Gratitude

Memories

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Our lives carry millions of memories. These memories can inspire us and amplify all the good in our lives. And the tons of memories  also can weigh us down to the point we can’t easily move forward.

Considering these opposite subjects of fear or loss, and happiness or joy, compile a list of each one. Write these lists on separate pieces of paper.

Start with the memories that are sad, maybe even tragic. Or the memories that are embarrassing or frightening. They may be of extreme frustration. They may be of loss that seems unbearable. Take your time with this list.  Don’t include things you have worked through and released because you have already let them go.

Now write about each item on this list one at a time. For each one, answer these questions:

  1. How long ago did this happen?
  2. Is this any part of your life now?
  3. Do you feel like you are carrying the effects of it now?
  4. Do you want to release it so that it no longer bothers you?

When grieving, much of the pain comes from memories of things you had no control over and of things you wish you had done differently. And most of these things are on the list you just wrote.

You can’t change anything that has happened already, but you can change how you think about it and deal with it now.

There is a beautiful Hawaiian tradition called Ho’oponopono. You can use it for any of these memories you wrote here. The results of sincerely doing each item on this list will change your life dramatically. To do this practice, take one item at a time and write or recite each step.

  1. I am sorry
  2. Please forgive me
  3. Thank you
  4. I love you

This example of how I did this practice will show you how it works. A doctor made a mistake in my husband’s care that led to much of the pain my husband suffered. This is how I dealt with each step of this process.

  1. I am sorry. I apologized for the anger I felt toward the doctor. I knew in my heart that he would not have intentionally afflicted this pain on my husband.
  2. Please forgive me. Forgiveness is essential in any case where you have done anything that needs to be forgiven. I asked for forgiveness for carrying this anger for so long.
  3. Thank you. Look for the good in the situation and be thankful for that. I am thankful for all the good, helpful things that the doctor did for my husband.
  4. I love you. Loving that doctor and all the good things he did allowed me to let go of the anger I had been carrying.

Work your way through your list answering all the questions about each item. You may need to do the practice more than once. Do it till you can release what needs to be about each item. By practicing forgiveness and giving more love out into the world changes not only your life but the lives of those around you.

Now look at your happy list. For each item, recall the experience and what you were happy about. Did you love what happened and the people involved in your happiness? Do you feel joy as you recall what happened. What can you take from these experiences to bring more happiness, love, and joy into your life and the lives of those around you?

This may seem like a lot of work, but it’s worth it. Every day you will feel lighter as you release any trauma from your past and focus on the great life you are creating now filled with joy and love.

Now is the time for you to actively let go of past burdens and discover the wonder waiting for you as you move forward in your grief.

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

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Break Your Heart Open

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I recently ran across the phrase “Break your heart open.” That made me think about how often people who are dealing with grief or loss feel that their heart is tender from their loss. To protect that tenderness, it’s only natural for us to shield our hearts from any possible future loss.

The trouble with working so hard to keep your heart safe, the hurt places can form scars. Scars keep getting thicker and harder creating a shield that prevents strong healthy heart beats. Eventually your heart can shut down all together.

While I am referring to that simply shaped valentine style heart, the physical heart also is affected. There are so many tragic stories of when someone dies, their loved has such a hard time dealing with their heart that they don’t know to how to go on. While it may feel this way, know that you can go on.

I am sure you have heard people tell you that your loved one would want you to be happy, and while I believe that to be true, that’s not the best thing to tell you when you are missing someone so deeply. To bring you comfort, try writing a letter to whoever you are missing. This can be anyone you would love to talk too. I write my husbands on Valentine’s Day and on our anniversaries, my mother on Mother’s Day, My father on Father’s Day, my sister and other friends and relatives who have transitioned, I write to on their birthdays or on Thanksgiving.

These letters allow you to say whatever you would like to say. Often, I think of something I would like to talk to one of my loved one about, so I write them a letter. I’ll think Ron would know just what decision I need to make. Jacques would cheer me up. After I write one of these special letters, I always feel better. And I feel belter still if  I write a letter back to me from whoever I wrote to. I always get an answer. I just write out the letter as if I am taking dictation. I’ve had people say I am just writing what I want to hear. That may be, but I choose to believe I am writing out exactly what my loved one wants me to know.

When you feel like your heart is breaking, pay attention. Be easy on yourself. Do something comforting for you. Do something positive to help you put your mind on something else. Instead of being sad about your situation, let your heart break open. Open to comfort, open to happiness, open to love.  When you open your heart wide, you have lots of room for all the things that serve you best.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

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What Side of the Bed Do You Get Up On?

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When I was young, I remember my mom saying that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and I couldn’t figure out what she was talking about. I shared a bed with my sister and we slept on the same side every night. I was on the left. She was on the right. And what difference did that make anyway?

As I reflect, I know now that she was talking about the attitude I woke up with, and that was rarely happy. Every day seemed the same, doing what I had to do. I was mostly lonely, and it seemed like no one cared what I did. So I did what I thought I was supposed to, and that was to be good.

My definition of being good changed throughout my life. It boiled down to doing the best I could, the most I could, but that never seemed to be enough. When I needed to make a decision, I would always wonder what my parents would expect me to do. It took a long time for me to see that I could do what I wanted to do and just be responsible to me for my decisions.

Whew! What a relief! My imagination became my guide. My choices became my own. I loved who brought joy to both of us. I quit a job I thought I was supposed to do and created a business I was passionate about. I lived where it was beautiful. And I manifested a life I had only dreamed about before.

Then my husband died. I felt so empty, so blank. I struggled to find who I was without him and what was next. Gradually, the broken pieces of my heart began to mend by taking care of myself and loving myself allowing me to love someone else again.

Then my next love, my next husband, died. While mourning, I decided loving again would be impossible, that I couldn’t live through it. Gradually, the memory of how my broken heart was able to heal in the past allowed me to focus on me again. I knew I was strong and the key to living had always been taking care of me.

Contemplation and exploration of this concept stitched my heart back together allowing my love to become stronger than ever, and now, it’s me who I love.

I nourish my heart with the unconditional happiness and love that causes it to beat as I pass that love and happiness forward. I see the warmth of my smile reflected to me allowing me the great comfort of knowing I finally have figured out how to live my very best life.

Now I get up on the right side of the bed every day and am grateful for my commitment to love and happiness.

What side of the bed to you get up on? You can change that if you choose.

 

 

Blog Links

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

You can sign up for our newsletter here

Growing and Moving Forward

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A group of friends from all over the country gathered online in the Summer of 2021 to explore the concept of grieving and being happy at the same time. Over the course of several meetings, we were convinced that was not only a concept, but it is also the truth.

Before we started this conversation, I had been facilitating a writing through grief group. We loved doing this, but I felt something was missing. As I completed Marci Shimoff’s Happy For No Reason Certified Trainer Program, I realized Happiness is exactly what I wanted to include for the people coming to me for comfort.

This group brought the inspiration we loved, and we loved the idea so much, we brought it into action with our creativity. And this group was inspired to also create a nonprofit organization to fund all of this so anyone who wants to can come to our gatherings and find comfort, support, love, and happiness.

Since the summer of 2021, we have accomplished much by doing things like creating  online events for people to come together and discover ways for them to find happiness, creating a movie club, where we come together to discuss movies we choose that feature grief, happiness, or both. We also co-hosted the international summit From Mourning to Light to offer inspiration to people showing them that they can grieve and be happy at the same time. We created a Grief and Happiness Facilitator training program.  And we published the Grief and Happiness Handbook and the Grief and Happiness Cards, with all profit going to the foundation we created.

Whew! That’s a lot! And there is much more we plan to do. The thing is, as we grow in all we do, we are serving more people. And that’s where you come in. We see that when people come to our gatherings because a friend , who is already attending the gatherings, invited them to come, are motivated to come and to keep attending. Who can you invite? Holding each other up is comforting and motivating to you both! If you haven’t been attending, now is the time to start! If you are attending, who can you bring with you?

The Grief and Happiness Nonprofit organization is welcoming people who would love this opportunity to serve this community of people who are benefiting from the love and comfort you can provide. Please let us know how you would love to be involved.

Serving you all is the joy of my life. You too will feel much joy, love, and comfort by serving along with us.

 

Click on this link for a list of areas you can choose from or suggest something you would like to do. The list is at the bottom of the page.

You can click on this email link to to offer what you would like to do.

Click here for a printable link of opportunities. 29 Opportunities to Serve the Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

Who Are You

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When grieving, we often struggle with our sense of self. You may feel that one or more descriptive words you have identified with no longer seems accurate. After my husband died, I still felt like a wife since I had been one for so long. After my miscarriage, I lost the description of expectant mother.  After my parents died, a friend pointed out that I was an orphan. I definitely didn’t want that descriptor. When I retired, I still felt like a teacher. When I moved to Hawaii, I was no longer a Californian. When I finished my last nursing job, I still felt like a nurse, actually, I still do.

While all these descriptors don’t accurately indicate who I am now, they all are a part of what made me who I am today. Now, I could describe myself as a widow two times over, but to me, that description has a negative connotation. I could also define myself as single, but that doesn’t resonate with me either. I am so much more than a previous marital status.  So instead of expressing all the things I am not, I decided to list all the things I am.

I Am Alive. I have seen many people fade or just give up when they reach a certain age, and I have seen that for them, their quality of life, their energy, their will to live dims and often leads to an early death. I choose to fully experience my aliveness by getting up early, journaling, eating well, going for walks, enjoying art and music, and most of all delighting in my relationships.

I Am Creative. My creativity brings me so much happiness. I love to create new things like the Grief and Happiness Alliance, The Grief and Happiness Podcast, the six books I have published, the cards I created, the blankets I crochet, the food I lovingly prepare, the paintings and drawings I do, the online classes I created, the theatre, art gallery, schools of arts, and a café. I created, the nonprofit organizations I started. And I could go on.

I Am Unconditional Love. By giving up putting constraints on my relationships, they were able to blossom into more beautiful interconnections than I had experienced before. I now concentrate on giving and receiving unconditional love. I relish the love I have shared throughout my life in all the relationships I have been in.

I Am Healthy. Much of my life I have been dealing with ailments and injuries. When I stop focusing on those things and instead consider how I feel in each moment, generally, I feel great. Though I may have a cold or a broken toe, those things don’t control the joy in my heart or the strength of my love and happiness.

I Am Beautiful. Looking in the mirror, I focus on my smile and know that is the biggest contributor to my beauty and I am happy to share that.

Writing this description of me feels so good. What a wonderful life I lead.  Take a moment consider who you are and who you are striving to be. Make you own list of your best qualities and you will be amazed. You are unique and special in all the ways you choose to be. Focusing on who you are brightens your life experience. Enjoy!

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

2023

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A friend told me that she couldn’t wait for 2023 to be over because so many terrible things happened. I found myself making a list of those things. There were so many, and they seem to be multiplying towards the end of the year. Then an oft heard saying came to mind, “What you resist persists.” So, I made the decision to make a list of the beautiful things I remember instead. This is part of my list which could have gone on for pages:

  • New babies were born in my family.
  • I am loving learning to do watercolor painting and making new friends in the process.
  • The company I am part owner of is thriving still after 63 years.
  • Relationships I have are deepening and becoming more precious.
  • I am healthy and strong after dealing with a few challenges this year.
  • I have accepted invitations which lead to beautiful experiences.
  • My new book was published and became a best seller.
  • I published my beautiful Grief and Happiness Cards.
  • Maui has become green again after a long period of brown.
  • The Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings are growing and bring happiness to those who attend.
  • My podcast has more than 12,000 downloads and attendance is growing.
  • I helped co-create a new facilitator training program for the Grief and Happiness Alliance.
  • Dear friends came to visit me in Maui.
  • My vegetable garden is thriving.
  • I am loving teaching journaling classes.
  • I provided shelter to evacuees from the wildfires on Maui.
  • I learned how to cook Chinese food that I love.
  • I have made new friends.
  • I attended a powerful film festival.
  • I have enjoyed many beautiful sunsets and rainbows.
  • I attended a weeklong seminar in caring for the dying which was deep and beautiful.
  • I discovered how wonderful the chocolate from Maui Ku’ia Estate is.
  • I enjoyed going to hear live music.
  • I notice the positivity and smiles in all my experiences.
  • And much more.

While some of the events from this year were tragic, I saw the beauty of people being generous and serving people experiencing unthinkable loss.

I encourage you to make a list of the joy and beauty you experienced in 2023, and focus on that and discover how you can expand it during 2024.

I started writing this inspired by “What you resist persists,” but I have changed my mantra to “What you embrace thrives.” What will you embrace from your experience of 2023?

I wish for you great beauty, comfort, support, love, and happiness in 2024.

 

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1