Gratitude

What’s Good About Today?

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I have heard so many people say that they don’t know how to live without the loved one they are grieving. I remember feeling that way too. And though the territory is unfamiliar, we find that we have no choice but to step into it once our loved ones die. The harder we fight moving forward, the more miserable we can become. I am sure that deep down you don’t want to be miserable, and I am pretty sure your loved one wouldn’t want that for you either.

I talked to the father of a young man who had just graduated from college and was ready to start his new life. Instead, his son was diagnosed with a terminal illness, and he didn’t have long to live. His devastated friends and family would come to visit him with tears in their eyes, and he would accept their loving wishes and then smile and ask them, “What’s good about today?” This would bring their conversation to the present, and they could enjoy the time they got to spend together. As the visitors left the hospital room, everyone was smiling.

Beautiful memories were created during those visits. Instead of heavy, sorrow filled memories, they could remember the smiles and laughter they shared the last time they spent with this special person. And the young man’s last memories were of smiling, happy people.

When dealing with your grief, try focusing on your loved one in a happy way. Try writing in your journal or visiting with a loved one. Share your memories. When did you see your loved one the happiest? When he was acting in a play? When you volunteered together to clean up the park? When you both went with your friends on a hike in the mountains?  When you watched him graduate or get an award? You will find yourself smiling as you reflect on these happy memories.

I’ll bet if he could send you a message right now, he’d say: “I love to see you smiling! Keep living your best life. What’s good about today?”

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Do What You Love

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Would you love to be happy? Would you love to feel really good? You can! I have the secret!

In life, your best feelings are related to love, and it doesn’t have to be romantic. I love to eat coffee flavored Haagen Dazs ice cream.  It makes me happy, as does Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia. I also love to do ceramic sculpture, or paint watercolors, or bake apple pie. I also love to go to concerts, to dance, or walk on the beach. I love to visit with friends. I love to travel. And I love to take a class to learn something new. All these things and much more are all things I love, and when I am doing things I love, I feel love, and that feels really good.

Since feeling love makes me happy, I can bring happiness into my life whenever I want to, and you can too! Start by getting out your journal. Make a list of everything you love. See how long you can make the list. The more you write, the more you will smile. Maybe you love looking at your children’s baby pictures. Or maybe you love walking your dog and talking to all your neighbors on the way.

There now, don’t you feel better? I’ve been smiling the whole time I have been writing this!

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Mother’s Day

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Mother’s Day can be a beautiful, magical day, or it can also be sad or hearbreaking.  Or, it could be a combination of both happy and sad. How is your Mother’s Day going to be this year?

Mother’s day was originated by Anna Jarvis in West Virginia in 1908 to honor her mother, Anna Reeves Jarvis who had 8 out of 12 children die. They both volunteered to provide medicine for needy families at a time when Tuberculosis was an issue. 

I always miss my mom on Mother’s Day. She died 30 years ago. Mom always made her famous potato salad for celebrations, so I like to make potato salad.  My family always comments on how they love Grandma’s potato salad, and that helps me remember her fondly. Over the last few years, I have started writing her letters in my journal. I write to her as I would if we were having a conversation, and sometimes I write back to me from her. I love how this makes me feel.

You may know a mother who’s family will not be around to celebrate. Include them in your celebration, take them some flowers from your yard, or bake them some cookies. Maybe you know someone who has been a mother figure to you. If you do, write her a letter thanking her for what she means to you, and maybe take her some cookies or flowers.

 This year, think of someone who could use some love and support for Mother’s day and celebrate them in some way. I’d love to hear about your ideas or ways that you celebrate Mother’s Day!

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

If Only

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Have you experienced times when the things you desired felt beyond your reach? You may have said something like “if only I had enough money to pay all my bills”, or “if only I could get the job I wanted,” or “if only he (or she) hadn’t died.” Do these thoughts help you? Probably not.

When grieving, we are dealing with the death of a loved one, or any kind of deep loss, we can feel out of balance, like nothing is quite right. That happens because you are in unfamiliar territory, so you are searching for someone or something to fill in the gaps. However, someone or something else will never take the place of what is now missing.

The good news is you do not have to fill that gap. Things won’t automatically change to become the way they were before, so the best you can do now is to stop trying to make that happen. When you release the idea of the possibility that you can go back in time and make things different, that will allow you to start living in the moment now.

Try setting an intention to live the life you truly desire now. For instance, your intention could be “I spend my time doing what I love to do.” This intention leaves you open to new possibilities. For instance, maybe you love horses, but you feel you don’t have time to enjoy being with a horse and tending to it. In setting the intention to do what you love to do, you discover a course in equine therapy. Taking that course allows you to change your career, pay for your horse related expenses as well as have more money to live on than you do now, and spend lots of time with your horse while helping people in such a positive way.

Where do your interests lie? What would you love to do every day? Where would you love to do that? I created my own podcast where I can work from home, and I get to talk to people from all over the world. Maybe you could take classes you have always wanted to. Or maybe you could travel, or maybe you could volunteer for a local nonprofit.

Now is the time to immerse yourself in something you would love to do. Focus on that and soon you can notice yourself moving forward in your grief.

I’d love to hear about what you pursue.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

 

What Can You Do?

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Are you lonely? Do you feel helpless? Do you feel like your world is crumbling around you? Do you realize you aren’t the only one feeling that way right now? The good news is you can do something about how you are feeling to help you feel much better.  Here are some ideas:

  • Reach Out. Who would you like to talk to? Which old friends are you missing? Start by making a list. Every time you think of someone, and that person to the list. Every day, pick a different person on the list and call that person. Plan a way to get together. Go for a walk or for coffee. Plan something to do together. Rekindle friendships. Then stay in touch.
  • Volunteer. What causes are you concerned about? Who can you help? Get active in your community. Find something that you can attend and meet new friends. I volunteered for the political party I am a member of. I met very interesting people by doing that and know I was making a difference. What could you volunteer for?
  • Play. Plan a game party where you can invite friends to play for favorite board games like Monopoly or Uno. Go to a water aerobics or Aqua Zumba class. Join a hiking group. Organize a block party for your neighborhood to meet all your. neighbors. Go somewhere to listel to live music and dance!
  • Learn Something New. What have you always wanted to learn? I love to take art classes. Take cooking classes. I discovered free community classes at our local college including classes in their culinary department. Join a community choir. Get involved in your community theater.
  • Join or Start a Book Club. Book clubs are usually created around a common interest like romance novels, mysteries, biographies, political issues, or travel. Often organizations have book groups. I like to participate in the book group for the American Association of University women. I’ve met some of my best friends there.

The key is to find ways to be around people you already know you like or people you would like to get to know. Chances are that if you sit home alone, which people often do while grieving, people won’t be coming to your house to seek you out. The longer you stay by yourself, the harder it is to get moving again.

Start by reaching out with people you already know and would like to spend more time with. They may be waiting to hear from you. Then reach out to people you don’t know but would like to. For instance, if you are concerned about a pollical issue, reach out to see how you can get involved to work on solving that issue. If you love to work with children, volunteer to read to them in their classrooms or at the local library.

The more we become involved in our communities, the more friends we can make, the more issues we can work on, the more we can learn, and the more we can help.

Start today. You’ll be so glad you did.

Love Everybody

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Right now, in our country and our world, there is much uncertainty, anger, hate, and fear, and that’s no way to live. The good news is there are steps we all can take to improve this situation.

When dealing with grief, people generally are focusing on themselves which is understandable. So, dealing with the strife that seems endemic at present can be overwhelming. Finding a way to focus on others who could use help and doing something positive can make a difference.  You can start small. When your neighbor isn’t feeling well, take their dog for a walk, or when you make cookies, make extra to share with a friend. Every step you take helps you to move forward through your grieving.

On an even bigger scale, do things to reach more people. I know when you read some of these suggestions that you may resist doing them. I can hear people say, “I can’t do that!” But you can. The key is to focus on all the love and all the good in the world. Here are some keys to follow:

  • Forgiveness. Some transgressions are so huge that the thought of forgiveness is hard to swallow. However, what good comes from holding a grudge against someone for what they have done? When you sincerely forgive someone, you can let go of what has happened.
  • Gratitude. Focus on all that’s good in your life. Every day, write down at least five things you are grateful for. The more things you write, the better you’ll feel, guaranteed!
  • Kindness.  Make being kind a practice in all that you do from the words you speak, to the hugs you give, and to the generosity you share. Think about how good you feel when someone is kind to you, then strive to share that feeling.
  • Happiness. Start by smiling. People are experiencing so much tension that there aren’t a lot of smiles out there right now. Smile at someone till they smile back at you. Babies and toddlers love to reflect your smile, so it is easy to start there, but try it with grownups too.
  • Love.  I know you love the people you are closest to, and that’s great.  The key is to love everybody else too. Imagine if there was no hate in the world. There would be no war, no violence, no crime. Wouldn’t that be amazing? Together, we can make that happen.

Start today. Your love can change the world.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.