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how to deal with grief

Can You Change?

November 30, 2022 by Emily Thiroux

Whether you like it or not, change happens.  Whether you want it or not, change happens. Have you ever thought about that? As much as we expect or would love for things not to change, almost everything does.

When I was growing up, everyone I knew was expected to graduate from high school and get a job that would last a lifetime. At least the boys were.  The girls were expected to stay home to be great mothers and homemakers, and oh the guilt if a girl dared to go to college. I did buck the trend. I went to college, but after a year, I got married. The pressure to do what I was supposed to do was so strong that I gave in to try to be “normal.”

Though it took me years, I finally realized that I could make decisions. I’m so glad I did.  I made my own decisions, and this was so freeing for me, and for my family and loved ones. I learned that I didn’t have to stay in a job I thought was a lifetime career when it was no longer in alignment with what I believed.  Years passed in that dream job before I started realizing I was surrounded by racism and homophobia. And when I walked away from that job, a whole knew, beautiful career opened up for me that never would have had I not been open to change.

Do you willingly embrace change, or do you resist changing what you are comfortable with? Generally, we are not prepared to change when we are comfortable with our lives. But we don’t always know when change will come, so we can’t prepare.  Devastation can come with a traffic accident, a crime committed, a wedding cancelled, a child with a physical challenge is born, or a terminal illness is diagnosed.

The key to dealing with change in a positive way is to be flexible, open, and willing for things to be different. That’s the way to welcome change when grief comes. When we come to accept that things will never be the same as they were before, then we can start to see that we can live with how things have become different.

I had never lived alone before Jacques died, and I had no idea what to do by myself. But I was by myself and had to figure it out. I did sit by myself at home for quite a while until I knew I that I didn’t want to be sad and lonely forever. When that realization came, I did start to open. I started volunteering. I started going to events, even by myself. I accepted invitations. I can’t say this was easy, at least at first. But the more I did, the more I could do.

Change was gradual, and it was also necessary and beautiful. Thirty-year old me would not have believed that I would ever become a university lecturer, the owner of a theatre, school of arts, art gallery, café and catering company, author, speaker, and so much more. I am so grateful, that I allowed myself to break away from who I thought I was supposed to be and have become who I always had the potential to be.

You have the potential to nurture yourself positively through your grief and lead the miraculous life that is waiting for you.

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

You can order the International Best Selling book in 9 countries that I wrote a chapter in, Ignite Forgiveness, here:

https://smile.amazon.com/Ignite-Forgiveness-Journey-Peace-Harmony-ebook/dp/B0BLFCYYD6/ref=sr_1_1?crid=9C6VAFE42H5C&keywords=ignite+forgiveness+book&qid=1669836040&sprefix=Ignite+forg%2Caps%2C284&sr=8-1

Filed Under: Change, Fear, Grief, Loneliness, Self-Care, Support Tagged With: change, Fear, grief, grieving, healthy coping mechanisms, how to deal with grief, support

Why Am I Happy?

November 3, 2022 by Emily Thiroux

When I mention the name of my podcast, Grief and Happiness, to someone, I generally get comments of how those two words don’t go together, but I know in my heart that they do.

People generally think of grief being negative reminding them of great sorrow. I understand that, and I also know that grief is the natural reaction to the loss of a loved one or other kind of traumatic loss.  Yet we can’t stay I that dark place for too long without starting to lose grip on the potential of happiness.

Think of a time when you fell in love.  That was the highest natural high I ever experienced.  Everything is beautiful. Your heart races when you see your loved one. You crave that special touch and tingle all over when you get it. And you revel in pure joy. As incredible as this time is, the relationship gradually settles into a secure, comfortable knowingness of the security true love brings.

Just as you can’t stay at the peak of that passion, you can’t stay at the peak of despair. You may feel that your grief will never lighten, but it does usually so slowly that you don’t notice it is happening. This is the natural order of things. As the grief lessens, breathing becomes easier, your heart doesn’t feel so heavy. Your world doesn’t seem as dark.

When you first start to smile a little, this may feel unnatural, yet gradually, smiling is easier to do. You can notice something that reminds you of something positive about your loved one and you smile without realizing you are. The more you allow yourself to smile, the better you will feel, and laughter will trickle in.

Take a moment to remember something that brings a smile to you about your loved one. Remember what it was like to feel that smile returned to you with love. Revel in that feeling. Know that if your loved one was sitting with you right now, that’s what would happen, your smiles reflecting each other. And it feels good, doesn’t it?

I remember my husband tell me that he always wanted me to be happy, to feel joy. When I start to feel in a funk, I’ll recall his smile and my lips just naturally turn up.

Happiness and grief do go hand in hand.  When you love someone, you want them to be happy.  When you love yourself full out, you want yourself to be happy too. Focus on joy. Focus on positivity. Focus on Love.  Be happy because that is the best way to live, and your loved one would want that for you.

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Filed Under: Grief, Happiness, Love, Memories, Self-Care, Smile, Support Tagged With: change, grief, grieving, grieving cycle, happiness, healthy coping mechanisms, how to deal with grief, Joy, self-care

I’m Sorry for Our Loss

October 19, 2022 by Emily Thiroux

Those who know me know I frequently ask people to not say “I’m sorry for your loss.”  This phrase grates as trite and something people say out of a sense of obligation to recognize someone’s loss then rush on to what they actually want to talk about.

I just got home from a nine hour flight where I binge watched the series “And Just Like That . . . .”  because I heard it deals with loss in many different ways. While the subject matter of the show won’t appeal to everyone, one particular line caught my attention.

In an effort to offer condolences, a character said that dreaded “I’m sorry for your loss.” The person responding said “I’m sorry for our loss.” That took my breath away. Finally someone gets it. Sharing grief multiplies the comfort of community.

A person who is offering sympathy is often grieving for the same person, or they may be grieving someone else. All of us are grieving someone or something most of the time. The challenge comes when we lack support and comfort. By saying “our,” we bring the person speaking into our circle.

Saying “I am sorry for our loss” can open communication by recognizing your own grief and recognizing the grief of someone who is trying to support you.

Next time someone says, “I am sorry for your loss,” be a mirror to them with your reply. This can lead to a deeper friendship and the warmth of understanding.

To each person reading this, I am sorry for our loss.

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Filed Under: Grief, Judgement, Loss, Self-Care, Support Tagged With: friends, grief, grieving, healthy coping mechanisms, how to deal with grief, losing a loved one, loss, support

Miracles Already Are

October 5, 2022 by Emily Thiroux

How many miracles have you experienced in your life? I’ll bet you can’t count them. Most of us go through life without realizing that each of our lives is a miracle. Every moment of our lives is a miracle.

When I was training to be a nurse, I was required to observe a surgery being done. I had studied anatomy and physiology but seeing it from the inside out was life changing for me. To see what a stomach actually looked like, and to see the peristalsis (continuous movement) of the intestines ushering the patient’s waste out of his body. Wow. Just wow.  The miracle of our body’s diligence at keeping us functional and alive will always amaze me.

Think of the miracle of thinking! And talking. And reading. And walking. And I look outside at the miracle of the avocados growing on the tree to feed us, the wind blowing to freshen the air, and the raindrops bringing precious moisture to our vegetable garden.

I have a hard time thinking of things I wouldn’t consider a miracle.  We do not have to create miracles because they are already there

I do believe that we are responsible for what we do with all these miracles that come our way. I believe that falling in love is a miracle whether it’s with your new partner, your new baby, or your new puppy. The love we share is such a gift.

My point here is to encourage us all to take a look at this life experience that we are having right now and appreciate how miraculous everything is. When you look at your life as it in this moment, what are you grateful for? When you look at everything as a miracle, you can fully realize how good life is!

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Filed Under: Creativity, Gratitude, Happiness, Joy, Self-Care, Smile, Support Tagged With: change, Gratitude, grief, grieving, healthy coping mechanisms, how to deal with grief, Joy, Miracles, support

Reawakening Grief

September 21, 2022 by Emily Thiroux

Every day when I wake up, I remember waking up in that room with my amazing husband. We considered that room our sacred space. Most mornings I wake happy and grateful to have spent ten years in his arms and heart. Then sometimes I wake up empty. On days like that, I know to pay attention.

When we get reminders of our loved ones, it seems to me that they are sending messages.  I sit now on my lanai, Hawaiian word for patio, in the same chair I sat in while Ron was in the chair next to me.  I feel his comfort and presence in this lovely space. I know he inspires me as I write, and that we are still helping people together. In moments like this, I experience that joy that comes with grief when you get to the point of acceptance of your loss.

Think about places you can be or go that were special to you and your loved one.  When you are there, sometimes there may be tears with the overflow of your love dripping out. Feel that feeling. Experience that experience. The more you do, the more comfort you will grow into with those memories.  The space of your grief expands to allow the happiness and joy you crave as you remember.

Whenever your grief reawakens, sit with it.  Contemplate it. What is it telling you? Some people feel that grief is always sad and needs to be avoided, but when you sit with it, spending time with precious memories, seeing how these memories inspire you now as you move foreword can feel like a precious hug from your loved one, letting you know all is well and that the love you shared is eternal.

I heard someone say, if your memories are not giving you the answers you are looking for, maybe you are remembering the wrong ones. What memories can you focus on to bring you the inspiration and comfort you are seeking? Those are the memories to cherish.

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Filed Under: Happiness, Loneliness, Loss, Love, Memories, Self-Care, Support Tagged With: change, grief, grieving, healthy coping mechanisms, how to deal with grief, memories, self-care, support

Sit With It

August 31, 2022 by Emily Thiroux

Sometimes we all get to a point that stops us. Maybe it’s hard to concentrate or remember what you wanted to. Maybe you have a feeling of emptiness or grief. Maybe you don’t have any idea why you are feeling what you are feeling. You just know that life in general is not working for you in this moment.

That feeling will vary in expression from weariness, to tears, to blankness, to just not know what to do about anything. Does this sound familiar? Know that you are not alone.  As much as you may feel that everything seems to be just fine, still this way of feeling hits you without warning. What do you do when it hits?

First, cancel your plans and find a comfortable place to be alone. This may be outside in your yard, on a park bench, or just sitting in your parked car. Find a place where you won’t be disturbed, the phone can’t ring, the computer is closed, and the doorbell can’t ring.  This is a special time just for you, to take care of you.

You may want to bring with you a nice glass of ice water. You may want to play some soft music without words or you may want to just listen to the birds or some running water nearby. You will want to be dressed comfortably. You may want to take your shoes off.

Now just be with yourself. There’s no need for a prescribed activity. Just sit or recline. A hammock is a wonderful place for this. Try focusing on your breathing. Take a slow breath in and a slower breath out. Choose just one word to focus on like comfort or support, or whatever you would love to experience right now. Choose just that one word and say it as you breath in and as you breath out.

Feel the warmth of the sun or the gentle breeze, or the cool air from the fan. Know this is your time with no obligations, no worries, just gentle, quiet time just for you. When a worry or sorrow tries to enter your space, gently acknowledge it and tell it you are not open to hear it right now. Go back to your breathing, and that one word you chose.

You may find yourself drifting into a nap. That’s OK. Don’t fight it. Relax your mind and relax each part of your body. Let all tension melt away. Stay in this space as long as you want to. When you are ready, take a few deep breaths and some long, lazy stretches. Become fully awake. You may want to write in your journal or take a walk. The key is to follow your intuition and do what it guides you to.

Most of us think taking time like this is a luxury we don’t have time for. Know that instead this a necessity to make time for. You are the number one person to take care of you. Do this whenever you realize that it is time to just sit with yourself to recover and recoup.

You are worth taking good care of yourself. Please do—

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Filed Under: Grief, Loss, pressure, Support Tagged With: change, grief, grieving, healthy coping mechanisms, how to deal with grief, self-care, support

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