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Gratitude

Growing What is Good

April 29, 2021 by Emily Thiroux

I started a Produce Share with neighbors when we first moved to Maui because we had such an abundance of fruit on our property, and I didn’t want it to go to waste. Every Friday, people would stop by and bring what they had to spare from their gardens, and we would share, no money exchanged.  Sometimes we even made jam or banana bread to share. And I found a way to share all the papayas, lilikoi, bananas, and avocados I had.

When the pandemic hit, the grocery shelves became bare.  Since Hawaii is said to be the most remote place in the world, we heavily rely on barges to bring in food from the mainland and other countries.  I thought of the Victory Gardens people planted during World Wars I and II where people grew and shared what they could from their gardens to be sure their families and friends had enough food to eat.

Since our produce share is still going after five years, I decided to expand my garden to have even more to share. I hired a gardener to put in some irrigation for me so as not to waste water, a precious commodity on an island.  He turned out to be an expert in in permaculture gardening, so I asked him to put in a huge garden to provide lots more food to share.  He used lemon grass and comfrey to make a beautiful border and keep the grass from the lawn from growing into the garden.

My new garden has gotten so big that I now have a lovely young woman who helps me keep it up with weeding and planting.  Yesterday she surprised me with a giant bunch of carrots she had pulled. I was surprised because I didn’t know they were there! Last spring before my big new garden was planted, I bought a package of carrot seeds and planted them, watered them, weeded around them, pulled them from the ground, shared them, and ate them.  I didn’t realize that I had left some of them in the ground.

Then one day I noticed one day that I was growing pretty white flowers in my vegetable garden.  At the top of tall green stems sat balls of little white flowers clustered together in the shape of pom-poms.  Upon investigation, I discovered a few giant carrots shouldering up from the ground attached to these flowers.  I had never seen carrot flowers before. My gardener told me to cut them, put them in a paper bag, and let them dry out.  When they were dry, I shook the stems, and a lot of tiny black seeds popped out, so I planted them.

I planted those carrot seeds next to the lemon grass, not understanding how large it would become.  When the distinctive carrot tops grew, they were hidden in the tall lemon grass, so when my garden helper discovered them yesterday, we were delighted! Precious food from the garden tastes the best!

My carrots seemed a metaphor for the cycle of life. We are born from tiny seeds which are nurtured as they grow. They provide food, beauty, and more tiny seeds to start the cycle again. We all grow through our own cycles, and on our way, the more we grow and share, the happier we are. Ultimately, our sharing is complete, and we have the opportunity to revert back to the soil and create more new food and beauty.

I am grateful I have so much beauty and bounty to share which makes my life just that much richer. What bounty do you share?

 

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief  by clicking here at Amazon.

Filed Under: Community, Creativity, Food, Gratitude, Health, Healthy Eating, Support Tagged With: community, friends, Gratitude, grief, healthy coping mechanisms, Pandemic, self-care

Serendipity

March 10, 2021 by Emily Thiroux

I am featured on a podcast created by Paul Samuel Dolman called What Matters Most. I became acquainted with Paul by an amazing journey of coincidences.  Two years ago, I traveled from Maui to Los Angeles to do a presentation at Soul Sisters Retreat, one of my very favorite places to go.  When I got to LAX, a giant-sized airport, I waited what seemed forever for my bus to arrive to take me to my rental car.  I had booked through a small rental company, and I became concerned that maybe they didn’t have a bus as the large busses from the large companies whizzed by. Finally, a small bus drove up and when I boarded, there were only two others in the bus. I couldn’t help but hear their conversation, and one voice sounded very familiar.

I heard Kate’s unmistakable Tennessee accent, and sure enough, it was Kate! Kate and I had been business partners years before she moved back to Tennessee.  She was surprised to see me, too! She introduced me to her friend Leisa as an author from Maui. Leisa said she had a friend who was an author from Maui also, Paul Dolman.  And Kate explained to me that the only reason they were on that bus was that their flight from Tennessee had been delayed for 8 hours making our chance meeting possible.

When I got to my room, I decided to look Paul up on Facebook to see who he was.  We had one mutual friend, and that friend was my agent Meriflor, in Toronto!  I emailed Meriflor and she said that Paul is a wonderful person and that when my book came out, she would contact him to do an interview with me. Unpacking, I picked up the book I was reading, Hitchhiking with Larry David, and the author was Paul Dolman, who also wrote the last book I read, Seven Crazy Days on Maui.  In that book he mentioned people and places I knew on Maui.

My book, Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief, was published in January, and as promised, Meriflor contacted Paul to interview.  Paul let me know that he was pretty booked up so that it would probably be a while before he could get me on his podcast, and he asked me to send him a copy of my book.  A week later he emailed me and asked if we could talk right then, so we Skyped. He had read the book just as the country was reeling from over 500.000 deaths from the pandemic. Paul said that the information in the book was so valuable that he wanted to get the word out about it immediately, so we recorded the podcast right then!

That podcast was released today on What Matters Most.  You can listen to it by clicking here.

I would love to hear what you think about it.

 

Filed Under: Community, Gratitude, Joy, Support, Writing Tagged With: bereavement gifts, grieving cycle, healthy coping mechanisms, how to deal with grief, practicing gratitude

Losing a Loved One Before Death

March 3, 2021 by Emily Thiroux

Mom drove from her house an hour away to be with us on Thanksgiving. We had a pleasant weekend and even went shopping because she wanted to buy an electric blanket. She got so cold at night.  She drove herself home Sunday evening. On Tuesday I got a call from the business I owned that was on the same property as mom’s house. She always played Bridge on Tuesday mornings with the same three friends she had since they were all newlyweds. Her friends had called the company when she didn’t show up for Bridge. My staff checked on her and found her on the floor by her bed. She was alive but had fallen Sunday evening when she was trying to put the blanket on her bed. She was disoriented and dehydrated, so they took her to the hospital.

I drove up to the hospital right away.  The doctors said they didn’t know exactly what was wrong with her, but she needed not to be alone when they discharged her a two days later.  I stayed with her for a couple of weeks while she was seeing her doctor and having tests, then took her home with me. I called the doctor’s office because we had been waiting weeks for results.   The nurse said the doctor had been busy, but I insisted on speaking to him. It turned out he was getting into his car to leave on vacation, but he took my call. He told me she had a brain tumor, it wasn’t cancer, it was inoperable, and he couldn’t talk to her until after his vacation.

My mother watched me on the phone with him and asked what he said, so I told her.  We held each other and cried. After that, I was amazed at what happened.  My dad had died a few years before, and she stopped smiling.  After I told her this news, she started to smile again. She was happy that she didn’t have to live without him anymore. She lived eight more months.

Observing the changes in her mental state was challenging and fascinating at the same time. Sometimes she was there mentally, and sometimes she wasn’t. She ranged from carrying on conversations with me to having conversations out loud with people who had been gone for years, not noticing that I was there. I did have to watch her closely for her safety. We had a swimming pool she was fascinated with, so we had to keep the doors locked. One time she found an unlocked door and went running down the street laughing and seeming happy to be free, but terrifying to me as I chased her.

I was with her when she died. She had stopped eating and had lost so much weight that she was almost unrecognizable. I felt such a peace in the room when she left. Her sister was in the other room. Her sister had planned for me to be the one to manage her affairs if she couldn’t, and not long after this, her sister was diagnosed with the same type of brain tumor, and I got to go through the whole process over again.  Aunt Ila didn’t recognize me and didn’t know where she was, but she did talk about her younger years, so that’s where our conversations took place. I was grateful that she had asked me to help her so that I was prepared when the time came.

What I learned from these experiences is getting frustrated doesn’t help. I always let them both know that they were loved and taken care of. I missed them much before they were no longer physically there. And I learned the grace, comfort, and beauty of loving unconditionally. If you find yourself in a similar situation, be sure to take good care of yourself which is something we tend to forget when we are in the caretaker role.

Sending you much love on your journey–

 

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief  by clicking here at Amazon.

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Filed Under: Gratitude, Loneliness, Loss, Support Tagged With: bereavement gifts, grieving cycle, healthy coping mechanisms, practicing gratitude

All I Need

December 17, 2020 by Emily Thiroux

 

Holidays can hit hard for those dealing with losing a loved one. This year seems to be even more challenging with all that’s happening with the pandemic.  I woke up thinking this morning about what I can do to keep my spirits up.

There is a commercial on TV right now that uses the old song by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrill song “You’re All I Need to Get By,” and it’s got that song sticking in my head.  Not the whole song, just the words “All I Need.” The words have me thinking, what do I need?

Need defined means something essential. As I look at my life right now, I already have all I need. Yet life can always be better.  We can always take steps to brighten our way.

I have healthy coping mechanisms.  I spend time outside each day. I eat good food to nourish me as much as I can from my garden. And I do occasionally indulge in a little treat just to enjoy.

I have regular exercise just by walking around where I live. My property is on the side of a dormant volcano, so just walking around the property, up and down the hills, gives me good exercise.  And I also walk around the neighborhood and on the beach early in the morning when no one else is around.

I have loving friends.  In Hawaii the word for family is Ohana, and I have an Ohana of choice filled with dear friends.  We love and support each other, even from a distance, caring for keeping each other safe during the pandemic.

I have my book and all the new relationships that is bringing.  I have met many new friends online, and I provide support however I can through my classes, groups, talks, and writing. I have grown close to people who live far away and know I am helping to make a difference in their lives.

I have my spiritual practice. Every day I write in my journal, meditate, write my gratitude, write my intentions, write my affirmations, and write what brought me joy the day before.  Starting each day this way reminds me that I truly do have all I need.

I have the memories of two wonderful men with relationships filled with love and marvelous experiences. They each brought so much to my life that I am grateful for. I cherish those memories and keep them alive by writing about them.

 

Pre-order my book Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Sign up for my free Zoom class: Writing Together Through Grief by clicking here.

Filed Under: Community, Gratitude, Grief, Happiness, Holidays, Joy, Love Tagged With: bereavement gifts, grieving cycle, healthy coping mechanisms, how to deal with grief, losing a loved one, practicing gratitude

My Ohana

November 5, 2020 by Emily Thiroux

Ohana is the Hawaiian word for family, and it means so much more.  We refer to our Ohana as our chosen family, too. My son is my only blood family member who lives on Maui, but I am surrounded by chosen family members. Our feelings go deep. We truly support each other through life. My Ohana was there for me in Ron’s last weeks and after his transition. I felt so loved.

Shena came to Maui to live in the cottage on our property right after we got here.  Cottages like this in Hawaii are also called Ohanas because they are often used for extended family living together in a compound like atmosphere.  She has become my Ohana daughter and she calls me her Ohana Mama, a title I am delighted to have.  We celebrate holidays together and know we can always depend on each other for anything we need.

I have other neighbors who are Ohana, too. We are always bringing each other food, stopping by to visit, or meditating together. Whatever we grow in our gardens, we share, and we have developed an extended Ohana with people who visit weekly to share the bounty of our gardens and eggs from our chickens as well as yummy foods we make with that bounty like luscious homemade dill pickles.

Before the pandemic, we celebrated Friendsgiving being sure to include anyone we knew who didn’t have someone to share Thanksgiving with.  This was especially wonderful since Ron isn’t here to celebrate our favorite holiday with.  We are trying to figure out now something creative to do this year since we can’t have a big gathering.  We love and support each other in so many ways. I am eternally grateful for these wonderful people.

Do you have an Ohana, even if you call it something different, or maybe you haven’t recognized the group of people who are so special to you as a group?  I made a list and discovered I have quite a few!  I started with my Ohana, my traditional family, then added my Produce Share Family, my Intentions setting group, my book group, all the employees at the ambulance company I own, my Ventura friends, my faculty member friends at the University where I teach, and friends at Mango, the company who is publishing my book. And I could even list more!

Think of all the groups you belong to, formally or informally.  I imagine that once you start our list you will realize you have more support and Ohana than you ever thought you do.  If you don’t have a long list, what can you do to form a new Ohana of your own?  Share some love and support!

 

Pre-order my book Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Sign up for my free Zoom class: Writing Together Through Grief by clicking here.

Filed Under: Community, Gratitude, Holidays, Joy, Someone to talk to, Support

Refreshing Gratitude

October 28, 2020 by Emily Thiroux

I was grieving when someone told me about the importance of gratitude. My reaction was, “Ya, right. What do I have to be thankful for since my husband died, and I am all alone?” I did think about it though.  Maybe there was something there?  I admit I had been pretty self-centered, feeling sorry for myself and my sorry life.  Yet the more I thought about it, I realized that attitude was not serving me.  I didn’t want to always live in the dark. I really did want to feel better.

I decided to figure out what I had to be grateful for. Initially, this was a difficult task.  I had no problem letting lots of negativity flow in. Since it was right there in front of me, I started looking at things I wasn’t grateful for, and there were lots. By looking at each thing that was bothering me, I realized that I had created many of them, like I was frustrated because friends weren’t calling me or asking me to do things. As I thought about that, I realized that my friends probably didn’t know what to do or say to me.

I was the first of everyone I knew to lose a spouse, so they didn’t have any experience dealing with that kind of loss. I decided to help them. When I wanted to go someplace, like to a lecture at the university or a concert, I would call someone who I thought would enjoy the same experience and ask for a ride.  My idea worked. I had just been sitting at home by myself, and then I started going out to places I enjoyed with friends I missed.

With the success of my first venture, I started figuring out what else I could do. I asked a few friends over to dinner, and it became something we decided to do together every month going to each other’s homes. And I signed up for a pottery class with a friend and a Native American Arts class with another friend. The more I reached out, the more positive experiences came my way.

Realizing how much I had to be grateful for, I got in the habit of starting my day by writing at least three things in my journal that I am grateful for.  I have continued that practice now for years. Occasionally, I may start feeling a little sad or lonely, so I will get out my journal and review things I am grateful for. My list is very long, and I always smile and feel better as I read parts of it.

When things start to seem all wrong in your world, switch that up by paying attention to what is right! Always be grateful for all the wonderful people, experiences, and things in your life. This attitude brings much joy!

Pre-order my book Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Sign up for my free Zoom class: Writing Together Through Grief by clicking here.

Filed Under: Gratitude, Grief, Happiness, Joy, Support

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