The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Happiness

Bringing Happiness to the World

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I ran across a quote by Michael Bernard Beckwith: “It’s not the world’s job to make you happy. It’s your job to bring happiness into the world.” I’ve been thinking lots about happiness lately.  When I feel happy, I can relax and enjoy all that’s good in my life.  After Jacques died, I read Marci Shimoff’s book Happy for No Reason.  I am so glad I found that book because it helped me realize that I hadn’t been happy at all, and that I needed to change that.

Sometimes being happy gets a bad rap because people think it’s frivolous, but I see it now as essential. Ron had me look in the mirror once and asked me about what I saw. That caused me to realize that I wasn’t smiling, and also that I didn’t smile very often.  I took that as a challenge to remind me to smile.  I felt like I needed a reason to smile, so I made it a challenge that every time I saw a mirror, I would smile into it. That helped, but it seemed arbitrary. I wanted my smiles to be motivated by happiness.

Now I look for happiness in everything I do.  If I am on a podcast or am facilitating a meeting, I can see myself on my computer screen and make sure that I am happy about what I am saying.  That brings out genuine smiles, and it feels so good.  And when I am talking to someone, I think about what I can say that will make them smile.  And when I am enjoying what I eat, I smile then. And a way for me to not eat as much is to pay attention to if I am not enjoying what I am eating.  And if I’m not, I don’t eat whatever it is.

I even became a Happy for Not Reason certified trainer so that I have lots of ways now I can teach other people about the value of happiness.  There is always so much room for more happiness in the world!  I see that the happier I am, the happier people are who are around me. I love that.  It’s fun to smile! Now I search for ways to make people happy. The more happiness and love I share with the world, the happier we all will be! My hope is that you are finding and sharing happiness too!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

 

Paying it Forward

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I watched a movie in the year 2000 that had a profound effect on the rest of my life. Pay it Forward is the story of a junior high school student who did a project for his social studies class. The premise is that when he did something of value for someone else, instead of that person paying him back, he told the person who was willing to pay for his services to instead to do something of value for someone else, or preferably do something for two or three more people.

This movie was so inspiring to me that I have incorporated the concept into my life, paying forward good deeds often.  A big example of this for me was when I owned and operated a live theatre and school of arts.  I started the school because funding to schools where I lived had severely cut back arts classes which they deemed as unnecessary. In my life, I knew I wouldn’t have made it through school without the drama, band, and visual arts classes I took. That was where I excelled in school, and it was where I learned to read when traditional teaching methods had failed me.

When I first started the school, I discovered that only wealthy families enrolled their children, and the kids weren’t that interested in being there.  So I held a meeting with everyone I could think of who was involved in the arts in my community. I told the attendees that I wanted any student who wanted to take arts classes to be able to come whether their family could afford it or not.  The people who came to the meeting agreed and formed a nonprofit organization that not only did fund raisers to ensure that the classes were full, but they also wrote grants that allowed foster children to always be accepted without charge, and they wrote grants for special projects. One project invited teens to work on teen pregnancy prevention by having a group of interested teens come together to write a production based on experiences of teen parents. They also performed in the production they wrote and took it to schools in the area who also provided counselors to talk with any of the students who attended when they reached out for more information.

I discovered that the more people got involved in the theatre and school, the more people that they brought in got involved also. By being involved with what happened at the school and theatre, all the participants brought more participants.  My husband Jacques also loved to be involved.  When his health declined, he was there less and less, and I was gone more and more dealing with his care. I realized that he needed me with him full time, so I approached the board of the nonprofit and offered them the business I had created because I wanted it to still serve the community and all the people who participated in the school and theatre. They graciously accepted.  Giving this gift to the community is one of the highlights of my life.

What can you do to Pay it Forward?  A friend of mine had the person who had been in front of her in the line at the grocery store pay for her groceries.  She had no idea who it was, but she was so happy because it really helped her at that time.  Other ways to pay it forward would be to hold the door open for someone or donate clothes you no longer wear or items you don’t use to a local thrift store who serves an organization you believe in. Or you could donate towels and blankets to the local animal shelter or pick up litter in your community. Think about what you already do or what you could start doing.

All the people of the world are part of one giant community. We can all thrive by taking care of each other in whatever ways we can. We can become a society of service as opposed to opposing, selfish groups.  The way my first boss oriented me to a service job was by telling me to treat my customers how I wanted to be treated. Just think how much better things could be if we all do that!

What does all this have to do with grief? Simple. As we focus on what we can do for others, we will feel better while helping others to feel better too. What can you do?

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.

Reflection

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The week between Christmas and New Year’s, I always find myself looking back at the year that is ending. I reflect on my favorite things that happened, consider things I would like to have been better, and think about what I would like to be differently in the new year.

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief was published in January. My Zoom book launch celebration was magical. I’m grateful that we did it online because so many friends were able to attend from far away who wouldn’t have been able to if it was on ground, even if it was in Maui! I am grateful for all the love and support expressed during the celebration, and for all the books we sold for the launch.   Maybe we’ll celebrate my next book launch in Maui. Watch this space!

Because of the low enrollment at CSUB, I didn’t teach this year, so I was able to focus on getting the word out about my book.  My intention in writing the book is to provide comfort, support, love, and happiness to all who read it, and to do that, people needed to know that it is available.  I had heard about the commitment that M. Scott Peck made when he released his book The Road Less Traveled. He wasn’t well known, so he committed to doing interviews wherever he could every week. This worked.  He has sold 6.5 million books worldwide. With that inspiration, I focused on being a guest on podcasts and doing radio and television interviews. So far, I have done over 100 including in places like Singapore, Germany, New Zealand, Canada, Spain, Australia, and more! And I’ve made lots of new friends along the way.

After Jacques died, I struggled to be positive.  I found the bestselling book Happy For No Reason by Marci Shimoff and reading it changed my perspective. Jacques was such a happy, positive person, so I knew he wouldn’t want me to just stay sad. Marci’s book was wonderful and helped me to change my perspective on life. I discovered this year that Marci has an online program so that people can become Happy for No Reason Trainers. I realized that was what was missing in all I was doing to help people deal with grief and loss, so I took the program and I focus now on grief AND happiness in all I do. This opened even more opportunities.

I have been facilitating Writing Through Grief groups first at my home, then with the pandemic, I switched to online. The people who attend love what they learn and love meeting new friends who are also dealing with loss. We can go deep into our feelings and support each other. In contemplating how I could incorporate happiness into this, I was inspired to create the Grief and Happiness Alliance, an online group who meets weekly, writes together, learns happiness practices, and is full of new friends.  Dear friends have come together to form an organization to support people dealing with grief and loss: The Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization. Their initial focus is on providing the financial support necessary so people can discover that comfort, support, love, and happiness that is my intention to provide with no charge to the participants. And now that we have started, we are coming up with many other ways to help people dealing with grief and loss. They are thrilled to take tax deductible donations in any amount.

This year I have also done so much with social media. Every week I send out a newsletter that contains my blog and news about podcasts I am featured on, seminars and conferences I am featured in online, and more. I am on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Pinterest. In doing all this, I realized I needed a podcast on my own. So, I learned how to do that, launched my weekly podcast, Grief and Happiness in October, and have episodes recorded now all the way to March! I would love to have you listen, review, and follow the podcast which you can find on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, ACast, and other places podcasts are available. The people I talk to have amazing stories and inspiration to share!

My book is doing well and is available anywhere books are sold. Mango Publishing is doing a wonderful job of marketing the book. Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief has all 5-star reviews on Amazon. If you have read the book, I would love for you to rate it and review it on Amazon because the more reviews the book has, the more Amazon will feature it so more people can discover the book to help them find the comfort, support, love, and happiness they are searching for.

I am grateful for all the wonders of this year, many more than I could fit into this blog! I am thrilled to be doing the work I am doing. I know 2022 is going to be a great year with so many positive changes coming our way. I will be teaching at CSUB again starting in January. I am working on another book. I am looking forward to opportunities to speak and also to teach people how to be Happy For No Reason. And mostly I am looking forward to building relationships with friends and meeting new friends as we discover our best that is yet to be!

I encourage you to write a reflection of your 2021 and a forecast for your 2022.

I wish you unconditional love, especially for yourself, and much happiness in 2022!

 

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.

Choose Joy

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How do you feel, right now, today? Are you happy? Are you sad? Maybe you feel empty, like you are in a void. Holidays bring up so many feelings. Sometimes I feel like I am on a little bit of a roller coaster. And you know what? All of this is not unusual, even if you aren’t dealing with grief and loss. When you are dealing with grief and loss though, these feelings tend to be magnified. And the good news is, there is something you can do about it.

A good way to start is to not overschedule yourself. Choose only what you really want to do. Make good decisions considering what will bring you joy.

Think right now how you would like to feel. Do you want to feel like smiling? Would you like to feel like you have enough energy to face the day and the holiday celebrations? Would you really like to just be by yourself and not have to talk to anyone? You can have all these things. The key is to pay attention to how you are feeling and do what feels best for you at the moment.

If you want to smile, put on a funny Christmas movie like Elf or Scrooged. Or call or visit close friends or family you know will be fun. If you are concerned about energy, make sure to get good sleep the night before or take a nap. And take a little walk before you start your celebration. And if you do really don’t want to talk to anyone, that’s OK. Be sure to let your host know you won’t be there if you had plans with people so they won’t worry and show up at your place to check on you. Then you can take a lovely bubble bath with a good book, or get in your nice, warm jammies, make some hot chocolate and watch a good movie like It’s a Wonderful Life or Love Actually. And if tears come, let them. A good cry can be a cleansing.

However it turns out is OK.  What I do that always makes me feel better is I write letters to my loved ones who I am missing. This always gets me in touch with the joy we had together and I realize how I still carry that joy with me today.

It’s up to you.  I suggest you choose joy!

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.

The Gift of Giving

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Each year I find myself giving fewer gifts of the kind I have given before. This must be the way it is for many people since I receive very few gifts anymore. And that’s OK because I have been looking at my possessions and giving away things that I don’t use, need, or enjoy anymore. Releasing stuff is so freeing!

And I am always looking for something unique that appeals to the heart of the receiver.  I listen when people talk about what they love so that when the time comes, I will have an idea of what to give. I love to gift things to people like for a friend who loves to take painting classes, I’ll find a painting class I can purchase for her. And it’s even more fun if we can go to the class together! For friends who love to cook, I find something I know they would have fun with in the kitchen and I often get the gift of something they made with this gift in return. Yum!

I also love to give the gift of art. These gifts are one of a kind beauty that benefits both the receiver of the gift and the artist who created what I give. And now that we are starting to be able to go out more, I love to give the gift of experience like a whale watching tour, or tickets to a play or concert. And of course, I love to tag along on these adventures when I can.

When I am able to travel, I love to buy gifts that are special from where I travelled, like leather handbags from Florence, Italy, or beautiful ceramics from Bali. For people who have a cause they support, I love to make a donation in their name.

One of my favorite Christmases, I gathered my favorite recipes that I have made many times, and my mother and grandmother’s recipes, as well as special recipes friends have shared with me. I created a binder with all these recipes and made a copy for family members and friends I knew would cherish them.

I also love to give copies of books I love. I especially like this when I can pass on books that I have read and know I won’t read again. And I love to pay it forward when friends give me books that I can pass on to other friends.  I have also participated in clothing exchanges where friends get together and bring items they are ready to release from their wardrobes and share them so that we all walk away with new items for our wardrobes. I also love to give the gift of nourishment by sharing the bounty of my garden and by sharing things I bake.

What do I receive from all this giving? The answer is simple: joy! The more I give away, the more space I have to enjoy. The more I feed other people and provide them with things that bring them happiness, the better I feel.

As I wrote this, I realized that I am giving gifts more than I ever have before, and that feels good! Some of the gifts I enjoy giving and receiving the most are smiles and handwritten notes and hugs and love. These gifts are invaluable even though they don’t cost a cent!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.

Holidays and Grief

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Christmas used to be such a special time. When I was growing up, we celebrated with my mother’s three sisters and their families. All the children slept on the floor like a big slumber party, and we would be very quiet because we were anticipating Santa’s reindeer on the roof. And they always came! We knew because we heard the reindeer’s hooves, sleigh bells, and Santa’s jolly Ho Ho Ho’s! As I reflect on these joyous family memories, I am amazed that the older cousins didn’t spoil the illusion.

When my children were young, we would travel to my mother and father’s house to gather with the family who had remained close enough to still come.  My husband Jacques used to call it Hazel’s Hassle (my mom was Hazel) because so many people crammed into mom and dad’s small home. My cousin still tickled me every chance he got even though we were adults by that time. Mom and her sisters provided a feast. I loved watching the four of them gathered in the small kitchen laughing and smiling.

Jacques and I were engaged our first Christmas together. We both were challenged financially at that time, so I got a small Christmas tree for my children to have at my house, and then we transported the tree, decorations, and all, to Jacques’s house because we planned to have dinner at his house.  What a mess to transport that little tree! We had decided we wanted a new Christmas tradition that we could establish our first Christmas together and do every year. We decided our tradition would be to make homemade ravioli. His mom was from Sicily, so she made the filling, I made the pasta, and Jacques made the sauce. Over the years, whoever was around while we were preparing the ravioli would help us put together the ravioli.

I still made ravioli when Ron and I got married. We also invited lots of people.  One year we even had two of his ex-wives!  It was always a beautiful celebration of love and friendship.  Now that Ron’s gone, I usually invite people who don’t have a place to go to join me for ravioli, but the pandemic has put a damper on that.

What has helped me the most now to deal with the holidays is to sit down and consciously write out my intention for the season. This intention is not a to-do list. Rather I decide what will serve me best through the holidays to create happiness and joy. This year I decided to have a small outside gathering with a few friends to create Christmas ornaments. I hosted that on a sunny day a week ago. The next thing I decided to do was create a Christmas card from a drawing I did and write a heartfelt message to send to those I love. And I set the intention to not stress about Christmas gifts.  The perfect things will come to me to give to the people I want to. In years before, the gift giving took so much time and caused stress, so now I am simplifying, and it feels good.

The gift I will give to me is to spend some quiet time setting one major intention for the new year that will guide my decisions and bring me happiness in what I do. I have found that focusing on one specific intention works so much better than having lots or resolutions to keep track of.

And the most important thing I am doing the holidays is to take good care of myself.  I do this by eating well, going for walks, doing my morning practice of writing and meditating every day. I say yes to invitations, and I say no when that is the appropriate answer. I also am sure to hydrate and smile genuinely often!

What intention can you create? What new traditions can you establish? When will you say yes or no? What will you do to take good care of yourself and to engage with others? Make these holidays filled with love and happiness.  You can do this. I know you can!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which will meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.