Gratitude

We Get By With A Little Help From Our Friends  

by

I just finished going through all my emails with updates relating to the Maui Fires.  The three biggest fires are not contained, but they will be soon. Maui residents are pulling together to help in any way we can. With almost 5,000 people without housing who have lost everything, there is so much to do.  The creativity people demonstrate is inspiring. Hawaii musicians are coming together to stage concerts. Restaurants are having fundraisers. Grocery Stores are collecting donations at checkout with the donation amount printed on the receipt for tax deductions. Maui artist Rebecca Lowell decorated an evacuation center with her artwork. And so much more! Michael Franti, who lives in California, is my favorite singer. In a bold way, he brings his music of peace and love around the world. He raised and donated $35,000 to Maui.

We keep hearing about how people step in and help in so many ways. I even did a Facebook fundraiser and raised over $6,000.

During my life, I have made many friends along the way. Even if I don’t see them or talk to them, I still consider them friends. Going through this devastating experience on our beautiful island home, I am grateful to all my friends who have reached out to me. I’ve had wonderful, long phone calls and many texts and emails. I’ve heard from classmates all the way back to kindergarten. I have heard from colleagues from different careers I have had. I’ve heard from neighbors from different places I’ve lived. I’ve heard from people who have read my books and people who participate in the Grief and Happiness Alliance and more. I am realizing how much love and friendship I have experienced, and that is soothing to my soul.

After my husband Ron died, I was searching for what I was supposed to do. From that came my commitment to provide comfort, support, love, and happiness to people dealing with grief and loss. I am doing that by writing my books, hosting my podcast, and facilitating the Grief and Happiness Alliance.  I love following this path. As the reality of the tremendous loss on our island sinks in, I realize how much I can do right here. I am grateful for the opportunity to help people deal with all this loss by writing about it.

Are you writing about your grief and loss? If not, this is a good time to start.

Are you in touch with all your friends you would like to be? If not, reach out.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization has established a Maui Grief Relief fund. From every $25 donated to this fund, we give a copy of The Grief and Happiness Handbook to a Maui resident. And we use the funds to establish writing groups on Maui to help our residents through this mutual loss.  We’d love for you to donate to that fund by clicking here.

If you would like to donate to Maui Food Bank, you can click here.

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance, which meets weekly on Sundays, by clicking here.

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

Lani

by

Yesterday I went to the beach here on Maui to watch a group of children learn about a special tradition we do in Hawaii. There were twelve children, 6 boys and 6 girls. They were brought together by two organizations, Experience Camps and Camp Manitou to spend 5 days in beautiful Maui. All the children are dealing with the grief of a close loved one. I went to their special ceremony on their final day.

We met on the beach, and a Kupuna, an honored Hawaiian elder, spoke about how in Hawaii, the people looked up at the sky and noticed how it joins with the ocean where they blend together. She said how most people look into the sky for heaven, but Hawaiians see the ocean and sky together as one, and they call that Lani, the Hawaiian word for heaven. In Hawaii, when someone dies, a celebration is often held at the beach, where flowers are released into the ocean/lani to celebrate them.

The children and their counselors all went out into the ocean in canoes and on paddle boards. They gathered in a group where orchids and plumerias were given to the children to release into the water. Then to their surprise, a helicopter arrived above them. Because it was a rescue helicopter, it had a siren going, which delighted the children. Then cascades of flowers were released over the children to join them in honoring their loved ones. All of the adults on the beach were in awe and tears.

In our society, we often equate grief with older people, yet we all experience different kinds of grieving throughout our lifetimes. The concept of death may sometimes be beyond the understanding of our children, and they are often left alone in their sorrow or, even worse, taunted or bullied about their grief by their peers.  Allowing children to be with others who are also dealing with loss can help normalize the experience for them.

I am including the link below for Experience Camps which has a beautiful, inspiring short video about Experience Camps, and an article from their website called “Can we please stop grief shaming.” Think about the grief children are experiencing. You’ll never know when you may discover a child you can comfort during this challenging experience.

When my husband Ron died, the people who attended the ash scattering service all showed up with grocery bags full of flowers from their yards for us to take out on the canoes to release with the ashes. Then when my sister died during the pandemic, I couldn’t go to be with my family. I took flowers from my yard to the beach and released them thinking of her. Yesterday the Kapuna handed me flowers, so I released them into the lani with such sweet memories. This beautiful tradition I will always remember, and whenever I go to the ocean, I will do so with love, sweet memories, and flowers.

 

Link to Experience Camps

Link to Experience Camps blog Can We Please Stop Grief Shaming?

Link to Camp Manitou

 

https://experiencecamps.org/

https://experiencecamps.org/blog/can-we-please-stop-grief-shaming

https://campmanitou.mb.ca/

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Guide by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

 

Be a Day Maker

by

My granddaughter came to my rescue when I was having a challenge on how to do something on my computer. We had a Zoom call and worked together, and we had a great conversation. That made my day! The next day a good friend asked me to Zoom with him. We laughed so much together as we were catching up, and that made my day.  Then another good friend called me on the phone to see how I was doing. We had a thought-provoking conversation that I hadn’t realized I needed. And it was lovely just to hear her voice. Again, that made my day.

These contacts are extra special to me especially because I live in Hawaii, the most remote place in the world. It’s easy to lose touch with loved ones who live far away. Each of these calls brightened my day and brought me happiness and loving support. I started thinking about other things that would fit in that category, and I thought of lots from just the last few days. A friend brought me some juicy fresh figs, another friend brought me packages of seeds for my garden, and another friend took all my cardboard to the recycling center for me. And my day was brightened by chare vegetables from my garden with my neighbors and teaching happiness techniques at the Grief and Happiness Alliance meetings.

Knowing wonderful people and interacting on so many levels brighten my life every day. I encourage you to think about what brightens your day. If something doesn’t come to mind right away, think some more.  We have a tendency to look at the negative first which can block our realization of what is good for us that we are already experiencing. If this is happening for you, try focusing on the good things that happen in your life, and make a conscious effort to do something to brighten someone’s day every day, and pay attention to how good that feels!

How can you help make the day for someone else today? What can you do for yourself that can make your day? Be sure to do whatever it takes to make today your best day!  Then keep doing that every day.  You’ll be so glad you did!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

A Reason A Season A Lifetime 

by

People come into our lifetimes for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. In every relationship, there is a gift and in entering relationships, I choose to be mindful to recognize that gift.

People who come to us for a reason could be doctors, teachers, housekeepers, lawyers, beauticians, salespeople, and anybody who joins us for a specific purpose.  We don’t necessarily need to create a long-term or close personal relationship with these people, but we can make a positive difference in each other’s lives. Yesterday my friend and I went out for breakfast. The person who was serving us didn’t seem happy. She didn’t make eye contact or smile. We didn’t know what was wrong, and we didn’t need to. We just smiled and spoke to her positively; she looked up and smiled. She mentioned she was having a bad day, and we knew how we interacted with her at that moment brightened how we all felt.

People who come to us for a season are close to us for a time. I experienced this often when I was doing theatre. A cast would work closely together for at least five weeks blocking and learning lines and developing characters. Then the performances went on for weeks. When the show completed its run, we’d go our separate ways. While we were together, we felt like family. That changed after the run of the show as we found a new temporary family in the next production.

People who come to us for a lifetime become extended family as we develop those relationships. People from the reason and season categories can merge into our lives for the long term. I have special friends in this category all the way from high school to now. We don’t have to see each other often but always reside in each other’s hearts. When my husband was terminally ill, a friend from high school showed up who I hadn’t seen for many years. She saw I needed support and moved in with me and helped me care for him. Her companionship and assistance were priceless.

In reflecting on the people who have been and are significant in your life, think about ways you can enhance those relationships. How can you share joy with those you love? I am grateful for those who are always there to support and guide me on my way, and I am grateful to do the same for them.

Who can you share some comfort, support, and love with today?

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

Kindness

by

My good friend Reverend Richard Carlini once said, “Become highly responsive to a kindness done.” I hadn’t really thought about kindness from that perspective before. I focus on being kind, but now I’ve realized the importance of receiving as well as giving.

Think about the last time someone did something kind for you.  Maybe a friend asked you to go on a walk with her.  Or maybe a friend shared something with you she baked or some vegetables she picked from her garden. Or someone called just to see how you are doing. How did you respond?

For some people, giving just comes naturally with no thought of receiving recognition or thanks in return. While others do something they believe is kind just because they want or need acknowledgment. I have got to admit, that sometimes I don’t even recognize the significance of a beautiful, kind action. I am making a commitment right now to start paying attention.

I knew a man who created a big campaign to encourage people to practice random acts of kindness. He was a college professor and started the project by making it an assignment for his classes.  This became a movement and people were happily competing to see who could be most kind.  They especially loved doing things surreptitiously so they could just experience the joy of giving with no expectation.

A movie came out in 2000 called Pay It Forward. I’ve remembered it after all these years because it was such a great idea. A teacher created a Social Studies assignment to create something to change the world. And one student came up with the idea that when someone receives a kindness, instead of doing something to pay back that kindness, the receiver would do new good deeds for three other people, thus multiplying the initial kindness. I loved that idea and started putting it in action in my life.

I encourage you to consider the kindness in your life that you give and that you receive. How can you appreciate acts of kindness? How can you become “highly responsive to a kindness”? Know that paying attention and being benevolent is a sure way to bring you more smiles and spread happiness!

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here

Who is Your Ohana?

by

When I first moved to Maui, I didn’t really know anyone.  Ron had lived here years before I met him, so he had built-in friends who also became my friends. Because Ron was dealing with health challenges, I didn’t start making friends of my own, but I realized I was falling into deep relationships gradually and organically.  We have a cottage on our property, and we encouraged a friend of ours from the mainland, Shena, to move with us and live there. Shena is gregarious, easily making new friends and bringing them in to our new Ohana.

We were thrilled to meet all our neighbors who are now close friends.  And when we had an abundance of tropical fruit growing in our garden, we created Produce Share which has met at my house on Fridays from five to six for seven years now so we can all share what we are growing in our gardens. And I started taking exercise classes and art classes and met even more friends.  I discovered that friends on Hawaii are different from friends I had before I moved here.

Friendships on Hawaii are filled with the Aloha spirit. This online definition embraces this spirit: “Aloha” is the essence of relationships in which each person is important to every other person for collective existence. “Aloha” means to hear what is not said, to see what cannot be seen, and to know the unknowable.”

Naturally when friends come together, they become “Ohana” which is the Hawaii word for family. We all are members of at least one Ohana, and often we are members of several.

The awareness that I became a part of the Ohana that formed around Ron and I when we moved here was profound, wrapping me with love, comfort, and support. During and after Ron’s final days, my Ohana lifted me up allowing me to know I was not alone and that I was deeply loved.

I am recovering now from a malady that wasn’t specifically diagnosed but left me weak and without appetite. My Ohana, which also reaches to friends on the mainland, took care of me.  While I was weak and mostly sleeping, they assured I had transportation for appointments, food to eat, and the medical care I needed. One dear friend even combed the knotty mass my hair had turned into from spending so much time in bed, which was no easy task.  Other friends facilitated the meetings I usually did.

Today as I reflect on the Aloha spirit and my Ohana, I am deeply grateful, and I invite you to join my Ohana and discover or develop the Ohana you are already a part of. I consider our Grief and Happiness Alliance and Nonprofit Organization one of the Ohanas I am a part of which also has members that overlap into other Ohanas I am part of.

When your life is centered on family (chosen or not) and love, Aloha and Ohana brings great happiness into your life.

 

Who is your Ohana?

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, by clicking here