Happiness

Cultivation

by

Where I live in upcountry Maui now, I have the biggest garden I have ever had, and it takes lots of attention. Even with two people who help me, the tasks seem never ending. I am not complaining, however, because the rewards are worth all the time it takes.

I grow tropical flowers, fruit trees, lots of bananas, herbs and vegetables, and flowers. When we first moved here, one large section of our yard was covered with what looked like yellow golf balls. I discovered that those balls turned out to be one of my new favorite fruits, lilikoi, otherwise known as passion fruit. I found lots of ways to use lilikoi, but there were so many of them! I also had huge racks of bananas and many papayas.

Not wanting the food to go to waste, I put an invitation on the Nextdoor computer app for people to come to my house to take what they could use, and people came! With the new friends we made, we decided to meet and share the abundance of our gardens every Friday. That was 9 years ago. We still meet every Friday.

Through those years we have become special friends. We have celebrated weddings and birthdays and holidays. We have supported each other through medical challenges and funerals. We consider each other Ohana, the Hawaiian word for family. I cherish these experiences and friendships.

This wonderful Ohana has thrived through our mutual support. Just as we cultivate our gardens by replenishing the soil, planting seeds and plants starts, pulling weeds, pruning, watering, and harvesting, we cultivate our friendships by staying in touch, sharing what we grow, sharing advice and skills, and we tend to both our gardens and friendships with love.

I share about the Ohana we created because loneliness can be one of the biggest challenges we face while grieving. When you find yourself lonely, be creative and think of how you can create your own Ohana. If you’d like to know your neighbors better, try inviting them to your home for a cookie exchange or dessert potluck. If you have friends you’d like to see more, invite them over for a game night. Or invite someone to go on a walk with you.

 

The key to developing relationships is to tend to them. Friendships thrive with cultivation. Think of something you would love to do with your friends, then do whatever you dream up. And keep doing it. That’s cultivation. There is no need for loneliness in your life.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Are You Happy?

by

When I talk to people who are grieving, I often see they aren’t smiling.  Actually, most people who I talk to are not smiling at first. Thinking about this led me to wonder how much better we all could feel if we just remember to smile.

Think about all the things you could smile about right now. They can be simple things like the purr of your cat, the laughter of a baby, a hug from a friend, a piece of homemade apple pie, or the flowers in your garden or that you see on your walks.

Think about how your body feels when you smile. You are likely to relax. You might take a deep breath and stretch; you might feel lighter; or a sad thought may turn into a loving memory and you may feel the corners of your mouth turn up at that.

On those days when you feel like you just don’t have anything to be happy about, pay attention to that. It’s a good time to practice some self-care.  Do things for yourself that are relaxing and have put a smile on your face before. You can do something like put a funny show on TV, or play some of your favorite music, or call a friend you love to be talking with. Sometimes simply taking a nap is a way of resetting and finding that smile.

I remember trying to make my mom smile. She usually wasn’t smiling after dad died. When I noticed that, I’d smile a big smile for her, and if she didn’t respond, I’d just smile so much more, and pretty soon we both would be giggling.

Being happy isn’t hard. The key is to notice when you aren’t feeling happy and do something about that. Smile!

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Allowing

by

Have you experienced talking yourself out of doing something you would love to do because you are grieving?  We all do that at some point – even when we’re not grieving. Early in grief, people may hesitate to invite you to their party, to dinner, or even for a walk. They talk themselves out of those invitations because they are concerned about how you would react, or maybe they fear that your grieving may bring what they are planning to be of happiness, to a time where people talk softly and don’t know what to say.

Eventually, they may cease to invite you because they got out of the habit of calling or you have declined invitations one too many times. They may not realize what they are doing. They mean no harm and don’t remember how much they enjoyed having you around. You may also not remember how much your enjoyed be around other people. When that realization happens, that is the time to start reaching out, allowing you the joy of spending time with others.

When we were young, we had to get permission from our parents to go out. Now there is no one to ask permission of, but we may not give ourselves permission to do what could help us be happy. Think about what you may not be allowing yourself to do like going to a movie or out to a restaurant. When you think of something you have not been allowing yourself to do, make a plan and do it! Don’t let another celebration or a class you’d like to take pass you by because you have forgotten how to say yes!

Whenever you find yourself alone or feeling sad, ask yourself what you can give yourself permission to do. My husband loved for me to bake cookies for him. I didn’t notice that I had stopped baking cookies, something I love to do. I gave myself permission to make a big batch and passed them out to people who had stepped forward to help me. When I delivered the cookies, it always started a conversation, and I started receiving invitations again.

In what ways are you not allowing yourself to start to move forward? Give yourself permission to correct those thoughts and allow yourself to live your best life now.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast anywhere you get your podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Look Up

by

Anymore when I am out in public, I find myself on high alert because it seems that everyone around me is looking down at their phones. They are so engrossed that if I don’t watch out, they will walk right into me and get exasperated that I was in their way. I am sure they are looking at something that caught their attention on their phones or they are texting, but I see the rest of the world go by them, and I see things they are missing out on.  

I choose to look up at all that is around me which, most often, is beautiful. I look up at the solid blue sky with constantly shape-shifting clouds moving along, creating their own stories. Right now, I see what appears to be a mother bird showing her tiny family how to fly, floating softly along their way. And in the time it took me to write that sentence, that same cloud is now a breaching whale frolicking in the blue water, but only for a moment because the wind blew him on his way.

I use my imagination to create new thoughts. When I allow it to flow freely, I become creative and allow those thoughts to create an ever-changing backdrop to my life. Often while grieving people find themselves in the same chair or on the same couch mindlessly staring at the same shows on the television and allowing their precious time to disappear without taking advantage of it. This results in a condition of being stuck in their grief because when people ignore what they need to be experiencing, their lives become stagnant. 

When you find yourself in this mire, try firing up your imagination. You’ll find that the more you imagine, the more you will have to imagine about.  Try this, try creating some sentences with the words “What if?”

 “What if you stepped outside and went for a walk?” What would you feel, see, or taste?

Or 

“What if you called the friend you have been missing just to tell them hello?” Where would that lead? Maybe you would get together to get a cup of coffee or go to a movie. 

Or

What if I finally sign up for that class I have been longing to take?” Maybe you’d meet new friends. Or maybe you would find a new passion by allowing your creativity to step forward. 

You will see that the more you use your imagination, the more things you will find to use your imagination about. I just spoke to someone who wanted to help others who were grieving like she was. She imagined a beautiful online retreat. Her imagination was so vivid that she created that retreat, and people loved it!

When you look up and you long to make a change in your life, you can. Be open to possibilities. Your imagination is unlimited. Your wisdom is what is right now, in this moment! Discover what is yours to do!

Look up!

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

Love Remains

by

I remember in 1965 Burt Bacharach released the song What The World Needs Now. He wrote it as the Vietnam War was raging. I remember those times when the flower children gathered to sing folksongs about peace and happiness. The yearning for love in the world brought people together in a positive way.  You’d think that now, almost 50 years later, that we as the people of the world would have figured out how to live in peace with unconditional love for one another, for everyone.

How does this relate to grief? Those grieving are dealing with profound loss in their lives, no matter what the cause. And unconditional love is the most potent way to deal with that loss. You may say “But the person I loved the most died.” While that is so, it doesn’t mean that your love died. My two husbands, my parents, my sister, and so many friends and relatives have died, and I still love them all and will for the rest of my life. I am sure you have lots of love that you carry in your heart too.

Try writing in your journal or just sit quietly with your eyes closed and focus on your biggest or most recent loss. Write or think or dream about the person focusing just on the love you shared. What do remember about the times you felt the best.  What were you doing? Where were you? What made that time so special? Enjoy remembering the beautiful feeling of love you shared then.

Ron and I used to spend lots of time sitting on our lani. We would talk, read, meditate, dream, play, and write. And sometimes friends joined us there too. We didn’t need to plan anything. We just enjoyed each other’s company. Jacques and I enjoyed participating in theatre together.  We always loved watching each other perform. We also had long, wonderful conversations.

When you think about what has evoked those wonderful feelings before, how can you replicate or bring forth those feelings again? I loved to go to theatre or concerts with both of my husbands, so I look forward to enjoying attending those types of events with my friends now. The feelings you experience will be different, and that’s good because you are different now too.

I encourage you to focus on love now. Tell people you love that you love them.  Often, we may assume that they already know, but everyone loves to hear they are loved.  If saying it is hard, try writing it. Send them a card or a letter. What can you participate in where love is all around? Maybe volunteer somewhere you can do something positive. Or go to a wedding when invited. Or invite friends over for a game night.

When we all focus on doing all we do with love, society in general can rise up from all the negativity we experience now. What can you do today?

 

Listen to Burt’s song here: https://youtu.be/FfHAs9cdTqg?si=ykvM0hNiiVmkF9mv

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

You can sign up for our newsletter here

Being Alive

by

I vividly remember the moments when Ron, Jacques, my mother, my mother-in-law, and my aunt took their last breaths. Ron, mom, Fran, and Aunt Ila all slipped peacefully from this physical presence. Jacques had a look of panic. I felt like he wasn’t ready, like he didn’t really believe his time had come.

I am recalling this today after seeing a picture of someone and noticing his drastic change of expression after experiencing a traumatic and possibly fatal occurrence. Usually he looks angry or smug, but his look today was different, almost serene. I have never seen that look from him before. I wonder what people think when they look at me?

In reflecting on all these experiences, I thought about my general expression and what I would like it to project. I frequently say that I am happier than I ever have been, so from now on, I choose to smile so all who look at me can feel the warmth of that expression and reflect that happiness. Unlike the people I mentioned earlier, I now know my plan is to peacefully pass with that smile on my face when my time comes, and I plan to live every moment I have left to the fullest in the meantime.

Next week is my 75th birthday. I didn’t think I would live that long. Dad didn’t. Ron didn’t. I feel like I am on bonus time now, so I plan to make the very most of it. And I don’t feel old at all. I’m not even sure what being old feels like.

Although I have made it my objective to live in the moment, I have been somewhat lax in implementing that.  My new intention is to pay attention, to experience each moment, to revel in the time I have been gifted.  For instance, I love to paint and have a project in mind I have been looking forward to for weeks, but each day I have found myself doing something else. Today is the day I am painting!  I am also completing my new book proposal. And I am taking time to read and relax intentionally.

Being alive, to me, is living in the moment, following inspiration, taking excellent care of myself, providing comfort and compassion to others, taking deep breaths, enjoying all the beauty in the world, and focusing on what is good and right.

In the moments I have left, my intention is to pay attention to being alive! How about you? What does being alive feel like for you?

 

Let’s Connect:

  • Request your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide here