The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Celebration

A Round Rainbow

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I see beautiful rainbows on Maui most days. Some rise from the ocean on one side of the island and dive down into the ocean on the other side of the island. Some are short swaths painted against a cloud, and others a giant double rainbow with a big bright rainbow in front and what seems to be a pale shadow in the back.

I live on the side of Haleakala volcano, so sometimes I see the top of a rainbow at the bottom of my property reminding me that I live over the rainbow. Some days I see multiple rainbows at the same time. On Christmas Eve one year, I got to bring my husband home from the hospital for one more Christmas we hadn’t been sure we would get to share.  On that trip home, we saw seven different rainbows.

The first time I saw Makawao Union Church, a glorious old stone church with a tall steeple, I saw I giant rainbow coming out of that steeple. And I have seen the end of a rainbow touch the ground many times. We even have a rainbow on our car license plates!

Recently I flew to Oahu on a day trip. The air was so clear, and the sparkling ocean was many shades of blue and green. As I was looking out the window, a puffy white cloud was floating by and I saw a reflection of the jet I was in surrounded by a rainbow in a perfect circle. My first instinct was that it was an optical illusion. It floated by quickly, so I couldn’t take a picture or share what I saw with the person sitting next to me. He was a film maker who makes outdoor movies, and he told me what I saw is real, and it is called a Glory.

He said that all rainbows are actually round, but almost all of the time we can just see what is above the surface. I googled it, and he was correct. And in most of the images I found online, there was a jet right in the middle of the circle.

As I gazed at the image of the Glory, I envisioned a Mexican folk art candle holder that we have which is called a circle of friends. The candle holder is a sculpture of several friends standing in a circle, arms interlocked, indicating the close bond of friendship. When a votive candle is burned in the center of the circle as the symbol of a bonfire, shadows can be cast so the friends seem to be dancing. When a friend gives this candle holder to another friend, it solidifies their bond of friendship for life.

As I considered this experience, the Glory and the circle of friends melded to create seven concentric circles of friends, each representing a different culture and color of the rainbow, surrounding the earth with love and friendship. I could hear them singing John Lennon’s song Imagine,

“Imagine all the people . . . .

Livin’ for today . . . .

Livin’ life in peace . . . .

No need for greed or hunger . . . .

Sharing all the world . . . .

You may say I’m a dreamer,

But I’m not the only one

I hope someday you’ll join us

And the world will live as one.”

 

While there is much beauty in the world we can see, we often see only what we expect to, but if we are open and receptive, we can experience so much more. I don’t know about you, but I’ll never look at a rainbow the same way again.

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries in that I wrote a chapter, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

New Year, New You

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While time may seem to stand still while in early grief, it will start picking up speed. Now, each year now seems to fly by faster than the last. The good news is there are ways you can more effectively deal with time to make it your friend.

I know I say this often, but I learned by experience to stay focused on the moment. By being present in each moment, a moment at a time is manageable. In this moment, I am writing to you to help you feel better as I listen to Yo-Yo Mah play Bach on his cello, with the birds in my yard singing cheery songs to each other while feeling a light cool breeze on a sunny day with blue skies. What a lovely way to spend these moments with you.

When you fill your life with all that is good and beautiful, there’s not so much room left to slide into the blues.  Look around you right now and identify 10 good and/or beautiful things you enjoy. While you did this little exercise, I doubt you had room left in your moment for any sadness to sneak in. How easy was that!

I love to make lists because I learn so much from them. You could make a list of 5 things you love to eat that you haven’t had in a while. Then plan how to work those 5 things into your food planning for this week.  Things on my list would be things like marmalade; fresh baked bread; spinach salad with strawberries, goat cheese, and poppyseed dressing; homemade pizza, and Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ice cream of course.

Try writing a list of friends you’d like to talk to, then call them or invite them out for coffee. Or you could make a list of movies you’d like to see or books you’d like to read. Or make a list of creative things you’d like to try.  I taught myself how to paint watercolor flowers by watching YouTube videos, and I taught myself how to draw by taking a class at a local art center. The gist here is to do something. Anything. Get creative and see what you come up with, then do it!

After my husband died, I realized that the new year was approaching, and I decided I had to make a change. I had been spending way too much of my time alone, not doing anything in particular. In the past I had made New Year’s Resolutions, but like most of us, I forgot what most of them were by the end of January.  I decided that I would set one intention for the year and stick to it.  I just had to figure out what that intention would be. What came to me was to accept invitations. I hadn’t been receiving any invitations, but my feeling was so strong to make this my intention that I decided to give it a try.

Some of the invitations were for little things and others were huge, and I had an amazing time with all I did. I realized that I actually had some invitations before this, but then I automatically turned them down because I was grieving and didn’t want to be a wet blanket. Giving up that sad story allowed me to do things I wouldn’t have dreamed of before from watching a movie my friend suggested, to going to a Patti LaBelle concert, to being on the Ethics Committee for the local medical center, to driving the follow car for a 24-hour bicycle race, to creating a film festival, to going to South Africa! Whew! That’s a lot, but I did even more.

My intention became to say yes first, then allow myself to figure things out. This year of Yes changed my life.  I found that I enjoyed my job teaching at the university much more, I made new friends, I found a new place for me to live, and I smiled. I smiled a lot. My aches and pains and physical complaints melted away. I felt so much better.  And I felt so good, that I found it easy to stay positive and live my life full out in a way that supported me and made me happy, so I have kept it up.

This year my intention was to publish another book and become a best-selling author. I became an international best-selling author when I wrote a chapter for Ignite Forgiveness and that intention came true the first weekend that was published.  And I am finishing up my next book that is being published in March. If you asked me after either of my husband’s died if I would ever do all the things I listed here, I wouldn’t have believed you. But I did all this and much more by learning to say yes and believe that I could fulfill the intentions I make.

As you look at this upcoming year, decide what intention you are going to write. Try choosing just one knowing that it will happen. And when it does, choose another. Your beautiful, surprising life is just waiting for you to say YES!

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, here:

https://smile.amazon.com/Ignite-Forgiveness-Journey-Peace-Harmony-ebook/dp/B0BLFCYYD6/ref=sr_1_1?crid=9C6VAFE42H5C&keywords=ignite+forgiveness+book&qid=1669836040&sprefix=Ignite+forg%2Caps%2C284&sr=8-1

Christmas Presence

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This holiday season, give yourself the gift of being present. This season can be filled with memories which can bring you down or lift you up. Choose to focus on those good memories.

When Jacques and I got married, we wanted to establish a new tradition for our Christmas dinner.  His mother was from Sicily, and we all loved pasta, so we decided to make ravioli together.  Jacques made the sauce, my mother-in-law made the different filling, and I made the pasta dough. Then the three of us sat around a table and created the ravioli by cutting pieces of pasta, filling them, and sealing them by pressing with the tines of a fork.  We serve it with fresh Pecorino Romano cheese.  The family loved it!

With Ron, one year we prepared a big dinner where his children, his mom, and his two former wives and their husbands came. We had a wonderful time sharing their favorite Christmas stories. I love how we all got along so well. We loved to sit outside in front of a warm fire in our chiminea and just enjoy each other’s company. I love to cook and entertain, so our Christmas’s together were stress free.

I realized today that I have never spent a Christmas alone. Whether with family or friends, I have always had someone to share with. The comfort of some form of companionship during the holidays is priceless. I also always seek ways to help others from baking cookies and treats for the homeless shelter and the women’s shelter, to visiting with people in a rest home who had no one to share holidays with.

I remember my husbands and other loved ones who have died by writing them each a letter, and sometimes writing a letter back to me from them.  I also make sure to call or text people I know will be alone or dealing with grief during their holidays just to express my love and support to them.

To me, Christmas is not about the presents, but it is about staying in the present moment, realizing, and experiencing fully all the love, joy, and beauty of my life experience.

How can you experience your presence this holiday season?

Happy holidays!

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, here:

https://smile.amazon.com/Ignite-Forgiveness-Journey-Peace-Harmony-ebook/dp/B0BLFCYYD6/ref=sr_1_1?crid=9C6VAFE42H5C&keywords=ignite+forgiveness+book&qid=1669836040&sprefix=Ignite+forg%2Caps%2C284&sr=8-1

 

Finding Happiness During The Holidays

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If you are anticipating that your holidays will not be the same as they were before, you are correct. They won’t be the same, yet when you look at all your holidays past, none of them were the same. Now is the time to take really good care of yourself and create the holidays you would like to have this year.

Consider what is most important to you during the season. Prioritize what you would love to experience.  Here are some ideas.

  • What holiday event have you always wanted to go to but for some reason, it didn’t fit into your plans in the past.
    • Have you been to a live performance of the Nutcracker Ballet?
    • How about a performance of Handle’s Messiah?
    • Maybe there is a local play or choir concert.
  • What could you do to serve those less fortunate where you live?
    • Maybe you could plan a pampering day for women in a local shelter.
    • If you’d like a big holiday dinner, who can you invite who would have been alone at dinner time?
    • Is there a local food drive you could make a part of your new holiday tradition?
  • Maybe you could do something special for the children in your family or neighborhood.
    • Gathering children to do a craft project to create a paper chain where they write their wishes on the links could be fun.
    • You could gather some children and read positive stories to them.
    • You could accompany children to go caroling around the neighborhood or to a senior center
    • Schedule selfcare just to pamper you.
    • Schedule a manicure or a facial.
    • Invite a friend you’d love to spend some time with to coffee or to lunch.
    • Go someplace you have never been before for the holidays

On every holiday, I write a letter to who I am grieving. In my case, there are several people, so there are several letters.  I take my time with each letter writing out whatever I want to tell them.  Sometimes I have tears when I write the letters, and just as often, I smile.  I open my heart and reflect on how my life is going, and most times, despite some sorrow, I feel better each time I write the letters.

My favorite part of my letter writing is that after I write each letter, I write a second letter from the person I wrote to back to me. I don’t think about what I write or judge what I am saying.  I just let my thoughts flow, and when I finish the letter, I take a deep breath, and then I read that letter.  This is a time of discovery for me. I reflect on the depth of love, respect, caring, and kindness of the loved ones I am corresponding with. And I know each of them is always in my heart forever.

Instead of anticipating sorrow for the season, focus on planning joy. Focus on your precious self. When you take good care of yourself first, you can relish in the discover of the joy and positivity that will flow your way.

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, here:

https://smile.amazon.com/Ignite-Forgiveness-Journey-Peace-Harmony-ebook/dp/B0BLFCYYD6/ref=sr_1_1?crid=9C6VAFE42H5C&keywords=ignite+forgiveness+book&qid=1669836040&sprefix=Ignite+forg%2Caps%2C284&sr=8-1

 

Appreciation

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I love Marci Shimoff. She wrote Happy For No Reason, a book that changed my life. After Jacques died, I was miserable. I hadn’t smiled in months and could barely take care of myself. I had several significant health issues, and I just didn’t know where to turn.  I came across Marci’s book and thought, “I have no reason to be happy, so this book must be for me.” I read the book with a chip on my shoulder challenging myself to see if there really was anything I could do to raise my spirits. Marci’s examples of people who had problems that seemed so much worse than mine who still could find happiness helped me decide I could be happy too.

After Ron transitioned, I was so much better prepared and actively looked for what I could do for not only me to be happy, but how I could bring happiness to other people who were grieving too.  I wrote a book, Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief, and that was a start, but I was hungry for more.  That’s when I discovered Marci’s Happy For No Reason Certified Trainer Program.  This was it! I just knew that taking the course would at least bring me more happiness, but it helped me fulfill my purpose of helping others to be happy too.

I learned so much from Marci, her course, and her book, and I found ways to incorporate happiness into everything I do including creating the Grief and Happiness podcast and the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Zoom where people with the commonality of grieving come together to make friends, write, and learn ways to incorporate so much more happiness in their lives.  I know I am fulfilling my purpose in life now with all I am doing.

Marci shared how her family celebrated Thanksgiving.  In the past, everyone at the table has expressed something they are grateful for.  I love this, but Marci takes it a step further. Each person at the table tells every other person what they appreciate about that person.  How wonderful is that?  Everyone present gets to be showered with love and kindness, and they also get to reflect that appreciation back to their loved ones at the table.  I plan to do this now. And I plan to take it a step further by expressing my appreciation for the special people in my life who no longer sit at the table with us.

Appreciation and happiness go hand it hand. We don’t have to wait for Thanksgiving to celebrate the wonders of each other. Celebrating that appreciation with the people we chose to spend our time with magnifies the joy in all our lives.

Thank you, Marci, for your inspiration!

Who do you appreciate today?

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Happy Days

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I facilitate the Grief and Happiness Alliance every week on Zoom.  Each week we do some writing related to our situations and we end with learning different happiness practices. Every gathering ends with the participants smiling. Being around people who are also grieving or dealing with loss is a great place to share and get support.

This week, instead of our usual format, we wrote about happiness.  We started with a short meditation where I encouraged the participants to remember times in their lives when they were especially happy. Then I asked them to make a list of things they have been happy about. They didn’t need to write about each experience, just identify it.  For instance, I was happy at my wedding to Ron and my wedding to Jacques.  I could have written a big, long story about each of these and all the other things I thought of. But I stuck with making a list, and by the end of the meeting, I had over 70 items on my list!

We all wrote long lists and enjoyed sharing our favorite happy moments. All the participants found joy in our moments together.  I am sharing this with you to encourage you to make a list like this too!  Aim for at least 100 things.  I know that sounds like a lot, but the more your write, the more you will think of, and the more you will smile.

And it doesn’t have to end there.  If you get to a point where you are feeling a little down, get out your journal and your list.  Pick one thing on the list and write about it in detail including everything that made you happy during that experience.  The more often you do this, the more often you will feel yourself smiling and the longer that happiness will last.

Every morning when I write in my journal, I write about what brought me the most joy the day before. This is a great way to start my days.  It also keeps me thinking throughout the day about what is bringing me happiness. What you focus on is what you experience. You can be so much happier just by focusing on happiness!  Try it and let me know how good it feels.

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763