The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Happiness

The Gifts You Give Blog

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This year seems to have flown by. November suddenly appeared on my calendar and all those end-of-year have-tos took over my mind like Christmas cards, gifts, gatherings, and special events. I took a deep breath and made a decision to be mindful this holiday season. I am making a list of all I think I should do, and when I finish that list, I will go back and eliminate anything that doesn’t make me happy. I already feel better about the season.

Of the items I have left on my list, I am planning when to accomplish them being sure not to plan them too close together to allow me the space to relax and enjoy what I do. For instance, I love to make Christmas cards. I’ve been thinking all year of the design for the front of the card. I have been using drawings that I have done for about five years. Since I have been doing watercolor painting this year, I am switching to that.

Ron and I wrote together the sentiment we put inside of every card. I’ve used those same words for about eight years, so this year I am writing something fresh. And I am creating those cards by the third week in November so they will be mailed at the start of December with no stress.

I am also creating a list of who I will give gifts to. I’ve noticed that I have been receiving fewer gifts each year, so this year I am examining my gift list to make thoughtful choices of the people I give gifts to. I used to feel obligated to give many gifts which was a burden on my time and resources. I see now that I was choosing to do that, and I no longer feel the need to make that choice. I feel relieved already!

Minimal decorations for my home will allow it to feel more spacious and showcase the items I have collected over the years that I cherish and bring me memories that make me smile. That way there is not as much put out and then put away later.

Taking the time to write this has allowed me to see that I am simplifying my December plans so much that have nothing to stress about this season. This is allowing me to experience the peace and grace of the season that I have been much too busy to enjoy in the past. This is the best gift I can give to myself.

What can you do now at the beginning of November to allow you to experience your best holiday season ever? Happy holidays!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

Like a Child

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I was a latchkey child. Back in the olden days when I was young, starting in Kindergarten I walked to and from school by myself and entertained myself after school. My favorite childhood memories came from those times. I was so creative! I loved being outside, and walking was fun for me. I loved looking at all the houses and imagining what went on inside.  I especially liked the luscious fragrances wafting from the kitchens or the sweet smell of freshly mowed grass.

I knew all the families on our block, so if I ever needed anything, I visited them. There were no fences. I especially liked the people across the street who had an aviary for parakeets. They’d let me help with the birds and even gave me a pretty blue one to keep as a thank you. I wasn’t lonely because Julie was my imaginary friend. We loved to play together, and she was an amazing listener who always liked my ideas. She shared my bedroom and loved the same toys I did. She was a perfect friend!

The freedom I experienced at such a young age taught me to be independent, wise, brave, creative, and self-assured.  I heard someone giving advice recently who said, “Let your little girl lead the way.” With that, I remembered my little girl and how cool she was!  When I thought of myself as a little girl, I was impressed. I also saw that the words I used to describe her then are words I can use to describe me now. Of course, in all the years between then and now, I could use lots of other words to describe me, not always so positive. Now I have come full circle and am happy and grateful for the simplicity of my life.

What was your little girl (or little boy) like? Does your life now reflect who you were when you were young? I don’t remember things like wants or needs. I do remember peace and happiness. When you start to get stressed and have lots of “if only” thoughts beating you down, remember the good feelings you had as a child and let that child guide you to smile, be brave, and be strong. Make a list of the good attributes you had when you were young, and consider how that child in your past can bring you joy today.

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

Me

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A popular assignment in writing classes at the university where I taught was to ask the students to write their own obituaries. I encouraged the students to write from the perspective of their futures as if they were 60 to 80 years old, reflecting on what they had accomplished in their lives.

The students had a hard time writing this.  They didn’t know what their futures would hold, and they had a hard time imagining what they might experience. They were focused on finishing their educations and getting jobs. I chose to write my own obituary to give them an idea of what theirs could be like. My life has changed so much since then, it’s time for me to write a new one,

Now I would focus on what has been most important in my life. Before I reflected on things like degrees, accomplishments, and awards. Now I write about love, relationships, and the beauty in my life.

Now what I want people to remember about me is that my purpose in life has been and is to serve others, not only my family and loved ones, but anyone who desires comfort, support, love, and happiness. And I would express how I would be honored if anyone would choose to emulate the purpose I have held.

I would also express my gratitude to everyone who has loved and supported me on my way. Of course, I also love to express that gratitude now while I can do it in person.

What would you write in your obituary?

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

Letting Go of Who You Used to Be

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After my husband died, I found myself sitting in my usual chair on the lani where we used to spend time every day. The sky was still cerulean with puffy clouds gently transforming as they drifted by. I felt his presence in his chair next to mine. Every day we were together here sharing deep conversations or just enjoying the view of our verdant yard overflowing with tropical fruits and flowers, listening to the melodious bird songs. But now his chair was empty, and I was adrift.

I had found deep contentment in my role as a wife. Our life was simple. As he was able to do less, I did more. We decided that our priority was to live in each moment recognizing the value of our time together. We often held hands and always cuddled in bed. During his frequent stays in the hospital, the nurses were amused that often found me at his side in bed. We loved our life together.

When I ultimately found myself alone, I had no idea how to move forward. All the roles I had played throughout my lifetime no longer applied.  I had been a wife, a lover, a mother, a teacher, a nurse, a caretaker, a business owner, a volunteer, a community servant, and so much more. I would try to meditate or just think of how I could start living my best life in my new situation. Ideas ricocheted through my brain colliding with each other until nothing made sense. Then I turned to my journal knowing that when I wrote my thoughts, I could organize them and create a new path just for me.

I wrote and wrote and wrote. I started one page in my journal with the words, “Who Am I.” As I explored that simple question, discovered that the roles I had been playing in my life mostly no longer applied. That was shocking. That page I had labeled “Who Am I” became “Who Was I.”  I was ready to start a new page, letting go of who I was and define who I am now.

On my new “Who I Am Now” page, I started by identifying what my life’s purpose is now. Lots of exploring my ideas by writing about them led me to my new purpose statement: “All I do focuses on giving and receiving unconditional love, promoting happiness, and providing comfort and support to others, especially to those who are dealing with grief and loss.” Once my purpose became clear to me, everything started falling into place.

I keep track of how I am fulfilling my purpose by writing in my journal every day.  I set goals, I record what I am grateful for, I include things that bring me joy every day, and I note how all I do now fits beautifully in my new life’s purpose.  I released the struggle of trying to figure everything out, and I accept the peace of knowing that I am on the path I am meant to travel.

Try letting go of the labels that no longer serve you and discover who you are now.

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

Grief is Not a One Person Job

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I heard a rustling in the dry leaves under my avocado tree. When I tried to check it out, a whole family rushed out: a rooster, a hen, and 5 chicks.  They ran for their lives away from me. Chicken families tend to stick together to travel from one destination to the next I am sure for self-preservation. Contemplating this, I wonder why humans don’t do a better job at supporting each other.

People often tell me they feel so alone in their grief, and I understand that. After my husband Jacques died, I found myself alone much of the time. I didn’t have the inspiration or strength I needed to figure out how to do anything about my situation, so I stayed alone for quite a while.

After Ron died, I made the decision to do things differently than I had before. When I was ready, I started small. I would send an email or write a letter to someone I wanted to hear from. And I moved forward from there by asking a friend to join me for a cup of tea or a walk. That human contact felt so good. Then I started inviting people to come to my house to write together, play games, or work on projects.

The more time I spent with others, the better I felt. And I noticed that people I spent time with were smiling. I realized that they were reflecting my smile back to me. I was feeling so good about the time I was spending with others, I decided to reach out to people dealing with grief and loss to and invite them to meet with me online to write together, talk about what we write, learn happiness practices, and make new friends. I created the Grief and Happiness Alliance to do just that.

I now have friends from around the world who gather with me online each week to experience the comfort and support from others who understand the value of spending time with people while they are grieving. When we don’t make an effort to actively deal with our grief, we can easily get lost in our isolation. However, we can easily step forward by contacting people we love and by finding your new tribe in a beautiful place like the Grief and Happiness Alliance. I would love to see you there.

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

Where Does All the Time Go?

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Do you ever get to the end of the day and feel further behind from when the day started? That’s not uncommon. Often, our To Do Lists are much longer than can possibly be accomplished in just one day, yet we keep plodding through with time slipping away and the list getting longer. Here are some ideas to help with this.

  • If you have a To Do List, check to see if each item on the list is important. Remove anything that is not important, choose the top three things on the list, and do all three first. Then choose the next top three. This helps you to release feeling overwhelmed.
  • When you accomplish something, pause before you jump right to the next thing. Take a breath. Smile. Stretch. Be gentle with yourself as you move forward.
  • Eliminate waiting from your life. Knowing that you only get to live each moment once, feel the value of that moment. Instead of going directly to your phone when you have a free moment, use that time to discover the beauty that surrounds you or to introduce yourself to the person sitting next to you. Or you could write a note or text to someone just to tell them you are thinking of them. Or just be silent and still.
  • Think about how people say they are “killing time.” Time is all we have, so why would you want to kill it? Value your time. Enjoy your time.

You have all the time in the world to live. Take advantage of your time to focus on what matters most to you. You will discover you smile more and fret less. What a beautiful way to live! Live in and enjoy every moment.

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance, which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here