The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loss

Trauma

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I recently attended a women’s retreat, and when one of the speakers asked how many of us had experienced sexual trauma during our lives, almost every person there raised their hand. I was shocked. I had my hand up too, and realized that I have gone through my life not talking to anyone about what occurred to me as a 16-year-old. Though I hadn’t shared this information, it affected me deeply and changed the course of my life.

I wonder why so many of us don’t talk about traumatic experiences. My experience caused years of fear, worry, doubt, and lack of self-esteem. I escaped my feelings by throwing myself into busy-ness, trying to somehow prove that I was a good person though I am not sure I believed it myself. When I finally got into a great relationship, things started to turn around as I experienced true love and respect for the first time. I am sure this came because I had finally learned to love and respect myself.

How are you? Would you raise your hand if you were asked if you experienced trauma? If you would and you haven’t dealt with it, deal with it now. Start by writing yourself a letter listing all the good things about you. Are you kind? Are you happy? Are you reliable? Are you funny? Are you compassionate? Keep writing until you have a good long list. Thank yourself for all that is good and even great about you. Write your favorite examples of things you do that make you and others smile. Keep writing until you have a good, long letter describing the beautiful, wonderful person you are.

Keeping a journal is another way you can keep in touch with the special person you are. Make note of the kindness you extend to others. Keep track of the special things you do. Plan ahead for the wonderful things you are accomplishing. Notice your beautiful smile as you catch your reflection in a mirror.

Also, be sure to remove yourself from situations that can lead you in a negative direction.  If this proves hard for you, you may want to seek professional counselling. You are worth it.

When I was younger, I felt stuck in the life I thought I had to live. Now I’ve learned to live my best life, making healthy choices, and helping others along the way. You can do this too. Enjoy the process!

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

Unnecessary Grief

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Much of my life is focused on other people’s grief. My intention is to encourage people to actively find ways to experience happiness even while they are grieving, but that’s getting harder and harder to do.

Traditionally people think of grief as related to the death of a loved one. Now in the United States and the world, we are experiencing grief on a much broader scale.  We grieve the loss of jobs, the loss of safety, the loss of respect, the loss of compassion, the loss of decency, the loss of homes, the loss of businesses, and that’s just the beginning of a very long list being added to continually.

The recent dramatic plumet in the Stock Market was similar to the crash in 1929. In those days people tumbled into poverty with no safety nets where today people are sliding down the slippery slopes of loss regretting not fastening their safety belts and watching Social Security slip away.

People are crying out “How could this happen in our country.” We have forgotten how young students in their classrooms oft recited the words to the Pledge of Allegiance which closed by saying “with liberty and justice for all.”

Most of the country is in shock and grieving, so now is the time to put on the brakes. Instead of suffering the grief from all this loss, let’s take Bob Marley’s lyrics to heart”

“… you can’t fool all the people all the time

‘Cause now we see the light

We gonna stand up for our right

 

Get up, stand up

Stand up for your right

Get up, stand up

Don’t give up the fight.

 

We all have enough unavoidable loss in our lives to grieve. Let’s come together find ways to stop the unnecessary grief brought by the foolish destruction.

 

Fear

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So many of us experience different levels of fear throughout our grieving. Initially, the fear of being alone or just missing our loved one is almost universal. As time goes on, many more fears can arise like fear of being able to pay the bills or fear of losing contact with our friends. Right now, in United states, many of us are having great fear of the changes our country is experiencing. So, what can we do about all this fear?

I heard a definition of fear that makes sense to me: “False Evidence Appearing Real.” In the case of the fear of being alone, what can you do about that? We may find ourselves cocooning by staying by ourselves, not answering the phone, the door, or the mail. When this happens, your friends may tire of trying to contact you, and they may stop trying. The solution to this is to start responding to their efforts. And if they have stopped, then it is time for you to respond to them. Invite them to go on a walk with you, or to have coffee, or just stop by for a visit. They are most likely with be happy to hear from you.

If you are concerned about your bills, please don’t ignore them. I didn’t realize that my mother had stopped paying her bills because her brain tumor had affected her capacity to realize she had bills to pay. This turned into a big mess. Fortunately, I did discover what was happening and was able to work things out. While your loved ones are able, check to see that they are taking care of their finances or if they need some help. And for you, be sure that someone you would like to help you knows where all your records are so they can help you. I was so glad that my Aunt let me know where all of her records were when she chose me to be her durable power of attorney for when the time came that was needed. Who would you like to do that for you? Be sure that person knows.

There are many things that can cause you to fear. The political situation in our country right now is a big concern. What you can do right now is pay attention to what is happening. If we ignore the changes that are happening, this could be dangerous. Instead of worrying or thinking there is nothing we can do, instead choose to be kind. Choose to be positive. Choose to not get sucked into the fear that is rising. Focus on your vision of the country and the world you would like to see. Then move forward in living your best life and helping where you can.

Making our living situation the best it can be is up to us. Release any fear you are feeling and focus on what is best for us all.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Grief is a Constant Companion

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I was reading The Lost Bookshop by Evie Woods when I came across a quote that stuck with me: “Grief is a constant companion.” It led me to think about my loved ones who have gone before me. That’s not hard to do since I see reminders of them every day. I had a particular memory come to mind last night.

When I went to bed, the big, full moon filled the window shining brightly. When I see a full moon, I have a memory of Ron, so I smiled at the moon and told Ron hello. The night after he died, several friends who had come to be with him during his last week decided to go on a dinner cruise because our friend who had been barbecuing that week was singing on the cruise that night, and they insisted that I join them. I didn’t want to go, but it did turn out to be a lovely evening.

I sat by myself listening to the music and watching the moon rise. A glimmering trail on the water extended from the moon to the boat, seeming to beckon me to follow it to climb up into the moon to join Ron.  Now whenever I see a big full moon, I feel Ron’s presence. Last night, I awoke feeling like it was daytime because my room was filled with light. I checked my phone which said it was just after 1 AM. I glanced outside to see the full moon again. Ron was just checking in.

Ron’s not the only one. Last night I felt my mother as I was smelling the fragrance of her beef stew recipe I was fixing for dinner. I smile each time I hear an ambulance siren remembering how Dad and Mom and I ran Daddy’s small town ambulance company until I moved away for college. So many friends and family members have graced my life.  I cherish the experiences, support, memories, and love they have left with me. While grief is my constant companion, I choose to focus on the happiness we shared.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

A Natural High

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I saw a commercial on television where people from a neighborhood had gathered to watch a Christmas movie projected on a garage door. Families all seemed to be smiling and happy while enjoying S’mores they made over open fires. What I didn’t understand was that they were all bundled up and sitting in the snow. I’ve never lived in the snow, so this could be common behavior, so it did look strange to me.

After I thought about this cold scene for a while, I realized how good it feels to be outside. I imagine that people in snowy regions don’t spend much time outside, and I think that would be a challenging way to live. I spend time outside every day sitting on my lanai, going for walks, or working in the garden.

Listening to the birds, watching the white, puffy clouds float by, seeing the kaleidoscope of colors in the sky as the sun raises and sets, and watching the moon and stars in the dark sky all are as important to me as the air that I breathe. And I appreciate that fresh air even when I am in the house because most of the time, I have all the windows open so I can appreciate nice, deep breaths of that fresh air all the time.

Wherever you are, whatever kind of weather you are experiencing, find a way to spend at least a little time outside every day.  Be mindful of the comfort of the natural high you feel while enjoying nature. Self-care like this is essential to both your health and your general well-being. Enjoy!

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

 

 

 

 

The World’s In Need of Love Today

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I woke up with a song running through my head, but I couldn’t place it. I finally remembered that it was on a Stevie Wonder album that Ron had given to me years ago. I had trouble finding it because I remembered the name of it incorrectly. The actual title is Love’s in Need of Love Today, and I was singing it to myself as The World’s in Need of Love Today. I’m sure that happened because that’s how I’ve been feeling.

In our country and around the world, much upheaval is occurring and people are experiencing fear, anger, hate, greed, and grief. Those are words I generally don’t say, and to shift my mood into positivity, I looked at Stevie Wonder’s lyrics of the song:

 

Love’s in need of love today
Don’t delay
Send yours in right away
Hate’s goin’ ’round
Breaking many hearts
Stop it please
Before it’s gone too far, yeah

…

We all must take
Precautionary measures
If love and peace you treasure
Then you’ll hear me when I say

…

Love’s in need
Of love today
Don’t delay
Right away
Just give the world love

 

Listen here

 

The lyrics that are so powerful to me are “Just give the world love.” That could rise all of us everywhere up if we could all just focus on that.

I started thinking of other songs we could all sing and support bringing up that positive energy. My friend Sadie suggested:

 

What the World Needs Now by Bert Bacharach and Hal David and originally sung by

Jackie DeShannon. Listen here.

Then I remembered Josh Groban’s version of The Impossible Dream by Mitch Lee. Listen here.

 

My most recent new favorite is Brighter Day by Michael Franti. I love his music! Listen here.

 

What songs can you think of that can help us all focus on love and peace? I’d love for you to share the songs you think of in the comments below.

 

The more people in the world who focus on love, peace, and happiness, the more of that we all can share.

 

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.