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A Round Rainbow

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I see beautiful rainbows on Maui most days. Some rise from the ocean on one side of the island and dive down into the ocean on the other side of the island. Some are short swaths painted against a cloud, and others a giant double rainbow with a big bright rainbow in front and what seems to be a pale shadow in the back.

I live on the side of Haleakala volcano, so sometimes I see the top of a rainbow at the bottom of my property reminding me that I live over the rainbow. Some days I see multiple rainbows at the same time. On Christmas Eve one year, I got to bring my husband home from the hospital for one more Christmas we hadn’t been sure we would get to share.  On that trip home, we saw seven different rainbows.

The first time I saw Makawao Union Church, a glorious old stone church with a tall steeple, I saw I giant rainbow coming out of that steeple. And I have seen the end of a rainbow touch the ground many times. We even have a rainbow on our car license plates!

Recently I flew to Oahu on a day trip. The air was so clear, and the sparkling ocean was many shades of blue and green. As I was looking out the window, a puffy white cloud was floating by and I saw a reflection of the jet I was in surrounded by a rainbow in a perfect circle. My first instinct was that it was an optical illusion. It floated by quickly, so I couldn’t take a picture or share what I saw with the person sitting next to me. He was a film maker who makes outdoor movies, and he told me what I saw is real, and it is called a Glory.

He said that all rainbows are actually round, but almost all of the time we can just see what is above the surface. I googled it, and he was correct. And in most of the images I found online, there was a jet right in the middle of the circle.

As I gazed at the image of the Glory, I envisioned a Mexican folk art candle holder that we have which is called a circle of friends. The candle holder is a sculpture of several friends standing in a circle, arms interlocked, indicating the close bond of friendship. When a votive candle is burned in the center of the circle as the symbol of a bonfire, shadows can be cast so the friends seem to be dancing. When a friend gives this candle holder to another friend, it solidifies their bond of friendship for life.

As I considered this experience, the Glory and the circle of friends melded to create seven concentric circles of friends, each representing a different culture and color of the rainbow, surrounding the earth with love and friendship. I could hear them singing John Lennon’s song Imagine,

“Imagine all the people . . . .

Livin’ for today . . . .

Livin’ life in peace . . . .

No need for greed or hunger . . . .

Sharing all the world . . . .

You may say I’m a dreamer,

But I’m not the only one

I hope someday you’ll join us

And the world will live as one.”

 

While there is much beauty in the world we can see, we often see only what we expect to, but if we are open and receptive, we can experience so much more. I don’t know about you, but I’ll never look at a rainbow the same way again.

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries in that I wrote a chapter, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

A Reason A Season A Lifetime 

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People come into our lifetimes for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. In every relationship, there is a gift and in entering relationships, I choose to be mindful to recognize that gift.

People who come to us for a reason could be doctors, teachers, housekeepers, lawyers, beauticians, salespeople, and anybody who joins us for a specific purpose.  We don’t necessarily need to create a long-term or close personal relationship with these people, but we can make a positive difference in each other’s lives. Yesterday my friend and I went out for breakfast. The person who was serving us didn’t seem happy. She didn’t make eye contact or smile. We didn’t know what was wrong, and we didn’t need to. We just smiled and spoke to her positively; she looked up and smiled. She mentioned she was having a bad day, and we knew how we interacted with her at that moment brightened how we all felt.

People who come to us for a season are close to us for a time. I experienced this often when I was doing theatre. A cast would work closely together for at least five weeks blocking and learning lines and developing characters. Then the performances went on for weeks. When the show completed its run, we’d go our separate ways. While we were together, we felt like family. That changed after the run of the show as we found a new temporary family in the next production.

People who come to us for a lifetime become extended family as we develop those relationships. People from the reason and season categories can merge into our lives for the long term. I have special friends in this category all the way from high school to now. We don’t have to see each other often but always reside in each other’s hearts. When my husband was terminally ill, a friend from high school showed up who I hadn’t seen for many years. She saw I needed support and moved in with me and helped me care for him. Her companionship and assistance were priceless.

In reflecting on the people who have been and are significant in your life, think about ways you can enhance those relationships. How can you share joy with those you love? I am grateful for those who are always there to support and guide me on my way, and I am grateful to do the same for them.

Who can you share some comfort, support, and love with today?

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

Balance

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Life is a delicate balance. We breathe in. We breathe out. Our hearts beat. Our hearts relax after each beat. We are awake. We sleep. For every action, there is a counteraction. This balance allows our bodies and hearts to live, to thrive.

When a loved one dies, our balance is thrown off. As we mourn, our balance is askew. Think of old-fashioned balance scales where 2 pans hang down from a bar. What you want to weigh goes on one pan and weights are added to the other pan until both pans are at the same level.

When death occurs, people mourn. The people who are closest to the person who died usually mourn the deepest. Picture yourself on one side of the scale and your loved one on the other side. When your loved one dies, they leave the scale causing your side of the scale to fall to the lowest point, completely out of balance.

The process of grieving allows you to place what helps you on the other side of the scale gradually bringing the scale back into balance. In early grief, you are at the lowest of the low, and when you are ready, you start discovering what you need to bring you back into balance. You start with the basics.

Your body takes care of itself by drawing air into your lungs. Paying attention to your breathing allows you comfort. You can control your breathing to a certain extent, and closing your eyes and taking deep breaths helps you reset. Your heart beats to keep your body functioning. The stress of grief can cause the heart to beat faster and the blood pressure to rise. Focusing on deep breathing and relaxing can help to normalize both of these.

Your metaphorical heart may feel broken, and love can help mend that break.   Healing comes from receiving the love that your friends and family bring to you as you deal with your loss. Just as important is the love that you reflect on these people. Taking time to recognize that giving and receiving love brings you strength and gives you comfort.

Pay attention to what brings the balance that you crave back to you. Everything you do, even if it feels ordinary, contributes to your balance. Remembering to eat, to walk, to sleep, to bathe all contributes to leveling those scales. The more you enjoy these ordinary things, the sooner the scales will level.

Focus on what serves you, what heals you, and your balance will return.

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, here:

https://smile.amazon.com/Ignite-Forgiveness-Journey-Peace-Harmony-ebook/dp/B0BLFCYYD6/ref=sr_1_1?crid=9C6VAFE42H5C&keywords=ignite+forgiveness+book&qid=1669836040&sprefix=Ignite+forg%2Caps%2C284&sr=8-1

Kindness

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My good friend Reverend Richard Carlini once said, “Become highly responsive to a kindness done.” I hadn’t really thought about kindness from that perspective before. I focus on being kind, but now I’ve realized the importance of receiving as well as giving.

Think about the last time someone did something kind for you.  Maybe a friend asked you to go on a walk with her.  Or maybe a friend shared something with you she baked or some vegetables she picked from her garden. Or someone called just to see how you are doing. How did you respond?

For some people, giving just comes naturally with no thought of receiving recognition or thanks in return. While others do something they believe is kind just because they want or need acknowledgment. I have got to admit, that sometimes I don’t even recognize the significance of a beautiful, kind action. I am making a commitment right now to start paying attention.

I knew a man who created a big campaign to encourage people to practice random acts of kindness. He was a college professor and started the project by making it an assignment for his classes.  This became a movement and people were happily competing to see who could be most kind.  They especially loved doing things surreptitiously so they could just experience the joy of giving with no expectation.

A movie came out in 2000 called Pay It Forward. I’ve remembered it after all these years because it was such a great idea. A teacher created a Social Studies assignment to create something to change the world. And one student came up with the idea that when someone receives a kindness, instead of doing something to pay back that kindness, the receiver would do new good deeds for three other people, thus multiplying the initial kindness. I loved that idea and started putting it in action in my life.

I encourage you to consider the kindness in your life that you give and that you receive. How can you appreciate acts of kindness? How can you become “highly responsive to a kindness”? Know that paying attention and being benevolent is a sure way to bring you more smiles and spread happiness!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

Positively!

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When you always speak only positive words, you will be happy! I realize that is a bold statement, yet it is true, and it was a hard lesson for me to learn. You may say “I am always positive,” but are you really?

Here is an example.  Compare “I don’t like to eat liver” to “I love to eat fresh Hawaiian bananas.” Those two sentences feel different when you read them because of that little contraction where not is hidden. Not is so frequently used, and it is definitely negative.

How often do you use words like: not, apathetic, dishonest, anxious, betrayed, disappointed, lied, jealous, bad, malicious?  Doesn’t it  just feel icky, another negative word, just to read these words? Just like that phrase “Be careful what you wish for,” when you speak or think or write negative words, that’s what you get.

When grieving, you may say something like “I’ll never fall in love again,” or “I’ll always be alone,” or “my heart is broken.” When you say these statements, guess what you get? Accidental manifestation is something that happens unconsciously when we dwell in negativity. When you say, “Finding new friends is hard,” new friends are unlikely to be in your future.

Think about it. When do you use negative words? I learned to catch myself when I am writing so I can change the meaning of my statement by eliminating what is negative, changing my statement to what I really mean.

Try this experiment today.  Notice when you say something negative. Keep a list of negative words you catch when you are communicating.  When you notice a negative word, change your statement into something positive.  For instance, if you say, “I’m not going to drive on that road because there are so many accidents,” try saying instead, “I am going to drive on the new road with the lower speed limit.”

People grieving often find themselves dwelling in negativity and long to be happy again. Changing how you are feeling will come from focusing on being positive. Instead of saying “My friend never calls me,” pick up the phone and call your friend. Say something like, “I am thinking of you and wanted to hear your voice and see how you are doing.”

You can raise your happiness level by speaking positive words and believing what you say.  You can do this! You will be so happy you did!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

Signs

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Most grievers experience signs that remind them of their loved ones. A sign can come from a sweet memory, a fragrance, a favorite song, a remembered idiosyncrasy, or unique experience. I frequently see, hear, or feel what seems to be signs from my loved ones who have died.

On a beautiful day in Maui, my husband Ron and I were sitting outside on our lanai when he told me there would come a time that whenever I saw a butterfly, saw our wedding date, heard our song, or smelled cigar smoke I would know he was near. All these things have happened to me, and because of that, I have started experiencing things that I consider to be signs from other loved ones of mine who have transitioned.

Several months after Ron’s death, I was having a hard time. I had signed up to take an art class, but I was feeling teary and talking myself out of going. Then a butterfly arrived. I took a deep breath and knew I had to take good care of me. Then another butterfly appeared, and another, and another.

I went out to my car and there were more. I had heard of butterflies migrating before, but it didn’t seem possible for this to happen in Hawaii. As I drove to my class, the butterflies swarmed my car. When I got there, they all flew off together, and not one had stuck to my car. This spectacular show just had to be orchestrated by Ron.

Ron and I had been together for 4 years, and he had asked me to marry him more than once, but I was hesitant. After Jacques died, I didn’t think I would ever be able to get married again. Then on December 26, 2010, I realized that New Year’s Day would be 1/1/11. I told Ron about that date and said wouldn’t that be a cool day to get married.  He immediately said yes and that he would make the arrangements. Though we had less than a week, the wedding was beautiful. Now I see the number 1111 often and I always say, “Hi Baby” and smile.

I have rarely smelled cigar smoke, but I do hear our song often. Stevie Wonder’s song “As” shows up often, and always at times I crave comfort. “As” was the theme song for a commercial so I heard it often for a while. When the show Blackish came to an end on tv, I was reminiscing about how Ron and I watched it together and we had deep conversations about the significant themes the show dealt with. I was emotional watching the finale, feeling like it was one more thing I was going to miss. Then for the grand finale, the whole cast came out with the song “As.” I guess I just needed to have a deep cry time then.

I have lots of signs for other people too.  For my husband Jacques, it’s hearing the song “My Funny Valentine” or just smelling Italian food.  For Daddy, it’s ice cream and sirens. For mom it’s chicken fried steak, tamale pie, and solitaire. For my sister Linda, it’s tea and bees. There’s a special sign or two for every loved one I’m grieving.

What are your signs? Do certain things trigger smiles, tears, and memories? Pay attention to those signs when you recognize them and take a breath, take a moment, smile when you can, and remember the special kind of love you shared with your loved one who is remembering you.

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here