The Grief and Happiness Alliance

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Paradise Lost and Found

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We were warned that high winds would affect our Hawaiian islands as Hurricane Dora passed to the south. Living on Maui, strong Trade Winds are a common experience. Most of us keep extra water and food on hand in case of inclement weather, yet naively, most of us think we personally won’t be directly affected by disasters.

In the darkness of early morning, I was awakened by the acrid scent of smoke. Though the odor was pungent, I wasn’t anticipating fire. As I lay awake, my thoughts wandered, remembering how recently a young woman I was working with had been killed in a fire. I decided I was just being morbid, and something like that would never happen to me. Then the smoke intensified, and I got out of bed. That was the start of two days of terror.

Transfixed by the news, I found myself searching the internet and television for explanations of what was happening. Learning that strong winds were carrying away the fire that started within a couple of miles from me, relief was only temporary as I realized that friends of mine were potentially in its path. What we call the “coconut wireless” rushed into action. Phone calls, texts, and emails between friends and acquaintances abounded, all starting with “Are you OK?”

We learned the close fire was not the only one.  There we at least two more fires. And everyone was touched by the terror flowing through our beautiful paradise. By the evening, we were glued to the television, watching the continuing live coverage. Learning that the fire in Lahaina, which had been declared contained, rebounded and was in the process of obliterating the historical center of Hawai’i.

I finally fell asleep at about 2 AM,  and at 4:30 AM, the messages and texts started pouring in. All were wanting to know, “Are you OK?” I could only answer from my limited perspective of what I had heard or seen so far. When looking out my window into the dark, I knew I was OK, whatever that meant. With approximately 145,000 people living on the island, I could only speak for myself, and while I was traumatized and confused, I had no idea how everyone else felt.

With daylight came news and pictures of the destruction, things no one ever wants to see or hear. People fled into the ocean to escape the flames. Our majestic Banyan tree blackened. The whole town of Lahaina flattened. Hundreds of homes were destroyed. Missing loved ones and pets. And the question changed from “Are you OK,” to “What can I do?” The answer is, please do something.

I have discovered so much Aloha, Hawaiian for love. Now I see the love and strength of the Ohana (family) of Maui residents coming together however we can help and support everyone

affected by these tragic fires. While we seemed to be losing this tropical paradise, we find it is still here in our treasured Ohana. The fires are still burning. We still need your help and will continue to need help as we recover. And we will welcome you back with Aloha when we recover from this devastation.

Mahalo for your generosity.

 

Please see the ideas listed below.

Please donate to any of these sources:

 Fundraiser for Maui Food Bank Inc by Emily Thiroux Threatt   The donations here all provide food directly to those who have lost everything.

https://www.facebook.com/donate/1086101339024980/

The Hawaiʻi Community Foundation started a Maui Strong Fund to support residents affected by the wildfires, which firefighting crews continue to battle in Lahaina, Pulehu/Kīhei and Upcountry areas. Donations can be made at www.hawaiicommunityfoundation.org/maui-strong.

Maui Collective Contributors

Maui United Way is accepting donations to its Maui Fire and Disaster Relief fund at https://mauiunitedway.org/disasterrelief.

Embracing Compass Maui & Big Island

Our hearts are with our Maui and the Big Island communities right now facing the devastating wildfires. To help, members of our Compass family are coming together in support of those impacted — many of whom are Compass agents, employees and families of our community. Thank you for considering a donation that directly supports our Compass Hawaii team.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/embracing-compass-maui-big-island?utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet&utm_content=undefined&utm_medium=social&utm_source=instagram_feed&utm_term=undefined

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

Lani

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Yesterday I went to the beach here on Maui to watch a group of children learn about a special tradition we do in Hawaii. There were twelve children, 6 boys and 6 girls. They were brought together by two organizations, Experience Camps and Camp Manitou to spend 5 days in beautiful Maui. All the children are dealing with the grief of a close loved one. I went to their special ceremony on their final day.

We met on the beach, and a Kupuna, an honored Hawaiian elder, spoke about how in Hawaii, the people looked up at the sky and noticed how it joins with the ocean where they blend together. She said how most people look into the sky for heaven, but Hawaiians see the ocean and sky together as one, and they call that Lani, the Hawaiian word for heaven. In Hawaii, when someone dies, a celebration is often held at the beach, where flowers are released into the ocean/lani to celebrate them.

The children and their counselors all went out into the ocean in canoes and on paddle boards. They gathered in a group where orchids and plumerias were given to the children to release into the water. Then to their surprise, a helicopter arrived above them. Because it was a rescue helicopter, it had a siren going, which delighted the children. Then cascades of flowers were released over the children to join them in honoring their loved ones. All of the adults on the beach were in awe and tears.

In our society, we often equate grief with older people, yet we all experience different kinds of grieving throughout our lifetimes. The concept of death may sometimes be beyond the understanding of our children, and they are often left alone in their sorrow or, even worse, taunted or bullied about their grief by their peers.  Allowing children to be with others who are also dealing with loss can help normalize the experience for them.

I am including the link below for Experience Camps which has a beautiful, inspiring short video about Experience Camps, and an article from their website called “Can we please stop grief shaming.” Think about the grief children are experiencing. You’ll never know when you may discover a child you can comfort during this challenging experience.

When my husband Ron died, the people who attended the ash scattering service all showed up with grocery bags full of flowers from their yards for us to take out on the canoes to release with the ashes. Then when my sister died during the pandemic, I couldn’t go to be with my family. I took flowers from my yard to the beach and released them thinking of her. Yesterday the Kapuna handed me flowers, so I released them into the lani with such sweet memories. This beautiful tradition I will always remember, and whenever I go to the ocean, I will do so with love, sweet memories, and flowers.

 

Link to Experience Camps

Link to Experience Camps blog Can We Please Stop Grief Shaming?

Link to Camp Manitou

 

https://experiencecamps.org/

https://experiencecamps.org/blog/can-we-please-stop-grief-shaming

https://campmanitou.mb.ca/

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Guide by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

 

Gathering

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When I was at a meeting this week, the leader said whenever people come together, every person is meant to be there. I immediately thought of the Grief and Happiness Alliance. All the people who attend, all the people who discover the Grief and Happiness Alliance, find us for a reason. We come together seeking comfort, support, love, and happiness, and all that happens, as well as making new friends.

Initially, we said we were holding meetings or classes, but that never felt quite right. Then Rev Rachel, the president of our nonprofit association suggested that when we come together to write about grief and happiness related topics, talk about what we write, and make new friends that we could call this coming together gatherings. We all agreed!

We formed the Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization to provide financial support for these gatherings because we believe that anyone dealing with grief doesn’t need to pay for the support we give. We consider this funding to be like a scholarship that we bestow to those who participate as an act of service and love to those who attend.

All we ask in return for this gift is for people to show up and make the most of every moment of our gatherings which is a beautiful gift of self-care. Magic happens when we commit to attending and making new friends, exploring our grief, and realizing we can be happy at the same time. I love to see all the smiles at the end of each gathering.

To those who are attending, we thank you for your participation.  To those who would like to attend, we welcome you. And to those of you who know people that could benefit from what we offer, we welcome them too. Please feel free to invite anyone you’d like to.

We meet Sundays at 9 AM Hawaii time, noon Pacific time and 3 Eastern time. Register each week to receive the Zoom link by clicking here.

Sign up for our newsletter to learn all we do by clicking here.

Visit our website by clicking here.

We look forward to seeing you at our gatherings.

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Guide by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

Choose Your Guide

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Every Sunday the Grief and Happiness Alliance gathers on Zoom to write together and learn happiness practices. We write on different subjects every time, and when we share what we wrote about, we learn much from each other.

This week, I invited the participants to write a dialogue, a conversation with someone they would love to have a guide or mentor them through their grieving. Whoever they chose didn’t have to be living now. The range of people they chose revealed the distinctiveness of concerns the participants were dealing with.

One chose Maya Angelou because of her strength and tenacity in dealing with life. Ms. Angelou is a powerful storyteller who explores deep truths.  I was fortunate to be in her presence when I attended a conference where she was the speaker. I’ll never forget her powerful, resonant voice, which enlivened each word she uttered. Since that experience, whenever I read something she wrote, I hear her speaking the words in my mind and feel her power. I would love to have a conversation with her to hear her advice for me.

Another writer in our group chose Thich Naht Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist monk who is considered to be the “father of mindfulness.” With his gentle words, he explores concepts like loneliness, worrying, and peace with sage advice for anyone, yet we can apply that guidance to our grief experience now. Just thinking about his gentle spirit and tranquil smile brings me peace.

Others chose people like a favorite minister or a lifelong friend.  We were all seeking different types of guidance and comfort. I found myself in a conversation with my husband, Ron.  I asked him a question, and his words just poured out with consummate guidance that not only helped me right now but are guiding my next steps. When this happened, I realized I needed to contact him more often. Just as when we used to have our wonderful conversations on our lanai, we can still have them now. I just realized that the word for patio in Hawaiian is lanai, and the word for heaven is lani. So similar. Our very special place to spend time together is still here and is heavenly.

Who would you like to have as your guide or mentor as you deal with grief? You could have more than one. When you keep your heart open to inspiration, you discover your guidance is already there, waiting for you to notice it.

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance, which meets weekly on Sundays, by clicking here.

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Guide by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

Be a Day Maker

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My granddaughter came to my rescue when I was having a challenge on how to do something on my computer. We had a Zoom call and worked together, and we had a great conversation. That made my day! The next day a good friend asked me to Zoom with him. We laughed so much together as we were catching up, and that made my day.  Then another good friend called me on the phone to see how I was doing. We had a thought-provoking conversation that I hadn’t realized I needed. And it was lovely just to hear her voice. Again, that made my day.

These contacts are extra special to me especially because I live in Hawaii, the most remote place in the world. It’s easy to lose touch with loved ones who live far away. Each of these calls brightened my day and brought me happiness and loving support. I started thinking about other things that would fit in that category, and I thought of lots from just the last few days. A friend brought me some juicy fresh figs, another friend brought me packages of seeds for my garden, and another friend took all my cardboard to the recycling center for me. And my day was brightened by chare vegetables from my garden with my neighbors and teaching happiness techniques at the Grief and Happiness Alliance meetings.

Knowing wonderful people and interacting on so many levels brighten my life every day. I encourage you to think about what brightens your day. If something doesn’t come to mind right away, think some more.  We have a tendency to look at the negative first which can block our realization of what is good for us that we are already experiencing. If this is happening for you, try focusing on the good things that happen in your life, and make a conscious effort to do something to brighten someone’s day every day, and pay attention to how good that feels!

How can you help make the day for someone else today? What can you do for yourself that can make your day? Be sure to do whatever it takes to make today your best day!  Then keep doing that every day.  You’ll be so glad you did!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

A Round Rainbow

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I see beautiful rainbows on Maui most days. Some rise from the ocean on one side of the island and dive down into the ocean on the other side of the island. Some are short swaths painted against a cloud, and others a giant double rainbow with a big bright rainbow in front and what seems to be a pale shadow in the back.

I live on the side of Haleakala volcano, so sometimes I see the top of a rainbow at the bottom of my property reminding me that I live over the rainbow. Some days I see multiple rainbows at the same time. On Christmas Eve one year, I got to bring my husband home from the hospital for one more Christmas we hadn’t been sure we would get to share.  On that trip home, we saw seven different rainbows.

The first time I saw Makawao Union Church, a glorious old stone church with a tall steeple, I saw I giant rainbow coming out of that steeple. And I have seen the end of a rainbow touch the ground many times. We even have a rainbow on our car license plates!

Recently I flew to Oahu on a day trip. The air was so clear, and the sparkling ocean was many shades of blue and green. As I was looking out the window, a puffy white cloud was floating by and I saw a reflection of the jet I was in surrounded by a rainbow in a perfect circle. My first instinct was that it was an optical illusion. It floated by quickly, so I couldn’t take a picture or share what I saw with the person sitting next to me. He was a film maker who makes outdoor movies, and he told me what I saw is real, and it is called a Glory.

He said that all rainbows are actually round, but almost all of the time we can just see what is above the surface. I googled it, and he was correct. And in most of the images I found online, there was a jet right in the middle of the circle.

As I gazed at the image of the Glory, I envisioned a Mexican folk art candle holder that we have which is called a circle of friends. The candle holder is a sculpture of several friends standing in a circle, arms interlocked, indicating the close bond of friendship. When a votive candle is burned in the center of the circle as the symbol of a bonfire, shadows can be cast so the friends seem to be dancing. When a friend gives this candle holder to another friend, it solidifies their bond of friendship for life.

As I considered this experience, the Glory and the circle of friends melded to create seven concentric circles of friends, each representing a different culture and color of the rainbow, surrounding the earth with love and friendship. I could hear them singing John Lennon’s song Imagine,

“Imagine all the people . . . .

Livin’ for today . . . .

Livin’ life in peace . . . .

No need for greed or hunger . . . .

Sharing all the world . . . .

You may say I’m a dreamer,

But I’m not the only one

I hope someday you’ll join us

And the world will live as one.”

 

While there is much beauty in the world we can see, we often see only what we expect to, but if we are open and receptive, we can experience so much more. I don’t know about you, but I’ll never look at a rainbow the same way again.

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries in that I wrote a chapter, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here