The Grief and Happiness Alliance

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Freedom From Problems

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Often when grieving and dealing with loss, we feel like life in general is one big problem. We spend our days navigating from one problem to the next. We think if only I could go visit with friends, if only I could keep my home clean, if only I had something constructive to do, if only I could get into an exercise routine, and on and on and on.

You think that once all these problems are solved, you can be happy, you can relax, you won’t have any more problems, but is that true? Not really.  I lived a lot of my life in the “if only” zone. If only I had a degree. If only I had more money. If only I had a wonderful relationship. If only I had another degree. If only I had my own theatre and school of arts.  Each time I accomplished one of these things, the next one was there waiting.

Does this sound familiar to you? You may be living in the “if only” zone too. I hear you saying, but I really want all those things I am saying “if only” about. And I am not saying you can’t have them. When you focus on something, when you give all your attention to it, the result of this is for it to take more and more of your energy, and you have less and less energy to devote to everything else in your life.  The key here is balance.

When I decided to get a master’s degree, it consumed more and more of my energy until I wasn’t focusing on anything else. I spent less and less time with my family, I cooked less, I didn’t participate in organizations I loved, I was lost in books, writing, and studying. While I ultimately reached my goal, the process was grueling, and I was kind of miserable which affected those I loved most.   Reflecting, I see how I could have taken more time to get my degree which would have allowed me more time for what I loved and was missing out on.

Here is how I handled a situation now where there was something I wanted. In dealing with my grief after Ron died, I did a lot of writing, and out of that writing, I was inspired to write a book. My intention was to provide comfort, love, and support to those dealing with loss. I completed the book, then without any effort, I discovered who my agent was supposed to be. We discussed the kind of publisher we wanted, and we started researching. Instead of spending lots of time on getting a publisher, I set my intention to have the perfect publisher for my book.  In the meantime, I found other ways to offer comfort, love, and support to grievers. And I spent my time enjoying my life; I even travelled to Bali pre-Covid. In due time, my agent and I found the perfect publisher and my book is published and available at a time when there is unprecedented grief and loss in so many ways.

Now I choose to focus my energy on what I want. I use my energy positively to create the life I desire to live. Knowing that my energy will expand where I focus, I focus on solutions instead of problems. The result?  I’m not dealing with problems. And life is good!

 

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief  by clicking here at Amazon.

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

A Fresh Start

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We are all ready for a fresh start!  Actually, we get to have a fresh start every day. I have noticed this to be especially true for those dealing with loss.  And while we may think we are ready, we actually need to take action to make it happen.

Waking up each day after my husband died was always kind of a shock. I would be all ready to cuddle up next to him, then I couldn’t. That still happens some mornings. I had to adjust to this so I wouldn’t stay stuck in that lonely place. I started by realizing that each day was a fresh start, a new opportunity to experience every moment.

Every morning I would journal. I thought about discovering my purpose. What did I want to do? And I explored listing things that would make me happy, bring me joy. I started small by choosing one thing I could do, then I progressed from there.  I would choose something like making a list of people I would like to reconnect with.  I prioritized my list and started writing an email or text to one person on the list each day. Writing instead of calling helped with the anxiety I had that I might break down if I heard their voices. This simple practice started bringing me much needed human connection.  Most people wrote back, and hearing from them felt so good.  The more I wrote these notes, the better I felt, and the longer the list got!

Reaching out was a small step, and doing it boosted my mood and opened my curiosity as to what to do next.  I realized that I was in control of my ability to move forward, to discover what I wanted or needed out of each moment.  If something didn’t turn out the way I imagined it would, I saw that in the next moment, I could try something different.  I didn’t put pressure on myself, and I was grateful for my new experiences.

When 2021 came, I knew this was a big fresh start, yet the start of the year was a little rocky. So now I am declaring for myself that today, 1 20 21 is my new fresh start.  I am making a list of things to focus on and to experience.  At the top of that list is staying positive. I will smile as I go about my day and always actively practice gratitude. I encourage you to recognize your fresh start too!  What will you focus on?

 

This week is the fresh start for my new book, Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief which launches this week. This book is a demonstration of a huge fresh start for me after Ron died. I started writing a little big each day, and that led to this beautiful book that I know will bring comfort and help to all who read it.

 

If you would like to attend the book launch for Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief, please email me at emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and I will send you a Zoom link.

You can preorder the book by clicking here at Amazon.

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Busy-ness

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Do you go to bed with your mind sorting out all the things you have to do, then wake up with more things on your list? That’s been me lately.  I have been doing well for a long time with keeping things balanced and prioritizing but have found myself being somewhat overwhelmed and with getting ready to launch my book, Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief, on January 23. I am even starting to feel a bit stressed.

For most of my life I did so much that when I was asked if I was stressed, I would say “Stress is my life.” Now I know that doesn’t serve me, and I have been feeling great with my well-balanced life, but this incredible opportunity of getting my book out there is something I plan to do my very best at, so I am busy.  Realizing that January 23rd is coming soon is a blessing.  This high level of activity won’t last forever, so I am figuring out how to make the best use of my time while taking care of myself. These are a couple of things you can do too when you get busy or stressed.

First, I am my priority. Like what the flight attendants used to tell us back when we could fly, “Put the oxygen mask on yourself first.”  When I get busy or stressed, I easily forget to eat wisely and drink water.  Now, I set good nutrition and hydration as a number one priority.  If I don’t have the fuel, I can get anything done.

Second, I start each say with my spiritual practice where I meditate, write in my journal, write what I am grateful for, write my affirmations, write my intention, and write something that brought me joy the day before. This may seem like a lot, but it doesn’t take long and brings focus into my life.  This also allows me to prioritize what is most important.

When I do each of these things intentionally each day, everything just falls into place.  My breathing slows, I smile, and the day is beautiful.

I am so glad I wrote this today! I feel much better now!

 

Send me an email if you would like to receive an invitation to my book launch on Zoom January 23 at 11 AM PST. emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com

Pre-order my book Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Sign up for my free Zoom class: Writing Together Through Grief by clicking here.

Christmas Songs

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I watched a little television special with holiday songs last night, and it brought back many memories.  I started putting specific memories with songs, and it wove a lovely tapestry for me of Christmas throughout my life.

My first memory of a Christmas song was of Daddy singing “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth” to me.  Now, he wasn’t a singer, but I was missing those teeth, and he would get so tickled singing the song that we laughed a lot. Daddy also loved to sing “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus,” and he’d steal a kiss every time he sang it.

“Away in a Manger” was the song I remembered from church. Not knowing my eventual affinity for theatre, what I remember is how much I wanted to play the part of Mary, what my costume would look like, how long I would have to sit perfectly still because that was what all the Mary’s in the nativity scenes did, who would play the part of the baby, and where did baby’s come from anyway?

I loved to go caroling and sing “Joy to the World,” “Deck the Halls,” and “Jingle Bells.”  And I swooned when I heard Elvis sing “Blue Christmas” on the radio. I also liked (at that time) “The Chipmunk Song” (Christmas Don’t be Late,) because we actually had a chipmunk living is a cage at our house, a gift that soon went to my aunt for her elementary school classroom. And in high school we loved to dance to “Jingle Bell Rock” at our winter formal.

When I went away to college, the holidays were lonely and I’d listen to “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” and “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” and cry a little. I knew that the big family gatherings would never be the same as all my older cousins were moving away and getting married. I dreamed about what my upcoming holidays would hold.

When my babies were little, all the lyrics of all the Christmas songs I had learned over the years came back to me, and I was singing to them all the time. I loved to hold them tight and see the joy on their faces.

My husband Jacques was a fabulous singer, and he’d sing Christmas songs every chance he got.  One of his favorites was “Baby it’s Cold Outside.” I know that song is out of favor now, but my memory of it was the joy he showed when he sang it with someone and how playful they made it.  I always wished my voice was good enough to sing it with him. He also loved playing Santa in the plush costume I made for him. He was even Santa in the advertisements for the big mall. We was so cute in that suit with his real salt and pepper hair and beard. I always think of him when I hear “Here Comes Santa Claus.”

My husband Ron introduced me to “Love Actually,” a romantic movie he watched at least once every year. And, of course, I love the song they sang in that movie, especially when he sang it to me: “All I Want for Christmas is You!”  Last night I heard his favorite Christmas song, “Mary Did You Know,” and it brought tears.

And now that I live in Hawaii, I love “Mele Kalikimaka.”

What are your special holiday songs?  How do they make you feel? What memories come up when you hear them? Holidays can be lonely when you are dealing with loss, but they also can be happy when you fill them with memories. You can find your favorite songs on YouTube and other places online. Put them on, crank them up, and sing along with tears, or joy, or both!  Happy Holidays!

 

Pre-order my book Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Sign up for my free Zoom class: Writing Together Through Grief by clicking here.

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

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This week I share with you the beautiful forward Michael Bernard Beckwith wrote for my book Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief: A Comprehensive Guide to Reclaiming and Cultivating Joy and Carrying On in the Face of Loss. The release date for the book is January 19, 2021, and it is available now for preorder on Amazon.

 

Forward for Loving and Living Your Way through Grief by Michael Bernard Beckwith

Oftentimes when a loved one dies, its sting can catch and hold us in a web of grief, loss, and even despair.  As we tend to feel emotionally, soulfully, and even physically connected to our loved ones, these relationships often provide us with a profound sense of intimacy, comfort, and stasis, and can become the very foundation of who we believe we are.  So when they die, it can feel like pieces of our very identity has been snatched away, and the sense of loss is felt at the core of our being.  Such feelings of loss often engender variations of the questions: Why did this have to happen?  Why did they have to leave?  Who am I without them in my life?  How am I supposed to live without them? What will I do? Although such inquiries are typically borne of grief, when understood within a spiritual context, they can provide the opportunity for intense inner reflection and contemplation, and ultimately, transformation.

You see, not only is it possible to live happily and thrive after a loved one transitions, it is required of us as the eternal and expansive beings we actually are.  Many of us have been conditioned to experience our earthly lives and relationships through our physical senses, to what and whom we can see, hear, and touch, so we are attached to this as the ideal experience. However, limiting our ability to feel and share love, intimacy, beauty, and bliss to only that which we can see, hear, and touch, literally blunts our awareness of our innate cosmic connection to our supernal reality in which these conditions actually exist.

It would support us immensely to remember that while the terms of our relationship with our loved ones may change, the nature and reality of it doesn’t, as Real Love, in its eternality, can never “die.” To grasp this, we must rethink and process how we relate, how we love, and what actually constitutes an unconditionally loving relationship from within.  Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief can be your trusted resource and guide through that process back to recognizing Real Love.  Emily is a living example of someone who, instead of merely coping with her grief and sorrow, transcended those experiences to live an authentically peaceful and joyful life through spiritual self-discovery.

I met Emily through her husband and my good friend, Rev. Ron Threatt, when they attended Agape International Spiritual Center while living in Los Angeles.  I saw Emily’s spiritual growth through her right use of spiritual principles in a very powerful way.  When Ron passed, you could simultaneously see her sadness and loss while embracing the spiritual principles that ultimately pulled her through.  Through her spiritual practice and self-realization, Emily was able to ultimately alchemize her sadness into a deeper awareness of Love, earning her invaluable revelations, insights, and the wisdom that comes with spiritual transformation that both allows and calls her to minister to and support others who are grieving from the loss of not only a loved one, but loss of any kind.

Study this book and utilize its practices.  It will support you in taking back your mind, heart, and life from merely coping and getting by after loss, to living and loving—freely and unconditionally—as you you’re meant to. As Emily says, “By approaching this process with an open heart and open arms, we can all learn, love, share and be the best that we can be.”

Peace & Richest Blessings,

Michael Bernard Beckwith 

Founder & Spiritual Director, Agape International Spiritual Center

Author, Life Visioning and Spiritual Liberation

 

Pre-order my book Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Sign up for my free Zoom class: Writing Together Through Grief by clicking here.

The Old You

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I went for a walk and saw no one on the way until I spotted a neighbor I had not meant before. We stayed a careful distance apart, but I could tell she was eager to talk. She expressed her amazement with all that is happening in our country between the pandemic and demonstrations. She proudly announced that she is 90 years old and finds it curious that all the “young people” are expecting things to go back to the way they were before all these things started to happen. Then she wisely said, “You know, things will never go back. They will never be the same.”

This conversation reminded me of how many of the grieving people I talk to mention that they want things to be the way they were before, or they want things to return to normal, but as my new friend said, that’s not going to happen. In reflecting on my own situation, I realized I do not want anything to go back because I know I am right where I am supposed to be right now, living in this moment.

I spent a great deal of my younger life living in a world of “if only.”  I thought if only I could have children, if only I could graduate from college, if only I could be married to someone I shared unconditional love with, if only I had more money, and on and on. Wherever I was wasn’t where I thought I wanted to be. All these things actually came to pass, and as they did, instead of celebrating and enjoying what I accomplished, I slipped into yearning for the next thing that could change my life if only I had it.

I am at a place now when I recognize that where I am in this moment is exactly where I want to be, and I am grateful. Yet now I am looking beyond just me to the rest of the world. What I see is confusion, anger, disappointment, suffering, and grief. This is not the ideal world I wanted to live in. I do see our world is waking up not only to the possibility of but the necessity of change.

We can’t go back to the way things were, to the comfort of living in our own isolation, self-absorbed with our individual desires and beliefs. I do see people learning what racism actually is an what can be done about it. I do see people demonstrating their desire for change, for peace, for governess based on love. I do see people working on accessible voting for all so that we all have a voice in this change. I do see essential workers making great sacrifices for the rest of us. I see compassion demonstrated on a larger scale than has been done before.

We have started a revolution in America like none other. As we wake up, my dream is to live in a world of unconditional love. No more hate. No more fear. Is this possible? I say yes, yet lots of change has to come in the process. No, we don’t want to go back to the old us, to the way things were before. We can work together to make everything the very best it can be. We can each commit, right now, to actively do whatever we can to make our country a place to be proud of. To make our world a safe place to life together.

Are you ready? Let’s make it happen!

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