The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Happiness

Remembering Valentines

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Valentine’s Day can be a trigger for people who are grieving.  Growing up I always looked forward to Valentine’s Day.  In our classrooms, we always had an art project where we would create a very large envelope that we decorated and hung on the wall. Then most of the students would put little valentines in each of their classmate’s envelopes.  Some students would get larger, special valentines to give to special friends. Then on Valentine’s Day got to open all our valentines and have fruit punch and cupcakes.  I always looked forward to that day.

In January of 2006 Hallmark card stores had a special sale where if you spent a certain amount in the store, you could get a CD with romantic songs sung by Michael Bublé. My husband Jaques had an amazing singing voice in the style of Frank Sinatra, which is much like Michael Bublé. At that point, Jacques couldn’t drive anymore and he asked me to take him to the Hallmark store without telling me why.

When we got back to the car, he handed me the bag from the store and asked me to open it. I told him if it was my Valentine, I would prefer to wait. He asked me to please open it that day, so I did, and it was the CD.  We played it a lot over the next few days. He died on February 6. I am so glad I opened it when he asked me to. 

On the first Valentine’s Day that Ron and I spent together, we went out for dinner. I had never gone out to dinner on Valentine’s day before, so that was special. After we were seated, he handed me a gift which had a gold heart and a silver heart intertwined. I still treasure that gift.

Ron was on Hospice for only five days, and during those days he made sure to say goodbye to everyone he wanted to. Many people came to the house to visit him, and he Face-Timed everyone else.  One person was a minister he had worked with years before. I had never met him and it was a challenge to track him down, but I was able to and they were grateful for that last conversation.

Five Valentine’s years after Ron died, I got a phone call from a number I didn’t recognize. I don’t usually answer those, but I felt like I needed to answer this one.  It was that minister. He was concerned that I might not know who he was, but I assured him that I did because Ron spoke so highly of him. He said he was cleaning off his desk that morning and a piece of scrap paper fell out of a book, and it had my phone number written on it. He said he felt that Ron must be asking him to wish happy Valentine’s Day to me. I am sure that he was.

Do you have any special Valentine’s Day memories? Be sure to write about them in your journal and spend some time thinking about all the love of every kind you have shared in your life. Close your eyes and feel the warmth of all that love.

Happy Valentine’s Day

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

The Healing Power of Nature

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Years ago, someone told me all about the benefits of grounding, and I’ve got to admit, I didn’t believe his story.  He claimed that attaching a wire to his bed sheets and running it outside through his window, then burying that wire in the ground ensured that he was sleeping better than he ever had been. I figured that was just the power of suggestion, so I didn’t try it.

Over the years, I have heard more about grounding, so I thought maybe there is something to it, though I still don’t want to hotwire my sheets!  What does sound interesting to me is the power of nature used in healing. Studies now say that walking with your bare feet in the grass or on the dirt every day will soothe a myriad of issues, especially pain, inflammation, anxiety, depression, fatigue, sleep disorders, and even cardiovascular issues.

While I am not sure that all these issues can be healed by a barefoot walk, I can see, and feel, the value of spending time in nature. I know how good it feels to wiggle my toes in fresh, green grass. I also enjoy the feeling of creating ceramic sculptures which is essentially playing in the mud. Inhaling the fresh fragrances of lavender and rosemary in my garden is so refreshing. Walking in the sand on the beach and stepping in to the shallow waves energizes me every time. Sitting outside with my eyes closed and facing the sun warms my eyelids and causes me to smile.

While it’s easy to go online and purchase lots of grounding equipment, stepping outside and taking a few deep breaths can be very effective, and you can enjoy the beauty of nature at the same time. I encourage you to practice great self-care every day by stepping outside.

The Life You Would Like

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I recently spent some time in bed while recovering from a procedure, and decided to find something on television that wouldn’t take up any head space. I randomly picked a series called Everwood, and I was immediately sucked into the story of a very famous neurosurgeon in Manhattan who, when his wife was killed in a car accident,  packed up his kids and moved to Everwood, Colorado. There he opened a family practice office through which he offered his services for free. The series, through my eyes, had much to do about grief and happiness.

In one episode, the surgeon was being interviewed by a reporter who was writing an article for a prominent publication about his story. He was hesitant in speaking because he hadn’t thought what he had done did was a big deal. The reporter was getting frustrated with the doctor’s hesitance to talk to him when he noticed a print of Norman Rockwell’s painting The Country Doctor hanging on the wall of the doctor’s living room. The reporter told the doctor of how Rockwell did not live in a place like the ones in his paintings.  He lived in an area of Manhattan that was considered dangerous, and he spent time on the roof of the building he was living in so he could be outside, yet he could hear gunshots, screaming, and foul language drifting up from angry people on the street below. When asked why he chose to paint what he did when he wasn’t seeing the idyllic settings and happy people who showed up in his paintings, Rockwell said, “I paint life as I would like it to be.”

I saved that quote to share with you because of all the smiles and pleasure Rockwell’s paintings have brought over the years despite him not living in those pleasant situations his paintings reflect. I saw how many of us who are grieving are sitting in the sadness of the surroundings we feel stuck in. What could happen for you if you started creating your surroundings as you “would like them to be”?

Have you changed where you live or changed how you have decorated where you live since your loss. Do you sit or walk outside every day? Do you go to beautiful places like parks, or gardens, or museums? Have you invited a friend to go to a concert, a movie, or a conversation over coffee?  Have you spent some time painting or drawing your own pictures, or have you started doing some creative activity you have always wanted to do? Have you traveled, or taken classes, or volunteered some place you feel strongly about? These things are, hopefully, some ideas to help you create the surroundings in your life in the way you would like them to be.

I encourage you to take some action based on any inspiration that comes to you as you read this blog. Live your best life by choosing what to create for yourself. Then do whatever that is!

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

Grief is a Constant Companion

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I was reading The Lost Bookshop by Evie Woods when I came across a quote that stuck with me: “Grief is a constant companion.” It led me to think about my loved ones who have gone before me. That’s not hard to do since I see reminders of them every day. I had a particular memory come to mind last night.

When I went to bed, the big, full moon filled the window shining brightly. When I see a full moon, I have a memory of Ron, so I smiled at the moon and told Ron hello. The night after he died, several friends who had come to be with him during his last week decided to go on a dinner cruise because our friend who had been barbecuing that week was singing on the cruise that night, and they insisted that I join them. I didn’t want to go, but it did turn out to be a lovely evening.

I sat by myself listening to the music and watching the moon rise. A glimmering trail on the water extended from the moon to the boat, seeming to beckon me to follow it to climb up into the moon to join Ron.  Now whenever I see a big full moon, I feel Ron’s presence. Last night, I awoke feeling like it was daytime because my room was filled with light. I checked my phone which said it was just after 1 AM. I glanced outside to see the full moon again. Ron was just checking in.

Ron’s not the only one. Last night I felt my mother as I was smelling the fragrance of her beef stew recipe I was fixing for dinner. I smile each time I hear an ambulance siren remembering how Dad and Mom and I ran Daddy’s small town ambulance company until I moved away for college. So many friends and family members have graced my life.  I cherish the experiences, support, memories, and love they have left with me. While grief is my constant companion, I choose to focus on the happiness we shared.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Be the Reason Someone Smiles

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I drove through the line at Starbucks yesterday, a guilty pleasure I seldom treat myself to. I was looking forward to my order when I noticed a Barista smiling pleasantly at me from the big screen where I gave my order. I don’t know if she always smiles or if she was reflecting my smile to me. I do know that when I noticed her smile, my smile grew even bigger. I was still smiling when I saw a different Barista as I pulled up to the window to pick up my order. She had a big, beautiful smile too!  As I sat in the parking lot to drink my order, I don’t like to drink and drive, my latté seemed to taste better than usual.

I became conscious of my smile when I added the concept of happiness to all I do related to grief. I figured it would be hard to teach about happiness while not smiling. And I was right. On the occasion where I would be concentrating on what I wanted to say about happiness, I forgot to smile, and people didn’t smile at me and didn’t seem interested in what I had to say. I fixed this dilemma by reminding myself to smile each time I used the words “happy” or “happiness.” Smiling at these times enabled me to actually be happy. What a gift!

When I smiled generously to my audience as I taught, I found I was still smiling when my presentation was over.  I loved the feeling my smiles brought to me. So I have been smiling more now than I ever have, and it just keeps getting better. To feel better when you are grieving, start being mindful of your smiles. Increase the number and size of your smile, then notice how much better you feel!

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Loving Kindness During the Holidays

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In the holiday season, we tend to rely even more than usual on the service of others. I think most of us have had a variety of service jobs through our lives. I know I have, starting from baby sitting and teaching swimming lessons. I also worked at what we used to call being a waitress. And I was an ambulance attendant and a vocational nurse. I cut grapes in the fields, packed plums, canned tuna, and gleaned corn and peaches.

My first restaurant job came when I came home from high school one day and my father told me that his friend who owned a restaurant had people call in sick for that night and that he really needed help, so my father volunteered me. I had never done that before and felt intimidated when I arrived at 11 PM. I asked Dad’s friend what he wanted me to do. He told me that my parents had taken me out to eat, so I knew how I wanted to be treated by wait staff, so when I served people, I should treat them as I would want to be treated. That was my entire orientation. It was a small 24 hour a day coffee shop, so I had to figure out how to do everything else on my own.

I learned an invaluable lesson that night. I had a good time. I smiled at everyone and treated them like friends. At the end of my shift, I told the owner I would be happy to come back whenever he needed me, so he called me often. I took that smile with me to all those other jobs I had, and I took pride in my work treating each job like it was the most important thing to me at the moment I was working.

What does all this have to do with grief and happiness during the holidays? We come into contact with  many people during the holidays. We shop, we dine out, we go to parties, we go to appointments, we go to work, we go to meetings, we go to classes, and everywhere we go, we interact with people. Chances are you don’t know most of the people you run into, so you don’t know if someone they love is dying or just died. We don’t know if she just had a miscarriage. We don’t know if they lost their home or their job. Even with people we know, we may not know these things about them.

When you think of all these people, remember how my boss oriented me. Treat each person, no matter how well you know or don’t know them, like they are your friend. Smile at them. Notice when they smile back at you or if they may seem to be holding back tears.  Approach them with an open heart. Listen to what they have to say. Be there for them.

During these holidays, see how much loving kindness you can share with a smile.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.