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70

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Earlier in life, I thought 70 was pretty old. Now that I am 70, I’ve changed my mind on that. The older I get, the younger I feel. When my mother was 70, she looked and acted like my former perception of 70, so I thought that was what was in store for me. I’ve since drastically changed my perception. Now I know that I can have and do anything I want, and I can release everything I know longer need. What does that look like?

When I have faced a few health challenges, I pay attention to them and reflect on what the challenges are trying to teach me. For instance, when I started getting dehydrated, I realized that I needed to drink more water. I know that sounds simple, but I just hadn’t been paying attention to what I was drinking, so when I drank less, I also ate less and started to feel lousy. I saw that there was a simple fix to that, and as I drank more, I started to eat more, and my energy came back, and I feel so much better! This made me remember that taking good care of my self is my priority. Like they say when we fly, put the oxygen mask on yourself first. That’s the only way I will be able to live the life of service that I desire.

Another example was that I was getting so low on energy. I just sat and read or worked on the computer. The longer I sat, the less energy I had. Again, there was an easy cure. I got up! I went to a retreat in the mountains where there was lots of walking in a beautiful space. I visited family who walk everywhere, and I went on beautiful walks with them.  I even went to an Aeriel yoga class. Floating in silk doing Vipassana was a transforming experience! Now I am looking forward to the joy of movement, of walking, of feeling wonderful!

My Ohana, Hawaiian for family, gave me a wonderful celebration in honor of my birthday. I danced all night and loved every moment! That felt so great! I realize the age is just a number. I can choose to feel old. I can choose to feel young. I choose to feel great in every moment and to release any thought or stuff that no longer serve me! My intention in this new decade is to focus on life, on living, on service, and on love! And I encourage you to join me on this journey.

 

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The Joy of Self-Expression and Actualization

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In my Reclaiming Your Joy After Loss group in Facebook, Teresa suggested that I write about the joy of self-expression and self-actualization. I love this idea because participating in self-expression led to my self-actualization after Ron’s death.

Throughout my life, I have thrived on self-expression, whether it be through creating a home for my family, loving my husbands, writing books, teaching, acting, weaving, quilting, cooking, painting, or expressing love to others. After Ron’s transition, I found myself questioning what I was supposed to do next. While I have greatly enjoyed expressing myself up to this point, I felt like there must be something more, something else I was meant to do. I spent much time in meditation dwelling on this subject, and I started listening to my intuition. When our good friend Chappy died suddenly, I knew immediately that I needed to write his wife Lori a letter from my heart with things she needed to know right then. That letter led to me creating cards to send her for 52 weeks, the first years of her grief. The messages in those cards just flowed out from me over a period of two days. These cards led me to write my book, Reclaiming Joy After Loss and start a group to help those grieving write through their loss. Which led to my group online and my online classes on writing through loss.

All of this self-expression let me to know that I have discovered my life’s purpose, my self-actualization, of helping others actively work through their grief to discover joy again. This process has brought me to a place of great peace. I look at things objectively without judgement. I practice deep gratitude very day. I easily focus on problem solving in a gentle, positive, constructive manner. I greatly enjoy time in meditation and just sitting on my lanai (patio in Hawaiian) watching the beautiful view and listening to the birds. I welcome opportunities to support others through the grieving process. I am open to new experiences and meeting new people, and I am greatly enjoying the journey of my life!

What can you do to practice self-expression? The easy answer is, whatever you want! Start simply by writing a Facebook post, or by posting a favorite picture on Instagram. Paint something beautiful. If you have always wanted to paint but don’t feel you know how, take a class. Or take a class in anything you’ve always wanted to do like ceramics, golf, or dance. Or take classes to explore your beliefs and spirituality. Discover a way that you can best express yourself, then do it. Make time to do it on a regular basis. Make that time sacred so you won’t talk yourself out of doing what you love. We are good at that, not allowing ourselves the pleasure we desire. Make yourself your priority in this process.  And each time you accomplish something along this journey, celebrate! Smile! Jump for joy! Post a picture of what you did, or share your accomplishment with a friend.

The more you practice self-expression, and the more ways you discover to express yourself, the closer you will come to your own self-actualization. One day you will wake up and discover that you are there. You have found the meaning of your life. You know what you are supposed to be doing. Your joy will be great. And your life will be even more wonderful. Get started today. What do you really want to do?

 

If you would like to take a class from me about writing your memories, use this link for 25% off the regular price for my blog readers!

 

 

 

Are you afraid?

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When I asked my group what they would like for me to write in a blog, Brandy mentioned the fear of going it alone after being with someone for so many years. I can understand that, and I did experience fear after Jacques died. I was afraid of a violent neighbor. I was afraid of being alone. I was afraid of not knowing what to do. And I kept finding things to be afraid of. When Ron and got together, he taught me about fear. He told me that there are only two real emotions: love and fear. I could choose to be in love, or I could choose to be in fear. At that point, I had fallen in love with Ron, but I still had things I was afraid about. I started researching this idea to see what others thought. I discovered that this concept dated back to ancient times.

What I discovered is that fear is not real. For instance, most of my life I had a deathly fear of heights. I assumed it was because when I was very young, I had fallen out of a two-story window and landed on the concrete fracturing my skull. Now that would be a good reason. I would feel terror whenever I had to be in a situation where I was up high. I would shake, feel sick to my stomach, and become short of breath. I had always worn glasses, and as an adult I discovered I could have Lasik surgery to correct my vision. The surgery was quick and simple, and as I got off of the operating table, I suddenly discovered why I had been afraid of heights. With my astigmatism corrected, the floor was now where it belonged. It no longer appeared to me that each step I took felt like stepping off a cliff. In that instant, my fear of heights disappeared.

The dictionary says that fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous or will cause you pain. If fear is simply an emotion, you can choose not to feel it. If something is dangerous, you can rationally figure out a way to deal with it so as not to experience the danger. For instance, it is dangerous to walk across a busy street without looking both ways. When you look both ways, you will only cross that street when there aren’t vehicles headed your direction thus eliminating the need for fear.

Not experiencing things that will cause you pain is not so simple. You may fear being alone because of the pain of your loved one’s death. That is a cause that you cannot change, but you can look at the situation differently. Consider how that fear serves you. What do you get out of being afraid? Chances are, you don’t get anything positive. If you aren’t getting something positive, why have it?

Recently I had an issue with my kidneys. My friend who is a homeopathic doctor asked me what I was afraid of because in Chinese medicine, fear is the emotion of the kidneys and bladder. I thought about this and realized that at this point in my life I don’t really have any fear. It did cross my mind that both of my husbands died of complications from renal dialysis, but in examining my feelings about that, I realized that I am not afraid of death. I have had a wonderful life full of rich experiences and love, so if I would die right now, it would be with a smile. And it seemed to me that death is the biggest thing that people fear, and if I didn’t fear that, I really am fearless.

When you do discover things that you fear, figure out why you are afraid and fix that. If you fear your financial situation, get help to figure out how to best live within your means and pay off your debts. If you are afraid of being alone, call a friend, take a class, join an organization, or find another way to get out and be with people. If you fear the future, focus right now on loving yourself. Put your energy into that love and how it can serve you. When you bring joy into your life right now, the future won’t be as scary because all you really have is this moment, so make this moment great and full of love, especially self-love.

I recently had a wonderful conversation with Justin Kauflin, a gifted jazz pianist who became totally blind when he was eleven years old. He had become a semi-finalist in the prestigious Thelonious Monk competition, and he was frightened about playing in front of the judges. His fear caused him to not play his best. He didn’t move on in the competition. As he reflected on this experience, he realized that instead of being afraid of performing in front of judges like Herbie Handcock who he greatly admired, he could have felt, “Wow! I get to perform in front of Herbie Handcock!” This experience allowed him to release the stage fright which had plagued him.

As you examine your life and your fears, what do you need to do to release those fears? Think of it as Justin does. I get to live my life! I get to enjoy my moments. I get to love myself and everyone else. How wonderful is that! Start enjoying your moments in this one, right now.

Freedom

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This week we celebrate freedom in the United States of America, so I decided it’s a good time to celebrate my freedom.

I am grateful to live where I am so free. I am free to vote for who and what I want to. I am free to love who I want to. I am free to choose the food I eat. I am free to choose the kind of work I want to do. I am free to believe what I want to.  I am free to drink fresh clean water. I have free time and can do what I want to in that time.

When voting, things don’t always turn out the way I would want them to, but I am grateful to be able to take part in the decisions.

I love unconditionally, and I am thrilled to spend time with those I love the most.

With eating, I choose healthy, non-processed foods, and when I shop at farmer’s markets and produce stands, my food bill is much lower, and I am much healthier by eating yummy fresh fruits and vegetables.

I have worked in many fields in my life from nursing, to teaching, to writing books, to being an entrepreneur, to theatre, to owning a café an cantering, to being a vegan chef, to owning an ambulance company. I love them all and am grateful for the variety of experiences.

I am a spiritual person grateful for meditation, recording my gratitude, living by intention, doing affirmations, praying, and not judging anyone’s beliefs.

I am thrilled to have ready access to all the good, clean water I can drink, bathe in, and use.

I love my free time to use creatively in the arts, to spend time with people, and to serve my community.

Though I miss my sweet husbands on holidays, I take time to reflect on the fun we had on the holidays we shared, and I am grateful for my freedom.

I am free in body, mind, and soul.  I am free to take good care of my body by eating wisely and exercising. I am free to take good care of my mind by reading and being open to learn new things. I take care of my soul by doing my daily spiritual practice, by staying in integrity, and by loving unconditionally.  I am grateful to be free!

I encourage you to reflect on your freedom this week, too!

 

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Birthdays

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Birthdays can be a big challenge. Ron’s Birthday was last week, and it really hit me hard. I thought of his big party we had to celebrate his 70th. We lived very close to a place where we could make our own wine, so months before the party we started creating our wine so it was ready to bottle on his birthday. We invited everyone to come help us and our granddaughter’s jazz trio entertained us while we ate cake, then we all walked to our house for a fabulous Greek dinner. What great time we had! 

My birthday was a week before he died. He was in the hospital and I had been staying with him to help with his care around the clock. On the day of my birthday, he insisted that I go home to shower and had Shena pick me up because I was too tired to drive. Instead of taking me to the hospital, she took me to my favorite restaurant where all our friends were waiting for a birthday party for me. He and Shena had been planned it for me before he ended up in the hospital. It was beautiful, but I just wanted to be back with him. 

His birthday this time made me remember about how we always made our birthdays special for each other, a time to celebrate our lives and our love. Soon it will be my 70th, and I keep thinking how much I wish we could celebrate it together. And I think we will. I will have cake and flowers and a glass of wine like we would have shared, and I will revel in the sweet memories of our special times together while I also realize how far I have come. I am in a good place now, and I know he wanted that for me. 

Love lasts forever, and birthdays are a regular time to reflect and be grateful for all we shared.

 

Be sure to sign up for our closed Facebook group, Reclaiming Your Joy After Loss. This group is just for people like you! And you can sign up for my classes! 

Where are you?

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Every once in a while, taking stock of where you are and what you are doing is a good idea.  Today is my son’s birthday, and it’s caused me to reflect on where I have been, where I am, and where I am going. Right now I feel more grounded than I have ever been. In learning to live in the moment, I have discovered that my life has little stress. I remember going to the doctor in the past and him telling me that I just had to reduce the tress in my life, and my response was “Stress is my life!”

In slowing down to pay attention to my world and what I am doing, I have released that old stress. And let me tell you, I have never felt so good. Knowing that I am responsible for my choices, and that I choose to take care of myself and do what I want to leaves room for so much joy.  And I have discovered that I have also released fear. I used to be afraid of being alone, of not knowing what to do next, but I don’t have to carry those fears. At this moment, I have many people to love, and when I want to be with someone, I can be. And I no longer worry about what to do next because I am fully involved in what I am doing right now.

Are you where you want to be? If yes, how wonderful! Congratulations! If you are not, what can you do in this moment to improve your situation? Do whatever that is, right now!

At this moment, I am sitting outside, listening to the birds, writing this love note to you. And I am spending today preparing for Jason’s birthday party and celebrating with our friends and Ohana, the Hawaiian word for family. What a magnificent, beautiful day! Make you day beautiful and magnificent, too!

 

Be sure to sign up for my class to Reclaim Your Joy!