The Grief and Happiness Alliance

music

You’ve Got a Friend

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I recently went to a James Taylor concert which started me thinking about the influence of music in my life.  When we like a song, we tend to listen to it often and the words stick with us. When I thought of the title for this blog, I went on to YouTube to listen to James sing his songs again, and the first song that popped up was You’ve Got a Friend, confirmation that I needed to write about this today.

I’ve always loved music and I’d listen for hours learning all the words to my favorite songs by Elvis, The Beach Boys, The Mamas and the Papas, Joan Baez, The Beatles, and so many more artists. There was only one radio station in town which played news and things my parents wanted to hear. I realized if I wanted to enjoy music, I needed to create it myself. I wanted to get a guitar and learn to play it. We weren’t a family of means and that was out of the question. I was exploring an antique store, I thought. It was actually a junk shop, when I spotted my guitar. It was well worn and had metal strings. I asked the proprietor if there was a way I could pay for it, and he said sure. He would hold it for me till I could pay it off.

The price was $10, which seemed like a million to me. I agreed to pay him at least a quarter, 25 cents, each week until I paid it off. That was 40 weeks, which seemed like forever. He reminded me that he knew my father and he would be sure to tell him if I was late with a payment.  I didn’t want to tell Daddy about it, so I did whatever I could to get all that money, including picking up pennies on the sidewalk. Through my diligence, I brought it home only 16 weeks later. I was so pleased with myself that I told my parents about my magnificent instrument, and they told we that while they were impressed with my ingenuity, to never do anything like that again without telling them.

I found some instructions on how to play and I practiced endlessly. I already knew how to read music since I played the flute. The sharp wire caused bleeding fingers which led to calluses. It was impossible to keep it in tune since the neck was bent, so my parents finally bought me a new guitar and even some lessons. This led me to singing at talent shows and creating an all-girl trio which performed around town. I even took my guitar to college with me in a big city. I auditioned at coffee houses who weren’t so kind about my singing. Then I gave all that up, but still listened to music, memorizing all the lyrics.

That was about when James Taylor’s career started. His songs were always so special, and I loved his connection to the Beatles. Seeing him in person at this point in my life was a real thrill. He’s two years older than I am, and he played the whole show without an opening act. So much energy! His musicians and back-up singers were stellar.  He even punctuated a couple of his energetic songs with a couple of strait up jumps! I‘ve been listening to his music ever since the concert.

Music brings me comfort, smiles, memories, and sometimes even tears.One of my favorite songs of James Taylor is Fire and Rain about losing a friend. He sang “I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. Seen sunny days that I thought would never end . . . but I always thought I’d see you one more time again.” My tears from this song came from my pain thinking of his friend’s suicide and his own heroin addiction, as well as the loss of my friend’s hope.

His sweet, positive music is what I love to listen to brightening my day. My main lesson from his music that I have carried throughout my life is to “Shower the people you love with love. Show them the way that you feel. Things are going to be just fine if you only will.” We can all do this. We can hold the hands of friends who are grieving or dealing with loss.  “You’ll feel better right away” when you are there for someone. How Sweet It Is to treat people with love, and to welcome the love they shower right back to you.

Shower yourself with some love by listening to some of your favorite music today and enjoy.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

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Last Letters

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Chances are we won’t know when our last breath occurs. Hopefully it will be at a time of peace when we just go to sleep and not wake up. If this is the case for me, I’ve been wondering if I would have said everything I would want to say before I took that last breath.. Who knows when that’s going to come. It could be any moment, or it could be years down the road. I have relatives that lived long lives, and I’ve had relatives that lived short ones without being able to have any idea when their last moments would be. Because of this, I plan to say what I need to say now.

My husband Ron was only on hospice for a week, and he made good use of that time. He made sure to say whatever he wanted to say to anyone he wanted to say it to. We made a list to be sure he would contact everyone he wanted to. We invited anybody that could get to Maui to come be with him during that last week. He was surrounded by good friends; many had been friends for his lifetime. He also had people who were significant in his life that he hadn’t talked to in years and others he had only known a short time. We made a big effort to get them all called, and by the time he finally went to sleep, we had crossed off all the names on this list, and I could see how grateful he was.

He had the opportunity to tell special friends or family members exactly what he wanted to say. I was in awe listening to him have these last conversations with people that he could express things so deeply, and I thought what a wonderful life he had lived in unconditional love with so many different people. So many of us don’t get that opportunity to say goodbye because we don’t know when that last moment will be. My grandmother went to sleep one night and didn’t wake up. I was just 13 years old, and I tried to remember if I had told her that I loved her. I know we exchanged big hugs. She was the one person in my life at that point that hugged me, and that meant the world to me, so I knew she knew I loved her but I’m not sure if I ever expressed it in words. 

My father died suddenly. I am proud to be his daughter and am amazed at the things he was able to accomplish. He was such a good man. My mom dealt with a brain tumor for a long time. I know I got to tell mom what I wanted to tell her, but it was awfully late in her life. I wish we would have been able to have those conversations as we went along. I’ve had friends die suddenly and I didn’t get to tell them goodbye. This made me think about people that I’m close to now. I want to be sure to not leave things unsaid. 

I have new friends who are special to me, and I want them to know how much I care for them, how much I noticed what they’ve done for me, how much I am honored to have been able to do things for them, and how wonderful it is to have deep friendships. Right now, I commit to making a list of all the people I want to express my gratitude to so that they can know while I’m still around. This can lead to beautiful conversations, or at least they will know how I feel about them and the wonderful times that we’ve spent together. I will make sure that everyone I have something to say to is on that list, and I will write to each of them while I still can. I plan to enjoy all the time that I can with the people that I love.

I’d love for you to make a list or at least talk to the special people that you really want to talk to while you can, or like me, use the list and write letters so your words will always be there. The people I love will have something left from me, and I’m grateful for that.

 

 

I have special gift for you since you read this blog. I have created so beautiful stationery for you to use to write your letters. I would love to gift it to you at no charge. Just send me a message to emily@griefandhappiness.com including your name, and if you would like, your address to include on the stationery. Be sure to include the email address you would like me to send the printable PDF file to you.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

You can sign up for our newsletter here

Where Does the Time Go?

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I don’t know about you,, but it seems that every day someone says, “I can’t believe it’s July already.” This year is half gone yet it seems like it barely got started!  When I reflect on the year so far, there is so much I don’t remember, but I realize that’s because I’ve been so busy that I rush through most of what I do.

My birthday is coming up soon, so I have been thinking about my age and realize I don’t have anywhere near the number of days left than the ones I’ve lived so far. Each of my coming days is a new opportunity to live my very best life, so I plan to make each of them the best they can be. To that end, my plan is to stop wasting time. I can expand my time by focusing on what I experience at the moment.

I admit that I sometimes get pulled into the siren song of the screen. When waiting for something, I’ll play just one more game, and that leads to playing another. There isn’t any benefit there except “killing time.” What an unpleasant expression! Why would I want to do that? Instead of killing time, I now plan to savor those moments. I can just be still and focus on my breathing. That feels so good.

I also know I can expand my time. When my day is jammed full of “stuff” I feel I have to do, I find myself racing to get it done, and by the end of the day, I am tired, and it seems that the day is too short. When I don’t over-plan my day, leaving space for downtime, my day feels longer.

Instead of packing my day with a mile-long to-do list, I choose the three most important things I plan to accomplish, and only when they are complete do I create a new list of the three things that are most important to me to finish. On each list, I am sure to include things like going for a walk, reading a novel for a half an hour, or baking a pie for dessert. When I sprinkle in fun, relaxing things like this in the list that I do to enjoy, I still accomplish what I need to each day while I am taking good care of myself by making time for things that make me happy.

Instead of stressing about how much time it takes to do things, mindfully choose what you are using your energy for. When I spend an hour doing something I don’t enjoy, like entering data into my computer, it feels like four hours is an eternity, and I feel exhausted. When I spend an hour creating a watercolor-painted birthday card, it feels like time stops while I am creative, and I feel energized when I finish.

I love Simon and Garfunkel’s “59th Street Bridge Song,” otherwise known as Feeling Groovy. I smile knowing that’s a great way to feel:

“Slow down, you move too fast,

Got to make the morning last . . . .

Looking for fun and feeling groovy . . . .

Life, I love you, all is groovy.”

When you live mindfully, you can savor those moments you’ve expanded and feel groovy.

 

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance, which meets weekly on Sundays, by clicking here.

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Guide by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon:

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

 

 

 

When I Let Go

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Rev Rachel Hollander, the President of the board of the Grief and Happiness Alliance Nonprofit Organization, has a beautiful singing voice and is an accomplished song writer, so when she invited me to attend the service on Zoom of the Washington DC Unity Church where she would be singing three songs, I knew I had to attend even though at was at 5 AM Maui time where I live. I am so glad I did!

All week last week when I awakened in the morning l could hear her singing one of the songs she wrote and sang at that service. The name of the song is Float because it came to here fully formed when she was in a flotation tank. The words that reached me deeply are “When I Let Go.”

On the third day in a row I was singing that refrain, I finally got it. That was a message to me. I have lived such a busy life. I always had more to do, not out of obligation, but out of passion. I love my life, and I keep getting inspired to do more. And I am a bit of a perfectionist, so I put a lot of pressure on me to have things exactly the way I want them.

As I heard those lyrics, I knew it was time for a big change. This week I was getting ready to go to Unity Village in Missouri to speak at their grief retreat. We’ve been planning it for months, and I was ready to leave. Then my flight got delayed, which meant that I would not be able to catch my connecting flight. So I saw this as a time to let go. My good friend Shena, who made the flight arrangements for me, was able to get me booked on a different airline, and she got a refund for the other flight.

It was Sunday, and I wasn’t able to reach the person in Missouri who was handling the arrangements for me on that end, so I figured out how to change my transportation from the airport. Although I arrived a day later than planned, I had initially scheduled to arrive a day early to help me with the jet lag from the five hour time difference, so everything worked out perfectly.

In the past, I would have been a nervous wreck. This time I chose to let all that stress go. Everything was handled with ease and grace, and I ended up with a free day to relax with a good book.

I am looking at my life and realize that I will now focus on being rather than doing. And in paying attention, I also see that I had already started this awhile ago.  Now I am being mindful of this change, and you know what? It feels great. I have so much more room and time to be at peace, to listen when someone speaks to me, and to focus on taking care of myself first so that I am present in all I do to live my best life.

How about you? What can you let go of to enhance your beautiful life?

 

You can listen to Rev Rachel’s beautiful song here.

Rev Rachel Hollander

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/pl/2147595767

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here: https://www.griefandhappiness.com/offers/ytK7eLBa

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Living-Your-Though-Grief/dp/1642504823/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658356016&sr=8-1

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loving-and-living-your-way-through-grief-with/id1509589686?i=1000535381763

People Need People

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I love the singer, Michael Franti. I listen to his music often and I admire his commitment to people and the world and his generous soul. His new album came out recently, and one of the songs in particular on it resonated with me. The name of the song is People Need People. When I heard it the first time, I saw how true the lyrics are for everyone, but especially for those dealing with grief and loss.

Here are some of my favorite lines:

This guitar needs six strings
‘Cause without it there’s no song
And this house needs love in it
‘Cause without it there’s no home

And there’s one thing that I’ve learned
Through this year of being alone
I can feel it in my bones
More than anything I’ve ever known

That’s people need, people need, people need people

. . . .

We are all on the same road
Walking different directions
All cursed by the curses
And all blessed by the blessings
Through the reach of a hand or a smile for a while
You could feel the connection
Even in the times when you think you’re all alone, don’t

‘Cause people need, people need, people need people

 

I have heard from so many people that the hardest thing they deal with when grieving is the lack of someone to talk to and listen to, especially someone who is also dealing with grief and loss.  That’s a big reason why we created the Grief and Happiness Alliance. At our Zoom meetings, we can freely express whatever we need to talk about.  That makes a huge difference in the lives of the people who come to the meetings.  You are always welcome to join us at the Alliance, and it’s also great to discover people who live where you do that you can communicate with too.

Now I look forward to the Sunday Zoom meeting of the Grief and Happiness Alliance where we explore our thoughts by writing, we talk about what we wrote, and we do happiness practices, so we always end on a positive note with everyone smiling. I have made good friends in the Alliance, and that feels so good!

So as Michael Franti’s song says, People need people!

You can listen to it here. I highly recommend the whole album.

People Need People

 

Get your Awaken Your Happiness Journaling Guide at no charge by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here at Amazon

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, here

 

Who Do You Touch?

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I went to listen to music and watch the sunset sitting outside last night not far from the beach. I invited my friend Sharon to go with me and we had a great time people watching. I was talking with people sitting near by when someone mentioned how much she likes my Facebook Group Reclaiming Your Joy After Loss for its positivity and support. I was tickled to hear that someone appreciates what I do when I realized I was sitting with three of my group members. What a treat. 

I spend lots of time writing my blog, posting on social media, and working to get my book published, but I don’t always hear that people are actually seeing what I do and are affected by what I say. I realized last night the power of my positivity. I love to help and support people and see that my reach is further than I had imagined.

When you speak or write, who hears you? Is the message you send out who you really are? Will people find comfort in what you say? Or will their heart break a little because they felt judged or like they are not enough? 

The words you speak or write have power. Choose what you say wisely, and infuse your words with positivity and love. I am grateful you read this. My intention is to support you on your journey with love. 

 

If you would like to join our Facebook group, go to Reclaiming Your Joy After Loss and ask to join. I hope to see you there!