The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Love

Deal With It!

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I used to feel like I had things hanging over my head.  I knew I would feel better when the tasks were complete, and the longer I put them off, the heavier they would get.

Recently I was working on organizing my storage room. I was motivated to get it done so that I would easily be able to know all that was there as well as what wasn’t there that I thought I was storing.  As I thought about how wonderful it would feel for those tasks to be complete, something was always holding me back.

Finally, I defined one task at a time to tackle and got started. I cleaned out and organized a drawer. In that drawer, I found a stack of old pictures I thought I had lost.  In it there were several pictures of when my children were young. My daughter had asked me a few years ago about a picture I took of her when she was a baby.  She was laying on her tummy on a foot stool and it looked like she was happily trying to fly.

I was thrilled to find that picture that I was sure had disappeared forever. Other cherished photos were also in that pile.  I took a picture of that photo and texted it to my daughter. She was thrilled to see it! I ended up texting one picture at a time so we could talk about them, and we were able to share the whole stack while having a wonderful conversation.

Organizing that one drawer made it easier to clean out the next one.  I am still working on the whole room, but I am not overwhelmed now and am happily making new discoveries along the way.

Especially while grieving, we can talk ourselves out of starting tasks that will ultimately allow us to move forward in the process of our grief.  What task have you been putting off? You may have piles or paperwork, thank you notes that need to be written, or other chores that have been weighing on you.  My suggestion is that you make a date for yourself with whatever task you have been putting off.  Then show up at the designated time and start right in, working through the job at a pace that feels right for you.   I know you’ll be so glad you did!

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

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You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Cultivation

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Where I live in upcountry Maui now, I have the biggest garden I have ever had, and it takes lots of attention. Even with two people who help me, the tasks seem never ending. I am not complaining, however, because the rewards are worth all the time it takes.

I grow tropical flowers, fruit trees, lots of bananas, herbs and vegetables, and flowers. When we first moved here, one large section of our yard was covered with what looked like yellow golf balls. I discovered that those balls turned out to be one of my new favorite fruits, lilikoi, otherwise known as passion fruit. I found lots of ways to use lilikoi, but there were so many of them! I also had huge racks of bananas and many papayas.

Not wanting the food to go to waste, I put an invitation on the Nextdoor computer app for people to come to my house to take what they could use, and people came! With the new friends we made, we decided to meet and share the abundance of our gardens every Friday. That was 9 years ago. We still meet every Friday.

Through those years we have become special friends. We have celebrated weddings and birthdays and holidays. We have supported each other through medical challenges and funerals. We consider each other Ohana, the Hawaiian word for family. I cherish these experiences and friendships.

This wonderful Ohana has thrived through our mutual support. Just as we cultivate our gardens by replenishing the soil, planting seeds and plants starts, pulling weeds, pruning, watering, and harvesting, we cultivate our friendships by staying in touch, sharing what we grow, sharing advice and skills, and we tend to both our gardens and friendships with love.

I share about the Ohana we created because loneliness can be one of the biggest challenges we face while grieving. When you find yourself lonely, be creative and think of how you can create your own Ohana. If you’d like to know your neighbors better, try inviting them to your home for a cookie exchange or dessert potluck. If you have friends you’d like to see more, invite them over for a game night. Or invite someone to go on a walk with you.

 

The key to developing relationships is to tend to them. Friendships thrive with cultivation. Think of something you would love to do with your friends, then do whatever you dream up. And keep doing it. That’s cultivation. There is no need for loneliness in your life.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Learning From Losses

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Painful as it may be, loss is full of lessons that can guide us to a more mindful, happier life. I have lost many people in my life which led me to reflect on their lessons, so I am sharing them with you.

My Father. I learned to talk to people while I can. I go deep. My father was a World War II Veteran. I know absolutely nothing about his service in the war, but I did see his lifelong service and connection to Veterans. I wish now I knew why.

My friend in high school who died by falling into a grain silo. I must always be mindful. I wasn’t mindful last week when I took a painful fall. We all can prevent accidents and mistakes by paying more attention to all we think and do.

My Grandmother. She was the only person in my family who hugged me. I looked forward to her warm embrace every time I saw her. I didn’t learn at the time the value of those hugs and how I could share them with others. When I was with Jacques, his whole family always hugged me. I softened, and now I enjoy giving and receiving hugs.

My band teacher. I learned the importance of integrity in everything I do. I never missed a band practice and was always on time because all our band members respected the rest of the band. I always practiced my flute at home to be ready when we rehearsed, and my uniform was always clean and pressed.  And I learned to love music at the same time.

My camp counselor. Her name was Tish, and I will never forget her. She taught all of us kindness and respect. All the campers she worked with felt her love and tended to share it with the new friends made at camp. I still smile when I think of her.

My husband Jacques. I learned the importance of commitment, and lots more. When he agreed to do something, it got done. He was a great philosophy professor, and a wonderful singer and actor. Everything he did, he did well. People felt his commitment, enjoyed his talent, and recognized his love for all he did.

My mother. My mother was always busy, a trait I picked up. She carefully chose what she got involved in and she finished everything she started doing a great job. And she always found joy in what she did. She played bridge with the same four friends almost every week from when she was in college until she died. She was close to her bridge partners like they were sisters.

My sister. I learned when it was too late that I could have had a much better relationship with her. We were nine years apart, and she wasn’t thrilled about having a baby sister who she had to help take care of. In her later years, I discovered her sweetness and wished I had softened toward her so much sooner.

Through all this loss and the loss of so many people in my life, I see endless lessons. I have learned commitment, and I finish what I start. I have learned the value of the present moment and the importance of not waiting to say what I need to or do what serves me and others best. And most importantly, I have learned to cherish my friends and families. I let them know I love them. I never used to say that to anyone but my husbands, but now I say it often and realize that my life is filled with love.

What have you learned from your losses?

 

 

Emily Thiroux Threatt emily@griefandhappiiness.com

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. ://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

You can sign up for our newsletter here

Choose!

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When I woke up this morning, I was so inspired! It felt wonderful. While I was still in bed, I opened my eyes and looked at the clock and it was 11:11. Oh no! I had slept half the day. I needed to get up right away. Then I actually opened my eyes and realized that was a dream and it was 6:30, closer to my usual time to wake. “Whew.” I took a deep breath to release the panic, and started my morning with the fresh energy that came from being startled.

As I started to write in my journal, I realized all that was a wink from my dear departed husband, Ron. January 1, 2011, or 1 1 11, was the day we got married. That clock in my dream was from him. I laughed and could just see his great big smile. This inspiration led me to plan a great day, starting with getting dressed in clothes I could wear outside.  I’ve been hibernating for a while, but today I chose to dress for walking.  The sun is shining, and I am ready!

I recently had the opportunity to see singer, songwriter Karen Drucker give a talk. She was bubbling with energy and smiles. She said, “Today choose to be grateful, happy, peaceful, loving, joyful, and mindful.” That’s a lot! And it sounds like a perfect day to me.

Thanks, Karen, for that inspiration. I am writing it in my journal to remind me to choose all this every day!

I have a big talk coming up at a conference in Las Vegas. I’ve been working on it for a while, and today with all that fresh energy, the entire concept for what I will say poured out of me. I could see myself on that stage, smiling and engaging the audience so they were entranced with my message. That all came to me because I chose today to be positive, to pay attention to inspiration, to enjoy my day, and to be creative.

I hope today will be fabulous for you, too! Follow Karen’s advice and see what happens! This blog is a little shorter than usual today because I have a walk to go on!  Bye! See you later!

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

You can sign up for our newsletter here

Who Are You

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When grieving, we often struggle with our sense of self. You may feel that one or more descriptive words you have identified with no longer seems accurate. After my husband died, I still felt like a wife since I had been one for so long. After my miscarriage, I lost the description of expectant mother.  After my parents died, a friend pointed out that I was an orphan. I definitely didn’t want that descriptor. When I retired, I still felt like a teacher. When I moved to Hawaii, I was no longer a Californian. When I finished my last nursing job, I still felt like a nurse, actually, I still do.

While all these descriptors don’t accurately indicate who I am now, they all are a part of what made me who I am today. Now, I could describe myself as a widow two times over, but to me, that description has a negative connotation. I could also define myself as single, but that doesn’t resonate with me either. I am so much more than a previous marital status.  So instead of expressing all the things I am not, I decided to list all the things I am.

I Am Alive. I have seen many people fade or just give up when they reach a certain age, and I have seen that for them, their quality of life, their energy, their will to live dims and often leads to an early death. I choose to fully experience my aliveness by getting up early, journaling, eating well, going for walks, enjoying art and music, and most of all delighting in my relationships.

I Am Creative. My creativity brings me so much happiness. I love to create new things like the Grief and Happiness Alliance, The Grief and Happiness Podcast, the six books I have published, the cards I created, the blankets I crochet, the food I lovingly prepare, the paintings and drawings I do, the online classes I created, the theatre, art gallery, schools of arts, and a café. I created, the nonprofit organizations I started. And I could go on.

I Am Unconditional Love. By giving up putting constraints on my relationships, they were able to blossom into more beautiful interconnections than I had experienced before. I now concentrate on giving and receiving unconditional love. I relish the love I have shared throughout my life in all the relationships I have been in.

I Am Healthy. Much of my life I have been dealing with ailments and injuries. When I stop focusing on those things and instead consider how I feel in each moment, generally, I feel great. Though I may have a cold or a broken toe, those things don’t control the joy in my heart or the strength of my love and happiness.

I Am Beautiful. Looking in the mirror, I focus on my smile and know that is the biggest contributor to my beauty and I am happy to share that.

Writing this description of me feels so good. What a wonderful life I lead.  Take a moment consider who you are and who you are striving to be. Make you own list of your best qualities and you will be amazed. You are unique and special in all the ways you choose to be. Focusing on who you are brightens your life experience. Enjoy!

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

Holidays Checklist

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I interviewed Lisa Hepner, author of The Christmas Checklist, for my podcast and was so inspired. The book is about a dying mother who was concerned about how her daughter would handle the Christmas season without her. Her daughter, Emily, discovered the list after her mother transitioned and allowed it to help her through the holidays.

When I think of lists for Christmas, I think of writing who I need to find gifts for, who I will send cards to, and all the things I need to get done. Emily’s mother’s list is so different from that. Each item of this list was carefully chosen as a different way of handling the season. The twelve items on the list included things like:

  • Volunteer for a cause.
  • Do something you are afraid of.
  • Forgive a grudge. Life is too short to hold grudges.

As I followed Emily’s journey of completing every item on the list, I could see how through following her mother’s loving guidance, Emily discovered her holiday joy. This inspired me to write my own Holiday Checklist, and to complete every item on it. When I told Lisa about my list, she smiled and said that was exactly what she wanted people to do when they read her book.

Here’s my list:

  1. Make a new friend.
  2. Spend some time with an old friend I haven’t seen lately.
  3. Bake cookies and share them with my neighbors.
  4. Go to a concert.
  5. Create my own Christmas cards and mail them.
  6. Learn something new.
  7. Spend some time outside every day.
  8. Write something in my journal every day that brings me joy.
  9. Surprise someone with an anonymous gift.
  10. Do something special just for me.

Just reading my list makes me smile with anticipation of the holiday joy completing it will bring me. What will you include on your Holiday Checklist? I hope you will share your list with me! I know this project will bring you holiday joy!

 

To get a free copy of Lisa’s list, click here:

https://thechristmaschecklist.com/

The Christmas Checklist has been made into a movie on Amazon Prime and can be seen on CBS.

Just to let you know the movie, The Christmas Checklist, is streaming on Amazon Prime, Roku, Tubi and Peacock. It’s about an hour and 45 minutes.
The limited series (4 episodes, 45 minutes each) is on You Tube. (Part 3 and 4 will be uploaded on Friday). In case you want to watch.Lots of viewing options.

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here