The Grief and Happiness Alliance

bereavement gifts

Grateful for Love

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Holidays bring memories of our precious loved ones who aren’t at the table. Try finding ways to feel their presence.  I start every day with my journal, so on holidays I always write to my loved ones. Many of us have the tradition of saying what we are thankful for at the table before we eat. I do that, and I also write in my journal something I am grateful for about my loved ones. And I record special memories. Starting my day that way allows me to feel their comfort all day.

I remember home cured olives mom’s friends would bring. I remember putting my handprint on a steamy kitchen window while relishing the fragrance of sage and thyme. I remember laughter and storytelling at the table. Most Thanksgivings I’ve invited people who don’t have someplace else to go. We’ve had traveling nurses, actors, friends we rarely saw, and even ex-wives—. We share memories of our loved ones and often raise a toast in honor of them.

I usually don’t wear jewelry any more with my casual island lifestyle. But during the holidays I make an exception. I’ll wear the ruby ring my Daddy gave me for my 16th birthday to remember him by. I wear the ring Jacques had made for me with my children’s birthstones. I wear my wedding ring and Ron’s that I had fused together. And I wear lots of other beautiful things that remind me of the great lives I have experienced, and still experience now in a different way.

For dinner we have special foods that say Thanksgiving to me. I love to make the herby dressing my mom did and the cornbread stuffing my mother-in-law Fran always made. And I always make what mom called Waldorf salad that isn’t like any recipe I’ve seen. Most people don’t care for it, but for my son and I, it wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without  its yumminess.

And the day wouldn’t be complete without music, so in the background there will always be some J. S. Bach and some smooth jazz. Make your holiday special, even if you aren’t preparing a feast. Fill it with loving memories and smiles. Text your loved ones who aren’t there with you, and savor the love you have had throughout your life.

I’m sending you lots of comfort for a day filled with love.

 

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

 

The Gifts You Give Blog

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This year seems to have flown by. November suddenly appeared on my calendar and all those end-of-year have-tos took over my mind like Christmas cards, gifts, gatherings, and special events. I took a deep breath and made a decision to be mindful this holiday season. I am making a list of all I think I should do, and when I finish that list, I will go back and eliminate anything that doesn’t make me happy. I already feel better about the season.

Of the items I have left on my list, I am planning when to accomplish them being sure not to plan them too close together to allow me the space to relax and enjoy what I do. For instance, I love to make Christmas cards. I’ve been thinking all year of the design for the front of the card. I have been using drawings that I have done for about five years. Since I have been doing watercolor painting this year, I am switching to that.

Ron and I wrote together the sentiment we put inside of every card. I’ve used those same words for about eight years, so this year I am writing something fresh. And I am creating those cards by the third week in November so they will be mailed at the start of December with no stress.

I am also creating a list of who I will give gifts to. I’ve noticed that I have been receiving fewer gifts each year, so this year I am examining my gift list to make thoughtful choices of the people I give gifts to. I used to feel obligated to give many gifts which was a burden on my time and resources. I see now that I was choosing to do that, and I no longer feel the need to make that choice. I feel relieved already!

Minimal decorations for my home will allow it to feel more spacious and showcase the items I have collected over the years that I cherish and bring me memories that make me smile. That way there is not as much put out and then put away later.

Taking the time to write this has allowed me to see that I am simplifying my December plans so much that have nothing to stress about this season. This is allowing me to experience the peace and grace of the season that I have been much too busy to enjoy in the past. This is the best gift I can give to myself.

What can you do now at the beginning of November to allow you to experience your best holiday season ever? Happy holidays!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

Lani

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Yesterday I went to the beach here on Maui to watch a group of children learn about a special tradition we do in Hawaii. There were twelve children, 6 boys and 6 girls. They were brought together by two organizations, Experience Camps and Camp Manitou to spend 5 days in beautiful Maui. All the children are dealing with the grief of a close loved one. I went to their special ceremony on their final day.

We met on the beach, and a Kupuna, an honored Hawaiian elder, spoke about how in Hawaii, the people looked up at the sky and noticed how it joins with the ocean where they blend together. She said how most people look into the sky for heaven, but Hawaiians see the ocean and sky together as one, and they call that Lani, the Hawaiian word for heaven. In Hawaii, when someone dies, a celebration is often held at the beach, where flowers are released into the ocean/lani to celebrate them.

The children and their counselors all went out into the ocean in canoes and on paddle boards. They gathered in a group where orchids and plumerias were given to the children to release into the water. Then to their surprise, a helicopter arrived above them. Because it was a rescue helicopter, it had a siren going, which delighted the children. Then cascades of flowers were released over the children to join them in honoring their loved ones. All of the adults on the beach were in awe and tears.

In our society, we often equate grief with older people, yet we all experience different kinds of grieving throughout our lifetimes. The concept of death may sometimes be beyond the understanding of our children, and they are often left alone in their sorrow or, even worse, taunted or bullied about their grief by their peers.  Allowing children to be with others who are also dealing with loss can help normalize the experience for them.

I am including the link below for Experience Camps which has a beautiful, inspiring short video about Experience Camps, and an article from their website called “Can we please stop grief shaming.” Think about the grief children are experiencing. You’ll never know when you may discover a child you can comfort during this challenging experience.

When my husband Ron died, the people who attended the ash scattering service all showed up with grocery bags full of flowers from their yards for us to take out on the canoes to release with the ashes. Then when my sister died during the pandemic, I couldn’t go to be with my family. I took flowers from my yard to the beach and released them thinking of her. Yesterday the Kapuna handed me flowers, so I released them into the lani with such sweet memories. This beautiful tradition I will always remember, and whenever I go to the ocean, I will do so with love, sweet memories, and flowers.

 

Link to Experience Camps

Link to Experience Camps blog Can We Please Stop Grief Shaming?

Link to Camp Manitou

 

https://experiencecamps.org/

https://experiencecamps.org/blog/can-we-please-stop-grief-shaming

https://campmanitou.mb.ca/

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Guide by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

 

Kindness

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My good friend Reverend Richard Carlini once said, “Become highly responsive to a kindness done.” I hadn’t really thought about kindness from that perspective before. I focus on being kind, but now I’ve realized the importance of receiving as well as giving.

Think about the last time someone did something kind for you.  Maybe a friend asked you to go on a walk with her.  Or maybe a friend shared something with you she baked or some vegetables she picked from her garden. Or someone called just to see how you are doing. How did you respond?

For some people, giving just comes naturally with no thought of receiving recognition or thanks in return. While others do something they believe is kind just because they want or need acknowledgment. I have got to admit, that sometimes I don’t even recognize the significance of a beautiful, kind action. I am making a commitment right now to start paying attention.

I knew a man who created a big campaign to encourage people to practice random acts of kindness. He was a college professor and started the project by making it an assignment for his classes.  This became a movement and people were happily competing to see who could be most kind.  They especially loved doing things surreptitiously so they could just experience the joy of giving with no expectation.

A movie came out in 2000 called Pay It Forward. I’ve remembered it after all these years because it was such a great idea. A teacher created a Social Studies assignment to create something to change the world. And one student came up with the idea that when someone receives a kindness, instead of doing something to pay back that kindness, the receiver would do new good deeds for three other people, thus multiplying the initial kindness. I loved that idea and started putting it in action in my life.

I encourage you to consider the kindness in your life that you give and that you receive. How can you appreciate acts of kindness? How can you become “highly responsive to a kindness”? Know that paying attention and being benevolent is a sure way to bring you more smiles and spread happiness!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

The Magic of Kindness

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I’m sure we have all had times when we don’t feel our best for one reason or another. When that happens, we have a choice. We can remain sad, or grumpy, or just feeling bad, or we can figure out how to do something about it.

I have been under the weather for a couple of weeks. Lots of symptoms and very weak. And I have experienced loving kindness in ways I never have before. Friends check up on me by email or text. Others just say yes if I ask for anything like a ride to the doctor or to pick up medication at the drugstore.

One dear friend who has worn dreadlocks for years smiled as he told me I look rasta. I realized then that I hadn’t been combing my hair. I’ve been very weak, and looking in the mirror, I kind of panicked! I was concerned that a new very short hairstyle was in my future. I called the stylist who cuts my hair occasionally. She said not to worry.  She would come to my home and knew how to comb it out without damage. What a relief.

A dear neighbor drops by with perfect little meals for me that taste so good even when I don’t feel like eating. And a doctor friend and nurse practitioner friend each helped navigate the medical system to get me what I needed. And a minister/nurse dear friend checked on me from far away regularly for much needed moral support.

All of this was so wonderful, and I don’t know what I would do without any of it. But the real magic came when two very special people came from the Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization board to facilitate the meetings we have every Sunday for those dealing with loss. With no voice or energy, I could only watch from the background, and I was amazed by the compassion, support, and love all the participants shared as they reflected on their experiences with unconditional love they have had while dealing with their grief.

Humbled and in tears, I recognized the immense value of these meetings and the importance of the work we do to bring these gatherings to people at no charge. My strong intention is to spread this movement all over the world to make this loving kindness available to all.

I am deeply grateful to everyone who has been helping me along this journey. I know I will get better, and when I do, I hope you’ll join me in bringing loving kindness to all.

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

I’m sure we have all had times when we don’t feel our best for one reason or another. When that happens, we have a choice. We can remain sad, or grumpy, or just feeling bad, or we can figure out how to do something about it.

 

I have been under the weather for a couple of weeks. Lots of symptoms and very weak. And I have experienced loving kindness in ways I never have before. Friends check up on me by email or text. Others just say yes if I ask for anything like a ride to the doctor or to pick up medication at the drugstore.

 

One dear friend who has worn dreadlocks for years smiled as he told me I look rasta. I realized then that I hadn’t been combing my hair. I’ve been very weak, and looking in the mirror, I kind of panicked! I was concerned that a new very short hairstyle was in my future. I called the stylist who cuts my hair occasionally. She said not to worry.  She would come to my home and knew how to comb it out without damage. What a relief.

 

A dear neighbor drops by with perfect little meals for me that taste so good even when I don’t feel like eating. And a doctor friend and nurse practitioner friend each helped navigate the medical system to get me what I needed. And a minister/nurse dear friend checked on me from far away regularly for much needed moral support.

 

All of this was so wonderful, and I don’t know what I would do without any of it. But the real magic came when two very special people came from the Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization board to facilitate the meetings we have every Sunday for those dealing with loss. With no voice or energy, I could only watch from the background, and I was amazed by the compassion, support, and love all the participants shared as they reflected on their experiences with unconditional love they have had while dealing with their grief.

 

Humbled and in tears, I recognized the immense value of these meetings and the importance of the work we do to bring these gatherings to people at no charge. My strong intention is to spread this movement all over the world to make this loving kindness available to all.

 

I am deeply grateful to everyone who has been helping me along this journey. I know I will get better, and when I do, I hope you’ll join me in bringing loving kindness to all.

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by CLICKING HERE

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by CLICKING HERE

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by CLICKING HERE at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, HERE

You can order the International Best-Selling book that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by CLICKING HERE

 

 

Christmas Presence

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This holiday season, give yourself the gift of being present. This season can be filled with memories which can bring you down or lift you up. Choose to focus on those good memories.

When Jacques and I got married, we wanted to establish a new tradition for our Christmas dinner.  His mother was from Sicily, and we all loved pasta, so we decided to make ravioli together.  Jacques made the sauce, my mother-in-law made the different filling, and I made the pasta dough. Then the three of us sat around a table and created the ravioli by cutting pieces of pasta, filling them, and sealing them by pressing with the tines of a fork.  We serve it with fresh Pecorino Romano cheese.  The family loved it!

With Ron, one year we prepared a big dinner where his children, his mom, and his two former wives and their husbands came. We had a wonderful time sharing their favorite Christmas stories. I love how we all got along so well. We loved to sit outside in front of a warm fire in our chiminea and just enjoy each other’s company. I love to cook and entertain, so our Christmas’s together were stress free.

I realized today that I have never spent a Christmas alone. Whether with family or friends, I have always had someone to share with. The comfort of some form of companionship during the holidays is priceless. I also always seek ways to help others from baking cookies and treats for the homeless shelter and the women’s shelter, to visiting with people in a rest home who had no one to share holidays with.

I remember my husbands and other loved ones who have died by writing them each a letter, and sometimes writing a letter back to me from them.  I also make sure to call or text people I know will be alone or dealing with grief during their holidays just to express my love and support to them.

To me, Christmas is not about the presents, but it is about staying in the present moment, realizing, and experiencing fully all the love, joy, and beauty of my life experience.

How can you experience your presence this holiday season?

Happy holidays!

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, here:

https://smile.amazon.com/Ignite-Forgiveness-Journey-Peace-Harmony-ebook/dp/B0BLFCYYD6/ref=sr_1_1?crid=9C6VAFE42H5C&keywords=ignite+forgiveness+book&qid=1669836040&sprefix=Ignite+forg%2Caps%2C284&sr=8-1