The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Covid 19

Are You Dealing With Fear?

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“There are only two emotions: love and fear.”

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Throughout time, many philosophers and psychiatrists have said that the only two emotions are love and fear. There is even scientific research agreeing with that theory.  Kathleen Seeley told me that we are only born with two fears: fear of falling and a fear of loud noises.  Those two fears are part of what comes naturally to us to protect us. Any other fears are what we create or imagine.

I grew up with a terrifying fear of heights.  I convinced myself that the fear had been created by a fall I had out of a second story window when I was four years old. Even though I was that young, I still have vivid memories. I was criticized and made fun of because of my fear, and I even had a friend try to cure me by walking me to the edge of a balcony to show me that I had nothing to be afraid of.  It didn’t work.

I have worn glasses much of my life partially for a significant astigmatism so when I heard that Lasik eye surgery could fix that, I was thrilled to have it done. The surgery is done under local anesthetic, so when it was completed, I got up off the operating and had a miraculous experience.  Suddenly, the floor was where it was supposed to be.  I am sure that sounds strange, but I realized all my life I had been seeing though something like glasses with funhouse lenses causing me to perceive each step I took as stepping over the edge of a sharply bent floor.  At that moment I realized that my fear was not real. This caused me to look at my life differently, and to question when I started to feel fear.

I suggest that you think about anything that you feel afraid about and see if you can figure out what causes that fear and if it is something you can release. This can change your life.  I had the pleasure of attending a day long workshop with Byron Katie.  She taught us all how to do what she calls The Work. She developed this powerful method of questioning what you are feeling or believing that can be transformational for you.  Her questions are:

  1. Is it true? (Yes or no? If no, move to 3.)
  2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
  3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
  4. Who or what would you be without the thought?”

You can find exactly how to do The Work by visiting her website: https://thework.com/

Fear is common in grief. A few things you might fear are:

  • Living by yourself for the first time.
  • Being responsible for taking care of your home, your car
  • Going out socially alone
  • Have no one to sleep with at night
  • A concern for having enough money or losing your medical insurance
  • Having no one to share your life with

You may not have even thought about these things in the context of fear, yet this is all fear. And the good news is, you can do something to change how you are feeling.  A good start would be to use Byron Katie’s The Work.  Or you can start by writing in your journal all the things that you are afraid of now, and what you can consciously release just by discovering that you have that fear.

In my case, after Ron died, I started reviewing how my life was different.  I was relieved to discover how grateful I was that I had learned how to release fear from Ron and Byron Katie, and that I am choosing to live in a state of love instead of in a state of fear. A quote I love by Jack Canfield is: “Feel the fear and take action anyway.”

And I love this quote from Rumi:

“If you want the moon, do not hide from the night. If you want a rose, do not run from the thorns. If you want love, do not hide from yourself.”

Grief in the time of Covid 19

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In dealing with my own grief after two husbands died, I discovered that helping others deal with grief gave me a sense of purpose. I wrote a book, created a writing through grief program I held at my home, facilitated a Death Café, and created a social media platform to help people take care of themselves through their grieving and see what is still positive in their lives. Then Covid 19 descended on the world.  I immediately put my Writing Through Grief with Emily into a private Facebook group that people can join without any payment since being in touch with others is vital especially during this period of isolation. Yet I wanted to do more, so I wrote this blog to give you some perspective on the grief that we all are dealing with now.

Up until now, we all grieved for something at some point is our lives, but we tended to keep our grief to ourselves or to share it with others who were also grieving. Those not grieving tended to shy away from those who were so that the grief or loss would not somehow rub off on them. But now we are all in the same experience of grief though on different levels. What we do know is that anxiety over Corona Virus 19 is affecting everyone, and we are all grieving.

What is happening, and what can we do?

Everyone in the world is dealing with some kind of loss even if it isn’t death

  • Weddings have been postponed as well as romantic honeymoons that were already paid for
  • Students were supposed to graduate from high schools and universities and walk across the stage to receive their diplomas won’t have that opportunity
  • The vacation cruise of a lifetime ended in the horror of quarantine, a sick crew, and rotten food as well as exposer to the virus or even becoming sick with the virus
  • Grandparents are not able to travel to be with their children as their grandchildren are born
  • Jobs and income have suddenly disappeared for so many who are ill prepared
  • People who were in the process of moving to a new home can’t.
  • People who were not home when the “stay at home orders” were issued and now can’t return to their families and homes
  • Businesses have had to close and face financial ruin
  • Loss of things are no longer possible, like when a partner dies, they won’t be having children or growing old together.

These issues and many more are all reasons to grieve. And everyone will deal with their grief in their own way.  The key here is to recognize your grief, and the grief of your loved ones, and support each other through it.

 

Symptoms of Grief

What you are experiencing right now may not be what you think of as grief, so here are some things to observe:

  • Are you worried or anxious? What are you worried about? Your concern could be being able to get food, to pay your bills, to be safe where you are staying.
  • Are you concerned about friends are relatives who are in the health care field or first responders?
  • Are you worried because you don’t know how long the stay at home orders will last and worried about how this will affect all of your life?
  • Are you drinking too much or taking drugs to numb the pain?
  • Are you ignoring the stay at home orders so that you can go out and exercise or visit friends?
  • Are you sad that you can’t be with a loved one who is hospitalized or that you can’t adequately care for a loved one who is sick at home?
  • If a loved one dies, are you not able to be with them or say goodbye before they die? Are you concerned about what will happen for a funeral or burial or cremation?
  • Are you sleeping constantly or having trouble sleeping?
  • Are you eating too much or are you forgetting to eat?
  • Are you worried about anything you don’t have control over?

All of these things and more can be happening now, and if they do, what can you do if you recognize these are feeling you have, or you see someone you care about dealing with experiences like these?

Even though Jacques, my first husband to die, had been ill for two years, we didn’t talk about him inevitably dying and I was ill prepared.  When Ron, my second husband to die, became ill, we talked about it because I didn’t want things to be as bad as they were before.  We agreed that living in the moment was the most important things for us to do. We couldn’t change the past or know the future, so we focused on each moment.  In those moments, we made sure everything was taken care of that needed to be, like finances, trusts, and having a durable power of attorney for health care. Having these things settled gave us peace of mind so that we could focus on loving each other and saying everything we wanted to say to each other.  He also made a special effort to contact everyone he wanted to say goodbye to and visited with them in person or by facetime. When the time came, everything was filled with love and peaceful.

In the conditions we are facing today, being prepared is likely to be more challenging. Start by making a list of all you are concerned about whatever your situation is now. Then go through that list and prioritize what is on it.  If you aren’t getting enough to eat, put “find a way to obtain enough food” at the top of your list. After you prioritize your list, address each item. If you are with someone while you are staying inside, wherever that may be, do this together.  For instance, I found a small local grocery store that encourages you to email them your grocery list, they check availability and get back to you. When your list is settled, you pay by credit card and drive to the store.  They will look out for your car and bring your groceries to the car. And some places will deliver to you. I just signed up to get a box of fresh vegetables delivered each week from a local farm.

Address each item on your list with what action you will take.  There may be some items that you can’t do or fix or control, like you can’t go on the vacation you planed, or you can’t visit your loved on in the hospital. For items like these, recognize that the outcome is out of your control and release them. That may be a challenge to do, but worrying over it or being sad about it really doesn’t serve you, and right now what you need to focus on what you can do and have.

What else can you do?

  • Stay in the present moment. We can’t do anything about what is past, and things are changing so rapidly, we can’t anticipate the future.
  • Speak only the truth. Your integrity can help keep you strong.
  • Acknowledge your grief and the grief of others around you.
  • Don’t judge any one else’s grief. We each have to handle it in our own way.
  • Practice compassion for everyone in whatever circumstance they are dealing with
  • Donate what you can to who or what you feel most strongly about.
  • Create virtual parties on Facebook or Zoom with friends to celebrate what is positive.
  • Create a virtual memorial or fundraiser for someone you know who has died and won’t be having a funeral.
  • Join a virtual grief group.
  • Explore your spirituality or religion. How can you find comfort there?
  • Rage and scream and cry if you need to, but don’t direct it at whoever you are staying with. And don’t stay in a negative place. After you have let it all out, take a breath and get focused on what you can do.
  • Listen to others who need to talk. Really listen without interrupting and without judgement. You can take your turn to talk to, but express feelings one person at a time.
  • Do something positive for medical personal and first responders. Be creative.
  • Write letters to those you know who die in the process of this pandemic. Especially when you don’t have a chance to say goodbye, express your feelings in writing. I keep a notebook just to write letters to Ron. Sometimes, I even write a letter back to me from him. This helps.
  • Write poetry, songs or journal entries expressing all your feelings. Write about your happy memories.
  • Stay open to joy. Everything is not all bad. Find things to smile about and enjoy. I write in my journal every day something that brought me joy.

Remember to take good care of yourself during all this madness. Eat well. Do what exercise you can. There are lots of exercise programs and yoga programs on YouTube that you can do at home. Keep clean.  Keep where you are staying clean. Meditate.

And take a deep breath. You’ve got this.  We are all in it together and here to help each other through whatever happens.

 

Contact Emily Thiroux Threatt

Email: emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com

My web site:

https://lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com/

Facebook: Writing Through Grief With Emily: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2869332503181276/

Facebook: Reclaiming Your Joy After Loss

https://www.facebook.com/groups/ReclaimingYourJoyAfterLoss/permalink/871295139998225/

Instagram: emily_thiroux_threatt

Twitter: @ThreattEmily

Emily’s classes on grief and writing: https://www.reclaimingyourjoywithemily.com/

It’s The End of the World as We Know It

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This is a guest post.  My friend Sophia Leva-Marie wrote this post and it so resonated with me that I asked her if I could share it with you.  I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

 

It’s the End of the World As We Know It 

 

That chorus was definitely running through my mind as my call rang through to my client from Seattle.  From empty streets to bare cupboards, children at home ALL of the time, travel bans, and sequestered Italians singing from their balconies, it is a new world.

Though I’ve never watched it, Survivor has been a popular tv show for years.  The question of, if you were marooned on a desert island, what would be important.  Frankly, I never got past my first answer – conditioner.  Now, here I am.  Living on the island of Maui, watching a global shutdown, days away from being told to stay in our homes, and conditioner – still a thing!

However, I’ve come up with another MUST HAVE – the understanding of Universal Law.  Because Universal Law is not susceptible to the Coronavirus.

This is not about burying your head in the sand, Maui or otherwise.  Coronavirus is a real 3-D thing happening.  Go to the market and/or Amazon Prime and stock up – check.  Cancel upcoming travel – check.  Get clear on finances – check.  Ask our bodies what other supplements or nutrition they need – check.

It’s not the time to panic though.  What it is time for is to KNOW that what you see is NOT all there is!

There are Universal Laws that are operating – no matter what is happening!

Here are a few…

Just because you perceive it, doesn’t mean it’s yours…  We are super aware beings… of people globally, of what’s happening with the Earth, of the asteroids… all the things.  Just because you can feel it in your body, doesn’t mean it’s yours.  Return to sender, baby!

What you focus on, expands…  Has your eyesight dimmed and your head exploded from all of the Facebook, Instagram, and news posts?  You can ask to receive any energy or news you require, instead taking our global “time-out” to be with your loved ones, to write or paint or play?  We get to add to the frequency of fear or of love.  It’s always a choice.  What channel are you tuning into?

There is unlimited abundance… Your clients are not your source.  Your job is not your source.  Your investments are not your source.  Your bank account is not your source.  They are just channels – and they can change in a moment.  However, true abundance is unlimited.  It’s not dependent on or affected by a human, an event, a program, or a virus.  There are infinite channels of abundance from SOURCE – even, and especially now – desiring to come play with you.  Are you open to receiving them?

EVERYTHING is energy… We are the space between the molecules.  We are energy in motion.  Our physical bodies are comprised mostly of water.  And, your “diet” includes your food, your environment, your reading & watching material, the people you surround yourself with, etc.  Your diet feeds your cells.  Your cells vibrate.  Your vibration creates your reality.  What are you feeding your energy?

Ask AND receive… We get to ask AND receive.  One of the most powerful asks is “SHOW ME“.  Show me the abundance I am.  Universe, I ask that you surprise and delight me all day long.  Show me how this can turn out to be even better than I imagined.  Show me how I can thrive.  Show me how I can serve even more.  Show me how I can BE and receive more love.  There is also no difference in the size of what we ask.  Abraham Hicks says that it makes no difference to the Universe if we ask for a button or a castle.  What are you asking for?

We are limitless… Yes, we are having a human experience.  Yet, we are SO much more than that.  It’s been proven that we are, depending on which scientist you tap, more than 80-90% dark matter.  That is unknown, unlimited Universal potential.  We are made up of the same material as stars.  We also have Trillions of cells, each of them having power to fuel a city for months at a time.  We are SOOOOOOOO much more than we think we are.  What % of you are you actually BEing?

EVERYTHING happens for a reason…  Everything happens for us.  No matter how it looks, life always happens FOR us, not to us.  This virus is here to serve humanity.  I wonder how.

These are just a few of the Universal Laws that are present.  It is a balancing act, living in this time.  We get to be present with what we are experiencing, we get to choose how we react & what we focus on AND we get to know that this is not all that is happening.

Now is THE time.  Now is YOUR time.  It is time to EXPAND even more…  It is time to listen to our INTUITION even more… It is time to RECEIVE even more…  It is time to DEEPEN INTO JOY even more…  It is time to ACCESS YOUR DIVINITY even more… It is time for GRATITUDE even more…  It is time to BE LOVE even more…  It is time to OWN YOUR POWER even more…  Now that’s a virus worth catching!

 

Sofia Leva-Marie

The Importance of Right Now

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Internationally, our world is focused on the pandemic of the Covid 19 virus. You are hearing about it everywhere you turn. Let me give you some practical advice. 

A virus is a tiny parasite that can only survive in a living organism. It spreads by being introduced into your body. So all that advice about washing your hands and not touching your face is exactly what you need to do. Actually, this is exactly what we all need to always do. 

You can check yourself by taking in a nice deep breath and holding it for a slow count of 10. If you actually have the virus, this would be difficult to do. If you wait until it’s hard for you to breathe, you may have waited too long. Also, keep your mouth moist.  Sip water frequently and the virus can attach to dry places, but if it is washed down to the stomach, the acid there will kill the virus.

Now that you know all that, the best thing to do is let go of any fear you have related to the virus and focus completely on the moment right now. We can’t change the past of the virus appearing. We can’t know the future of how it may affect us. All you or we have is this moment.

What can you do? Focus on love. Call people you love and have wonderful conversations. Send emails to everyone you’d love to hear from. Look at all the beauty around you. Pour your inspiration into creating something you always wanted to. Hug your children. Fix special meals for your family or just for you. You are worth experiencing wonderful food and flowers and exercise and life.

Right now, immerse yourself in only positive, beautiful miracles in your life. And as far as the virus goes, remember that we all are born, and we all die. If it happens to be your time to transition, open your arms and your heart and embrace it. If it’s not your time, make the most of every moment you have left. Life is good! And so it is!