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What’s Good About Today?

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I have heard so many people say that they don’t know how to live without the loved one they are grieving. I remember feeling that way too. And though the territory is unfamiliar, we find that we have no choice but to step into it once our loved ones die. The harder we fight moving forward, the more miserable we can become. I am sure that deep down you don’t want to be miserable, and I am pretty sure your loved one wouldn’t want that for you either.

I talked to the father of a young man who had just graduated from college and was ready to start his new life. Instead, his son was diagnosed with a terminal illness, and he didn’t have long to live. His devastated friends and family would come to visit him with tears in their eyes, and he would accept their loving wishes and then smile and ask them, “What’s good about today?” This would bring their conversation to the present, and they could enjoy the time they got to spend together. As the visitors left the hospital room, everyone was smiling.

Beautiful memories were created during those visits. Instead of heavy, sorrow filled memories, they could remember the smiles and laughter they shared the last time they spent with this special person. And the young man’s last memories were of smiling, happy people.

When dealing with your grief, try focusing on your loved one in a happy way. Try writing in your journal or visiting with a loved one. Share your memories. When did you see your loved one the happiest? When he was acting in a play? When you volunteered together to clean up the park? When you both went with your friends on a hike in the mountains?  When you watched him graduate or get an award? You will find yourself smiling as you reflect on these happy memories.

I’ll bet if he could send you a message right now, he’d say: “I love to see you smiling! Keep living your best life. What’s good about today?”

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my Grief and Happiness podcast here or anyplace you listen to podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Our Loving Will Change the World

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Our Loving Will Change the World 

 I live in Hawaii and love the culture and traditions here. I learned the ancient Hawaiian tradition of Ho’oponopono when I participated in Marci Shimoff’s Happy for No Reason Certified Trainer program. This tradition had been used widely to resolve issues and practice forgiveness in places from families to government.

One powerful example was when Hawaii had a prison for the criminally insane. The prisoners were violent, and the prison was constantly in turmoil. A doctor was brought in to help with the problem. Instead of working directly with the patients, he read their files and practiced Ho’oponopono as he read each one. As he kept doing this, the prisoners started to calm down. Gradually, they became cooperative and one by one they were released from this special prison and this prison was able to close.

The forgiveness entrenched in the practice worked this miracle. The good news is anyone can do this practice which isn’t confined strictly to Kahunas, the spiritual leaders in Hawaii. To practice Ho’oponopono, concentrate on the person you wish to forgive and say:

I am sorry

Please forgive me

Thank you

I love you

That’s all you need to do. Starting by doing Ho’oponopono for yourself first is ideal. You can say it or write it. You can do it on your own or do it directly to the person you wish to forgive.

When searching for a way to help with the turmoil our country is currently experiencing, I remembered this practice and started writing it in my journal every day. I began by writing it directed to specific people, then I realized that everyone needs it, so now this is what I write:

To all the people of the world:

I am sorry

Please forgive me

Thank you

I love you

I see now that the more people who practice this, the more powerful it will be. You can quietly repeat it in your mind several times a day or write it in your journal.

In research done my Lynne McTaggart for the book The Power of 8, she discovered that when 8 people come together to focus on one intention, it can be realized. I have seen this happen. Just think about what we all can do by focusing on this intention together with love.

Together, our loving can change the world.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Generosity

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Recently I read about how the Choctaw nation was forced to leave their ancestral homeland in the southeastern United States and walk to what is now Oklahoma on a journey known as The Trail of Tears.  During this time in 1847, Ireland was experiencing the great potato famine. I can’t imagine how these two groups of people learned about the suffering each was enduring, but they did. The Choctaw wanted to help the Irish even while their own people were suffering and starving to death. They managed to collect $170 which today would be the equivalent of so much more, and they gave that fortune to the Irish.

Till this day, the Choctaw and Irish maintain a special relationship and honor each other. 

This type of long standing support for others in a time of need is sometimes hard to find.  When people tell me their grief experiences, they often tell me about having friends distance themselves. Seeing someone in grief can foster memories of loss. I remember calling myself a Black Widow when I wasn’t included in gatherings with friends or family. Experiencing things like this inspired me to reach out to others who are grieving. I include them whenever I can, and I listen to their stories. 

Have you felt ostracized or lonely while grieving? Have you witnessed that happening to others? What can you do to be generous? Reach out to people dealing with loss. Expand your circle of friends. Open your heart. Include and invite people you may not have thought of before. Your loving can change their world.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Unnecessary Grief

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Much of my life is focused on other people’s grief. My intention is to encourage people to actively find ways to experience happiness even while they are grieving, but that’s getting harder and harder to do.

Traditionally people think of grief as related to the death of a loved one. Now in the United States and the world, we are experiencing grief on a much broader scale.  We grieve the loss of jobs, the loss of safety, the loss of respect, the loss of compassion, the loss of decency, the loss of homes, the loss of businesses, and that’s just the beginning of a very long list being added to continually.

The recent dramatic plumet in the Stock Market was similar to the crash in 1929. In those days people tumbled into poverty with no safety nets where today people are sliding down the slippery slopes of loss regretting not fastening their safety belts and watching Social Security slip away.

People are crying out “How could this happen in our country.” We have forgotten how young students in their classrooms oft recited the words to the Pledge of Allegiance which closed by saying “with liberty and justice for all.”

Most of the country is in shock and grieving, so now is the time to put on the brakes. Instead of suffering the grief from all this loss, let’s take Bob Marley’s lyrics to heart”

“… you can’t fool all the people all the time

‘Cause now we see the light

We gonna stand up for our right

 

Get up, stand up

Stand up for your right

Get up, stand up

Don’t give up the fight.

 

We all have enough unavoidable loss in our lives to grieve. Let’s come together find ways to stop the unnecessary grief brought by the foolish destruction.

 

What Can You Do?

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Are you lonely? Do you feel helpless? Do you feel like your world is crumbling around you? Do you realize you aren’t the only one feeling that way right now? The good news is you can do something about how you are feeling to help you feel much better.  Here are some ideas:

  • Reach Out. Who would you like to talk to? Which old friends are you missing? Start by making a list. Every time you think of someone, and that person to the list. Every day, pick a different person on the list and call that person. Plan a way to get together. Go for a walk or for coffee. Plan something to do together. Rekindle friendships. Then stay in touch.
  • Volunteer. What causes are you concerned about? Who can you help? Get active in your community. Find something that you can attend and meet new friends. I volunteered for the political party I am a member of. I met very interesting people by doing that and know I was making a difference. What could you volunteer for?
  • Play. Plan a game party where you can invite friends to play for favorite board games like Monopoly or Uno. Go to a water aerobics or Aqua Zumba class. Join a hiking group. Organize a block party for your neighborhood to meet all your. neighbors. Go somewhere to listel to live music and dance!
  • Learn Something New. What have you always wanted to learn? I love to take art classes. Take cooking classes. I discovered free community classes at our local college including classes in their culinary department. Join a community choir. Get involved in your community theater.
  • Join or Start a Book Club. Book clubs are usually created around a common interest like romance novels, mysteries, biographies, political issues, or travel. Often organizations have book groups. I like to participate in the book group for the American Association of University women. I’ve met some of my best friends there.

The key is to find ways to be around people you already know you like or people you would like to get to know. Chances are that if you sit home alone, which people often do while grieving, people won’t be coming to your house to seek you out. The longer you stay by yourself, the harder it is to get moving again.

Start by reaching out with people you already know and would like to spend more time with. They may be waiting to hear from you. Then reach out to people you don’t know but would like to. For instance, if you are concerned about a pollical issue, reach out to see how you can get involved to work on solving that issue. If you love to work with children, volunteer to read to them in their classrooms or at the local library.

The more we become involved in our communities, the more friends we can make, the more issues we can work on, the more we can learn, and the more we can help.

Start today. You’ll be so glad you did.

Love Everybody

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Right now, in our country and our world, there is much uncertainty, anger, hate, and fear, and that’s no way to live. The good news is there are steps we all can take to improve this situation.

When dealing with grief, people generally are focusing on themselves which is understandable. So, dealing with the strife that seems endemic at present can be overwhelming. Finding a way to focus on others who could use help and doing something positive can make a difference.  You can start small. When your neighbor isn’t feeling well, take their dog for a walk, or when you make cookies, make extra to share with a friend. Every step you take helps you to move forward through your grieving.

On an even bigger scale, do things to reach more people. I know when you read some of these suggestions that you may resist doing them. I can hear people say, “I can’t do that!” But you can. The key is to focus on all the love and all the good in the world. Here are some keys to follow:

  • Forgiveness. Some transgressions are so huge that the thought of forgiveness is hard to swallow. However, what good comes from holding a grudge against someone for what they have done? When you sincerely forgive someone, you can let go of what has happened.
  • Gratitude. Focus on all that’s good in your life. Every day, write down at least five things you are grateful for. The more things you write, the better you’ll feel, guaranteed!
  • Kindness.  Make being kind a practice in all that you do from the words you speak, to the hugs you give, and to the generosity you share. Think about how good you feel when someone is kind to you, then strive to share that feeling.
  • Happiness. Start by smiling. People are experiencing so much tension that there aren’t a lot of smiles out there right now. Smile at someone till they smile back at you. Babies and toddlers love to reflect your smile, so it is easy to start there, but try it with grownups too.
  • Love.  I know you love the people you are closest to, and that’s great.  The key is to love everybody else too. Imagine if there was no hate in the world. There would be no war, no violence, no crime. Wouldn’t that be amazing? Together, we can make that happen.

Start today. Your love can change the world.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.