember your beloved. A photo, a token, a stone, whatever. Give them a place in your world.
And, lovingly, remember.
You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which will meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa
You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.
I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.
Join my Facebook group here.
