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Reset

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I have used a computer for many years, and there is one thing they all have in common. They don’t like to have too many things open at once, and since I do so much on my computer, I often don’t pay attention to this, and that’s a bad thing to do! I’ll be right in the middle of something important, as is everything I do on my computer, and suddenly it will decide it’s just too crowded and needs some space. When this happens, I have no choice but to shut it down and give it a little rest before I start it up again. Only when it does open, it demands that I close or fix lots of things before I can get back to what I really need to do.

Our bodies act in a similar way when a loved one dies, or we suffer a great loss. We can become physically overwhelmed and need to take a break. We rest. We sleep. We don’t notice what is going on around us. We forget to eat, or we eat too much of the wrong things mindlessly. We are challenged by having to make important decisions. We may crave peace and company at the same time. Basically, we are confused. And we do need to shut down, rest, and then restart fresh.

Now is the time to get a notebook divided into three sections, or maybe even get three notebooks, or set up Notes on your phone, or a spread sheet on your computer.  The most important thing is to write everything down. Don’t trust your poor brain to remember things.  It’s doing the best it can. And so are you.  Create three lists. One list is for things you have completed. Another for things you have yet to do. And the last list is for things you would love to do, especially for things you have been putting off.   Be sure to include dates and times where needed so things don’t slip through the cracks.  These lists will give your brain a break for a while longer.

The big thing to remember is that there is no rush. Tasks needing to be done can wait. Take care of yourself. Go for a walk. Have cup of tea. Listen to some music. Just rest, then reset.

 

 

Emily Thiroux Threatt

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

Unnecessary Grief

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Much of my life is focused on other people’s grief. My intention is to encourage people to actively find ways to experience happiness even while they are grieving, but that’s getting harder and harder to do.

Traditionally people think of grief as related to the death of a loved one. Now in the United States and the world, we are experiencing grief on a much broader scale.  We grieve the loss of jobs, the loss of safety, the loss of respect, the loss of compassion, the loss of decency, the loss of homes, the loss of businesses, and that’s just the beginning of a very long list being added to continually.

The recent dramatic plumet in the Stock Market was similar to the crash in 1929. In those days people tumbled into poverty with no safety nets where today people are sliding down the slippery slopes of loss regretting not fastening their safety belts and watching Social Security slip away.

People are crying out “How could this happen in our country.” We have forgotten how young students in their classrooms oft recited the words to the Pledge of Allegiance which closed by saying “with liberty and justice for all.”

Most of the country is in shock and grieving, so now is the time to put on the brakes. Instead of suffering the grief from all this loss, let’s take Bob Marley’s lyrics to heart”

“… you can’t fool all the people all the time

‘Cause now we see the light

We gonna stand up for our right

 

Get up, stand up

Stand up for your right

Get up, stand up

Don’t give up the fight.

 

We all have enough unavoidable loss in our lives to grieve. Let’s come together find ways to stop the unnecessary grief brought by the foolish destruction.

 

Reset

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Do you ever feel tense or stressed without even noticing how you got there? In the world today, especially when grieving, these feelings easily creep up on you. You may feel yourself holding your breath, tightening your shoulders, reacting to someone in an unkind way, or maybe even feeling a tear roll down your check. All of these are perfectly normal reactions. Being mindful of when these things happen can allow you to easily deal with them to help you feel better.

First, stop what you are doing. Close your eyes and take a slow deep breath.  Hold it at the top for a moment, and as you slowly release it, relax any tension you feel in your body. Check your body from head to toe for places you may be holding some tightness or pain. Maybe you have been tightening your forehead and eyebrows. Take a breath and release that feeling. Continue down your body to common places you know you hold things.  When you find a spot, breathe it out.  This process doesn’t take long, and you can do it anyplace.

 When your mind starts spinning and you find it hard to concentrate, close your eyes and breathe a few slow breaths thinking only of a beautiful place you love, a beach, a park, a lovely garden, or any place quiet and special to you. Stay there for a few minutes if you can. Just breathe slowly and enjoy what you see.

If your thoughts are intrusive and get in the way of what you are trying to do, get out a piece of paper and a pen and write out exactly what you are thinking. Be bold. Nobody will see this, so write whatever you are thinking, the thoughts which are obstructing your way. Write until you are finished, then tear the paper into small pieces, toss them into your waste bin or compost, and allow yourself to return to a more peaceful place.

In the process of doing any of these practices, I recommend that you have a glass of nice cool water available. Adequate hydration can help your body keep in the flow of feeling your best. 

What is most important in the process of resetting is taking the best care of yourself. When you do that, everything becomes easier. 

Stay mindful. Breathe. And smile.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

Change

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The Greek philosopher Heraclitus, 540 B.C., is accredited with the quote “There is nothing permanent except change.” And the concept of a desire for change has been constant ever since, and probably before that too. When a U.S. presidential campaign occurs, it seems that once every four years the country focuses on changes the people see as essential at the time.

I remember when I was in high school, I wore a button on my jacket that said, “Make Love, Not War.” The friends I spent time with and I believed that if we all focused on ending war, that could happen. And look at the world now. That giant change we desired still hasn’t occurred.

When Obama won the election, his theme was, “CHANGE we can believe in.” That fostered so much hope. And positive changes were made, yet still not everyone believed in those changes.

I will never forget the discussion my husband Ron and I had when the winner was declared for the 2016 presidential election. He said for me to watch because that election was going to bring changes that time. At that point, I had no idea what that would mean. The changes that came at that time were the antithesis of the changes I longed for.

Now we are at the precipice of change yet again. There is so much on our ballots now beyond just the decision of who our next president will be. At this time, voting is essential for us to experience the change we desire.

Please vote to express the change you want to see.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Simple Things

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Our lives are full of things, some tangible and easily seen; others intangible and not easy to define. When a loved one dies, many tangible memories are simply left behind and may gradually lose their significance. When the time came to move, I kept that in mind so as not to release what we treasure.

I’ve always been a collector of things, so when we left our home on the mainland to move to Maui, it was a challenge to choose what to pack into the shipping container. Some things were easy to release, like duplicate kitchen utensils. My kitchen was my creative space, so I carefully examined each item I picked up. My husband’s grandmother’s biscuit cutter had to stay with us while my shiny new one went to the garage sale.

I loved my giant, heavy dining room table and chairs, but they were too big for our new home, so I was able to easily release them to the new owners of the home we were moving out of. Now I can imagine that table surrounded by new families and friends for their celebrations.

The harder things to deal with were connected to memories and people. We lived a mile from the beach and loved picking up the heart shaped rocks we would find there and bringing them home to scatter in the yard surrounding our home. Leaving those loving memories there was hard, but it was the right thing to do.

When we arrived on Maui, we discovered we still had way too many things. We both loved art, and my husband had several large paintings that didn’t really suit our house. After Ron died, I gifted them to a friend who loved them and had a perfect place to hang them.

I have become adept at releasing things, which leaves so much new space in my life. As I glance around my house, I see stained glass windows my dear friend created, and the collection of Native American flutes and African drums as well as singing bowls we loved to play. There are so many wonderful memories there. Pictures of my family and my own paintings and drawings adorn my home. I never feel lonely at home as I have learned to treasure favorite things and to release that which no longer serves a purpose.

I encourage you to do this too!

 

 

 

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Paradise Lost and Found

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We were warned that high winds would affect our Hawaiian islands as Hurricane Dora passed to the south. Living on Maui, strong Trade Winds are a common experience. Most of us keep extra water and food on hand in case of inclement weather, yet naively, most of us think we personally won’t be directly affected by disasters.

In the darkness of early morning, I was awakened by the acrid scent of smoke. Though the odor was pungent, I wasn’t anticipating fire. As I lay awake, my thoughts wandered, remembering how recently a young woman I was working with had been killed in a fire. I decided I was just being morbid, and something like that would never happen to me. Then the smoke intensified, and I got out of bed. That was the start of two days of terror.

Transfixed by the news, I found myself searching the internet and television for explanations of what was happening. Learning that strong winds were carrying away the fire that started within a couple of miles from me, relief was only temporary as I realized that friends of mine were potentially in its path. What we call the “coconut wireless” rushed into action. Phone calls, texts, and emails between friends and acquaintances abounded, all starting with “Are you OK?”

We learned the close fire was not the only one.  There we at least two more fires. And everyone was touched by the terror flowing through our beautiful paradise. By the evening, we were glued to the television, watching the continuing live coverage. Learning that the fire in Lahaina, which had been declared contained, rebounded and was in the process of obliterating the historical center of Hawai’i.

I finally fell asleep at about 2 AM,  and at 4:30 AM, the messages and texts started pouring in. All were wanting to know, “Are you OK?” I could only answer from my limited perspective of what I had heard or seen so far. When looking out my window into the dark, I knew I was OK, whatever that meant. With approximately 145,000 people living on the island, I could only speak for myself, and while I was traumatized and confused, I had no idea how everyone else felt.

With daylight came news and pictures of the destruction, things no one ever wants to see or hear. People fled into the ocean to escape the flames. Our majestic Banyan tree blackened. The whole town of Lahaina flattened. Hundreds of homes were destroyed. Missing loved ones and pets. And the question changed from “Are you OK,” to “What can I do?” The answer is, please do something.

I have discovered so much Aloha, Hawaiian for love. Now I see the love and strength of the Ohana (family) of Maui residents coming together however we can help and support everyone

affected by these tragic fires. While we seemed to be losing this tropical paradise, we find it is still here in our treasured Ohana. The fires are still burning. We still need your help and will continue to need help as we recover. And we will welcome you back with Aloha when we recover from this devastation.

Mahalo for your generosity.

 

Please see the ideas listed below.

Please donate to any of these sources:

 Fundraiser for Maui Food Bank Inc by Emily Thiroux Threatt   The donations here all provide food directly to those who have lost everything.

https://www.facebook.com/donate/1086101339024980/

The Hawaiʻi Community Foundation started a Maui Strong Fund to support residents affected by the wildfires, which firefighting crews continue to battle in Lahaina, Pulehu/Kīhei and Upcountry areas. Donations can be made at www.hawaiicommunityfoundation.org/maui-strong.

Maui Collective Contributors

Maui United Way is accepting donations to its Maui Fire and Disaster Relief fund at https://mauiunitedway.org/disasterrelief.

Embracing Compass Maui & Big Island

Our hearts are with our Maui and the Big Island communities right now facing the devastating wildfires. To help, members of our Compass family are coming together in support of those impacted — many of whom are Compass agents, employees and families of our community. Thank you for considering a donation that directly supports our Compass Hawaii team.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/embracing-compass-maui-big-island?utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet&utm_content=undefined&utm_medium=social&utm_source=instagram_feed&utm_term=undefined

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here