Smile

Surrender to What Is

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Are you upset, angry, frustrated, or depressed about the pandemic and the way it is being dealt with in our country? Let me ask you, do any of those emotions serve you?  When you are spending time with emotions that aren’t doing anything to make your life and the lives of others better in some way, why using your precious time in that way?

I understand that everything is not as we would love it to be at this point, so why not do something about it?  For instance, if you are upset or angry about how the government is dealing with the whole pandemic or any part of it, get out your journal.  Make a list of each thing someone else is doing that you feel is wrong.  Write it all down. Don’t stop writing until you have covered everything that ticks you off. When you finish your list, take a breath, or a few. Relax and release all that negativity from your consciousness.

Now, choose one item on that list to focus on.  How can you, just you, make a difference in whatever it is.  For instance, if you are frustrated that when you arrive at the grocery store, people aren’t wearing masks there or don’t keep their social distance, go to another store where they do.

I had to buy groceries yesterday. I haven’t been out in five weeks to do that and our cupboards were pretty bare.  Usually on Maui the traffic is a dream compared to the mainland.  The speed limits are lower and the drivers courteous.  Yesterday was crazy. People were speeding and dangerously cutting in and out of traffic.  I was going the speed limit and keeping appropriate distances, but lots of the drivers weren’t.  I decided to stay in the slow lane and practice good driving.  There is no way I could know if someone wasn’t rushing their passenger to the hospital, or someone was having a baby, or they were trying to get to a loved one who was dying. Getting angry with the crazy drivers would only make me upset and make my driving worse. I recognized that this was an anomaly and wished those anxious drivers well.

Another issue we are dealing with now is a lack of integrity or a lack of essential information being disseminated.  We could get angry and complain about this, but that wouldn’t serve us. What we can do is only pay attention to reliable resources and ignore the rest.  And find ways to deal positively with the situation we are in.  My neighbors left a beautiful arrangement of flowers from their yard on my doorstep. Another neighbor always picks up prescriptions when I need them.  We all call each other when we go to buy groceries to see if anything is needed.  Find positive, creative things to do to make where you are staying right now the best it can be.

I love that saying about making lemons into lemonade. When you start feeling yourself being drawn into the negativity, actively do something right then to change what you need to, like turn the television off. Focus on all the joy, beauty, wonder, and love we all can share. Only speak positively.  When you surrender to what is, make it be love.

What Would You Do?

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Do you have times when you drift into thinking that you want to go back to the way it was when you were with your loved one? You think of conversations, of things you loved to do together? I know I do this sometimes, but I always come back to knowing that I can’t go back, that things will never be the same. And at times that brings tears or longing, yet I know I can’t stay there.  It doesn’t serve me to dwell on what was or what might have been, so I have found a way to help me through.

We did lots together and talked about other things we would do together some day. I decided to honor him by honoring those things.  I started by making a list of things we loved to do together that I want to keep a part of my life. Then I added things I would do on my own that he would have supported me in and loved to see me do. Here’s my list.

Things we did together that I continue to do now:

  • We had a daily spiritual practice. We would meditate, write in our journals, read to each other, say our intentions and affirmations, and share a joy we each had the day before. I don’t let a day go by without continuing to do this, most often joined now by my dear neighbor Robin.
  • We loved taking good care of our hone and garden. I continue this by planting and harvesting vegetables, tending to my flowers and fruit trees, and being sure my home is clean and well maintained.
  • We loved to be surrounded by art, so I am continuing to support artists by purchasing works that inspire me. And I create artwork of my own in the studio that Ron had built for me. I do drawings, painting, and sculptures. I even made new pillows for my couch yesterday.
  • Ron was so thrilled when I first started going to Soul Sisters Retreats. And I am so glad. I have made lifelong friends, met so many people who inspired me, and deepened my spirituality.
  • Ron loved mentoring people through their projects and dreams, so I do this too. I’ve been having deep conversations with people about what to do with their lives no that things are so different. I love to brainstorm, like we used to, to come up with ideas and get to watch them develop.

I have also created new things to do that honor him.  I have written a book to help others through the grieving process called Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief which is in the process of being published, and I have created support groups to write together through our grief and to set intentions.

As I look at all of these things, I see that I am honoring Ron and inspired by him.  Try making a list of the things you would like to do that are inspired by your loved one that will keep their memory with you while allowing you to blossom on your own. I would love to read you list or hear about what you do!

Stay well!

 

The picture is one of my drawings.

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My Job Is To Smile

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Thanks to keolamagazine.com

 

I had the opportunity to judge the senior student projects at King Kekaulike High School right before it closed for the shut-down.  Each year, every senior student spends the year preparing their project which includes a mentorship with a teacher of their choice and with a community member, an actual product they create, a research paper written about the product and process, presentations to classes on campus, and a presentation to community judges. These students learn so much from this process and create amazing things.  The is the second year that I have had the honor of being a community judge.

When I judged last week, a young man came into the room to do his presentation, and it was obvious that something was wrong. He seemed so nervous and had trouble making eye contact, so I made it my mission to smile at him. When he realized I was doing this, he focused his presentation on me, took a deep breath, and relaxed into his presentation.  It turned out that he had spent a year on preparing for the Merrie Monarch Hula festival held on the Big Island every spring where he would be dancing. His product was learning to make Haku leis which he would wear while dancing. He also learned all about the tradition of the different Hawaiian leis and taught his younger sister how to make the leis and what they represented.  Then we learned that the night before his presentation, the festival had been cancelled because of the world health crisis, and he was devastated. I was so grateful that I had followed my inspiration to smile at him because I could see that it really helped.

For the rest of the presentations, I smiled at the students too, a genuine smile full of love and support, and they responded. I imagine the other judges may have wondered why the students were presenting their project directly to me. That just made me smile more.

This experience reminded me of the importance of smiling, how good it feels to me to smile, and how good it feels to others to be smiled at.  At this time of social distancing, we might not be as close to people as we have been, but whenever I do speak to someone in person, I make a conscious decision to smile. And for those I can’t interact with face to face, I always make whatever message I send by email, text, phone, or social media positive with the implication of a big virtual smile.

So today I smile at you and know in my heart that you are smiling back.  Be sure to take my smile and pay it forward. We all can use a little joy right now.

 

Look Up

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Have you noticed an apparent obsession with screen time that people have? In restaurants, look around and see how many cell phones you see? I don’t use my cell phone while walking on sidewalks because it seems like everyone else is, and I prefer not to get bumped into. And in movie theatres, even though they announce to please not use your cell phones, you can always see screens glowing during movies.  All this preoccupation with screens has led me to make a decision to be mindful of when I use my devices.

When I am with someone, I put my device away. I look at people who are speaking to me, and I look in the eyes of the person I am speaking too.  Saying this seems odd since BCP (before cell phones), this is how people communicated, but often now, this doesn’t happen. And it’s not only looking at people, it is hearing too. Little white pods seem to be growing out of everyone’s ears. The gym I go to plays good work out music, yet still most people there have their listening devices firmly in their ears listening to something else. What’s happening is we are becoming a society of isolated people.

In life, communicating with other people is vital. When I see children splashing in the waves or the mud and laughing, they are living their lives full out, enjoying the experience. When I see them in a restaurant with their families glued to their games, they are missing out on the experience of getting to know their loved ones, and most often, there is a blank expression on their faces. And people take so many pictures and selfies, that they don’t see anything beyond their screens. We seem to be trying to hypnotize ourselves.

To bring more joy, laughter, and love into your life, try looking up. Make eye contact, smile, talk to people. Keep your phone in your pocket for when you actually need it. Find ways to experience life instead of avoiding it. I feel so much better when I am actually connected with people and enjoying the beauty all around me. I encourage you to be mindful with what you choose to do, and experience the wonderful results that can make your life sweeter.

My Gift to You

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Holidays can be a challenge when dealing with loss, so I have a little “pick me up” for you! As I was considering what I would do to make the holiday season the best for me, I came up with so many things that I decided to put them into a little class for you.  The class has 12 sessions, one day at a time, to do in December.  The class is totally free, and you can share it if you like. It also provides a way for us to stay in touch as you are participating. It doesn’t take much time and is designed to bring you smiles.

To sign up, just go to Find Your Holiday Joy!   https://www.reclaimingyourjoywithemily.com/offers/M72VdL8y

You can start anytime you like, and a new class will open each day for 12 days.

Be sure to take time to take care of yourself during this season. Know that certain memories are likely to trigger tears, and if they do, remember to smile and remember the love you shared.

 

I am also thrilled to announce that I am a featured presenter in @AfterChloe & Friends: Living After Loss #OnlineSummit. I would personally love to invite you. Click here for free access to this powerful Summit. Link to Summit

https://after-chloe.teachable.com/a/aff_68dbk736/external?affcode=129902_u_o28_cl

 

And I am being interviewed on The Beautiful Network of Women radio blog show on December 12 at 12:30 CST. The show will be recorded and available on the website after that date if you don’t catch it live. We’ll be talking about how to find your joy during the holidays.

https://www.blogtalkradio.com/b-now

 

And, to network with friends, please join out private Facebook group, Reclaiming Your Joy After Loss. This is a great place to share feelings and get support from others on this journey.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/ReclaimingYourJoyAfterLoss/

 

And, if you live on Maui or are visiting, email me to get the dates for our upcoming Writing Through Grief and Death Café meetings. emily@emilythirouxthreatt.com

 

I look forward to hearing from you and helping you to have happier holidays!

 

Love,

Emily

Home

ThanksGIVING

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I woke up this morning just overflowing with gratitude, grateful for a day to celebrate all that thanks! Then I started to think about the giving that goes along with that thanks. I realized that giving can make me just as happy (if not more happy) than receiving.  

What can you give today? Probably lots! I just drove by a school crossing guard who smiled and threw me a Shaka sign, an Hawaiian greeting where the thumb and little finger are extended from a closed fist. I couldn’t help but smile and throw him one back! Generally, when you smile at someone, that person will smile back as kind of a natural reaction, and that smile might be the only one that person has that day. So smile at people you see whether you know them or not. Spread that joy! And while you are at it, smile at yourself in the mirror!

You can also give little love and support with an email, a text, or a little handwritten note. This costs nothing but the moment it takes to do it, and it can make someone’s day.

Friday is Black Friday for all the big sales, and Monday is Cyber Monday for all things electronic. But the great day coming up is Giving Tuesday where the world is encouraged to donate to what they love and support. Millions of dollars are given this day, and it’s a wonderful way to start the holiday season. Facebook even matches the first seven million dollars donated through Facebook! If you are on Facebook, I’m sure you’ll see lots of opportunities to give. Anyone can create a fundraiser for anything they want to support. When you even give a dollar, or five dollars, that adds up fast when lots of people are doing it and can make a giant difference to your cause.

I created a Giving Tuesday Fundraiser for Jazz Camp Maui which my granddaughter Katie Thiroux created to teach jazz and Hawaiian culture to students and jazz teachers from all over the world right here on Maui each June. I love seeing the donations add up to support this fun cause. Jazz Camp Maui donation

Whatever your favorite cause is, now is the time to celebrate the season with your support.

And most of all, give a gift to you of some self love. Do something that makes you feel good whether it be curling up by the fire with a good book, going for a walk in a beautiful place, soaking in a bubble bath, or calling a good friend. Pick something special that will leave you smiling and feeling good inside. Then pass that good feeling on. Pay it forward to spend some joy thoughout the world!