I watched the series And Just Like That this weekend. It’s the continuation of Sex in the City, and I watched it because it dealt with Grief. At the very end of the series, Carry said “And the rest is still unwritten.” That took me right back to my early grief with Jacques when Natasha Bedingfield’s song, Unwritten, was popular. At that time, I adopted that song as my anthem. The first words of the song are:
I am unwrittenCan’t read my mindI’m undefinedI’m just beginningThe pen’s in my handEnding unplanned
That was me. Up until that point in my life, Jacques and I had planned things together. Of course, we knew his health was fading, but we met each day like the one before. I don’t remember ever considering that he wouldn’t always be there. And Just Like That, he was gone.
I spent countless hours considering what I should do. I had resigned from my teaching career at the university so that I could create my huge theatre project, and I had donated all of that project into a nonprofit organization to able to stay home with Jacques. So what now?
I spent a lot of time crocheting. And daydreaming. And wondering what I could possibly do? I had lots to deal with. I lost my health insurance because I was covered under Jacques’s plan. I was living in our four-bedroom house with a pool which I felt overwhelmed dealing with by myself. I had a drunken wife abusing next door neighbor who frightened me, and I seemed to be making up all kinds of things to be worried about. But mostly I just sat.
Then I noticed the words to Unwritten:
Reaching for something in the distanceSo close you can almost taste itRelease your inhibitionsFeel the rain on your skinNo one else can feel it for youOnly you can let it inNo one else, no one elseCan speak the words on your lipsDrench yourself in words unspokenLive your life with arms wide openToday is where your book beginsThe rest is still unwritten
With that song in my head, I started paying attention to what was real instead of what I’d been making up. I opened up to thinking about my future, realizing that I didn’t have to know exactly what I wanted it to be right then. I could dream, I could imagine, I could desire. Everything was up to me. Seeing that the fresh grief was probably the lowest point I could go, I knew it was time to start looking up.
And I did. I let my good friend Yvonne help me shop for houses till I found the perfect place for just me. I said yes when the university invited me back to teach which also solved my insurance issue. I learned to say yes to other invitations all for new experiences I wouldn’t have thought of on my own.
Then I knew, that was where my book began, and I planned to enjoy where my life took me. I started writing my own story right then.
Are you writing your book?
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