Love

Que Sera, Sera

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I recently heard the song Que Sera, Sera on a television commercial and it reminded me of hearing it as a child. Doris Day came out with this song in 1955, so I was pretty young, but the song stuck with me, and I sang it to myself often leading me to fanciful daydreams.

The lyrics of the song are:

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother what will I be?
Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?
Here’s what she said to me

Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be

When I grew up and fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead?
Will we have rainbows day after day?
Here’s what my sweetheart said

Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother what will I be
Will I be handsome? Will I be rich?
I tell them tenderly

Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be
Que sera, sera

 

My daydreams led me to know in my future that I would be pretty when I learned to smile often, I would be rich in many ways, and I do have rainbows day after day here in Maui. Just writing this makes me smile!

Although the lyrics say, “Whatever will be will be,” I believe we have some say in the matter. I know that when I clearly focus on what is most important to me, it will come to me in some way. This isn’t always easy, and it doesn’t necessarily come when I would like it to, but when I maintain my focus, what I desire, or something more, does appear.

For instance, as a little girl, I wanted to be a pretty child, and I was sure that would bring me friends and popularity. I would be so serious about this, I often frowned as I thought. Over the years, I saw that beauty wasn’t when I became the first runner up of Miss Porterville. My life didn’t change from that honor. I didn’t even have a date for my Senior Prom.

Ten years later I ran into a guy I went to school with who I thought never would be interested in me. After all those years, he recognized me and said he apologized and was so sorry he didn’t ask me out in high school because he thought I would say no. This really made me think.

My wanting to be pretty made me afraid of rejection. Isn’t that silly? I can see that now, yet as I reflect, I see a young woman who didn’t think she was pretty. She focused on everything else till years late. She learned to focus on happiness, and she can see the beauty comes from her smile.

Also, in the past I thought that being rich was just related to money. I now enjoy the vast riches of friendship, love, and purpose. I am grateful to be financially secure, but that is not where my joy has come from.

And those beautiful rainbows? Where I live in Hawaii, they are free, and beautiful, and available to make me smile and inspire me almost every day.

I felt unstable after having two husbands die. I think I feared my future. Realizing that the fear didn’t serve me, and focusing on knowing that at that moment, I was fine, allowed me to find that smile again knowing that whatever will be is here now for me to enjoy.

Allowing myself to not worry about what is to come in my life, “whatever will be” has turned out very well.

 

 

Find more about the song by clicking here.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

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Deal With It!

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I used to feel like I had things hanging over my head.  I knew I would feel better when the tasks were complete, and the longer I put them off, the heavier they would get.

Recently I was working on organizing my storage room. I was motivated to get it done so that I would easily be able to know all that was there as well as what wasn’t there that I thought I was storing.  As I thought about how wonderful it would feel for those tasks to be complete, something was always holding me back.

Finally, I defined one task at a time to tackle and got started. I cleaned out and organized a drawer. In that drawer, I found a stack of old pictures I thought I had lost.  In it there were several pictures of when my children were young. My daughter had asked me a few years ago about a picture I took of her when she was a baby.  She was laying on her tummy on a foot stool and it looked like she was happily trying to fly.

I was thrilled to find that picture that I was sure had disappeared forever. Other cherished photos were also in that pile.  I took a picture of that photo and texted it to my daughter. She was thrilled to see it! I ended up texting one picture at a time so we could talk about them, and we were able to share the whole stack while having a wonderful conversation.

Organizing that one drawer made it easier to clean out the next one.  I am still working on the whole room, but I am not overwhelmed now and am happily making new discoveries along the way.

Especially while grieving, we can talk ourselves out of starting tasks that will ultimately allow us to move forward in the process of our grief.  What task have you been putting off? You may have piles or paperwork, thank you notes that need to be written, or other chores that have been weighing on you.  My suggestion is that you make a date for yourself with whatever task you have been putting off.  Then show up at the designated time and start right in, working through the job at a pace that feels right for you.   I know you’ll be so glad you did!

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Cultivation

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Where I live in upcountry Maui now, I have the biggest garden I have ever had, and it takes lots of attention. Even with two people who help me, the tasks seem never ending. I am not complaining, however, because the rewards are worth all the time it takes.

I grow tropical flowers, fruit trees, lots of bananas, herbs and vegetables, and flowers. When we first moved here, one large section of our yard was covered with what looked like yellow golf balls. I discovered that those balls turned out to be one of my new favorite fruits, lilikoi, otherwise known as passion fruit. I found lots of ways to use lilikoi, but there were so many of them! I also had huge racks of bananas and many papayas.

Not wanting the food to go to waste, I put an invitation on the Nextdoor computer app for people to come to my house to take what they could use, and people came! With the new friends we made, we decided to meet and share the abundance of our gardens every Friday. That was 9 years ago. We still meet every Friday.

Through those years we have become special friends. We have celebrated weddings and birthdays and holidays. We have supported each other through medical challenges and funerals. We consider each other Ohana, the Hawaiian word for family. I cherish these experiences and friendships.

This wonderful Ohana has thrived through our mutual support. Just as we cultivate our gardens by replenishing the soil, planting seeds and plants starts, pulling weeds, pruning, watering, and harvesting, we cultivate our friendships by staying in touch, sharing what we grow, sharing advice and skills, and we tend to both our gardens and friendships with love.

I share about the Ohana we created because loneliness can be one of the biggest challenges we face while grieving. When you find yourself lonely, be creative and think of how you can create your own Ohana. If you’d like to know your neighbors better, try inviting them to your home for a cookie exchange or dessert potluck. If you have friends you’d like to see more, invite them over for a game night. Or invite someone to go on a walk with you.

 

The key to developing relationships is to tend to them. Friendships thrive with cultivation. Think of something you would love to do with your friends, then do whatever you dream up. And keep doing it. That’s cultivation. There is no need for loneliness in your life.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Learning From Losses

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Painful as it may be, loss is full of lessons that can guide us to a more mindful, happier life. I have lost many people in my life which led me to reflect on their lessons, so I am sharing them with you.

My Father. I learned to talk to people while I can. I go deep. My father was a World War II Veteran. I know absolutely nothing about his service in the war, but I did see his lifelong service and connection to Veterans. I wish now I knew why.

My friend in high school who died by falling into a grain silo. I must always be mindful. I wasn’t mindful last week when I took a painful fall. We all can prevent accidents and mistakes by paying more attention to all we think and do.

My Grandmother. She was the only person in my family who hugged me. I looked forward to her warm embrace every time I saw her. I didn’t learn at the time the value of those hugs and how I could share them with others. When I was with Jacques, his whole family always hugged me. I softened, and now I enjoy giving and receiving hugs.

My band teacher. I learned the importance of integrity in everything I do. I never missed a band practice and was always on time because all our band members respected the rest of the band. I always practiced my flute at home to be ready when we rehearsed, and my uniform was always clean and pressed.  And I learned to love music at the same time.

My camp counselor. Her name was Tish, and I will never forget her. She taught all of us kindness and respect. All the campers she worked with felt her love and tended to share it with the new friends made at camp. I still smile when I think of her.

My husband Jacques. I learned the importance of commitment, and lots more. When he agreed to do something, it got done. He was a great philosophy professor, and a wonderful singer and actor. Everything he did, he did well. People felt his commitment, enjoyed his talent, and recognized his love for all he did.

My mother. My mother was always busy, a trait I picked up. She carefully chose what she got involved in and she finished everything she started doing a great job. And she always found joy in what she did. She played bridge with the same four friends almost every week from when she was in college until she died. She was close to her bridge partners like they were sisters.

My sister. I learned when it was too late that I could have had a much better relationship with her. We were nine years apart, and she wasn’t thrilled about having a baby sister who she had to help take care of. In her later years, I discovered her sweetness and wished I had softened toward her so much sooner.

Through all this loss and the loss of so many people in my life, I see endless lessons. I have learned commitment, and I finish what I start. I have learned the value of the present moment and the importance of not waiting to say what I need to or do what serves me and others best. And most importantly, I have learned to cherish my friends and families. I let them know I love them. I never used to say that to anyone but my husbands, but now I say it often and realize that my life is filled with love.

What have you learned from your losses?

 

 

Emily Thiroux Threatt emily@griefandhappiiness.com

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. ://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

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Choose!

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When I woke up this morning, I was so inspired! It felt wonderful. While I was still in bed, I opened my eyes and looked at the clock and it was 11:11. Oh no! I had slept half the day. I needed to get up right away. Then I actually opened my eyes and realized that was a dream and it was 6:30, closer to my usual time to wake. “Whew.” I took a deep breath to release the panic, and started my morning with the fresh energy that came from being startled.

As I started to write in my journal, I realized all that was a wink from my dear departed husband, Ron. January 1, 2011, or 1 1 11, was the day we got married. That clock in my dream was from him. I laughed and could just see his great big smile. This inspiration led me to plan a great day, starting with getting dressed in clothes I could wear outside.  I’ve been hibernating for a while, but today I chose to dress for walking.  The sun is shining, and I am ready!

I recently had the opportunity to see singer, songwriter Karen Drucker give a talk. She was bubbling with energy and smiles. She said, “Today choose to be grateful, happy, peaceful, loving, joyful, and mindful.” That’s a lot! And it sounds like a perfect day to me.

Thanks, Karen, for that inspiration. I am writing it in my journal to remind me to choose all this every day!

I have a big talk coming up at a conference in Las Vegas. I’ve been working on it for a while, and today with all that fresh energy, the entire concept for what I will say poured out of me. I could see myself on that stage, smiling and engaging the audience so they were entranced with my message. That all came to me because I chose today to be positive, to pay attention to inspiration, to enjoy my day, and to be creative.

I hope today will be fabulous for you, too! Follow Karen’s advice and see what happens! This blog is a little shorter than usual today because I have a walk to go on!  Bye! See you later!

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

You can sign up for our newsletter here

Who Are You

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When grieving, we often struggle with our sense of self. You may feel that one or more descriptive words you have identified with no longer seems accurate. After my husband died, I still felt like a wife since I had been one for so long. After my miscarriage, I lost the description of expectant mother.  After my parents died, a friend pointed out that I was an orphan. I definitely didn’t want that descriptor. When I retired, I still felt like a teacher. When I moved to Hawaii, I was no longer a Californian. When I finished my last nursing job, I still felt like a nurse, actually, I still do.

While all these descriptors don’t accurately indicate who I am now, they all are a part of what made me who I am today. Now, I could describe myself as a widow two times over, but to me, that description has a negative connotation. I could also define myself as single, but that doesn’t resonate with me either. I am so much more than a previous marital status.  So instead of expressing all the things I am not, I decided to list all the things I am.

I Am Alive. I have seen many people fade or just give up when they reach a certain age, and I have seen that for them, their quality of life, their energy, their will to live dims and often leads to an early death. I choose to fully experience my aliveness by getting up early, journaling, eating well, going for walks, enjoying art and music, and most of all delighting in my relationships.

I Am Creative. My creativity brings me so much happiness. I love to create new things like the Grief and Happiness Alliance, The Grief and Happiness Podcast, the six books I have published, the cards I created, the blankets I crochet, the food I lovingly prepare, the paintings and drawings I do, the online classes I created, the theatre, art gallery, schools of arts, and a café. I created, the nonprofit organizations I started. And I could go on.

I Am Unconditional Love. By giving up putting constraints on my relationships, they were able to blossom into more beautiful interconnections than I had experienced before. I now concentrate on giving and receiving unconditional love. I relish the love I have shared throughout my life in all the relationships I have been in.

I Am Healthy. Much of my life I have been dealing with ailments and injuries. When I stop focusing on those things and instead consider how I feel in each moment, generally, I feel great. Though I may have a cold or a broken toe, those things don’t control the joy in my heart or the strength of my love and happiness.

I Am Beautiful. Looking in the mirror, I focus on my smile and know that is the biggest contributor to my beauty and I am happy to share that.

Writing this description of me feels so good. What a wonderful life I lead.  Take a moment consider who you are and who you are striving to be. Make you own list of your best qualities and you will be amazed. You are unique and special in all the ways you choose to be. Focusing on who you are brightens your life experience. Enjoy!

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1