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journaling

Acknowledge Your Feelings

July 29, 2020 by Emily Thiroux

When dealing with loss, we are bombarded by feelings. Some of those feelings, like remembering love and moments of joy, can bring comfort, while others can drag us down to the depths of despair. When those feeling hit, you may fall into the abyss of suffering, unable to rise up from the mire. You have a choice of how to deal with these feelings.  You can fall into that deep hole and suffer, but you know that suffering doesn’t serve you, or you can recognize what is happening and deal with it constructively.

I found that when times like this hit, that the best thing for me to do was get out my journal and write. One way writing helped was to write a letter, which could be to my loved one, to God, to someone who brought up the feeling to me, and tell whoever I write to what I am experiencing right then and how I felt about it. One thing I dealt with was my anger at how Ron’s nephrologists handled his care. I felt that what they had done caused him great physical suffering and ultimately his death. This was a big burden to carry around.

I started dealing with this by writing to Ron, asking what he would want me to do. After more than one long letter to him exploring my feeling about this, I realised I was ready to write the nephrologists, and I did.  And I wrote the place where the dialysis was administered, and the company who manufactured the dialysis solutions, and the hospital. I was able to tell them objectively what we had experienced and the changes I saw that they needed to make. I heard back from all of them, and though I don’t know if they actually made any changes, I was able to release the anger because I felt I had done all I could under the circumstances. Think about who you could write that could make a difference in how you are feeling.

Another way to write to help you deal with your feelings is to first identify the feelings you are dealing with. Make a list which might include things like anger, loneliness, loss, guilt, and depression. Include any feelings that you are dealing with right now. Next, identify the feeling that is bothering you’re the most right now. Then, have a conversation with that feeling as if it is a person. Tell that person exactly how you are feeling including all the details. Then ask either what that feeling thinks you can do about it, or tell it what you plan to do to deal with it. Be sure to allow that feeling to respond to you through your writing. Don’t think about your writing. Just let it flow. You will be amazed at what shows up on paper.

Using these writing techniques, you can discover what your heart already knows, and you can see what you need to do to heal. This kind of writing allows you to take the very best care of yourself so that you can focus more clearly on the present moment and discover the beauty, peace, joy, and love that is always there.

 

Join my Facebook group to follow the progress toward the publishing of my book Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by Mango Press.

Filed Under: Grief, journaling, Support Tagged With: Feelings

Pain is Inevitable, Suffering is Optional

July 23, 2020 by Emily Thiroux

When grieving, we all feel pain. We can recognize it and deal with it constructively, or we can melt into the deep abyss of suffering, unable to rise up from the mire. The good news is, you have choice in this matter. You can choose to survive and thrive.

Compare the loss of a loved one by death to the birth of a baby. In labor, the contractions start slowly, giving your body time to adjust. As the pains come more frequently, they are more intense. Finally when the pains are so close together and so strong, relief comes in pushing hard till the release of the baby sliding into the world.

Death is the opposite it birth, a similar process but reversed. The loss starts with incredible pain that’s deep and hard and seemingly eternal. Yet soon, you can take a breath. And in those breaths you find moments of peace. Grief alternates like those labor pains. The further away you get from the actual transition, the further apart are the waves of pain.

The key here is what you do in the in between, those times when you may feel empty or deeply sad. Sometimes it may feel like you are in a fog and things don’t feel quite real. Recognize these times as a place to heal. But how can you do that?

Journaling through this journey helped me more than anything else. If you feel that you are suffering, write about that. What does your suffering look like? If suffering was a person, what would you say to him/her? Tell it how you feel. Ask it what it wants from you? When you tire of the conversation, you can tell it that you no longer want to visit with them and politely say goodbye. Although suffering may still come to your door on occasion, you have the strength to not open it.

You can do this exercise in your journal with any feeling that comes up. You may feel anger, rage, depression. Or any other emotion. When you recognize that an emotion is directing your thoughts and actions, get out your journal and work on it in writing. And if the emotion try’s to visit you again, just say to it, “Sorry I can’t deal with you right now. I have plans to spend time with love and joy instead.”

Even when you feel weak and out of control, remember that ultimately, you are in charge of your life. Make the conscious choice to take the best care or yourself, to live your very best life. Ron told me once when I had said “I’m sorry” too many times in one day, “Do you think I want to be with a sorry woman?” That caused me to pay attention to what I was doing. What you speak is who you are. So when suffering comes to visit and you turn it away, in your journal, write a list of who you are. Start each item if you list with “I am.” I am strong. I am beautiful. I am joyful. I am hope. I am love. I am sure you can list many more things about the perfect person you really are.

You can rise up from that mire of suffering. You can live that beautiful inspiring like you long for. Take good care of your precious self.

I am always here for you.

 

Filed Under: Grief, Happiness, journaling, Joy, Love, Support Tagged With: Pain, Suffering

Growing From Your Loss

June 10, 2020 by Emily Thiroux

When someone you love dies, everything changes. Initially you have deep yearning for things to go to how they were when you both were healthy and living the life you dreamed of. Now you know that not possible, and you may be struggling to know what to do now. That happened for me. I set my intention to be inspired with what my next steps were supposed to be. 

My inspiration didn’t come all at once. Instead I moved forward one step at a time. I always loved writing, so that was my natural place to start. I wrote in my journal today. I didn’t worry about thinking of something to write about. I made lots of things that brought joy to my life in spite of my sorrow, and there was lots to write about. I still write things that bring me joy every day.  

I also write gratitude lists which also have never ending inspiration. People grieving can easily fall into the hole of negativity, of poor me. When you focus on joy and gratitude, that leaves less space for sorrow. And I do still write my gratitude lists everyday.

At the times I really wanted to talk to Ron, to have his guidance or his opinion about something, I wrote him a letter. I would pour my heart out just like I was talking to him. Those letters could get long! When I finished, I often wrote a letter from him back to me. I choose to think he’s inspiring my words, but even if this words come from deep in my heart or from the resources of the deep knowledge in my mind, I do find answers and inspiration in these letters. 

When Ron’s good friend Chappy died, I started writing his wife every week for the first year, a process that helped both of us.  And these letters inspired the book I wrote, Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief which is being published by Mango Press. 

The growth through loss that I am experiencing is through writing. You growth can come through what you most love. The key is to focus on what is positive, what brings joy to your life. There’s no need to rush here, Baby steps can lead your way.  What do you love? What brings you joy? Do everything related to that.

Say you loved to cook, but you stopped when you just had you to cook for. That can be changed to I deserve beautiful healthy foods to nourish me, then find recipes for one, or create them. Save each new recipe you try to use again, and maybe that will even lead to a cookbook. I might just create one I can just print from my computer and share with my friends when they start cooking for one.

Maybe your refuge is your garden or your art or craft supplies. See how this ca inspire you. Any of these can keep you busy. Or maybe it’s time to change jobs, or take classes, or join an organization that interests you. A friend sent me a card long ago that said Bloom Where You’re Planted.  Take care of yourself now. Learn, grow, bloom!

 

For a sneak peak of my new book, click here!

Filed Under: Creativity, Gratitude, Happiness, journaling, Love, Support Tagged With: bloom, inspiration, writing through grief

What Would You Do?

April 29, 2020 by Emily Thiroux

Do you have times when you drift into thinking that you want to go back to the way it was when you were with your loved one? You think of conversations, of things you loved to do together? I know I do this sometimes, but I always come back to knowing that I can’t go back, that things will never be the same. And at times that brings tears or longing, yet I know I can’t stay there.  It doesn’t serve me to dwell on what was or what might have been, so I have found a way to help me through.

We did lots together and talked about other things we would do together some day. I decided to honor him by honoring those things.  I started by making a list of things we loved to do together that I want to keep a part of my life. Then I added things I would do on my own that he would have supported me in and loved to see me do. Here’s my list.

Things we did together that I continue to do now:

  • We had a daily spiritual practice. We would meditate, write in our journals, read to each other, say our intentions and affirmations, and share a joy we each had the day before. I don’t let a day go by without continuing to do this, most often joined now by my dear neighbor Robin.
  • We loved taking good care of our hone and garden. I continue this by planting and harvesting vegetables, tending to my flowers and fruit trees, and being sure my home is clean and well maintained.
  • We loved to be surrounded by art, so I am continuing to support artists by purchasing works that inspire me. And I create artwork of my own in the studio that Ron had built for me. I do drawings, painting, and sculptures. I even made new pillows for my couch yesterday.
  • Ron was so thrilled when I first started going to Soul Sisters Retreats. And I am so glad. I have made lifelong friends, met so many people who inspired me, and deepened my spirituality.
  • Ron loved mentoring people through their projects and dreams, so I do this too. I’ve been having deep conversations with people about what to do with their lives no that things are so different. I love to brainstorm, like we used to, to come up with ideas and get to watch them develop.

I have also created new things to do that honor him.  I have written a book to help others through the grieving process called Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief which is in the process of being published, and I have created support groups to write together through our grief and to set intentions.

As I look at all of these things, I see that I am honoring Ron and inspired by him.  Try making a list of the things you would like to do that are inspired by your loved one that will keep their memory with you while allowing you to blossom on your own. I would love to read you list or hear about what you do!

Stay well!

 

The picture is one of my drawings.

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

Filed Under: Creativity, Grief, journaling, Joy, Loneliness, Meditation, Smile, Writing

International Women’s Day

March 4, 2020 by Emily Thiroux

“International Women’s Day is a global day celebrating the social, economic, cultural, and political achievements of women. The day also marks a call to action for accelerating women’s equality.  The first International Women’s Day was in 1911.”

https://www.internationalwomensday.com

I see this day as a day to celebrate each of us individually for the impact we have made in the world.  In my lifetime, I have won many awards, earned many degrees, and written four books, but I see my impact in ways I have served other people. All service starts with individual acts, and much or most of what you do is service. I am listing some of the ways I have served others to encourage you to reflect on all the service you have done which impacts all of society.

I have been a wife. In this role, I have created a living home environment and demonstrated what a wonderful relationship looks like. I also cared for two husbands for two years each though the process of living fully until they died.

I have been a mother. In this role I raised two amazing, brilliant, talented children and have loved five stepchildren. The nurturing role of being a mother is a creative feat to be admired.

I have been a daughter and daughter-in-law. In these roles I have been nurtured by loving parents and inspired by their examples. I also was able to serve them especially in their late years.

I have been a nurse, scrub tech, and EMT. In these roles I cared for many patients and provided much teaching on how to be healthy.

I have been a teacher in many fields. In this role I have taught swimming, childbirth education, nursing assistants, writing, communications, theatre, weaving, vegan cooking, and writing through grief.

I have been a business owner. In that role I have provided arts education for children, healthy food from my café and catering company, art shows in my gallery, entertainment in my theatre, life-saving and emergency transportation from my ambulance company, and housing for friends.

I have been a public servant. In that role I serving on the Bakersfield Californian Editorial Board, served on the Kern Medical Center Ethics Committee, served as President of the Bakersfield Chapter of the American Association of University Women,  served as class president of my nursing class, served on the Democratic Central Committee in Kern County, served on the Dorian Society board, served on the board of the after school program for the Greenfield School District, was a member of Ventura County Pitter’s Guild, am a life member of the Veterans of Foreign Wars Auxiliary, and more.

I am an artist. In this role I have in theatre acted, directed, designed costumes, make-up, and sets. I have also sewn, quilted, weaved, painted, drawn, and created ceramics.

I facilitate groups in my home. In this role I host an intention setting circle, a writing through grief group, and a produce share where our neighbors bring the abundance from their gardens.

I am a writer. In this role I have written four books. My most recent book, Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief, will be available later this year.

As you can see, everything I do is basically in service of others.  I’ll bet most of what you do serves others too.  I encourage you to write in your journal a list of all the ways you serve. I am sure you have done much more than you realize, and you will be amazed at what you discover. And this Sunday, March 8, celebrate you and/or the women you know for all the things they do to make this world a better, more loving, peaceful place. I’ll be celebrating with you!

 

An equal world is an enabled world.

#IWD2020 #EachforEqual

Filed Under: Community, Grief, Happiness, Holidays, Intentions, journaling, Support Tagged With: Celebrate Women, Each for Equal, Women's Day

Three Things

January 7, 2020 by Emily Thiroux

I’ve always been told that things come in threes, and that seems to be so.  When
I woke up this morning at the start of this new decade. I was thinking about what I had done last year that brought me joy, and I thought of three things.  That led me to think about what I am doing right now that brings me joy, and again, three things popped into my mind. So, I thought, what will my three things be for this year? And, you guessed it, three more things!

In 2019, I finished writing the manuscript for my book, Reclaiming Your Joy After Loss.  This project took me about a year to complete and was a major life changing activity for me.  In writing it, I worked through my own grief while discovering how I could help others do the same.  I also took a life changing trip to Bali traveling by myself.  I had several challenges in actually traveling to get there and back, but I handled them all, and I was deeply inspired by Bali: the people, their focus on family, their art, their lack of materialism, the way they worship, and the beauty. And the third thing was teaching 90 online university students using a new course delivery platform. I have taught online since the early 1990’s and love it, but this was my best semester yet.  This showed me how wonderful it is to try new things and find better ways to relate to my students.

My present three things are the joy I have found in opening my home to others by hosting writing workshops, hosting an intention setting circle, hosting a weekly produce share, and hosting parties with my friends to celebrate.  I also have discovered the joy of drawing, something I always thought I couldn’t do.  Now I love to draw. And my third thing is the joy in taking care of myself.  I love to work out with my trainer, take daily walks, do water aerobics at the pool, and eat a healthy vegetarian diet.  Finding new recipes is always fun, and I love to discover yummy vegan recipes.

Recognizing how good my life has been and is, I am now setting my intention for my future. Soon I will find the perfect publisher for my book and be helping thousands of people find ways to bring joy into their lives. I will greatly expand the number of friends I have and serve. And, I am open to new experiences whatever they may be. I don’t necessarily need to know what the experiences will be. I am just ready to go where my heart leads me.

What are your three things?  What was wonderful about 2019? What is wonderful about right now? And what does your future have in store for you?  I encourage you to write all this in your journal.  Writing things down somehow solidifies their truth and reminds you of all the joy you actually have. I’d love to hear what you discover!

 

Click here to sign up for my Writing Through Grief class.

Filed Under: Creativity, Gratitude, Grief, Happiness, Intentions, journaling, Writing

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