Celebration

Finding Happiness During The Holidays

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If you are anticipating that your holidays will not be the same as they were before, you are correct. They won’t be the same, yet when you look at all your holidays past, none of them were the same. Now is the time to take really good care of yourself and create the holidays you would like to have this year.

Consider what is most important to you during the season. Prioritize what you would love to experience.  Here are some ideas.

  • What holiday event have you always wanted to go to but for some reason, it didn’t fit into your plans in the past.
    • Have you been to a live performance of the Nutcracker Ballet?
    • How about a performance of Handle’s Messiah?
    • Maybe there is a local play or choir concert.
  • What could you do to serve those less fortunate where you live?
    • Maybe you could plan a pampering day for women in a local shelter.
    • If you’d like a big holiday dinner, who can you invite who would have been alone at dinner time?
    • Is there a local food drive you could make a part of your new holiday tradition?
  • Maybe you could do something special for the children in your family or neighborhood.
    • Gathering children to do a craft project to create a paper chain where they write their wishes on the links could be fun.
    • You could gather some children and read positive stories to them.
    • You could accompany children to go caroling around the neighborhood or to a senior center
    • Schedule selfcare just to pamper you.
    • Schedule a manicure or a facial.
    • Invite a friend you’d love to spend some time with to coffee or to lunch.
    • Go someplace you have never been before for the holidays

On every holiday, I write a letter to who I am grieving. In my case, there are several people, so there are several letters.  I take my time with each letter writing out whatever I want to tell them.  Sometimes I have tears when I write the letters, and just as often, I smile.  I open my heart and reflect on how my life is going, and most times, despite some sorrow, I feel better each time I write the letters.

My favorite part of my letter writing is that after I write each letter, I write a second letter from the person I wrote to back to me. I don’t think about what I write or judge what I am saying.  I just let my thoughts flow, and when I finish the letter, I take a deep breath, and then I read that letter.  This is a time of discovery for me. I reflect on the depth of love, respect, caring, and kindness of the loved ones I am corresponding with. And I know each of them is always in my heart forever.

Instead of anticipating sorrow for the season, focus on planning joy. Focus on your precious self. When you take good care of yourself first, you can relish in the discover of the joy and positivity that will flow your way.

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, here:

https://smile.amazon.com/Ignite-Forgiveness-Journey-Peace-Harmony-ebook/dp/B0BLFCYYD6/ref=sr_1_1?crid=9C6VAFE42H5C&keywords=ignite+forgiveness+book&qid=1669836040&sprefix=Ignite+forg%2Caps%2C284&sr=8-1

 

Appreciation

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I love Marci Shimoff. She wrote Happy For No Reason, a book that changed my life. After Jacques died, I was miserable. I hadn’t smiled in months and could barely take care of myself. I had several significant health issues, and I just didn’t know where to turn.  I came across Marci’s book and thought, “I have no reason to be happy, so this book must be for me.” I read the book with a chip on my shoulder challenging myself to see if there really was anything I could do to raise my spirits. Marci’s examples of people who had problems that seemed so much worse than mine who still could find happiness helped me decide I could be happy too.

After Ron transitioned, I was so much better prepared and actively looked for what I could do for not only me to be happy, but how I could bring happiness to other people who were grieving too.  I wrote a book, Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief, and that was a start, but I was hungry for more.  That’s when I discovered Marci’s Happy For No Reason Certified Trainer Program.  This was it! I just knew that taking the course would at least bring me more happiness, but it helped me fulfill my purpose of helping others to be happy too.

I learned so much from Marci, her course, and her book, and I found ways to incorporate happiness into everything I do including creating the Grief and Happiness podcast and the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Zoom where people with the commonality of grieving come together to make friends, write, and learn ways to incorporate so much more happiness in their lives.  I know I am fulfilling my purpose in life now with all I am doing.

Marci shared how her family celebrated Thanksgiving.  In the past, everyone at the table has expressed something they are grateful for.  I love this, but Marci takes it a step further. Each person at the table tells every other person what they appreciate about that person.  How wonderful is that?  Everyone present gets to be showered with love and kindness, and they also get to reflect that appreciation back to their loved ones at the table.  I plan to do this now. And I plan to take it a step further by expressing my appreciation for the special people in my life who no longer sit at the table with us.

Appreciation and happiness go hand it hand. We don’t have to wait for Thanksgiving to celebrate the wonders of each other. Celebrating that appreciation with the people we chose to spend our time with magnifies the joy in all our lives.

Thank you, Marci, for your inspiration!

Who do you appreciate today?

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Happy Days

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I facilitate the Grief and Happiness Alliance every week on Zoom.  Each week we do some writing related to our situations and we end with learning different happiness practices. Every gathering ends with the participants smiling. Being around people who are also grieving or dealing with loss is a great place to share and get support.

This week, instead of our usual format, we wrote about happiness.  We started with a short meditation where I encouraged the participants to remember times in their lives when they were especially happy. Then I asked them to make a list of things they have been happy about. They didn’t need to write about each experience, just identify it.  For instance, I was happy at my wedding to Ron and my wedding to Jacques.  I could have written a big, long story about each of these and all the other things I thought of. But I stuck with making a list, and by the end of the meeting, I had over 70 items on my list!

We all wrote long lists and enjoyed sharing our favorite happy moments. All the participants found joy in our moments together.  I am sharing this with you to encourage you to make a list like this too!  Aim for at least 100 things.  I know that sounds like a lot, but the more your write, the more you will think of, and the more you will smile.

And it doesn’t have to end there.  If you get to a point where you are feeling a little down, get out your journal and your list.  Pick one thing on the list and write about it in detail including everything that made you happy during that experience.  The more often you do this, the more often you will feel yourself smiling and the longer that happiness will last.

Every morning when I write in my journal, I write about what brought me the most joy the day before. This is a great way to start my days.  It also keeps me thinking throughout the day about what is bringing me happiness. What you focus on is what you experience. You can be so much happier just by focusing on happiness!  Try it and let me know how good it feels.

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

People Need People

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I love the singer, Michael Franti. I listen to his music often and I admire his commitment to people and the world and his generous soul. His new album came out recently, and one of the songs in particular on it resonated with me. The name of the song is People Need People. When I heard it the first time, I saw how true the lyrics are for everyone, but especially for those dealing with grief and loss.

Here are some of my favorite lines:

This guitar needs six strings
‘Cause without it there’s no song
And this house needs love in it
‘Cause without it there’s no home

And there’s one thing that I’ve learned
Through this year of being alone
I can feel it in my bones
More than anything I’ve ever known

That’s people need, people need, people need people

. . . .

We are all on the same road
Walking different directions
All cursed by the curses
And all blessed by the blessings
Through the reach of a hand or a smile for a while
You could feel the connection
Even in the times when you think you’re all alone, don’t

‘Cause people need, people need, people need people

 

I have heard from so many people that the hardest thing they deal with when grieving is the lack of someone to talk to and listen to, especially someone who is also dealing with grief and loss.  That’s a big reason why we created the Grief and Happiness Alliance. At our Zoom meetings, we can freely express whatever we need to talk about.  That makes a huge difference in the lives of the people who come to the meetings.  You are always welcome to join us at the Alliance, and it’s also great to discover people who live where you do that you can communicate with too.

Now I look forward to the Sunday Zoom meeting of the Grief and Happiness Alliance where we explore our thoughts by writing, we talk about what we wrote, and we do happiness practices, so we always end on a positive note with everyone smiling. I have made good friends in the Alliance, and that feels so good!

So as Michael Franti’s song says, People need people!

You can listen to it here. I highly recommend the whole album.

People Need People

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here

 

Grateful For All Who Served

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I learned recently to not say that someone “committed” suicide as that indicates a judgment when we can’t know what inspired the person to think that suicide was the answer.  Say instead: died by suicide.  Since I started helping people deal with grief, I can’t tell you how many instances of suicide I have some across.

Writer Nicole Spector says that when we say committed suicide it “puts responsibility on the victim, just as the phrase “committed suicide” suggests an almost criminal intent” (reference below). Suicide doesn’t necessarily indicate mental illness. The person may think that they are doing their loved ones a favor because they see themselves as a failure or because they are depressed.  We will never know for sure.

I was thinking about this on Memorial Day as I read an article in Military Times by Dean Lambert who I had the honor of interviewing for my podcast The Importance of End of Life Planning, April 19, 2022. His article, Can We Honor Deaths by Suicide on Memorial Day? (reference below) He asks if we can honor veterans who die of suicide as the result of the experiences they endured in the service to their country. His words are heartbreaking, and I couldn’t help but cry.

This reminded me of when after Ron died, I made an appointment with my cardiologist because my heart medication didn’t seem to be working. Usually, he was hard to get into because we don’t have enough doctors on this remote island, but he told me to come right in. He explained to me that what I was experiencing what not a medication problem but was PTSD.

I was shocked. I thought I was doing the best I could under the circumstances, but he knew the details of what had been happening with Ron, and he knew I had already experienced so much with Jacques.  Fortunately, with his help, I was able to take the best care of me and find the work I am doing now to help others which has been helpful to me at the same time.

I know how bad I felt at that time, I was devastated.  And when I read Dean’s story of his son, I was able to relate. So many veterans come back from serving in unimaginable situations, and they may feel they have to be strong for their loved ones while their lives have been permanently changed.  I want you to read Dean’s article. His message is so important. 

What is tragic now, but is something we can work toward improving, is that veterans who die by suicide are not honored in the same way other veterans are. As Dean says, “By correlating a veteran’s suicide death to combat-related PTSD, granting military death benefits could bring a measure of comfort and a great deal of closure for survivors. Military dependents might be eligible to receive income, financial support for childcare, health insurance, and other VA benefits.”

I lived in a small California town during the Vietnam War. Our town had the highest deaths from that war per capita of any place in the nation.  I saw classmates and friends who did come back who were totally broken. We all see homeless veterans on the streets who have not been able to adapt back into society. We owe it to all veterans to be sure they have the best of care and benefits for their whole lives for what they have done for us.  We tend to take this service for granted and way too many people only offer judgement.

In answer to Dean’s question, Can We Honor Deaths by Suicide on Memorial Day? I say yes, absolutely, without question. We must offer them our deepest gratitude.

 

 

Why mental health advocates use the words ‘died by suicide’

https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/why-mental-health-advocates-use-words-died-suicide-ncna880546

 

Can We Honor Deaths by Suicide on Memorial Day?

https://www.militarytimes.com/opinion/commentary/2022/05/26/can-we-honor-deaths-by-suicide-on-memorial-day/

 

The Love Always Project

https://www.lovealwaysproject.org

 

The Importance of End of Life Planning

https://shows.acast.com/grief-happiness/episodes/the-importance-of-end-of-life-planning-with-dean-lambert 

 

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.

 

 

 

Don’t Wait!

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My amazing granddaughter, Katie Thiroux, is a fabulous Jazz Singer and upright bass musician and is loved by all-time jazz great Quincy Jones who calls her “Katie-Toes.”. Quincy told her “Be prepared for the opportunities you want. Don’t wait.” Her response to this sage advice is “It’s not about perfection, it’s about being ready IN THE MOMENT.” What a wise woman she is.  She has followed her own advice and has performed all over the world in amazing venues, her podcast, The Hump where she interviews her favorite jazz artists every week, is crazy popular, and she teaches wherever she goes.  I love that she says, “I received amazing opportunities growing up and I am thankful to be in a position to give back, it’s my duty, dig?”

How inspiring is that! I love to follow her example.  This year I am participating in Marci Shimoff’s Your Year of Miracles. One of our activities is to create a theme for the year.  Mine is “Inspired Fulfilled Opportunities.”  I have been paying attention to this intention I set, and I realized I am inspired all the time, but this inspiration is wasted if I don’t pay attention to it. And my inspired intentions easily come to fruition when I commit to acting toward them. And recognizing the opportunities that come my way, I pay attention and act on them and voila! There they are! Isn’t that grand?

Much of my life, I wasn’t paying enough attention to inspiration. I would reflect and say, “If only I had done that when I had the chance.” Do you do that, regret actions you didn’t take? That’s the first step: recognizing what you didn’t do. Now that you can see that, you can change that behavior. If you think something like, “I wish I knew how to draw pictures, or sing, or play the bass,” what happens if you don’t take action? Nothing. That’s right, no action, no benefits. Now that you recognize that, when you say “I would love to be able to (fill in the blank),” you know exactly what to do. Take action on your desire. That’s the only way you will get it.

My friend invited me to help him with a grief retreat that’s coming up.  I’ve been thinking for a couple of years about how much I would love to be in on the planning of a grief retreat to be sure happiness is included, and I got asked to do just that. In the past, I could see myself talking me out of doing this. Not this time! We are going full steam ahead to help create an amazing retreat at Unity Village in October!  I hope you’ll come! Actually, I know you will come if you follow your inspiration to do so.

What are you ready for right now? Have you been putting off taking a class, hosting friends for a game night, dancing to a live band all because of the pandemic? If you are ready, take action! Of course, there are still considerations to stay safe, but you know how to do that. Or have you been thinking you should donate to something to help the people of Ukraine but you haven’t yet because there are so many choices you could make. Don’t let choices paralyze you. Take action on what you believe in.

What advantages have you had in your life that inspire you to give back in honor of that? I learned so much from learning how to play the flute, and I put that into use when I was in my high school band, which was an exceptional group. From doing that, I learned so many values, like integrity, dependability, kindness, and self-confidence. I took what I learned there into raising my children, teaching my classes, writing my books, creating my live theatre and school of arts, and supporting Maui Jazz Camp that Katie and her very talented husband drummer Matt Witek created. All these opportunities enriched my life as well as the lives of all those involved.

How can you give back? What can you say yes to? What kindness that someone did for you can you pay forward by helping someone else?

Would you love to be happy? You can! Just pay attention to your inspiration. Stay open. Stay ready. And say yes!

 

 

Sign up here for the very special gathering of the Grief and Happiness Alliance where we’ll introduce you to what we do. A great place to make friends! https://www.griefandhappiness.com/special-events

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.