The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Happiness

Three Things

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I’ve always been told that things come in threes, and that seems to be so.  When
I woke up this morning at the start of this new decade. I was thinking about what I had done last year that brought me joy, and I thought of three things.  That led me to think about what I am doing right now that brings me joy, and again, three things popped into my mind. So, I thought, what will my three things be for this year? And, you guessed it, three more things!

In 2019, I finished writing the manuscript for my book, Reclaiming Your Joy After Loss.  This project took me about a year to complete and was a major life changing activity for me.  In writing it, I worked through my own grief while discovering how I could help others do the same.  I also took a life changing trip to Bali traveling by myself.  I had several challenges in actually traveling to get there and back, but I handled them all, and I was deeply inspired by Bali: the people, their focus on family, their art, their lack of materialism, the way they worship, and the beauty. And the third thing was teaching 90 online university students using a new course delivery platform. I have taught online since the early 1990’s and love it, but this was my best semester yet.  This showed me how wonderful it is to try new things and find better ways to relate to my students.

My present three things are the joy I have found in opening my home to others by hosting writing workshops, hosting an intention setting circle, hosting a weekly produce share, and hosting parties with my friends to celebrate.  I also have discovered the joy of drawing, something I always thought I couldn’t do.  Now I love to draw. And my third thing is the joy in taking care of myself.  I love to work out with my trainer, take daily walks, do water aerobics at the pool, and eat a healthy vegetarian diet.  Finding new recipes is always fun, and I love to discover yummy vegan recipes.

Recognizing how good my life has been and is, I am now setting my intention for my future. Soon I will find the perfect publisher for my book and be helping thousands of people find ways to bring joy into their lives. I will greatly expand the number of friends I have and serve. And, I am open to new experiences whatever they may be. I don’t necessarily need to know what the experiences will be. I am just ready to go where my heart leads me.

What are your three things?  What was wonderful about 2019? What is wonderful about right now? And what does your future have in store for you?  I encourage you to write all this in your journal.  Writing things down somehow solidifies their truth and reminds you of all the joy you actually have. I’d love to hear what you discover!

 

Click here to sign up for my Writing Through Grief class.

My Gift to You

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Holidays can be a challenge when dealing with loss, so I have a little “pick me up” for you! As I was considering what I would do to make the holiday season the best for me, I came up with so many things that I decided to put them into a little class for you.  The class has 12 sessions, one day at a time, to do in December.  The class is totally free, and you can share it if you like. It also provides a way for us to stay in touch as you are participating. It doesn’t take much time and is designed to bring you smiles.

To sign up, just go to Find Your Holiday Joy!   https://www.reclaimingyourjoywithemily.com/offers/M72VdL8y

You can start anytime you like, and a new class will open each day for 12 days.

Be sure to take time to take care of yourself during this season. Know that certain memories are likely to trigger tears, and if they do, remember to smile and remember the love you shared.

 

I am also thrilled to announce that I am a featured presenter in @AfterChloe & Friends: Living After Loss #OnlineSummit. I would personally love to invite you. Click here for free access to this powerful Summit. Link to Summit

https://after-chloe.teachable.com/a/aff_68dbk736/external?affcode=129902_u_o28_cl

 

And I am being interviewed on The Beautiful Network of Women radio blog show on December 12 at 12:30 CST. The show will be recorded and available on the website after that date if you don’t catch it live. We’ll be talking about how to find your joy during the holidays.

https://www.blogtalkradio.com/b-now

 

And, to network with friends, please join out private Facebook group, Reclaiming Your Joy After Loss. This is a great place to share feelings and get support from others on this journey.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/ReclaimingYourJoyAfterLoss/

 

And, if you live on Maui or are visiting, email me to get the dates for our upcoming Writing Through Grief and Death Café meetings. emily@emilythirouxthreatt.com

 

I look forward to hearing from you and helping you to have happier holidays!

 

Love,

Emily

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ThanksGIVING

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I woke up this morning just overflowing with gratitude, grateful for a day to celebrate all that thanks! Then I started to think about the giving that goes along with that thanks. I realized that giving can make me just as happy (if not more happy) than receiving.  

What can you give today? Probably lots! I just drove by a school crossing guard who smiled and threw me a Shaka sign, an Hawaiian greeting where the thumb and little finger are extended from a closed fist. I couldn’t help but smile and throw him one back! Generally, when you smile at someone, that person will smile back as kind of a natural reaction, and that smile might be the only one that person has that day. So smile at people you see whether you know them or not. Spread that joy! And while you are at it, smile at yourself in the mirror!

You can also give little love and support with an email, a text, or a little handwritten note. This costs nothing but the moment it takes to do it, and it can make someone’s day.

Friday is Black Friday for all the big sales, and Monday is Cyber Monday for all things electronic. But the great day coming up is Giving Tuesday where the world is encouraged to donate to what they love and support. Millions of dollars are given this day, and it’s a wonderful way to start the holiday season. Facebook even matches the first seven million dollars donated through Facebook! If you are on Facebook, I’m sure you’ll see lots of opportunities to give. Anyone can create a fundraiser for anything they want to support. When you even give a dollar, or five dollars, that adds up fast when lots of people are doing it and can make a giant difference to your cause.

I created a Giving Tuesday Fundraiser for Jazz Camp Maui which my granddaughter Katie Thiroux created to teach jazz and Hawaiian culture to students and jazz teachers from all over the world right here on Maui each June. I love seeing the donations add up to support this fun cause. Jazz Camp Maui donation

Whatever your favorite cause is, now is the time to celebrate the season with your support.

And most of all, give a gift to you of some self love. Do something that makes you feel good whether it be curling up by the fire with a good book, going for a walk in a beautiful place, soaking in a bubble bath, or calling a good friend. Pick something special that will leave you smiling and feeling good inside. Then pass that good feeling on. Pay it forward to spend some joy thoughout the world!

Finding My Smile

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Right when I returned from an inspiring ceramics workshop in Bali, Jacques’s cousins came to visit me for a week to celebrate Natalie’s 89thbirthday. During these weeks, I took lots of pictures, and as I was looking through them this morning, I was kind of surprised at all my smiles in pictures of me which caused me to reflect.

When Ron and I first got together, I remember that he frequently reminded me to smile telling me how beautiful I was when I did. I would smile when he asked, but at that time I felt stressed by all I was doing, and smiles faded as I was absorbed into working and all the other things I felt I had to do. The longer I was with Ron, though, the easier the smiles came, and I discovered how good I felt when I smiled.

After Ron’s transition, I felt like I was in a kind of void. The emotions that did come up related to loss and usually brought tears. As I started writing about how I was feeling, I discovered that what I was writing could help others dealing with loss. I became immersed in writing and helping others use writing to deal with their loss. The more I did this, the happier I became. I host regular Writing Through Grief and Death Café meeting which have brought me many new friends, and without thinking about it, my smiles gradually returned.

Then I went to Bali and enjoyed the visit from my cousins Toni and Natalie when I returned. In Bali, I actually felt the smiles often, and when I spent time with my cousins, I not only smiled, but I found myself laughing. Those frequent laughs and giggles felt so good like my heart was breaking open ready to allow more love and more joy in as I shared more love and joy with others.

After a loss, becoming isolated is more common than not, and smiling is a social reaction. If you aren’t ready to go out and experience joy with others, trying watching funny movies or YouTube videos that make you smile and laugh. The more you practice, the easier it will be to smile. Then try inviting someone to do something with you just for fun. I just went to the Maui Aquarium for the first time when my cousins came. The aquarium has been there all along, but I finally decided to experience it, and it was so much fun especially since I had such good company.

However you feel right now, you can feel better. You can always have more joy and more laughter in your life. The key is to make that a priority. You will be so glad you did!

 

Take a class with me and find your smile!

Monkey See, and I Did Too

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I am writing this from the middle of the Monkey Forrest in Ubud as I wait for my friends who are vigorous explorers. I am surrounded by what seems like a million monkeys and am observing so many life lessons. As we purchased our tickets we were given specific instructions  on what to do and not do as we enter the Monkey Forrest which seemed to be ignored by most of the crowd.

I walked with my friends who I only met two days ago at the workshop I am attending. They are delightful and kind, always being sure to let me hold on to one of them when I was going down steps or walking on uneven ground. 

I see tiny baby monkeys and more sedentary elders. The young monkey families stick close together while the youth run, and forage, and grab anything loose or shiny. One little guy had torn up a cigarette pack and was sucking on broken cigarettes. Another had dismantled a plastic mint box and was enjoying his bounty. The humans were doing them no favors.

One young man was startled as a monkey jumped on his back trying to open the zippers on his back pack. He started to panic trying to knock the monkey off his back when a park worker told him to stop that and keep walking, and as he did, the monkey jumped down. Another young man had an insect repellent bottle dangling off his back pack and a little monkey jumped up and grabbed the bottle sucking it like a baby bottle and ripping it from the backpack as the man knocked him away.

After I left my group to find somewhere to sit, I saw two monkeys fighting then running toward me as the battle continued. They had told us not to run from the monkeys, so I stood still. One ran behind me and was peeking around my legs at the other who was making faces at him while creating hissing screeches. I knew not to look them in the eye, so I observed aloofly until they seemed to decide that I was too big an obstacle and ran their separate ways. A little scary yet exhilarating!

As I continued my walk, I saw that the monkeys were observing us as we were observing them. They groomed and fed each other. They socialized in groups. They stared at us trying to make eye contact. They had no fear. They petted and hugged each other. Families huddled together. Their lives seemed simple, carefree, joyful, and loving. 

I learned much from the monkeys.

Creating Community

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Sharon and I shared a similar experience in that we moved with our husbands to Maui only to have them die not long after we arrived. While Maui is beautiful, it is one of the most isolated places in the world to live. So both of us discovered ways to meet people and get involved in our community which has brought us joy and a sense of belonging. We love it here.

When Ron and I first moved into our home, our lawn was carpeted with fallen lilikoi, or passion fruit as some people call it. While I love the taste and fragrance of lilikoi, I had no idea what to do with so much of it. We also had lots of papayas and bananas. While this bounty of fresh tropical fruit was wonderful, we couldn’t begin to eat it all, and I couldn’t stand to see it go to waste. I discovered an app called Nextdoor.com where I could post things that my neighbors could read, so I used it to notify my neighbors that I had fruit to share. Every Friday afternoon from 4 to 5, I invite anyone who wants to come to share what they have from their gardens that is more than they can use. We have a regular following now who come very week as well as new people who come occasionally. We’ve developed our own little Ohana, the Hawaiian word for family. And we all have all the produce and eggs we can eat. I met Sharon there.

When Sharon moved to the island, she had the comfort she found from her church, but she was happy to meet new people. She spends lots of time in her big beautiful yard tending fruits and vegetables. At one point, she had quite an abundance of vegetables, so she decided to invite the people she had met so far to her home for a luncheon of a big batch of ratatouille. The food was luscious, and I made new friends there. She also was involved in the Maui Farmers Union United who is happy to have home gardeners involved, so she invited me to their meetings. I loved this group and joined to go to their monthly potlucks and learn all about food farming on the island. And I also discovered Neil and Elena there, part of our Produce Share family.

Monday Sharon did another pop-up luncheon, this time with both green and red gazpacho due to an abundance of tomatoes and avocados. Yum! And served with new friends!

Recently Shena invited me to an Intention Circle. A new experience for me, a group of eight people gather to listen to each other’s intentions and meditate considering them and supporting each other. It was a powerful gathering, and the best part was I met eight new friends! I have discovered that in order to meet people and have wonderful experiences on Maui, I just need to be creative and to say yes when invited to new experiences. Often in grief we tend to isolate ourselves or cocoon, and that is OK. But when we are ready, saying yes to the experience of life can support us in ways we haven’t dreamed of before. You can create your own event or experience, and you can accept invitations and try new things. Try it. You’ll be so glad you did.

 

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