Self-Care

The Best Part of My Week

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I remember when I first discovered what BFF meant. I always thought that “best” was singular. There could only be one best of anything. Then I was hearing people refer to groups as their BFF’s.  Hmm. I guess I needed to expand my vision. What is the harm in having more than one best thing? For instance, I think Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia ice cream is the best. That is until I have a bite of Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey, and it’s hard for me not to say it is the best, too. And who is your best child when you have more than one?

So today I was thinking about what the best thing was I did this week, and, you guessed it, I had several best things.

First, Sharon invited me over to her house to watch an online flower arranging class she thought I’d like. The we watched a virtual tour of the DeYoung Museum in San Francisco. They had a lovely display of paintings, but what was really special about it is that they also had a large flower arrangement by each painting that was inspired by the painting.  Breath taking. Watching it felt so good that I was almost sorry it was over. After we watched that together, we decided to take an Ikebana flower arranging class at the Hui No’eau Visual Arts Center here on Maui.  I can’t wait.  I am sure it will be one of the best things that week!

Then I attended a Virtual National Publicity Summit to meet lots of people in the media who can have me on their shows or write articles about my book: Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief. I have lots of wonderful opportunities with all the people I met there, including my new BFF. Who knew I would find another person helping people with grief who I could talk to for hours! And her name is Joy! How perfect!  I look forward to many wonderful things coming from our relationship.

At the Publicity Summit, I met Wayne Barrett, the Editor and Chief of USA Today Magazine, and he asked me to write an article about how my company, Imperial Ambulance in Porterville, California, dealt with the pandemic. That led me to a wonderful Interview with one of my employees, Sean Roberts, about all he and our company did to serve our community during this challenging time, and he brought tears to my eyes with the beauty and the magnitude of the services we provide.

And maybe the bestest best thing was celebrating my son’s 50th birthday with him. We had a small gathering of vaccinated friends who brought lots of balloons, party poppers, and hats as well as a piñata! Everyone brought yummy food to share, and one of our friends is a magician who was very entertaining.  Being surrounded by my Ohana and seeing me son smile meant the world to me.

I guess my life is the best, filled with love, family, friends, beauty, and joy! So perfect! My wish for you is to have your best life, too.

 

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief  by clicking here at Amazon.

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.

Loving Yourself

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Often while grieving we are hard on ourselves, expecting us to have superpowers to break through grief, then being disappointed when that happens. We also have periods of sadness we feel like it will never be over. And we may not be taking good care of us physically by doing things like staying in pajamas, not doing laundry, not bathing as often as we used to, letting our hair get dirty, not going to the gym, or not going for a walk. Not eating mindfully. Does any of this familiar to you? All of these are things you may experience during grief. The key with this is to recognize what you are doing and make an effort to do something different.

Having the strength to do anything may seem daunting.  Try picking just one thing and work your way through it until you can release it.  For instance, if in sadness you are just sitting, try standing up and stretching then find something to do, like call a friend, get a nice cool glass of water, and drink it, read a funny book, or watch a funny movie. If you are still in your pajamas, get dressed even if you aren’t planning on going someplace.  If you are dressed, you are more likely to leave the house or even answer the door.

Take a nice long bath or shower. I always feel so much better after I bathe. This seems to bring a delightfully energy to me. In my early days of grief, sometimes getting in the shower was just too hard to do. If you find yourself feeling this way, ask yourself some questions like will bathing help you feel better? Will you smell better? Will you be able to sleep better? Will you be more likely to visit with someone?  If you answer yes to any of these questions, go bathe now!

Are you moving enough?  I started walking just around my block. Then my walks got longer, and eventually I got back into the pool, and I went to the gym.  What kind of movement would you like to do?  How about gentle yoga, or just doing nice stretches a home. YouTube has a wealth of yoga demonstrations, as well as videos on Tai Chi and Qi Gong.  I love to do Qi Gong and meditate afterward. This allows me to release anything that is bothering me, and it makes me feel so good!

Are you eating too much or eating things that are healthy? Or maybe you are forgetting to eat, or you just don’t get around to eating.  I lost a lot of weight each time my husbands died. Eating just wasn’t a priority. This led to a great weakness, so I started being mindful for eating.  I committed to eating healthy, non-processed foods three times a day with one healthy snack. I started finding or creating new recipes which were easy just for me. If you are eating too much, try developing a relationship with your shopping cart. Make it a no candy, no cookies, no soda, and no chips zone. Treat your shopping cart well and it will serve you!

When you start to get down, recognize what is happening, and put your hands over your heart, take a deep breath and say, “I am happy.” Next breathe say “I am beautiful.” Next breath say, “I take good care of myself.” Then talk one more breath and say, “I love me.”

Doing what I recommend here is your map to happiness, and remember to smile always. Smiling along will make you feel so much better!

 

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief  by clicking here at Amazon.

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.

 

Going it Alone

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In an online meeting I was attending this morning, we were introducing ourselves, and when I told them about my book, they all wanted to talk about their grief. Most of the group expressed how they hadn’t really dealt with their grief because it was hard for them to talk about. They said things like they didn’t think other people would want to hear about, or they didn’t want to bring other people down, or that they didn’t want to deal with the sadness that comes to them when they do talk about their grief.  They also pointed out that they knew people grieving over losses other than grief.

Right now, it seems like we all are dealing with some form of grief whether it is from the loss of a loved one or the loss of a job, a home, an income, a pet, or anything important to our lives. And most of us just deal with our grief on our own then wonder why we are having a hard time.

When grieving, people tend to withdraw from other people to avoid the sadness, the crushing pain, or the reactions they get when they mention it. Does this sound like you or someone you know? With my own grief, I tended to keep to myself for the first couple of months. I just didn’t want to talk to anyone. And I didn’t want to listen to anyone either. Hearing them talk about anything other than my loss was difficult to deal with.  How could they care about what to fix for dinner or a new purchase they made?

Eventually I got to a point where I did want to talk or listen, but by then I needed to connect with people again. I tried to find groups on social media that I could join and be able to communicate, but I discovered so much sadness. At first, I was replying to every devastating story I read, and in the process, I seemed to be absorbing that sadness. I would stop writing when I was in tears. I realized that doing this wasn’t helping anyone.  The people who were writing the stories just needed to tell their stories and weren’t prepared to listen to a response. I assumed that because I never received a response from anyone I wrote to.

Eventually I decided to find new friends and I created a Meet Up group and invited people to join me to write about what we were grieving.  This worked. Meeting face to face we were all able to share and respond to each other. We all realized how much we needed to share our stories.  By meeting with this new group, I became more comfortable in reaching out to my friends, and they responded. I think they always wanted to but weren’t sure what to say. My reaching out to them broke the ice and we easily fell back into the relationships we had before my loss. And, when they were ready, they talked to me about how the loss affected them, too.

If you feel stuck now, don’t despair. People still love you. New people will love you, too. When you are ready, open your heart and allow people back in.

 

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief  by clicking here at Amazon.

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.

How Improving Your Morning Routine Can Change Your Life

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I have a confession to make. After my husband died, I found it harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning. I just didn’t feel ready to face the world.  First, I would try to convince myself that there was no need to rush, and that led to more sleep. Then I started bad habits like checking my email and social media accounts. That led to checking the news on my phone, which most often wasn’t good news. Then I would play just one game, which often let to more. I would try to talk myself into getting out of bed, but I wouldn’t listen.

Finally, I came to the point that I realized I was missing the part of my day when I am fresh and most creative, and I decided I needed to change. Your morning routine is likely different than mine was, but whatever it is, you can make it better.  Here are some hints that really work.

  1. The number one thing that will help is to get up earlier. If you automatically get up at 5 or 6, you can skip this step.  If you don’t, try getting up one hour earlier than you have been. This will give you a fresh new start on your day. If you have been having trouble sleeping, this may help. Often that trouble sleeping can be the result of staying in bed too long. If you need to set an alarm to get started on this new time, try that. You will discover that you can wake yourself up at the time you want to if your set your intention to do that. I didn’t think I would ever be able to do that because I used an alarm every day, but my husband convinced me to try, and it worked. Now I am no longer jolted out of my sleep and away from my dreams by an annoying alarm.
  2. Stretch in bed taking a few deep breaths. This is a loving way to gently get your body started for the day. Stretch out your arms. Pull you knees up to your chest. Roll your body back and forth. Take a few more deep breaths. This all feels so good!
  3. Now do your self-care. I just can’t do anything else before I brush my teeth. Be sure to floss your teeth, wash you face, and comb your hair. You don’t need to put on make-up or style your hair at this point. Then put on some comfortable, morning clothes.
  4. Next is your soul time. In your journal, start by writing at least five things you are grateful for. I am always amazed how good it feels to realize the wonderful things in my life. There are so many things to be grateful for! Then write a goal to accomplish today. Instead of writing a list, write just one thing. After you do that, you can decide what to do next. Then write one thing that brought you joy the day before. Be sure to smile while you write this along with why this thing made you happy. And take some time to meditate, if only for a few minutes.
  5. Eat something nourishing and healthy. Be sure you have food on hand that is easy to fix and enjoyable to eat. Be sure what you eat is fresh and natural avoiding processed foods. Your body will appreciate this loving care.

Changing my habit of seeing how long I could convince myself to stay in bed was a bit of a challenge. When I recognized how much better I felt when I did this new routine, I was happy to keep it up.  Now I feel energized as I start my day. My days are more fulfilling, and I am so much happier. Making a commitment to a positive change like this can make all the difference in how you feel. Try it, and enjoy the results!

 

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief  by clicking here at Amazon.

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.