The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Joy

Happy Days

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I facilitate the Grief and Happiness Alliance every week on Zoom.  Each week we do some writing related to our situations and we end with learning different happiness practices. Every gathering ends with the participants smiling. Being around people who are also grieving or dealing with loss is a great place to share and get support.

This week, instead of our usual format, we wrote about happiness.  We started with a short meditation where I encouraged the participants to remember times in their lives when they were especially happy. Then I asked them to make a list of things they have been happy about. They didn’t need to write about each experience, just identify it.  For instance, I was happy at my wedding to Ron and my wedding to Jacques.  I could have written a big, long story about each of these and all the other things I thought of. But I stuck with making a list, and by the end of the meeting, I had over 70 items on my list!

We all wrote long lists and enjoyed sharing our favorite happy moments. All the participants found joy in our moments together.  I am sharing this with you to encourage you to make a list like this too!  Aim for at least 100 things.  I know that sounds like a lot, but the more your write, the more you will think of, and the more you will smile.

And it doesn’t have to end there.  If you get to a point where you are feeling a little down, get out your journal and your list.  Pick one thing on the list and write about it in detail including everything that made you happy during that experience.  The more often you do this, the more often you will feel yourself smiling and the longer that happiness will last.

Every morning when I write in my journal, I write about what brought me the most joy the day before. This is a great way to start my days.  It also keeps me thinking throughout the day about what is bringing me happiness. What you focus on is what you experience. You can be so much happier just by focusing on happiness!  Try it and let me know how good it feels.

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Ordinary Moments

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Our lives are made up of millions of moments every day, every hour, every minutes. Some of our moments are spectacular, while most are what we experience we would probably consider as ordinary.  How can we up the number of spectacular, or at least wonderful, moments in our lives?

Think about your day today.  Anything wonderful yet?  Today is special to me, my birthday.  So far, I have had over 200 birthday wishes on Facebook!  I have been hearing from old and new friends, and even from many people I don’t know! And I did a Facebook Fundraiser for the Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization, and over $500 has been donated so far! So many birthdays I have celebrated in the past were lonely, but now each birthday seems so special.

I am visiting in California right now. I came to Ventura to visit a dear friend.  When I arrived, I was overwhelmed by memories of moments.  I lived here with my husband Ron for six beautiful years.  I thought this was my forever home.  I made many special friends, I created lots of art, and I loved the beauty here. As I entered my friend’s home, I realized how many special memories we share. I saw many of my works of art she has collected over the years, and I thought of the many pieces of glass work she has done for me.

I have the sweet memory of the beautiful little wedding Ron and I had here and the lively parties we hosted. I remember the longs walks and the special charming downtown area. And everywhere is close to the beach which isn’t crowded.  I loved the First Friday celebrations we had going to many open artists’ studios.  And the restaurants are so good! When we manifested our house, Ron wanted to live in the country, and I wanted to live in town.  We found a unique house that was built in the 40’s, had 14 mature Hass avocado trees, was walking distance to the hills, was a mile from the beach, and a block from Main Street with restaurants and more! I thought it was our forever home and had some tears when I arrived.

I do love my home in Maui now too.  I have wonderful neighbors, my own studios for my art, a huge garden of vegetables and fruits, a bicoastal view, and so many great friends. I love all the beaches, the upcountry area where I live, and all the great restaurants, concerts, and art galleries.  And I can write and teach and facilitate meetings from my quiet home.

When I look at all these things, I realize that my life is made up of many miraculous, beautiful moments, and I can’t help but smile! How have your moments been today? Can you transform some into little miracles? I hope so!  That feels so good!

 

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

Incredibly Beautiful

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Sometimes I hear a quote that resonates with me, and that happened when I was watching the final episode of This is Us. Someone said “The end is not sad. It’s just the start of the next incredibly beautiful thing.” At the Zoom meeting of the Grief and Happiness Alliance each week we always start by writing about something that has to do with our grief and then we talk about what we write. This quote reminded me of my husbands, so I suggested that we write about it at our last meeting. Thinking of Ron, this is what I wrote:

“Ron transitioned on Friday evening.  His friends who had gathered stayed through the weekend before going back to the mainland. They took me along with them to go dancing where one of them played guitar and sang and a singer who is a good friend was singing too. They played every Sunday evening on a patio outside a golf club restaurant where the view of the ocean and the sunset was so beautiful. I sat there in kind of a fog listening to the music that Ron and I used to enjoy dancing to. They played a slow song that was one of our favorites. I closed my eyes, but the silent tears flowed anyway. When the song finished, there was an unusual silence. I opened my eyes to discover the musicians, all our friends, and even people I barely knew had circled around me showing their love and support. I knew then that I was not alone in my grief and was being held up by their love and strength.”

Then just last week I had this beautiful experience. “Last night I went to a jazz and blues concert in support of the Children’s Arts and Education Group, an organization I support because of all the support they have been to Jacques’ granddaughter, (she calls me grandma), and her husband in creating the Maui Jazz Camp. The they played an amazing version of Someday My Prince Will Come. I closed my eyes, and my husbands, Jacques and Ron, both appeared in my mind.  I danced with them both, one at a time. We swirled, and dipped, and smiled. The dancing was magical. They both were so strong and handsome. I felt the presence of them both and their love and their support. A profound experience and I am grateful.”

Recalling incredibly beautiful moments can bring you warm smiles, and maybe a few tears. And they can remind you of the wonder of loving someone, or two, so deeply.

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

People Need People

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I love the singer, Michael Franti. I listen to his music often and I admire his commitment to people and the world and his generous soul. His new album came out recently, and one of the songs in particular on it resonated with me. The name of the song is People Need People. When I heard it the first time, I saw how true the lyrics are for everyone, but especially for those dealing with grief and loss.

Here are some of my favorite lines:

This guitar needs six strings
‘Cause without it there’s no song
And this house needs love in it
‘Cause without it there’s no home

And there’s one thing that I’ve learned
Through this year of being alone
I can feel it in my bones
More than anything I’ve ever known

That’s people need, people need, people need people

. . . .

We are all on the same road
Walking different directions
All cursed by the curses
And all blessed by the blessings
Through the reach of a hand or a smile for a while
You could feel the connection
Even in the times when you think you’re all alone, don’t

‘Cause people need, people need, people need people

 

I have heard from so many people that the hardest thing they deal with when grieving is the lack of someone to talk to and listen to, especially someone who is also dealing with grief and loss.  That’s a big reason why we created the Grief and Happiness Alliance. At our Zoom meetings, we can freely express whatever we need to talk about.  That makes a huge difference in the lives of the people who come to the meetings.  You are always welcome to join us at the Alliance, and it’s also great to discover people who live where you do that you can communicate with too.

Now I look forward to the Sunday Zoom meeting of the Grief and Happiness Alliance where we explore our thoughts by writing, we talk about what we wrote, and we do happiness practices, so we always end on a positive note with everyone smiling. I have made good friends in the Alliance, and that feels so good!

So as Michael Franti’s song says, People need people!

You can listen to it here. I highly recommend the whole album.

People Need People

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here

 

Unconditional Love

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Most of my life I had no idea what unconditional love was. I hadn’t thought much about love in general. I knew my parents loved me, but many times it seemed conditional. The first time I thought I fell in love, I realized that we could only be in love if I was perfect in his eyes in all things, and I wasn’t.  I learned from that the importance of being and doing what someone else expected of me. All that did for me is help me lower my self-esteem.

When my first baby was born, one night nursing him in the middle of the night, I realized what deep, true love really was. He was so little and so fully dependent on me. And I loved caring for him.  I also realized at that moment how my mother must have felt about me, but she was never able to demonstrate it.

I went through life thinking I could find true love if only circumstances were different. If only I was prettier, if only I got better grades, if only I had a magnificent job, if only I married a doctor, if only I was shorter (I grew to six feet tall when I was in seventh grade). All of those if onlys didn’t help me a bit.

When I met Jacques, I learned so much more about love. He loved me just the way I was, and I loved him that way too. I discovered along the way that we developed what I consider now to be a bad habit of judging people, and when you are judging others, you really are judging yourself too, and I fell back into that “if only” place I thought I had left behind.

We were both teaching college, and we’d say if only our students would pay more attention or take their education more seriously.  We both did lots of theatre and we were always complaining about actors not memorizing their lines or missing rehearsals. That judgement of others got in the way of us living our best lives.

I started learning about unconditional love from Ron. If I started to complain, he would say, wouldn’t it be better to do something positive about an issue than to get upset about it? That was hard for me at first, but I eventually realized that it is not my place to judge anyone else. When I learned that, the gateway began to open for me.

I finally started taking responsibility for myself. I stopped finding fault with others. That enabled me to make a huge shift. I started to love people for who they were. I choose to spend time with people I enjoy being with and I don’t judge them. And I don’t judge myself.

Why am I writing about all this right now? I have been observing the state of the world. So much of what is happening that is negative comes from judgement and hate. We could all learn from the song Hal David and Bert Bacharach wrote and Jackie DeShannon sang in the mid-sixties, What the World Needs Now:

What the world needs now is love, sweet love

It’s the only thing there is just too little of . . . .

No not just for some, but for everyone.

Imagine what our world would be now if we all chose to love one another instead of judging them. What if we are all at the beginning of a huge shift in the world? We can be if choose to.

Start right now. Remember the deepest love you have experienced or that you would love to experience. How does that feel? Take that feeling and pay it forward. If you realize you are judging someone or something, forgive yourself, forgive whoever you need to, and then start spreading that beautiful, unconditional love. May it circulate all over the world and beyond.

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.

Story Telling

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My family lived through the Depression, yet I never would have known that had I not taken a US History class in high school. People just didn’t talk about those days. Actually, my family didn’t talk much about the past at all. I was a curious child, but there were no answers for me. I was a young adult before I started getting any answers.  All my grandparents were gone by then.

I asked my father’s older sister about his childhood, and she did tell me a few things. Their mother died when Daddy was young from milk leg, that’s what we call thrombophlebitis. This happened when she was giving birth to twins and all three of them died.  Dad’s two older sisters, my dad, and their father had a wagon they took from one oilfield job to the next in Oklahoma. They slept in a tent in the snow until the ten caught on fire and burned all their possessions.  At one point, Daddy had to walk close to an Indian Reservation on his way to school. His mother was Native American, and he looked very much like her.   His sisters were terrified that he would be kidnapped and taken to the Reservation to live, so every morning they would powder him with flour to dull his beautiful bronze coloring.

Daddy and his family migrated to California in 1929 just when the dust bowl started.  I was in an original play when I was in college that was created from the oral history project of the Oakie migration.  I tried to get Daddy to share stories of that time, but he wouldn’t talk about it.   I think he was embarrassed. I missed so much.

I didn’t know much about my mother’s family either.  She had 4 sisters and one brother.  I didn’t even know my grandmother had been married twice, and one sister and her brother was from that marriage.  I found that out when long after my grandmother died, and I was cleaning out my mother’s garage.  I found a pile of letters all tied up with a pretty bow. The letters turned out to be between Grandma and her first husband. He worked about 30 miles away from where they lived, so they only got together on weekends. He got sick at work one day, so they put him on a train to go to the nearest hospital.  He died of appendicitis on the way. Their letters and all the condolence letters people sent to grandma were beautiful and filled with love.

My growing up stories had to do with my parents being involved with Veterans of Foreign Wars. Even though we lived in a small town in central California, my Dad was able raise through the ranks to become Department (California) Commander. Mom and Dad traveled lots to meetings while I stayed with my grandmother or aunts.  I did get to go along on a couple of trips. One was to Detroit for a national convention where two presidential candidates spoke, John F, Kennedy, and Richard Nixon, then Vice President of the United States.  I attended both their speeches, and I got to actually touch Kennedy and shake hands with Nixon. I shook with amazement for days.

In the summer after sixth grade, we drove from California to Miami Beach for another convention. We had wonderful stops along the way at the Grand Canyon, Carlsbad Caverns, New Orleans, and more. What affected me most as an 11-year-old was seeing signs for White’s Only and Colored Only drinking fountains and on restaurant doors. My parents couldn’t explain to me why those were there. I started trying to learn all I could about something that just didn’t make sense to me.

I could continue to write about experiences I have had that led me to be who I am today.  These things are all my story, my beliefs, my priorities. Telling stories is an art that is passed down through generations. Our stories introduce who we are.  In my book I share stories of my grief and the grief that other people have experienced.  Often it is easier to get a point across when prefaced by a story.

What stories do you tell? What stories have you not shared? What stories do you want to be remembered for?

Tell your story.

Start now—

 

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

I would be happy to put you on the reminder list for or Writing Together Through Grief occurring on Saturdays each week by sending an email to me to emily@lovingandlivingyourwaythroughgrief.com and giving me your email address.

Join my Facebook group here.