What good is a journal when you just write random things in it that no one else will ever see? My answer is: a journal is a lot of good! The things that I hear most often from people who are grieving or dealing with loss is that they miss their loved one or they are lonely or both. A journal can help with that.
When Ron was still here, we sat on our lanai (Hawaiian for deck/porch) and had long conversations every day. We would talk about anything that popped into our minds, from how to help out someone we knew, to how we felt about something going on politically, to what to have for dinner, to when we would have our next party. After he was gone, none of those things seemed important, and I felt very much alone.
After a while, I realized that I didn’t want to live in a state of sadness, yet I was struggling to think of anything that I could be positive about. I turned to my journal. At that time, I I wasn’t even thinking in complete sentences, so I started writing lists. I would write a list of things that would make me happy. I wasn’t eating much and was losing weight, so I wrote lists of food I would enjoy if I ate it. I wrote a list of people I would love to hear from. And I wrote lists about anything I thought of.
At first my list making was just helping me to pass time, then I realized that I was starting to pay attention to what I was writing. I said I loved to walk on the beach, so I did that. I wrote that I would love to have some Cherry Garcia ice cream, so I did. I wanted to hear from my friend, so I wrote to her. I didn’t have to do everything I wrote down. I was grateful to have an idea of what to do, of what could make me happy.
These small successes helped me to start waking up, so I started writing more in my journal. What came to me was to have a conversation with Ron. I would write to him in great detail. I had so much I wanted to tell him. I wrote to him about all I was doing to report the bad effects of the peritoneal dialysis her was doing to help the doctors to know that these things happened so they could monitor their patients for them and get them help. I wrote to him how I felt about our life together. The more I wrote, the more I had to write.
With this writing, the heaviness of the grief I was experiencing began to lift. I was able to breathe more easily. I felt like I could start to talk to others again. I started to look toward my future. I explored ideas in my writing, and my writing comforted me. Then I started to write others to send them love and support for whatever challenges they were dealing with.
The more I wrote, more came to me. I started realizing I had more to do. And I would plan out my future in my journal. My journal became my invaluable friend. Now I can go back and read what I wrote in those early times, and I am grateful for the strength I gained by writing just for myself. Now I am grateful to write to others to help provide comfort and support.
You will be amazed how writing in your journal can support you on your journey. Just write out all you are feeling and allow it to help you move forward.
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I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.
