When my Daddy died, my world changed. He was such a special part of my life and was suddenly gone with no opportunity to say goodbye. Every day I missed him, and everything felt different. Then when Mom died after caring for her for almost a year, I was kind of lost without her. We weren’t particularly close throughout my life, but toward the end of her life, that all changed. I am grateful to have had that time with her. I now felt like an orphan, not playing the role of daughter anymore.
I took care of Jacques for the last two years of his life. I gave up everything to stay with him either at home or in the hospital. When he transitioned, I was no longer a wife, a caretaker, or a lover, and I no longer had a job to go to. Then I stayed home with Ron, or at the hospital, for his last two years. Although I had gained back those wife and lover roles after Jacques died, there I was again, losing those roles.
Now as I reflect, I see that while I did have losses, I gained back so much. My love and attention were focused on Mom, Jacques, and Ron when I was caring for them, so I changed the direction of that love when they were gone. Now I live in a state of love, and I am grateful for all the love I share. Dad, Mom, Jacques, and Ron, and my children, all taught me how to love. I love deeply. I am surrounded by my Hawaiian Ohana (family), and I love each of them as I love my blood family. I love where I live. I love my garden and what I eat. I love the people I serve by helping them through their grief. I love the inspiration and guidance that leads me on my way. I love where I live on Maui with a culture based on love, Aloha.
I lost the physical presence of these people, and in the process, I lost, or actually stopped experiencing fear, which is really the only other emotion besides love. I was able to freely relinquish fear because it really didn’t serve me. I have realised that all these losses just made room for my love to grow and expand so that I smile much of the time now and truly enjoy my life.
I invite you to examine any loss you have had and to release the fear and sorrow it engendered. Now turn your life to just love. Love is such a beautiful way to experience life. My intention that I repeat every day is to love and be loved. Spread that love around every way you can. Especially now. And it feels so good when it flows back to you!
Be well–
