The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Holidays

Choose Joy

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How do you feel, right now, today? Are you happy? Are you sad? Maybe you feel empty, like you are in a void. Holidays bring up so many feelings. Sometimes I feel like I am on a little bit of a roller coaster. And you know what? All of this is not unusual, even if you aren’t dealing with grief and loss. When you are dealing with grief and loss though, these feelings tend to be magnified. And the good news is, there is something you can do about it.

A good way to start is to not overschedule yourself. Choose only what you really want to do. Make good decisions considering what will bring you joy.

Think right now how you would like to feel. Do you want to feel like smiling? Would you like to feel like you have enough energy to face the day and the holiday celebrations? Would you really like to just be by yourself and not have to talk to anyone? You can have all these things. The key is to pay attention to how you are feeling and do what feels best for you at the moment.

If you want to smile, put on a funny Christmas movie like Elf or Scrooged. Or call or visit close friends or family you know will be fun. If you are concerned about energy, make sure to get good sleep the night before or take a nap. And take a little walk before you start your celebration. And if you do really don’t want to talk to anyone, that’s OK. Be sure to let your host know you won’t be there if you had plans with people so they won’t worry and show up at your place to check on you. Then you can take a lovely bubble bath with a good book, or get in your nice, warm jammies, make some hot chocolate and watch a good movie like It’s a Wonderful Life or Love Actually. And if tears come, let them. A good cry can be a cleansing.

However it turns out is OK.  What I do that always makes me feel better is I write letters to my loved ones who I am missing. This always gets me in touch with the joy we had together and I realize how I still carry that joy with me today.

It’s up to you.  I suggest you choose joy!

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.

The Gift of Giving

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Each year I find myself giving fewer gifts of the kind I have given before. This must be the way it is for many people since I receive very few gifts anymore. And that’s OK because I have been looking at my possessions and giving away things that I don’t use, need, or enjoy anymore. Releasing stuff is so freeing!

And I am always looking for something unique that appeals to the heart of the receiver.  I listen when people talk about what they love so that when the time comes, I will have an idea of what to give. I love to gift things to people like for a friend who loves to take painting classes, I’ll find a painting class I can purchase for her. And it’s even more fun if we can go to the class together! For friends who love to cook, I find something I know they would have fun with in the kitchen and I often get the gift of something they made with this gift in return. Yum!

I also love to give the gift of art. These gifts are one of a kind beauty that benefits both the receiver of the gift and the artist who created what I give. And now that we are starting to be able to go out more, I love to give the gift of experience like a whale watching tour, or tickets to a play or concert. And of course, I love to tag along on these adventures when I can.

When I am able to travel, I love to buy gifts that are special from where I travelled, like leather handbags from Florence, Italy, or beautiful ceramics from Bali. For people who have a cause they support, I love to make a donation in their name.

One of my favorite Christmases, I gathered my favorite recipes that I have made many times, and my mother and grandmother’s recipes, as well as special recipes friends have shared with me. I created a binder with all these recipes and made a copy for family members and friends I knew would cherish them.

I also love to give copies of books I love. I especially like this when I can pass on books that I have read and know I won’t read again. And I love to pay it forward when friends give me books that I can pass on to other friends.  I have also participated in clothing exchanges where friends get together and bring items they are ready to release from their wardrobes and share them so that we all walk away with new items for our wardrobes. I also love to give the gift of nourishment by sharing the bounty of my garden and by sharing things I bake.

What do I receive from all this giving? The answer is simple: joy! The more I give away, the more space I have to enjoy. The more I feed other people and provide them with things that bring them happiness, the better I feel.

As I wrote this, I realized that I am giving gifts more than I ever have before, and that feels good! Some of the gifts I enjoy giving and receiving the most are smiles and handwritten notes and hugs and love. These gifts are invaluable even though they don’t cost a cent!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.

Holidays and Grief

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Christmas used to be such a special time. When I was growing up, we celebrated with my mother’s three sisters and their families. All the children slept on the floor like a big slumber party, and we would be very quiet because we were anticipating Santa’s reindeer on the roof. And they always came! We knew because we heard the reindeer’s hooves, sleigh bells, and Santa’s jolly Ho Ho Ho’s! As I reflect on these joyous family memories, I am amazed that the older cousins didn’t spoil the illusion.

When my children were young, we would travel to my mother and father’s house to gather with the family who had remained close enough to still come.  My husband Jacques used to call it Hazel’s Hassle (my mom was Hazel) because so many people crammed into mom and dad’s small home. My cousin still tickled me every chance he got even though we were adults by that time. Mom and her sisters provided a feast. I loved watching the four of them gathered in the small kitchen laughing and smiling.

Jacques and I were engaged our first Christmas together. We both were challenged financially at that time, so I got a small Christmas tree for my children to have at my house, and then we transported the tree, decorations, and all, to Jacques’s house because we planned to have dinner at his house.  What a mess to transport that little tree! We had decided we wanted a new Christmas tradition that we could establish our first Christmas together and do every year. We decided our tradition would be to make homemade ravioli. His mom was from Sicily, so she made the filling, I made the pasta, and Jacques made the sauce. Over the years, whoever was around while we were preparing the ravioli would help us put together the ravioli.

I still made ravioli when Ron and I got married. We also invited lots of people.  One year we even had two of his ex-wives!  It was always a beautiful celebration of love and friendship.  Now that Ron’s gone, I usually invite people who don’t have a place to go to join me for ravioli, but the pandemic has put a damper on that.

What has helped me the most now to deal with the holidays is to sit down and consciously write out my intention for the season. This intention is not a to-do list. Rather I decide what will serve me best through the holidays to create happiness and joy. This year I decided to have a small outside gathering with a few friends to create Christmas ornaments. I hosted that on a sunny day a week ago. The next thing I decided to do was create a Christmas card from a drawing I did and write a heartfelt message to send to those I love. And I set the intention to not stress about Christmas gifts.  The perfect things will come to me to give to the people I want to. In years before, the gift giving took so much time and caused stress, so now I am simplifying, and it feels good.

The gift I will give to me is to spend some quiet time setting one major intention for the new year that will guide my decisions and bring me happiness in what I do. I have found that focusing on one specific intention works so much better than having lots or resolutions to keep track of.

And the most important thing I am doing the holidays is to take good care of myself.  I do this by eating well, going for walks, doing my morning practice of writing and meditating every day. I say yes to invitations, and I say no when that is the appropriate answer. I also am sure to hydrate and smile genuinely often!

What intention can you create? What new traditions can you establish? When will you say yes or no? What will you do to take good care of yourself and to engage with others? Make these holidays filled with love and happiness.  You can do this. I know you can!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which will meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.

The Power of the Pen 

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Yesterday I had the nicest surprise when I opened my mailbox and there was a small envelop with a handwritten address to me on it.

Last month I received a message online about a special drive a private Hospice in Canada was doing.  They asked for people to write a note of support to someone who was grieving with no name on the note. Then I put the note in an envelope and put that envelope into another envelope that I sent to that Canadian hospice. Once they received all the notes people sent into them, they opened them and randomly chose a note to match each note that was sent so that everyone who had submitted a note of support was sent back a note of support from someone they didn’t know. The note I got in the mail yesterday was in response to the note I had submitted. Reading the heartwarming note I received made my day.

I was reminded of my fourth grade teacher whose sister was a fourth grade teacher in another city. The teachers had us write a letter to a student in the other class, then the teachers delivered them for us.  We did this exercise for several exchanges, and many of us became pen pals for years. This was a wonderful way to get practice writing and to learn how to write letters. I remember how I looked forward to getting that letter in the mail.

Writing letters is becoming a lost art. In this season of writing Christmas cards, I’ve been thinking about the art of letter writing. Each year I send out about seventy Christmas cards because I love to be in touch with friends I have known over the years. I love to keep in touch, and I am sure when a card I have sent appears in the mailbox, the person receiving it smiles.  I know this tradition of sending Christmas cards is dying out because as my list grows every year, the number of cards I receive dwindles.

The condolence cards I have received over the years meant the most to me when they included a handwritten note. Having someone take the time to thoughtfully write a note so me was so special, and I was grateful and lifted by each note.

I would like to give you a challenge today to write a note to someone you know who is grieving. Then put it in an envelope and mail it to that person. Smile when you put it in the mailbox and know that they will smile when they receive the note. This only takes you moments, but it can brighten the whole day of the receiver. Hopefully this will feel so good to you that you’ll write lots more notes and make lots more people happy!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which will meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here.

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.

Honoring Our Veterans

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Originally known as Armistice Day, November 11 is the day that was chosen to honor veterans because it is the day that is considered the end of World War One, The Great War.  This occurred in 1918 on the eleventh day of the eleventh month at 11 AM.  Where I grew up, Veterans Day was the biggest celebration of the year, even bigger than Christmas and the 4th of July. During the huge Veterans Day Parade, at 11 AM, the air raid sirens would go off and everything ceased. In the silence, everyone either saluted or held their hands over their hearts in recognition of all our veterans and their families.

How times have changed. Now many businesses go on as usual not recognizing the holiday. Parades and celebrations are few. When we think of serving veterans now, what comes to mind are the Veterans Stand Downs that are held around the country as a one-to-four-day event to give a break to veterans who are homeless or poor. They gather to receive food, haircuts, clothes, showers, counseling, and guidance on how to find services they may be entitled to. I found myself in tears writing this blog thinking how incredibly sad it is that we need to do this.  With all these citizens have done for us including sacrificing their own lives, why aren’t they all honored and revered always instead of given handouts once a year?

I was born and raised in a small town in California who had the highest per capita loss of those fighting in the Vietnam War. My girlfriends married their boyfriends when they were drafted because the chances were so high that they wouldn’t return from the war. And if they did, they often had significant losses related to the unimaginable experiences they had while witnessing man’s inhumanity to man.

Today as we celebrate the bravery of these selfless servants, take the opportunity to serve them back.  If you know someone who is serving now, reach out to thank them and their families for the sacrifices they make. If you know someone or have a family member who served in the past, write them a letter whether they are still in this earthly realm or not. I was just thinking about my uncle who had his leg blown off in World War Two.  I am sure I never thanked him while he was still alive. I just never thought to do this. But I am going to today, to write that letter I should have sent long ago. Doing this helps us get in touch with the significance of what our military has done for us.

There is a saying that those who don’t learn from the experiences they had in the past are doomed to repeat them. Let’s learn. Let’s reach out to people who serve or have served us and do what we can to brighten their lives. And above all, let’s not repeat the mistakes of our past.

Thank you, Daddy. Thank you, Uncle Jim. Thank you, Jacques. Thank you, Aunt Mona, Thank you, Ariel.  Thank you, Roy. Thank you, Uncle Glen. Thank you, Steve. Thank you, Jason.  And my deepest gratitude to all my other friends and relatives who have served us all.

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which will meet weekly starting November 14 by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.

Freedom

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Thinking about the Fourth of July coming up, Rickie Byars song Freedom keeps running through my head.  You can listen to it by going to this link https://youtu.be/fJ91GMXLggA.  I’ve been thinking about what Freedom means to me, so I made a list:

 

Freedom to live where we want to

Freedom to love who we want to

Freedom to eat what we enjoy

Freedom to pursue the education we want

Freedom to vote for who we want to

Freedom to exercise

Freedom to dress how we want to

Freedom to believe what we want to

Freedom to choose our friends

 

That’s a very short list. Living in the United States, we have more freedoms than most of the world.  I am grateful for the freedoms we have, and at the same time, I think about how wonderful if the whole world could be free.  Wouldn’t it be great for everyone to have these freedoms:

 

Freedom to have adequate, nutritious food

Freedom to have adequate medical care

Freedom to have truth in government

Freedom to have genuine equality

Freedom to have adequate shelter

Freedom to travel anywhere

Freedom to not have to depend on money

 

Again, I could go on and on creating a world-wide utopia in my head. The world would be even more beautiful than it already is. The thing is, if we all join together, we can make progress toward creating a more perfect world.

 

This Independence Day, take some time to celebrate your freedom. And take a step forward to generate more independence for all!

 

What is your favorite freedom?

What will you do to help generate more freedom?

I’d love to know–

 

 

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief  by clicking here at Amazon.

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.