The Grief and Happiness Alliance

writing through grief

Tears

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When my husband and I decided to move to Hawaii, I was looking forward to living on the beautiful island of Maui that was always verdant. I’d lived in California all my life, and we had been dealing with drought for so long that people were digging up their lawns and replacing them with sand and rocks.

In Maui we never watered the grass, and it was always green for the first years we were there. Then it started to dry up. It would stay that way for months looking so sad. Now the green comes and goes. I was thinking about all this recently when I ran across this quote by Maya Angelou: “Every storm runs out of rain.” I love Maya Angelo, and I could just hear her say that.

Most often, grief is accompanied by tears that may seem never ending, yet the tears will ultimately dry like rain. Keep that in mind when your tears come. Don’t fight the tears. They serve the important purpose of release,

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

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You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Trauma

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I recently attended a women’s retreat, and when one of the speakers asked how many of us had experienced sexual trauma during our lives, almost every person there raised their hand. I was shocked. I had my hand up too, and realized that I have gone through my life not talking to anyone about what occurred to me as a 16-year-old. Though I hadn’t shared this information, it affected me deeply and changed the course of my life.

I wonder why so many of us don’t talk about traumatic experiences. My experience caused years of fear, worry, doubt, and lack of self-esteem. I escaped my feelings by throwing myself into busy-ness, trying to somehow prove that I was a good person though I am not sure I believed it myself. When I finally got into a great relationship, things started to turn around as I experienced true love and respect for the first time. I am sure this came because I had finally learned to love and respect myself.

How are you? Would you raise your hand if you were asked if you experienced trauma? If you would and you haven’t dealt with it, deal with it now. Start by writing yourself a letter listing all the good things about you. Are you kind? Are you happy? Are you reliable? Are you funny? Are you compassionate? Keep writing until you have a good long list. Thank yourself for all that is good and even great about you. Write your favorite examples of things you do that make you and others smile. Keep writing until you have a good, long letter describing the beautiful, wonderful person you are.

Keeping a journal is another way you can keep in touch with the special person you are. Make note of the kindness you extend to others. Keep track of the special things you do. Plan ahead for the wonderful things you are accomplishing. Notice your beautiful smile as you catch your reflection in a mirror.

Also, be sure to remove yourself from situations that can lead you in a negative direction.  If this proves hard for you, you may want to seek professional counselling. You are worth it.

When I was younger, I felt stuck in the life I thought I had to live. Now I’ve learned to live my best life, making healthy choices, and helping others along the way. You can do this too. Enjoy the process!

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

 

What’s Your Story?

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Every person experiences grief differently for every instance that happens. For instance, my father died suddenly with no warning. My mother suffered for a very long time before she died at home. My sister did too, but she had multiple hospitalizations. She didn’t die of Covid, but she did die during the pandemic, so I didn’t get to see her one last time. Both my husbands died of the same thing. A good friend died in a car accident, and another died of cancer. Each of those experiences were entirely different. And there have been so many more people I have known.

And there are so many other reasons to grieve. Maybe you lost a home, or a job, or a relationship. Or maybe you have been a victim of a crime, or someone you care about went to prison. Or maybe your beloved pet died. As you can see from all this, every one of us deals with grief often many times to different degrees.

For each experience of grief you have, your story is different. And how you tell that story will affect how you deal with that grief.  I didn’t know what to do when Jacques died. He had many emergencies during which we didn’t know if he would survive. I was amazed that each time he did. For instance, we decided to go to a Prince concert. Jacques went to a doctor appointment the afternoon of the concert. Then we went to dinner and to the concert. Jacques had a hard time walking into the convention center, but he was so excited that he wouldn’t let his weakness stop him.

The concert started over an hour late because Prince refused to go on because there was poor attendance. Prince finally came on stage and Jacques was getting weaker. When we finally got home, there was a message on the answering machine that said that the lab tests they ran that day indicated that he needed to go to the emergency room immediately. That message was five hours old. He was hospitalized in serious condition. Fortunately, he was able to come home eventually.

My story about that was that I was angry with Prince! My mind was filled with resentment for him being so selfish when he was too vain to go onstage without the crowd size he wanted. I was mad because my husband could have died because Prince didn’t live up to his contract to perform. I don’t know if my story helped me, but it did give me something to focus on at a scary time.  I ultimately forgave Prince realizing that he had nothing to do with my husband’s health.

When my husband Ron realized how quickly his health was failing, we moved to Maui. Though we both knew his condition, together we focused on living in the moment which caused my story at that time to be positive and allowed us to make the best of the time we had left. This also helped me to focus on a positive story for me after he died.

I never dreamed that I would move forward into a life focused on helping to support others during their grieving process! I am grateful to be able to help so many people.

What is your experience grief? The thing to remember about this is that you can always change your story, whatever it is. Focus on the positive, and take the best care of yourself in the process.

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

My email is emily@griefandhappiness.com

Let me know if you’d like to receive my newsletters which have lots of good things!

You can listen to my podcast here.

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance Gatherings which meet weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here.

Learning From Losses

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Painful as it may be, loss is full of lessons that can guide us to a more mindful, happier life. I have lost many people in my life which led me to reflect on their lessons, so I am sharing them with you.

My Father. I learned to talk to people while I can. I go deep. My father was a World War II Veteran. I know absolutely nothing about his service in the war, but I did see his lifelong service and connection to Veterans. I wish now I knew why.

My friend in high school who died by falling into a grain silo. I must always be mindful. I wasn’t mindful last week when I took a painful fall. We all can prevent accidents and mistakes by paying more attention to all we think and do.

My Grandmother. She was the only person in my family who hugged me. I looked forward to her warm embrace every time I saw her. I didn’t learn at the time the value of those hugs and how I could share them with others. When I was with Jacques, his whole family always hugged me. I softened, and now I enjoy giving and receiving hugs.

My band teacher. I learned the importance of integrity in everything I do. I never missed a band practice and was always on time because all our band members respected the rest of the band. I always practiced my flute at home to be ready when we rehearsed, and my uniform was always clean and pressed.  And I learned to love music at the same time.

My camp counselor. Her name was Tish, and I will never forget her. She taught all of us kindness and respect. All the campers she worked with felt her love and tended to share it with the new friends made at camp. I still smile when I think of her.

My husband Jacques. I learned the importance of commitment, and lots more. When he agreed to do something, it got done. He was a great philosophy professor, and a wonderful singer and actor. Everything he did, he did well. People felt his commitment, enjoyed his talent, and recognized his love for all he did.

My mother. My mother was always busy, a trait I picked up. She carefully chose what she got involved in and she finished everything she started doing a great job. And she always found joy in what she did. She played bridge with the same four friends almost every week from when she was in college until she died. She was close to her bridge partners like they were sisters.

My sister. I learned when it was too late that I could have had a much better relationship with her. We were nine years apart, and she wasn’t thrilled about having a baby sister who she had to help take care of. In her later years, I discovered her sweetness and wished I had softened toward her so much sooner.

Through all this loss and the loss of so many people in my life, I see endless lessons. I have learned commitment, and I finish what I start. I have learned the value of the present moment and the importance of not waiting to say what I need to or do what serves me and others best. And most importantly, I have learned to cherish my friends and families. I let them know I love them. I never used to say that to anyone but my husbands, but now I say it often and realize that my life is filled with love.

What have you learned from your losses?

 

 

Emily Thiroux Threatt emily@griefandhappiiness.com

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

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Friendship

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I love Springtime! So many birds are singing and building nests. Gorgeous orchids adorn my avocado tree. Delicate orange and black butterflies flit in front of the background of vivid blue sky with the bright white puffy clouds creating pictures. Yummy vegetables and colorful flowers thrive in my garden. And it’s the perfect time to grow relationships with all your friends and to cultivate new ones.

Friendship is one of the great experiences we get to have in our lifetimes. And friendship is like the flowers that grow and bloom in the garden that rely on loving tending with refreshing quenching with water, rich nutrients from the soil, protection from weeds and snails, and loving care from the gardener.

We nurture friendship just as gardeners nourish what they plant. Consider all your beautiful friends.  Which ones can you refresh with a cup of coffee and a conversation? How can we enjoy their blooming by noticing their growth and accomplishments? Who can we tend to by providing a willing shoulder to diminish their sorrow?

How can you relish the beautiful friendships you already have, and plant the bulbs of new friendships to come? Try writing in your journal a list of all the friends you already have. What can you do to blossom with them right now? Invite someone to go on a walk someplace beautiful to enjoy together. Invite someone else to share lunch and heart to heart conversation. Send a handwritten letter to someone else. Read that list of friends you wrote and plan special things to do with them.

As you take time to do something with or for each person on that list, savor the love and kindness you share and embrace what blossoms from your gardening.

Your garden of friends is already beautiful. Recognize all it provides you with, and always remember to water!

 

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

 

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

You can sign up for our newsletter here

Order

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This morning, when I awakened, I gazed out my window. I saw millions of spiderwebs on the bushes of the house next-door. I wondered how all those spiders could possibly know that it was a good place for them to build their delicate, yet strong, webs. A whole community of spiders and spiderwebs were  there, sparkling in the sunlight. Seeing spiders diligently creating their masterpieces was fascinating. Scurrying on a perfect path, they connected the webs they were weaving with little blobs of sparkling stickiness. The sun was shining just right so that the webs glowed, decorated with what seemed to be tiny rainbows reflecting the colors around them. Webs swaying a little from the breeze constantly caused me amazement. How could the spiders possibly get a web that goes across an open space from such a great distance? How did they make it work? How did they figure it all out? Do they tell their spider friends, “This is the place to be. This is where we’re gonna do this together and create this amazing sculpture” ?

These busy spiders inspired me to think about the whales that come to Maui every year. Starting in Alaska, the whales swim to Maui. Some whales seem like they’re traveling by themselves, yet without the GPS that we depend on, they always arrive at Maui. Enticed by the warmer water, they glide through the gentle waves flowing between the islands of Molokai, Maui, Lanai, and Kaho’lawe. The warmth is a result of the waters being shallower than in the rest of the ocean. Ten thousand whales migrate to Maui to give birth. Watching up to sixty feet long humpback whales breaching out of the water is breathtaking. The mothers and babies frolic and splash their way through the ocean together. They’re just astonishing, but what gets me the most is the trip they take every year. How could they possibly know how they are supposed to go all the way from Alaska to Hawaii, which is considered the most remote place in the world, without having any kind of GPS. Whales just make the trip automatically, migrating back and forth between Alaska and Hawaii. It seems that they would need some form of guidance, even if it’s just looking at the sky. 

Do you have an automatic pilot just like the whales? What’s the order of your life? Many of us get up and do what we think we’re supposed to do all day long and then go to bed at night and sleep and start over again the next morning. We take one step at a time without a lot of thought, without realizing all the choices that we make every single day, every moment. When are we going to drink water? When are we going to have something to eat? When are we going to get up and move? When are we going outside? When are we going to be talking to someone? What are we talking about? In Hawaii we’ve got something called Talk Story where people get together and just talk about whatever they want to. This conversation is what ties the culture together, where people discover commonality, where they express genuine love, not so much romantic love, but the love and compassion of being alive and connecting with others. 

By learning to Talk Story, I found my purpose in writing and demonstrating happiness. I write in my journal every day and that helps guide me and inspire me for the choices I make. I chronicle every day to hold on to special memories. I also record what I’m grateful for and why I’m grateful for it. And I write books and teach others to write to help them deal with grief and find happiness.

I’m grateful today, and every day, for realizing that my purpose includes serving others. How can I help someone who is grieving or dealing with loss? How can I help them realize that happiness is perfectly normal and that it’s OK to be able to feel happy even when you’re grieving? Though that may sound strange, it’s not. I’m not happy that I’m grieving, but I’m happy that I’m alive. I’m happy that I’m making the best of my life, consciously paying attention to my thoughts and what I do, being mindful of every moment.

What’s your purpose? What are you doing? What are you meant to do? How can you make your life better? How can you make your life the absolute best it can be? What do you need to do to make your life miraculous? How do you notice the beauty and wonder in the world? How can you share the inspiration you discover? What does your heart desire? What is it that you really crave? I’m not suggesting just making goals, though goals are great to get you from one point to another, I am asking you to identify an overarching purpose for everything.

 I encourage you, or maybe even challenge you, to pay attention to who you are and what you are doing.  Write in your journal to explore who you are and what you aspire to. What is your true purpose in life? How would you like to share this with your loved ones, both now and in the future?  Writing like this can help to open up your world.

 

The Grief and Happiness Alliance

Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief

You can listen to my podcast, Grief and Happiness, by clicking here

You can join the Grief and Happiness Alliance which meets weekly on Sundays by clicking here

You can order the International Best Selling The Grief and Happiness Handbook by clicking here.

You can order The Grief and Happiness Cards by clicking here.

You can order Loving and Living Your Way Through Grief by clicking here. https://a.co/d/eWNx3j1

You can sign up for our newsletter here

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