The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loss

Fear

by

So many of us experience different levels of fear throughout our grieving. Initially, the fear of being alone or just missing our loved one is almost universal. As time goes on, many more fears can arise like fear of being able to pay the bills or fear of losing contact with our friends. Right now, in United states, many of us are having great fear of the changes our country is experiencing. So, what can we do about all this fear?

I heard a definition of fear that makes sense to me: “False Evidence Appearing Real.” In the case of the fear of being alone, what can you do about that? We may find ourselves cocooning by staying by ourselves, not answering the phone, the door, or the mail. When this happens, your friends may tire of trying to contact you, and they may stop trying. The solution to this is to start responding to their efforts. And if they have stopped, then it is time for you to respond to them. Invite them to go on a walk with you, or to have coffee, or just stop by for a visit. They are most likely with be happy to hear from you.

If you are concerned about your bills, please don’t ignore them. I didn’t realize that my mother had stopped paying her bills because her brain tumor had affected her capacity to realize she had bills to pay. This turned into a big mess. Fortunately, I did discover what was happening and was able to work things out. While your loved ones are able, check to see that they are taking care of their finances or if they need some help. And for you, be sure that someone you would like to help you knows where all your records are so they can help you. I was so glad that my Aunt let me know where all of her records were when she chose me to be her durable power of attorney for when the time came that was needed. Who would you like to do that for you? Be sure that person knows.

There are many things that can cause you to fear. The political situation in our country right now is a big concern. What you can do right now is pay attention to what is happening. If we ignore the changes that are happening, this could be dangerous. Instead of worrying or thinking there is nothing we can do, instead choose to be kind. Choose to be positive. Choose to not get sucked into the fear that is rising. Focus on your vision of the country and the world you would like to see. Then move forward in living your best life and helping where you can.

Making our living situation the best it can be is up to us. Release any fear you are feeling and focus on what is best for us all.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Grief is a Constant Companion

by

I was reading The Lost Bookshop by Evie Woods when I came across a quote that stuck with me: “Grief is a constant companion.” It led me to think about my loved ones who have gone before me. That’s not hard to do since I see reminders of them every day. I had a particular memory come to mind last night.

When I went to bed, the big, full moon filled the window shining brightly. When I see a full moon, I have a memory of Ron, so I smiled at the moon and told Ron hello. The night after he died, several friends who had come to be with him during his last week decided to go on a dinner cruise because our friend who had been barbecuing that week was singing on the cruise that night, and they insisted that I join them. I didn’t want to go, but it did turn out to be a lovely evening.

I sat by myself listening to the music and watching the moon rise. A glimmering trail on the water extended from the moon to the boat, seeming to beckon me to follow it to climb up into the moon to join Ron.  Now whenever I see a big full moon, I feel Ron’s presence. Last night, I awoke feeling like it was daytime because my room was filled with light. I checked my phone which said it was just after 1 AM. I glanced outside to see the full moon again. Ron was just checking in.

Ron’s not the only one. Last night I felt my mother as I was smelling the fragrance of her beef stew recipe I was fixing for dinner. I smile each time I hear an ambulance siren remembering how Dad and Mom and I ran Daddy’s small town ambulance company until I moved away for college. So many friends and family members have graced my life.  I cherish the experiences, support, memories, and love they have left with me. While grief is my constant companion, I choose to focus on the happiness we shared.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

A Natural High

by

I saw a commercial on television where people from a neighborhood had gathered to watch a Christmas movie projected on a garage door. Families all seemed to be smiling and happy while enjoying S’mores they made over open fires. What I didn’t understand was that they were all bundled up and sitting in the snow. I’ve never lived in the snow, so this could be common behavior, so it did look strange to me.

After I thought about this cold scene for a while, I realized how good it feels to be outside. I imagine that people in snowy regions don’t spend much time outside, and I think that would be a challenging way to live. I spend time outside every day sitting on my lanai, going for walks, or working in the garden.

Listening to the birds, watching the white, puffy clouds float by, seeing the kaleidoscope of colors in the sky as the sun raises and sets, and watching the moon and stars in the dark sky all are as important to me as the air that I breathe. And I appreciate that fresh air even when I am in the house because most of the time, I have all the windows open so I can appreciate nice, deep breaths of that fresh air all the time.

Wherever you are, whatever kind of weather you are experiencing, find a way to spend at least a little time outside every day.  Be mindful of the comfort of the natural high you feel while enjoying nature. Self-care like this is essential to both your health and your general well-being. Enjoy!

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

 

 

 

 

The World’s In Need of Love Today

by

I woke up with a song running through my head, but I couldn’t place it. I finally remembered that it was on a Stevie Wonder album that Ron had given to me years ago. I had trouble finding it because I remembered the name of it incorrectly. The actual title is Love’s in Need of Love Today, and I was singing it to myself as The World’s in Need of Love Today. I’m sure that happened because that’s how I’ve been feeling.

In our country and around the world, much upheaval is occurring and people are experiencing fear, anger, hate, greed, and grief. Those are words I generally don’t say, and to shift my mood into positivity, I looked at Stevie Wonder’s lyrics of the song:

 

Love’s in need of love today
Don’t delay
Send yours in right away
Hate’s goin’ ’round
Breaking many hearts
Stop it please
Before it’s gone too far, yeah

…

We all must take
Precautionary measures
If love and peace you treasure
Then you’ll hear me when I say

…

Love’s in need
Of love today
Don’t delay
Right away
Just give the world love

 

Listen here

 

The lyrics that are so powerful to me are “Just give the world love.” That could rise all of us everywhere up if we could all just focus on that.

I started thinking of other songs we could all sing and support bringing up that positive energy. My friend Sadie suggested:

 

What the World Needs Now by Bert Bacharach and Hal David and originally sung by

Jackie DeShannon. Listen here.

Then I remembered Josh Groban’s version of The Impossible Dream by Mitch Lee. Listen here.

 

My most recent new favorite is Brighter Day by Michael Franti. I love his music! Listen here.

 

What songs can you think of that can help us all focus on love and peace? I’d love for you to share the songs you think of in the comments below.

 

The more people in the world who focus on love, peace, and happiness, the more of that we all can share.

 

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

What’s Your Story?

by

Every person experiences grief differently for every instance that happens. For instance, my father died suddenly with no warning. My mother suffered for a very long time before she died at home. My sister did too, but she had multiple hospitalizations. She didn’t die of Covid, but she did die during the pandemic, so I didn’t get to see her one last time. Both my husbands died of the same thing. A good friend died in a car accident, and another died of cancer. Each of those experiences were entirely different. And there have been so many more people I have known.

And there are so many other reasons to grieve. Maybe you lost a home, or a job, or a relationship. Or maybe you have been a victim of a crime, or someone you care about went to prison. Or maybe your beloved pet died. As you can see from all this, every one of us deals with grief often many times to different degrees.

For each experience of grief you have, your story is different. And how you tell that story will affect how you deal with that grief.  I didn’t know what to do when Jacques died. He had many emergencies during which we didn’t know if he would survive. I was amazed that each time he did. For instance, we decided to go to a Prince concert. Jacques went to a doctor appointment the afternoon of the concert. Then we went to dinner and to the concert. Jacques had a hard time walking into the convention center, but he was so excited that he wouldn’t let his weakness stop him.

The concert started over an hour late because Prince refused to go on because there was poor attendance. Prince finally came on stage and Jacques was getting weaker. When we finally got home, there was a message on the answering machine that said that the lab tests they ran that day indicated that he needed to go to the emergency room immediately. That message was five hours old. He was hospitalized in serious condition. Fortunately, he was able to come home eventually.

My story about that was that I was angry with Prince! My mind was filled with resentment for him being so selfish when he was too vain to go onstage without the crowd size he wanted. I was mad because my husband could have died because Prince didn’t live up to his contract to perform. I don’t know if my story helped me, but it did give me something to focus on at a scary time.  I ultimately forgave Prince realizing that he had nothing to do with my husband’s health.

When my husband Ron realized how quickly his health was failing, we moved to Maui. Though we both knew his condition, together we focused on living in the moment which caused my story at that time to be positive and allowed us to make the best of the time we had left. This also helped me to focus on a positive story for me after he died.

I never dreamed that I would move forward into a life focused on helping to support others during their grieving process! I am grateful to be able to help so many people.

What is your experience grief? The thing to remember about this is that you can always change your story, whatever it is. Focus on the positive, and take the best care of yourself in the process.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

We All Grieve

by

I talk, and read, and cry, and write, and speak, and listen about grief much of my waking hours. I choose to do so because I recognize how much grief I have experienced, and I am still standing, and smiling, and even laughing sometimes. I certainly don’t think grief is funny, yet it is part of our lives all the time.

I often have people tell me that they aren’t grieving anyone right now, then they quickly change the subject.  The truth is, almost everyone is grieving someone or something most of their lives.

The first death I remember was my grandfather. I was young at the time. My memory of him was that he had a nice smile and didn’t talk much. He spent most of his time in his chair with a board that had been cut to rest on the arms of his chair comfortably so that he had a flat surface to play solitaire.

One day when we went to grandpa and grandma’s house, he wasn’t there. I don’t remember anyone telling me why. I never saw him again. I think my family didn’t think I was old enough to understand the concept of death. This experience left me curious and a bit frightened.

I experienced the first grief I remember when I was three and jumped out of a second story window landing on my forehead fracturing my skull.  This left me with an ugly scar and a terror of heights. The scar faded long before the fear. I am happy to tell you that I did overcome that fear not that long ago, but that experience aways remains with me.

I have witnessed so much trauma and death in my lifetime. This started when I was 14 years old and started working in our family business of an ambulance company. That long ago I only had to be 14 and trained in Red Cross first aid to qualify for the job.

I would help rescue people from car accidents and industrial accidents.  I would care for people who had been in fights. I responded to calls where there was still active shooting and babies being born. I grieved not having the knowledge and tools to adequately help all these people

I also grieved the loss of a home, the loss of big family gatherings when we all went our separate ways. I grieve a good friend moving far away as a result of family violence. I grieve the loss of my cocker spaniel as the result of her getting into my sister’s box of chocolates. I grieve not living close to my friends I love in California.

I could go on and on, but I choose instead to focus on sweet memories and all the happiness I have experienced, of making new friends and keeping in touch with people I don’t get to see as often. I focus on all the love in my whole life and on discovering all the new ways I am learning to experience joy.

I know that grieving can be sad and difficult, but that it can also bring growth and new light.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.