The Grief and Happiness Alliance

practicing gratitude

Mother’s Day

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Mother’s Day can be a beautiful, magical day, or it can also be sad or hearbreaking.  Or, it could be a combination of both happy and sad. How is your Mother’s Day going to be this year?

Mother’s day was originated by Anna Jarvis in West Virginia in 1908 to honor her mother, Anna Reeves Jarvis who had 8 out of 12 children die. They both volunteered to provide medicine for needy families at a time when Tuberculosis was an issue. 

I always miss my mom on Mother’s Day. She died 30 years ago. Mom always made her famous potato salad for celebrations, so I like to make potato salad.  My family always comments on how they love Grandma’s potato salad, and that helps me remember her fondly. Over the last few years, I have started writing her letters in my journal. I write to her as I would if we were having a conversation, and sometimes I write back to me from her. I love how this makes me feel.

You may know a mother who’s family will not be around to celebrate. Include them in your celebration, take them some flowers from your yard, or bake them some cookies. Maybe you know someone who has been a mother figure to you. If you do, write her a letter thanking her for what she means to you, and maybe take her some cookies or flowers.

 This year, think of someone who could use some love and support for Mother’s day and celebrate them in some way. I’d love to hear about your ideas or ways that you celebrate Mother’s Day!

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

Loving Kindness During the Holidays

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In the holiday season, we tend to rely even more than usual on the service of others. I think most of us have had a variety of service jobs through our lives. I know I have, starting from baby sitting and teaching swimming lessons. I also worked at what we used to call being a waitress. And I was an ambulance attendant and a vocational nurse. I cut grapes in the fields, packed plums, canned tuna, and gleaned corn and peaches.

My first restaurant job came when I came home from high school one day and my father told me that his friend who owned a restaurant had people call in sick for that night and that he really needed help, so my father volunteered me. I had never done that before and felt intimidated when I arrived at 11 PM. I asked Dad’s friend what he wanted me to do. He told me that my parents had taken me out to eat, so I knew how I wanted to be treated by wait staff, so when I served people, I should treat them as I would want to be treated. That was my entire orientation. It was a small 24 hour a day coffee shop, so I had to figure out how to do everything else on my own.

I learned an invaluable lesson that night. I had a good time. I smiled at everyone and treated them like friends. At the end of my shift, I told the owner I would be happy to come back whenever he needed me, so he called me often. I took that smile with me to all those other jobs I had, and I took pride in my work treating each job like it was the most important thing to me at the moment I was working.

What does all this have to do with grief and happiness during the holidays? We come into contact with  many people during the holidays. We shop, we dine out, we go to parties, we go to appointments, we go to work, we go to meetings, we go to classes, and everywhere we go, we interact with people. Chances are you don’t know most of the people you run into, so you don’t know if someone they love is dying or just died. We don’t know if she just had a miscarriage. We don’t know if they lost their home or their job. Even with people we know, we may not know these things about them.

When you think of all these people, remember how my boss oriented me. Treat each person, no matter how well you know or don’t know them, like they are your friend. Smile at them. Notice when they smile back at you or if they may seem to be holding back tears.  Approach them with an open heart. Listen to what they have to say. Be there for them.

During these holidays, see how much loving kindness you can share with a smile.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Give Thanks

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My son was watching a television show about homes around a lake, and I glanced at the beautiful view one home had. I said, “Wouldn’t it be nice to live in a place that had a beautiful view. He gave me a funny look and glanced out our large sliding glass doors revealing a spectacular view across the island of Maui seeing the West Maui Mountains and glimpses of both sides of the island. This reminded me of how we don’t always appreciate all we already have.

Often in life we accumulate stuff that we don’t need and that doesn’t serve us. I have started a major project of eliminating stuff from my home. I like the spaciousness that I am uncovering, and it feels great to repurpose things or to gift things to people who are happy to receive them. In the process of doing this, I am taking the time to look closely at pictures I have of people special to me. I also notice gifts people have given me, art that I have collected, and mementoes of my travels. I smile often with sweet memories as I go through this process.

Enjoying these memories, I know how grateful I am for each friend, each family member, each gift, each celebration, and all the traveling I have done. As I sit now on my lanai enjoying that beautiful island view as well as my lovely, bountiful garden, I am grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Allowing

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Have you experienced talking yourself out of doing something you would love to do because you are grieving?  We all do that at some point – even when we’re not grieving. Early in grief, people may hesitate to invite you to their party, to dinner, or even for a walk. They talk themselves out of those invitations because they are concerned about how you would react, or maybe they fear that your grieving may bring what they are planning to be of happiness, to a time where people talk softly and don’t know what to say.

Eventually, they may cease to invite you because they got out of the habit of calling or you have declined invitations one too many times. They may not realize what they are doing. They mean no harm and don’t remember how much they enjoyed having you around. You may also not remember how much your enjoyed be around other people. When that realization happens, that is the time to start reaching out, allowing you the joy of spending time with others.

When we were young, we had to get permission from our parents to go out. Now there is no one to ask permission of, but we may not give ourselves permission to do what could help us be happy. Think about what you may not be allowing yourself to do like going to a movie or out to a restaurant. When you think of something you have not been allowing yourself to do, make a plan and do it! Don’t let another celebration or a class you’d like to take pass you by because you have forgotten how to say yes!

Whenever you find yourself alone or feeling sad, ask yourself what you can give yourself permission to do. My husband loved for me to bake cookies for him. I didn’t notice that I had stopped baking cookies, something I love to do. I gave myself permission to make a big batch and passed them out to people who had stepped forward to help me. When I delivered the cookies, it always started a conversation, and I started receiving invitations again.

In what ways are you not allowing yourself to start to move forward? Give yourself permission to correct those thoughts and allow yourself to live your best life now.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast anywhere you get your podcasts.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Say What You Need to Say

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I awoke this morning with the song “Say” by John Mayer running through my head.  The song played through the movie The Bucket List which was released in 2007 and led to a phenomenon of people making a list of what they want to do before they die, then doing whatever they needed to do to complete that list.

I googled the song so I could listen to all the words which inspired me to think about my own Bucket List. Most of the things I thought of I have already accomplished, like finding the man of my dreams and marrying him. I did that. Twice. I traveled to five of the seven continents. I guess I could put Australia on the list, and I don’t plan to go to Antarctica.

I live in a tropical paradise. I earned the education I desired and continue learning all the time. I have written 6 books. I host a popular podcast. I have wonderful family and close friends, including my Hawaiian Ohana.

So, what’s left?

I find joy every day in the service of people dealing with grief and loss.  I do that in lots of ways from writing, to talking, to teaching, and whatever way seems appropriate in the moment. All this has led me to think about writing a lifetime gratitude list where I consider all the wonder of my life.

This also leads me to think of what I didn’t say. With both my husbands, we said things to each other all the time so that when they transitioned, I didn’t feel like I missed something. On the other hand, I know I didn’t say what I would have liked to say to my parents, my sister, or to people who were very special to me, but their deaths were not anticipated at the time. Having these experiences has led me to communicate so much more effectively.  Especially, I say “I love you” lots!

What do you need to say or do? Instead of a bucket list, how about a Love and Gratitude list. Tell everyone you love that you love them! And let them know why you do–

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Serendipity and Inspiration

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Have you had the experience of creating a vision in your mind of something you would love to do, then things start happening around you showing you that you can do it? Is this serendipity, or is it part of the process of creation? I have had this happen so often that I have learned to pay attention when it happens. When I recognized the power of paying attention, I reflected on my life and saw lots of examples. Here are a few.

When my son Jason was born, I had complications, and the nursing staff was unhelpful to say the least. I could not understand how a nurse could treat a patient without care or compassion. I said to myself, “If I were a nurse, I would never do that to my patients.” Before that time, I hadn’t considered being a nurse, yet I became one, a caring and compassionate one.

Later, when I was in the process of getting my master’s degree in English, I had no idea of what I would do with the degree when I got it. My husband Jacques suggested that I observe a writing class, and two of his colleagues gave me the opportunity to as well as hiring me to grade the essays they assigned.  Their techniques were different, and I could see how I, as a student, would like to be taught, as well as seeing the things that they did that worked and the things that didn’t. This inspired me to start my career as a writing teacher. I loved being innovative and encouraging my students to live their best lives in the process.

Later still, I had a dream of opening a live theatre and school of arts. I was unsure of how I could do this. Then I watched the movie “Music of the Heart” which portrayed the true story of Roberta Guaspari who founded the Opus 118 Harlem School of music as she fought for music education funding in New York City public schools. I had been fighting to find ways to support arts education in the city where I lived, and when I watched the movie, I knew if she could accomplish what she did, I could accomplish what I wanted for my community, so I did.  When I heard the song in the movie, that was my confirmation that I was doing what I was meant to do. Here are some of the words to the song Music of My Heart.

You opened my eyes

You opened the door

To something I had never known before

And your love

Is the music of my heart

 

You can find the complete lyrics here  and  you can watch the movie online.

 

Whether what I have experienced has come from serendipity or inspiration, I am grateful for it all, and all these occurrences have brought much happiness to my life. My hope is that you pay attention to the serendipity and inspiration you receive. How can you find more happiness in your life by following your heart?